Games rule

Rolling up the contents of a town into a big, sticky ball.

I've been playing Paradox games, so I'm probably going straight to the Hague and deserving it

Bringing democracy to the wider galaxy.

Beating wild animals into submission, capturing them and putting them to work in a shack I built in the woods.

Placing a billion conveyor belts, strip mining a planet with no regard to the pollution I caused, and full scale genocide against the native bugs who already lived there.

Sorry, biters, I gotta launch my rocket.

Trafficking humans, putting them in tiny 1x1m cages where they cannot sit, force them to do cheap labour, separate their children at birth, and kill them if they are too expensive...

Fuck I love Minecraft!

Fishing

I didn't realise our poaching laws were that severe

Poluting the environment with my selfbuild automated factorys and thus enrage the local bug population (wich i sadly now have to nuke)

I picked a bad time to close a porn game.

Spreading democracy for the glory of Super Earth!

Building a miles-long cobblestone road through mountains and over frozen rivers to a farming village from my house on a snowy plain then entering peoples homes while they sleep and cleaning them out of any food and valuables. Also crop theft.

And maybe pushing that wild pig into my fenced in pasture from the mountainside because I didn't have any carrots to lure him in willingly.

Strip mining a planet, refining raw materials, building factories, and researching new technology. All to build a rocket to get off said planet.

Building a house in the woods without planning permission.

Turning the universe into paperclips

Killing thousands of mortally challenged, including a few with a chainsaw.

I’m probably not who you were hoping to reach with this meme lol

Assault, battery, torture, stalking, breaking & entering, trespassing, destruction of property, illegal search & seizure, tampering with evidence, aiding & abetting, reckless driving, speeding, operation of an unlicensed vehicle, unlawful interception, child endangerment, unlawful imprisonment, conspiracy, and, of course, vigilantism

But absolutely zero murder

Osha violations (Portal 2)

Warframe Makes the Geneva convention a grocery list.

Food was very sparce so I had to butcher the last prisoner we had. And we didnt even get much meat, he was missing both legs and an arm from the raid he came with.

KILLING BUGS AND ROBOTS FOR DEMOCRACY!!! HAIL SUPER EARTH!!!

I was merging different colored jellies. It's actually pretty relaxing lol

Spreading democracy

Rocking and stoning

Impersonating a defense attorney.

Sweats in Stellaris

Probably for driving truck into car while being drunk. (the former in game, letter in RL).

Building a house...seems fitting.

Not paying for the resources that I collected to survive while crash landed on an alien planet.

Ecological warfare on a planet-wide scale

The last game I played was Insurgency, and I was playing as the "Security" side, so I'm golden. I could commit genocide and they wouldn't fucking touch my ass.

Mining rocks and killing bugs. Hey we all gotta make a living

FOR SUPER EARTH!

Spreading Managed Democracy.

Calling in a 500kg bomb to kill a few bugs.

I will be protecting and distributing managed democracy across the galaxy.

Dispensing Freedom.

I may have harvested my beets a little late.

Arson, murder, murder, murder, vigilantism, murder, arson, environmental damage, arson, murder, possible war crimes (Fallout 76 doesn't really have laws I suppose), murder...

Eradicating an entire species of bugs

Attempting to win at poker with a collection of rocks, glass and, cards I have doodled on.

Id get a medal for defending democracy.

Having six throwing stars and a shitload of buffs... as a potato

Building without a permit

i built a fortress for dwarves to brew and prosper inside

Public inebriation, disturbing the peace

(Rock and Stone ⛏️⛏️⛏️⛏️⛏️)

Having eleven kings in one poker hand.

Democracy (it was helldivers)

Abandoning my post in defense of Super Earth. I am sorry, Democracy.

I didn't get arrested, because I suffer from a knee injury and my adventures have ended

Falcon punching Pikachu.

Climbing a mountain but dying too much along the way. Like a little too much.

