Choose your items
Choose your items
229 comments
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I'll take the DeLorean and the castle
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These are all terrible options.
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I think that's the point.
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The spices are pretty good - great, portable money source that won't get you killed for being a witch. Everything else sucks.
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Well ACTSHUALLY, depending on your definition of the middle ages, you wouldn’t be very likely to be killed for being a witch, since the witch hunt came into being after the Reneissance.
That said, I would also take the spices. The amount of spices in that picture would probably set me up for life. Buy a nice place somewhere in Northern Italy and live out my days learning to play the moog, amusing my medieval friends.
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I choose the bottle rockets twice.
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That's the most reasonable choice imo, you could probably earn a fair bit of money with those.
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Motorcycle isn't abad choice. You get an alternator and a battery out if the deal. You can rig up a simple water turbine to charge it easily enough. You also get a bunch of steel, rubber/plastics, some wire, tubes, and a couple of pretty good lightbulbs (possibly even an LED one depending on the headlight/taillight). Taking the magic Moog as the 2nd option seems like the best idea considering it's magic.
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Sure, but they’re terrible options because of how dumb people used to be. Like, you’d probably have to keep it secret or get called a witch or something.
Something I think would be more useful would be seeds for crops, specifically resistant to plant diseases that would have been devastating back then. Like, take some potatoes that are resistant to whatever caused the Irish famine. That wouldn’t be as likely to get you burned at the stake for being in service to the devil
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I'll exchange all that for:
- Good knife and a sharpening stone
- Flint for making fire
- Compass
- Axe
- Several years of training in self defense and living off the land. (Or else they should send a Navy seal)
Edit: Ah it's a shit post, I always get those wrong 😁
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I mean, is it permanent or do I have a plan for getting back to now? If it's permanent, the gun and bullets because fuuuuck that. I'm not living in medieval times as a woman. Even if pretty much all of history wasn't a horror show for women, I have like, zero useful skills and I'm pretty sure I'd only understand about half of what people were saying because Old and Middle English were a total suckfest (and that's if I didn't end up somewhere they spoke fucking French or some shit).
If I'm just there for tourism, none of it. I'm not trying to get burned for witchcraft while I'm sightseeing.
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The language thing is a good point. Am I in 1000CE North America? Because I can fumble my way through French, but absolutely cannot speak Siouan.
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I'd only understand about half of what people were saying because Old and Middle English were a total suckfest
So kind of like modern England
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Definitely the Moog. I'm not into music, but it's an unlimited source of electricity; just open the case and find the power rails.
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Good luck opening it without a screwdriver.
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There's a good book from a former Smithsonian curator called One Good turn that talks about the ancient history of the screwdriver and the screw.
If you went back in time far enough that the people around you didn't know about the screwdriver and the screw, Even a rudimentary knowledge of It's existence would possibly on its own break the timeline.
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I could easily reinvent the screwdriver. What i could use the electricity for however...
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They had hand drills back then. Just drill out the screws.
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No thanks. I'll just stay in my own time and keep all my stuff.
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I'll take the uranium. It doesn't matter what I blow up with it, the butterfly effect will mean the rest of the world is changed forever. Because fuck you, you should've asked before sending people to the medieval era.
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Spices x 2. They'd probably be hard to unload without getting robbed, but then you could buy a nice farm.
Everything else would be useless after a short time at best and get you burned as a witch at worst.
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acording to this guide you woudn't be burned for witchcraft, but you would be robbed as an easy target
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Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
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Easy one.
The gun and the bullets to shoot myself.
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Do you even need the time travel part?
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Or to used as a template/example for how to build a gun.
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Can I trade one fifth of the acid tab for one bullet?
If so, I'll take the loaded gun and the 4/5 tab of acid.
It'll be be the best 8 hours of the rest of my life.
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The synth and 10 jars of saffron. I'll learn to play music like a bard and be fucking rich selling little bits of spices while I travel (and eventually be murdered as a witch).
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Aha! I knew someone else would go with the saffron gambit. Especially if you get to specify that it's really packed in there.
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I would probably mix in some whole nutmeg, cinnamon and cloves with the saffron as it was generally more popular in England at the time and the variety would probably mean more of my wares purchased by at each stop to save me needing to travel further. Travel being so gods awful at the time mitigating the risks a little bit would be worth it I think.