Capturing and enslaving weird magic animals

Possession of psychite with intention to distribute

and like, at least 3 or 4 warcrimes, but whose counting

Stealing villager's beds.

Rotting in a Shinra prison for bombing a Mako reactor. In my defense, the new explosion graphics were great.

Unauthorized orbital rocket launches.

Unlicensed space travel

Supporting democracy!

Tax Fraud.

Loving Managed Democracy too hard

I guess I'll be getting arrested for helping people build a village.

Throwing a stick of dynamite into the middle of a kkk meeting outside of Rhodes. Sorry, not sorry.

Been playing Dorfromantik so building quaint, idyllic villages with expansive forests and streams.

Driving a giant tractor with a trailer full of soybeans the wrong way around a roundabout to deliver the soybeans to the grocery store.

Gambling fraud. I keep playing 5 of a kind Flush in Balanto and it keeps working!

Forcing a dragon to fuck a bear?

Forcing thousands of grandmother's into endless work. Destroying ecosystems. Ravaging planets. Ending light itself. Enslaving Gods. And eliminating every parallel world in existence. All to make cookies. More and more. On and on and on. Universes of cookies more numerous than atoms in the cosmos.

But I'm almost done.

Genocide

Failing to properly evacuate the city during a Tsunami because its easier just to clean up afterwards (Cities Skylines).

Elden Ring... soo.. lots of murder

Murdering tens of thousands of natives in North America to build plantations to make money to build factories in England.

I think this is the kind of violence history books often frame as the "unfortunate side of progress", so I guess it's okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Using obscene amounts of violence to protect freedom and democracy across the galaxy.

PC: Politely asking for and engaging in street fights with random strangers.

Mobile: Baking cookies

Web: Making paperclips

Disregarding all Osha violations, colonizing a planet and killing all natural life.

damm I love factorio

Mass murdering animals.

Doing 95mp/h in a semi down the shoulder of a highway in Colorado.

Going a-víking and dismembering "a few" Englishmen...

Crushing LEGO villains and collecting silver, gold, and purple studs.

Destroying a planet solely to exterminate an invasive species in order to thwart the plans of a space pirate organization who were planning on leveraging the powers of said invasive species for nefarious purposes.

At least I saved the animals.

Being too homosexual.

FFXIV

Running a 75 ton Timberwolf Battlemech.

Pretty sure just turning the thing on would be enough to get me arrested. Civilians typically aren't allowed Surface To Surface missiles, and megawatt power lasers that are effective weapons at a range of over 1000m.

I'll have a 100 ton Madcat 2 soon.

Assisting a vampire in plotting and then carrying out the murder of her father.

For yelling too loud.

Statement of an observing police officer:

They say ToxicWaste murdered that Salesman... with his voice! Shouted him apart!

Being an ex yakuza

Demolishing robots with a magnetic guitar-sword in beat with my rock playlist that plays in my heart.🤘

Genociding an entire planet, making said planet implode.

RimWorld... I'm not the type for cannibalism or human skin hats, but I do produce and sell a shitload of cocaine.

Oh, and I killed a child colonist, in this run. There was a bug in her age-up event, and the game would not let me proceed until she was... removed. I hate killing children, but since it was the end of the world without doing so, I give myself a pass this time

War crimes.

climbing a mountain and curing my depression

Space mining.

Starting a cult and working people to death so that I have infinite money without having to do anything.

Edit: before you ask, no, it's not Rimworld or Cult of the Lamb

Edit 2: I wonder if anyone can guess the game

Edit 3 since it's been about 12hrs and no one guessed, it's The Sims.

Gunning down helpess mutants, raiders, and scavengers who happen to cross my path in a nuclear wasteland. I think I might get the chair for mass genocide.

MarioKart so hit and run or throwing things at other cars

Idk...Being a good lawyer? I was just playing The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles

Rimworld players:

Killing Nazis

Good thing I don’t have to worry about that ever happening IRL…

Driving a Trabant through the desert. Occasionally shooting rabid bunnies.

Uh...is travelling through time and mass exterminating purple lovecraftian monsters with my pet bird a crime? Because if not, I got nothin

I'd probably be done in for EPA violations (Satisfactory).

Rolling a ball that, through exponential growth, eventually starts to swallow up the likes of skyscrapers, clouds, Godzilla, and the planets of the galaxy.

Driving a truck without a license and transporting goods incorrectly declared (Euro Truck Simulator 2)

I am getting called a hero! Other than that orbital strike I called down on my entire squad….

Nothing because no one's alive anymore - gtfo Animal abuse and slavery - Palworld

definately animal abuse.
i put 25 cows into a 1m² pen.

Polluting and extracting every raw resource for my own benefit, mindlessly destroying the native alien population as they attempt to stop my destruction of their land.

mass killing of scribble spiders? idk

Trespassing - have to catch that pokemon for Pokemon Go.

Murdering zombies with plants.

One could say it's zombies vs. plants!

Graveyard Keeper.

I don't even know. An absurd amount of mishandling and experimenting on corpses.

Sonic Adventure

property damage
animal abduction
petty theft
fishing without a license
treasure hunting without a license.

brutal organ harvesting using exclusively medicinal plants, followed by cannibalism

the name of the game

Rimworld

Destruction of property and I guess kidnapping by rolling everything in earth into a giant ball

Last game I've played was egg, inc. It's a mobile idle "numbers go up" game.. There's nothing overtly criminal, so probably tax evasion or something on my trevigintillion bocks.

removing the stairs on the pool, and let my sims cant get ou tof the pool till they die (the sims)

Spreading Managed Democracy, whether they want it or not!

Shooting myself in the head with a very realistic looking toy gun-- repeatedly (?)

not slaying the princess I guess.

Killing hundreds of zombies, skeletons, creepers, and Illagers, not so I can save the villagers they wrongly imprisoned, but so I can get that one specific gilded sword.

Violation of aviation laws, murder, unlicenced posession of high explosives, and initiation of murderous chicken attacks. (TOTK)

Playing poker with a non-standard deck.

Making my government into an expansionist empire and leading its armies with a bit too much detail.

Murdering wildlife and blowing up planets.

Driving my rocket powered car into someone so they explode. What a save.

Playing cards...? It was solitaire 😅

For apprehending or killing terrorists, and defusing their bombs in a hospital terror attack

Trying to commit a hostile takeover by having my company's employees fistfight their company's employees in the town square.

Killing the queen (chess)

Legend of Zelda, maybe somebody finally had enough of me smashing all their pots and cutting all their grass. I don't think those monsters are calling the cops for all the murder, they always seem to pop right back anyway.

Killing mr house

Forging a committed relationship with Shadowheart.

literally what is there to say about geometry dash, it's a fucking square

I’m not sure I’m getting arrested. Me and a team of mercenaries were fighting another team of mercenaries over suitcases of intelligence. Seems like a state of war.

Growing produce and processing various materials down into oxygen.

Murder of two mercenary teams using arrow carts, balistas and magic weapons while they siege my castle with catapults and trebuchets (World vs World mode of Guild Wars 2).

Obliterating the natural resources of a small island for a couple of golden walnuts

I beat up a gang of criminals as twinkified pinnoccio

Blasting a bunch of bad guys in Rainbow 6: SMOL…

Aiding a cartel in smuggling illicit goods

Caving a green wyvern skull in with my big hammer that I made of the bones and flesh of another

Repeatedly murdering the same small group of heroic individuals on ritual meat hooks at the direction of an eldritch being

Either terrorism or impersonating a counter terrorism officer

Digging out of the holy mountain. Not much of an arrest tho, Steve has orders to shoot on sight

Stopping some guys who are Definitely Not Team Rocket from harassing and capturing some creatures that are Definitely Not Pokemon.