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What astonishes me most is that at least half of you are probably highly paid engineers that are debating this on company time instead of using your brainpower for actual problems.
I like it!
Also I choose spices for instant riches and laser for burning out the eyes of my enemy to solidify my identity as a magician. After that we can finally focus on growing weed and mushrooms because y'all know 5 tanks ain't gonn last long.
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Being unproductive is a form of radical resistance that transcends simply materially impacting your employer and their unrealistic expectations on your labor and extends into destabilizing the fundamental narratives burned into your brain by society about what makes you a valuable human and what the basic pursuit of happiness really entails.
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Kinda surprised there aren't a lot of people choosing the castle. Could probably donate that to the royal family for enough cash to get reasonably started and probably get awarded some kind of title or at least a court position with a generous salary.
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A shame it's only to the medieval times. Had it been to 2000 years ago I'd choose the gun and the bullets. To kill Saul of Tarsus. This would prevent Christianity to exist (and Islam by extension).
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Better maul Saul
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I think the choice here is the gun or the bullets, not together. So you'd have to run him over with a bike or light a bunch of rockets in his bum.
Sorry - I see you can pick two items. So you'd have to light a bunch of rockets in his bum and then run him over with a bike.
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Well, it would have still existed, just been pretty distant from what it is today.
More "everything is permissible" (1 Cor 10:23) and less "God will destroy both stomach and food" (1 Cor 6:13).
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Trying to live in the "raised by wolves" timeline?
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The Delorean is on the sheet, so it's available, and I'm taking it.
I'll take the castle too, since being landed gentry is one of the best ways to survive back then.
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Personally I’m taking a big fucking hammer and the banner of the fighting man I’M COMING FOR YOU WILLIAM YOU FUCKING BASTARD GET FUCKING READY
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Wtf whatever I did I'm sorry
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Legend has it that when Tolkien referred to ‘the war’ he meant the battle of Hastings in 1066.
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You could sell the spices for a lot of money.
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Everything else would get you burned as a witch.
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This would be my plan. I'd take the casio watch because fuck yeah. Otherwise I'm taking a spice rack full of Saffron and becoming a lord.
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The fact that the Moog is inherently able to make sounds without power, but no other electrical ones get that is what really leans me to that. I know a Casio f-91W will last a long time, but the laser pointer and dab pen won't.
I am personally leaning towards the motorcycle and Moog. The motorcycle could be (poorly) fueled with distilled grain alcohol. Not fit for human consumption, but it could make it work. Eventually something will break on both, and you can't fix it. But you can be a form of traveling bard.
Plus if you keep the Moog, you can put it into a place that is safe, then have your later kin give it to some scientists in the 1800's. "Hey Maxwell, here's a literal magic device. See how it works. Figure out how it does this and what it can and can't do."
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If the moog has infinite power you could build a really big capacitor and hook it up to it to make enough power to do other interesting things...
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Are the DeLorean and the Castle also options? If so, I choose those.
If not, motorcycle and spices. The spices will get me some good money to live off of, and the motorcycle can be stripped to make a rudimentary electricity generator. What I would use it for, idk, but I'd have it.
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How are you going to fuel it?
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Wind or water wheel most likely, just need some kind of turbine. I'd probably toy around with ethanol based fuels to try and keep the ICE going, but I certainly wouldn't count on it
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With fruit and waste, thx to Mr. Fusion
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You don't need to fuel a castle, silly!
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Obviously two of the literally magical free energy synthesizers.
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Imagine the synthphonies that could be composed!
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I'd hit em with Veridis Quo
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The spices and the laser pointer? You can just pretend to be a spice trader and when needed, blind people to escape.
The dab pen and magic keyboard were tempting, but De. Wesker made a good point ab out witchcraft.
Motorcycle might be cool because you can melt it down or disassemble it once you run out of fuel.
Another important question is Medieval times where?
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Another important question is Medieval times where?
That's why you pick the motorcycle.
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Still makes a big difference. China? Bottle rockets are just like ok, you have some bottle rockets. India? Spices are just okay, you have some spices. India might appreciate the keyboard more than Europeans, like “nice, a versatile harmonium!” vs “OMG Satan” like you might get in Europe. North America and you might be able to convince a tribe that you’re a shaman with Super Mushrooms using the LSD.
The motorcycle had better be a dirt bike or it’s not going to be of much use except maybe in China or where there were vestiges of Roman roads.
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Medieval times aren't exactly known for their paved roads.
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Motorcycle can run off distilled alcohol if you're crafty.
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I think no one around here realizes how fucking insane a 5 W laser pointer is, it's not blinding people level, it's more like, don't shine it at anything white or you might blind yourself level.
For reference the highest laser security classification starts at 0.5 W.
Maybe I'm exaggerating here but 5 W is definitely a lot.
So yeah, I'm down with the laser pointer.
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That's a good point. If it's strong enough to start a fire, that's serious power. The only issue is running out of battery power.
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Dallas, TX
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Motorcycle + the watch but just for the looks, that will make sure that I look cool on the paintings.
If anybody doubts I came from the future, I just had to point the alien chariot with two wheels.
People thinking about security, im bringing 1500 years of diseases with me. I will be fine
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Good luck with the black death
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Motorcycle + Watch. Gang, although what I would do is ride the motorcycle to the middle of nowhere, take it apart and use it to build shit. You got mirrors, battery, alternator, wheels, chain, gears, rubber... A big chunk of modern materials you can use to make life easier.
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It's not on there. I want a small tablet with a solar recharger. It will be loaded with all of the texts I can find about math and engineering and science.
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I'm not a physicist, but I'm pretty sure 64kg of 80% enriched uranium is more than the critical mass.
Tbh, maybe that's fine. Take possession of uranium, instantly teleport back to mediaeval Europe - preferably into the middle of a major court - uranium goes prompt critical and irradiates most of the nobility. They are already a bunch of inbreds, what's a bit more genetic damage?
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Criticality is more about the shape than the total mass
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I'd probably take the motorcycle at least and see if I can convert it to run on wood gas.
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Or alcohol. tw200 would be good on medieval paths.
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Oh that's pretty clever actually...
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BRO THAT WATCH IS IMMORTAL I BOUGHT IT BACK IN 2014 AND I STILL USE IT LMAO
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While I definitely recognize the enthusiasm for the model... I would count it as not particularly useful in a medieval context unless you are a ship captain drawing maps. You need multiple people with synchronized time to make them useful for military ir social application.
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Acid and the moog, hold the time travel. I'm already traveling tonight baybaay!
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I had to scroll back up to verify what the moog was. I think I'm going to try to hang out with this guy. I won't realize we can't play the moog until we are hours in.
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I would go with 5 watt laser pointer. I would roleplay as a wizard.
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There is a book called Off To Be the Wizard by Scott Meyer that is basically this and it's hysterical.
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Dab pen won't last half a cart without need for recharging.
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The Moog and the LSD. You're fucked no matter how you look at it but at least you can have a bitchin time until they burn you for being a witch.
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That was my choice too. Sounds hella fun, and the locals won't care that I suck because they don't understand modern music composition, and I won't give a fuck either because I'm high off my tits!
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I'm gonna take the warheads and the LSD and blow some random farmer's mind.
"He's freaking out!"
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You absolute fools, shameless buffoons, the Watch and the 5 watt laser pointer are the only perfect combination.
With this combination could have created the greatest army to rule the seas, commercial ships, spices and war, bring anyone do their knees with a single flash of this ray.
Put fear in to the souls of millions with this futuristic weapon and burn ships at a distance.
Illuminate the night sky as only gods can do. Become the alpha and omega, master of time and light, seas and commerce. Render the Dutch and Britain absolutely to shreds and raise a civilization based on Aegean culture from the Mediterranean with laws and different approach to puritanism and culture to power earlier, with science and mathematics for everyone.
Fuck, well live a different present, here's why:
Wristwatch :
Solar Navigation: By knowing the exact time during the day, navigators could use the position of the sun in conjunction with an astrolabe (a device already in use during the Middle Ages for astronomical measurements) to determine their latitude. The watch would help in timing the sun's zenith (its highest point in the sky), which occurs at local noon, allowing for a more accurate reading.
Star-based Navigation: At night, timekeeping would be essential for using the stars to navigate. The position of certain stars and constellations relative to the horizon changes predictably throughout the night. Knowing the exact time would allow navigators to calculate their latitude based on the altitude of known stars above the horizon.
Dead Reckoning: This is a method to estimate one's current position based on a previously determined position, and advancing that position based upon known or estimated speeds over elapsed time, along with course directions. A precise timepiece would have significantly improved the accuracy of dead reckoning calculations by allowing sailors to keep track of time more accurately during their journey.