Shooting people with ink until they explode violently

Building without a permit

Driving my mostly broken car badly as the door pops open when I shift into drive.

Locking my child in a chest in the basement until he dies

Vehicular manslaughter, hit and run, and god only knows how many illegal car modifications

Stacking blocks and clearing lines.

Throwing darts at balloons

Sneaking into a hotel room to steal cutting edge military tech with a terrorist conscious locked inside of it from the rebellious son of a CEO who had already stolen it from his own father's company to sell to his fathers competitors..

...also I was wrongfully accused of the resulting patricide when the CEO confronted his son regarding the stolen tech.

Solving puzzles as a robot (Talos Principle 2). That's probably illegal in Alabama (using your brain and not having a human body).

Time travel and monster slaying? Also, staging a coup against the immortal emperor.

Aggressively realistic HEMA reenactments

Unlawful harvesting of jellyfish? Dave the Diver.

Blackmail. You can have your "shorts" back after I win first place at the town fair.

Breaking and entering, vandalism (not my fault, ghosts are dicks), and possibly framed for murder (again, ghosts are dicks).

Heresy. Warhammer 40k Rogue Trader.

Throwing bombs from my go-cart at other people on go-carts does sound rather reckless!

Various Building code violations, possession of dangerous chemicals, Code violations concerning nuclear reactors, unauthorized mining. Possibly poaching wildlife. Minecraft: All The Mods 9. I'm not very far into it yet, so there's probably a lot of stuff coming on top of that soon.

Do porn games on an old android count?

I haven't played any games for quite a while. I don't remember...

Intergalactic genocide

Guilty of killing a prince that had become to become a giant toad due to a curse.

(Witcher 3)

Using remote control toy cars to crush children’s dreams. And being bad at Karaoke.

reckless driving

I don't know... Majonging?

Highly unsafe shipbuilding practices (Spiritfarer)

Inappropriate construction of a factory.

(Satisfactory)

I won't be arrested at all, as I have been spreading the glory of Managed Democracy across the galaxy.

Punching trees

Building code violations (Minecraft)

Delivering pizzas (Death Stranding)

Destruction of the afterlife but not the trademarked one the one inside Arasaka NC HQ.

I guess I'll be arrested for trying to resist the Absolute.

Driving rally under controlled circumstances with closed roads and guards etc. But I'm completing my laps at such mediocre times I deserve jail time I suppose?

Trespassing (minecraft parkour)

Divinity 2, so probably for being God 2 or something

Stopping criminal acts by means of self-righteous extreme violence, and littering the streets of the city with the bodies of almost dead criminals

Is pulling a previously used cryosphere through a temporal rift before it is used a crime?

Building a self sustainable underwater home, and not paying taxes on said home.

Illegal construction (Minecraft)

Purging heretic with bolters, flamers and chainswords!

Cheating at Poker

Playing pinball and saving the planet from Martians. Pinball is and was against the law in some places.

Not being owned by a corporation, working with a "terrorists".

Killing gods

Forcefully mutating innocent larvae to bee larvae and silkworms and forcing them to work for me indefinitely while I ship off the fruits of their labour and cash in those sweet, sweet Terra Tokens.

Screw those critters, I terraformed this planet, gave them life and I'll most certainly make sure to exploit every single one of them. My only regret is not being able to lick all the neon coloured frogs, that should give a nice trip.

Okay, perhaps I should cut down on my Planet Crafter time..

I was doing a renegade run of Mass Effect, so I guess I'm being tried in The Hague.

Murdering cultists and monsters while traveling through time, all while trying to save reality from the void. Hopefully the Hague will give me a pass on all the murder, even if it doesn't exist in my timeline.

Unsure what the law has to say about murder when the targets are the denizens of Hell. Or if earth laws even apply in Hell.

I feel like answering this might put me on a watchlist

Intentionally getting several Kerbals stranded on another planet.

Running someone over with a train (Factorio)

Pounding enemy cities into submission with catapults.