Longitude Problem: Although determining longitude (east-west position) remained a significant challenge until the development of the marine chronometer in the 18th century, a precise timekeeping device in the Middle Ages could have theoretically been the first step towards solving this problem. If navigators had a way to keep track of time accurately during their voyages, they could compare the local noon (when the sun is highest in the sky) to the time at a known location (like Greenwich, England). The difference in time would allow them to calculate how far east or west they had traveled.
Tide Predictions: Accurate timekeeping would aid in predicting tides, which was crucial for coastal navigation. Knowing the time of high and low tides could prevent ships from running aground and help in planning more efficient voyages.
The laser pointer:
Burn Materials: It can easily burn through various materials like paper, plastic, and wood with direct and sustained contact. It can also etch patterns or marks on surfaces
Visibility: The beam of a 5-watt laser can be extremely bright and visible, even over long distances.
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This whole post assumes you can derive some pretty advanced trigonometry from scratch.
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TL;DR: To navigate using an astrolabe and a watch, measure the sun's altitude at local noon with the astrolabe. Adjust for the sun's declination from an almanac. Your latitude is roughly the corrected sun altitude. For longitude, compare local noon to the reference time on your watch; every hour difference equals 15 degrees of longitude. This method involves basic trigonometry for calculating angles and positions but is quite approximate and not highly accurate for longitude.
This allows to navigate beyond the horizon from the coast so you can travel overseas and beyond where other people has been on a ship without following the coast.
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I mean they did have decently good mathematicians abord the ships who were already great mappers. An accurate time peice would help with accuracy... But nautical maps were nautical maps. More accurate ones are great but they did already have serviceable ones.
What's wild about the cultural concept of your average maps of the period in a more general sense is they were often more conceptually philosophic and religious tools meant to illustrate a "you are here" for the soul. Geographic accuracy was at best a secondary consideration.
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But it is me going back right? So as long as I revise before the trip, it should be fine.
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Do I get to return to my normal time? If so then dab pen and warheads for sho. Imma just get blitzed and snack and watch those crazy knights go at it for a bit.
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That tab of lsd. Somehow get to the king, tell him I've found a way to talk to God, give him the tab, and let the rest happen.
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They had psychedelics in medieval times. Mushrooms, ergot, etc.
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And LSD comes from a fungus that grows on wheat, which is ergot. But the thing is that distilling that psychedelic compound from ergot produces a substance more powerful by an order of magnitude.
Even better, imagine giving that king some DMT! That'll fuck his shit right up. He gonna see angels in their biblical form 'n' shit!
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Pretty sure this has already happened at least a few times already lol
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Fuck all that shit I am bringing Dishwashers and Bicycles and starting a global feminist uprising.
(the bicycles are both for transportation and for powering the dishwashers)
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I'd probably do a combo clothes washing machine & dryer over the dish washer since that chore takes way longer to do manually.
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Yup, right up to the victorian period wash day was just that... A dawn to past dusk slog where you spent a lot if time up to your elbows in water and sometimes caustics.
Medieval dishes were a much easier chore. Rince with water and place in sun to UV sterilize when able.
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good point
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That's pretty brilliant.
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Dab pen and spice jars.
That's basically enough to start a religion in medieval times. Spices to finance a nice temple, and dabs to create a religious experience forc prophets who testify to the power of the faith.
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That's probably the least valuable one since there are natural hallucinogens all over the place that were already in use.
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Yes but LSD can be absorbed through the skin, so you wouldn't have to go through all the trouble of convincing someone to eat poison
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I'll have the Delorean and assuming it comes shielded the 64 kgs of enriched uranium please.
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Warheads would probably kill someone from back then
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Does spice melange count as one of the spices?
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It is the only spice that counts.
The spice must flow.
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As it's written!
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5x bullets for the gun, but that is a 1911 chambered for .45 ACP, and those are .22 LRs. I mean, you could try, but it wouldn’t work very well.
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Those might be .38 specials, but your point stands.
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5 Watt laser pointer and etch dicks onto every wooden surface I see
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For the second item you could bring the synth, and use its magical limitless energy to recharge the laser for more dick doodles.
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Probably the spices and uranium.
Spices have always been valuable, and I'd "curse" the nobility with the yellow cake and anyone else who bothered me.
Maybe they'd execute me horribly for witchcraft, or maybe I could retire and live a more peaceful life than my current one.
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These options suck. I want a history text book
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It's not going to be detailed enough to help you.
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"How to invent everything" by Ryan North is pretty much purpose built for this scenario. I just finished it, recommend
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The rockets and the gun. I can use the rockets to prove I have useful knowledge while using the gun to prove that my stuff is mechanisms not magic (by taking it apart). I'll then set about teaching them how to make gunpowder (charcoal, sulphur, saltpeter) and once I'm truly established we can move on to basic firearms.
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You might want to work on making quality steel first. Gunpowder will be on its way from China already, so the time will be better spent on some critical materials.
Since you will need funding for other major projects, like smokeless powder, you might be better served by outfitting a few armies with better armor and swords first. (Take advantage of incremental science improvements, basically.)
Even with your vast experience with magic technologies, it's still going to take a fortune to develop the basics. A small research center is going to cost you at least a few hundred cows, a couple thousand chickens, and a few dozen horses, after all.
(You will need steel for mining operations to get enough raw materials to do anything, actually.)
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Spices and the bic/rockets. Spices for trading and light to light alone is going to help barter and survive but the rockets for defence
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Thing with the spices is that medieval spices were much more varied than the few commonly available today - many are now out of fashion (cubebs, long pepper, though that is gaining traction, grains of paradise etc.).
I suspect the reason many have dropped out of use is down to suppliers not really wanting to bother and the similarities in flavour profile mean the the common ones are good/close enough.
The medieval cook would, however, be fascinated by the containers - screw top and air tight. If you could work out a way of making those...
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Why LSD and not magic mushrooms? I would certainly prefer being able to grow that shit instead of having a limited supply
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Morning glories, Ipomoea Violacea
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I pick F91w and motorcycle, just cause they're things I want lol. Love my f91w
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motorcycle and spices. The motorcycle can be broken down for many useful parts with good-quality metal.
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The moog and the weed pen. I'll travel the countryside showing people analog synthesis and getting them mega high (they have medieval tolerance levels) until those 5 carts run out
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Dab pen and LSD, I'm gonna have a great fucking time
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The Moog and the (for sake of argument, diesel) Motorbike. As long as the moog doesn’t lose its magical power powers if you disassemble it.
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That amount of spice is not gonna make you rich. You need to fill a ship's hold and cross the world.
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Not rich, but enough to buy something nice
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Ooooh! Like maybe some spices!
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Give me 10 big ol' jars of saffron and the motorbike. I'll convert it to run on alcohol or woodgas in a sidecar.
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I'll bring the warheads to give peasants a mental breakdown, and the laser pointer to fuck with medieval cats.
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Hell yes, the Moog and the Casio. Idk what my plan is but it'll be an adventure
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The Casio with a new battery is sure to last 3 years. I'd definitely take that. Not sure how usable the synth ffs be
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I wish it was one of those solar powered calculators.
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Good chance the upper class were already familiar with the spices. The LSD and Warheads candy on the other hand...
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Enough of the right spices could make you rich. The laser would make you famous
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The Uranium and the single hit of LSD. Time for the magic to happen.
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dab pen all i need baby
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128kg uranium in my pockets
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Take the gun, and shoot Toby 5 times.
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Moog Synth, TWICE!
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What are the rules of the magic electricity? Even a little but consistent amount would let you put your foot on the gas for science n' shit.
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Then you could have the 4-voice polyphony to really impress the serfs!
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that is the best choice yet
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Can I take a dab pen with 10 carts?
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dab pen and the warheads, please.
I'll get wicked high and make people eat them for my amusement. They'll be soooo wrecked.
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A gun and an interpreter.
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I would like a gun, but not that gun. Gunpowder has been around a long time. Something simple and robust with a long barrel like a mosin could be modified to work as a rifled flintlock if cased ammunition is too hard to replicate. People made some pretty intricate metalwork though, if you happen to be in a place near a jeweler, you might be able to get some cases made.
Maybe have a blacksmith reverse engineer a rifle, get some folks behind you and overthrow some lords. Kill the old money, set up a government for the people, keep manufacturing as many simple rifles as possible, sail to america and give them to the natives and tell them to shoot at boats before they get too close.