Constructing a wood and stone platform in a void world without a permit. Surely that's only worth a fine and a warning.

I may also have stabbed one or two uh, dozen, orcs in my dark room.

Walking without a torch in Rattay at night

Building factories on planets I am not supposed to be on

Covering up the sun (Dyson sphere program)

Animal abuse

Illegal gambling

For robot crimes. I beat the shit out of a flaming puppet working in a smelter area.

Assault, rape and public indecency on the very last game I played.

Before such particular game, I'd be arrested for animal cruelty, illegal possession of unregistered firearms, murder, trespassing, drug fabrication, violation of every architectural/engineering rule/standard, building without a permit on land I don't own, slavery and human trafficking.

Illegally occupying the Chernobyl exclusion zone and selling the anomalous artifacts within.

killing zealots

Assault and battery, serial murder or at least manslaughter I guess, arson, theft, looting ancient burial sites, hunting endangered species, regicide, trespassing, making rude gestures at a a dog.

A wee bit of terrorism

Shedding my flesh for immortal powers over my undead companions

It's a whole list:

Illegal biological experiments
Biological warfare
Grave robbing
Booby trapping graveyards
Kidnapping
Torture

Guess the game?

Meet your maker

I feel like having a 2x2m hole with so many sheep that hundreds of them died of suffocation titled "turtle killing machine" on a beach with thousands of turtles breaks a few laws

Necromancy

Hunting a rich person (Astarion's questline)

Stealing a hacking device from a construction site and then using that hacking device to steal some money after trespassing onto private property.

Overthrowing a mega corporation

Abuse of hypertube technology to make cannons

Stealing bison poop I guess

Killing the australian wildlife to please my villagers and digging up the whole place for shiny discs and amber. (Dinkum)

Absolutely sucking at sauerbraten insta ctf

(roblox flee the facility) freezing people in tubes and violence

Killing Void Creatures by invoking the power of thunderstorms.

Thinking about it, probably either an illegal rave party or an illegal epilepsy test

(storm totem shaman in Last Epoch)

Cheating at poker I guess?

Leading an armed group of mercenaries who go pillaging across the countryside.

Rebellion against an unsustainable government

Genocide of an entire species through starvation because ghosts told me to, as well as US-tier urban planning. (Against the Storm)

Traspassing with a car thru an exclusion zone.

war crimes. Played hoi4 as Yugoslavia. Beat Bulgaria, Italy and France in 2 hours.

Graffiti, murder, and other squid related activities

pollution, destruction of nature, illegal mining operations, destruction of property, stealing and animal abuse

Winning the treble with Spurs

Using plasma arrows within city limits.

aggressive spelling

Evil is evil. Lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary, the definitions blurred. If I’m to choose between one evil and another, I’d rather not choose at all.

If killing monsters for coin is wrong then I don’t wanna be right.

Impersonating a cultist with conspiracy to commit mass murder. (Of the cultists)

It's okay though, we're adventurers!

Baldur's Gate 3

Poaching and illegal animal trade. With some slavery on the side.

Driving semi trucks through mud pits that the game has the gaul to refer to as roads.

Uhh... Modded Minecraft... Idk lol

Stacking up colorful bricks

Ah shit I just virus bombed a planet.

Taking justice into my own hands by stealing the twisted desires of criminals

I control a giant dinosaur cyborg that shoots nukes out of its chest.

Starting a cult.

Killing huge beasts and dinosaurs and using their skin like armor.

Animal fighting for money

Trafficking rare animals, and of course cockfighting.

jumbling up a normal deck of cards with a tarot deck and slowly sorting it out myself while counting

(Balatro)

blowing up my neighbourhood by failing to defuse a landmine

Can’t catch me if I’m 5 parallel dimensions ahead of them! (5D chess with multiverse time travel)

The last game I played was Persona 3, so.... attempted suicide?

Stomping a corpse of all limbs and head.

Dead Space

World of Tanks, seems legal enough honestly. Maybe destruction of property as I like to knock over trees for fun?

Traveling with my 7 friends in order to stop the rise of a dark god.

Blowing up a shark

Taiko no Tatsujin: Rythem Festival... Guess I'm getting arrested for playing taiko in the streets to try and whip up excitement so I can get invited to the big tournament at that the Thunder Shrine?

[edit] Or getting arrested for eating another drum's food

Dropping high explosives on civilians. (Helldivers 2)

Helping depressed people? Sounds about right

Carrying a prop gun to shoot myself and summon demons.

Speeding (STK)

Yeeting a fusion reactor into a space dumpster (Hardspace Ship breaker)

Killing 300,000 Batarins with an asteroid

... what crime are you getting arrested for?

all of them

speeding in super tux kart

Treaspassing, genocide, possession of weapons, robbery, maybe even invasion of dreams? Not sure if the last one is a law. Oh and killing royalty as well. Also took part in an underground fighting rink, so perhaps battery.

Edit: forgot to mention first and second degree murders. Silly me

Either saving the universe from Twitter, or doing a silly dance, depending on the hour.

Excessive use of portable mini nukes?

Barding too hard. In every sense you can interpret that.

Opening a gate to"the abyss" because I'm tired of doing menial task.

Killing zombies to keep the world safe for democracy

Funny enough the characters go to jail at the end for knowing too much so uh... Fuck...

Alright, this is probably the largest thread I've seen on lemmy since the snoopoclypse, so y'all enjoy video games eh?

Violation of the genva convention.

Being distracted by a live stream while cutting people off, speeding, running red lights and ignoring police roadblocks while driving a lorry from Spain through the UK to France

Killing the entire population of Mos Eisley Cantina and destroying all its property for studs.

Dying approximately 4,000 times while trying to climb a mountain to collect a single strawberry. (Worth.)

Lots of murdering but I have one of the queens’ full endorsement after her sister tried to stage a coup.

vandalism i think? (splatoon 3)

Building without a permit.

Punching coins into people. Shooting coins. Throwing coins everywhere. Lots of coin based violence.

Nuking Pasagardae

For fighting for a world in which people can live and die on their own terms, no matter their upbringing. Wait, that's just real life.. getting arrested for fighting for freedom.

Founder, help us.

Touching paintings.

For mining the ground of all minerals and killing too many loot bugs.

Spreading managed democracy.

going over double the highway speed limit with a fully loader semi-truck

Buying zyme from a dealer, then murdering that dealer for not giving me information on the NSF

freecell is a card game and it's not even the gambling type... wtf do I do now???

arrested for photographing some abandoned urban environments 😅

honestly that doesn't seem too much of a stretch

Game was Interior Worlds btw for any interested.

Starting a space weed business with the funds I received by committing state-sanctioned genocide, and starting the chain of events that culminates with the destruction of a very big halo (no, not that one)

Looking for a bunch of cats with a help of a time machine

Spreading managed Democracy in Helldivers 2 o7 Liberty comes in 500 Kg doses.

Dropping a 500 kg bomb on 3 of my my friends (helldivers)

Illegal Gambling

Palworld - animal abuse, enslavement of both animals and humans, illegal manufacture and possession of firearms, murder

Crushing the enemies of my beloved Emperor. Ending the lives of mutants, heretics, and aliens, one ship at a time.

The emperor protects, heretic.

Sinking 76,000 tons of allied shipping in the Atlantic.

Unlawful tampering with the timeline and a couple counts of deicide. (Last Epoch)

Debt because of gambling (Balatro)

I'm locked up for invading north Korea with high tech supersuits and killing tons of soldiers.

game:

Crysis

lol

~~Arrested~~ Placed into a mental institution* for the psychopathic / sociopathic actions that boiled down to killing everyone and everything, everywhere, using every weapon accessible. They were all evil.

I am the Postal dude.

Imprisoning and enslaving animals to fight for my own amusement