Problem is, I don't speak any of the useful languages. So maybe the Moog and ten bottles of cinnamon would be better. At least I could entertain myself until I die of dysentery.
Motorcycle and Moog. The motorcycle will take me to a forest, and then the parts can be useful for making sharp stuff or tying things or starting fires and I'll just camp forever and play rad tunes. Make a cart with the motorcycle wheels to carry animals or foraged supplies, build a cabin and just tinker forever.
Might get lonely out there. Should probably try to pick up chicks before my hog runs outta crank.
Edit: wait how do I carry a keyboard on a motorcycle
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Maybe have a blacksmith reverse engineer a rifle, get some folks behind you and overthrow some lords. Kill the old money, set up a government for the people, keep manufacturing as many simple rifles as possible, sail to america and give them to the natives and tell them to shoot at boats before they get too close.
Freaking epic. Make sure the Taino get them first. That'll stop the whole Atlantic slave trade before it starts!
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How do you carry a keyboard on a motorcycle? With a shoulder strap and turn it into a keytar. Immediately 200x more cool
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Pneumatic (air) guns can be hard hitters without any black powder. You can load them with self-made particles. I'd better prefer them than standard guns, even old ones.
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Why does the motorcycle have to be gas? Much easier to generate an electric charge than it is to have a worthless gas engine especially since a Smith can likely help craft a rudimentary electric motor that will work with any of the windmills.
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This is one of the reasons why I can't agree with my dad saying he would rather have a gas car when society collapses. How the fuck are you going to make gasoline once the existing stock gets gooped up. It will be instantly hoarded by bandits anyway. Electricity you can make fairly easily and parts to make generators out of various motion sources are probably a good thing to keep in case of long term emergencies. Electricity is good for more than vehicles too.
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Yeah I'm with you on that, but it's kinda sad that in modern world in most countries there are little to none of fast charging stations, ev adoption would be tremendous if there were
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If I can befriend a local blacksmith, motorcycle would probably be pretty useful. Someone smart should be able to reverse engineer it.
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If I can't have marjoram, is it even worth going to the middle ages?
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How come I only have 5 bullets for the gun, but the 1911 has a total capacity of anywhere from 7 to 9, and maybe even up to 15? Furthermore, how come the bullets look like classically rimmed revolver cartridges, but are for this 1911? I think I might go for the gun, just because it either doesn't work at all, or is maybe a really interesting piece of mechanical work.
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gun and bullets
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Might be able to use the uranium to heat water for a steam turbine generator.
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Steam turbine generator is not an easy task to make with medieval technology
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Sure, but someone else was wanting to use the motorcycle engine as a generator. I feel like this is more practical since you don't need to figure out how to get more fuel. Not that I have any idea what to do with a generator in that time period either way.
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Some dude in India made one to spin his shawarma in like 400 ad wtf u talking about
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None.
I iz ded.
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Moog and LSD of course. Let's party!
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Gun with bullets, then set out to change history by shooting 4 kings or something with a bullet. Then I’ll save the last bullet as a very last resort for anything.
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Uranium and the watch, for time travel reasons. Gotta refuell the DeLorean and keep track of relative timelines.
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For a couple of the electric options, and instead of saying "the Moog is magical", I want to believe they come with a portable solar charging panel or mat on the side, with compatible charging plug, of course.
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They Synth and the Warheads. I'm sure the Warheads alone are flavorful enough to convince any Medieval person that I am a God (or or the Devil, lmao), but the sick beats from the synth would seal the deal. (Once I learn how to play)
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Can I just do the spices 2x? They seem the most useful without getting myself killed for magic or just stabbed in a mugging for having something too advanced.
I just want some spices to make my food not bland, and maybe making some dollars in the process. Not trying to get killed over my possessions. Spices, I'm sure, went for a good price but less likely to get murdered for selling some as opposed to using a motorbike, or laser pointer.
The dab pen is tempting, but with my layman's current knowledge, I should be able to work growing out. More concerned about all the infections and what not my body has no defense for. I'll take 2 vials of antibiotics over any of the other options. Or do a spice rack and a medicinal herb book.
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A TW200. 🤩
Solid choice to take with. I want one but they're simply not practical for me. :/ -
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"works without amp or outlet"
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The synth and the LSD. I'll dilute the LSD in water, give it to a while crowd and jam on the synth, becoming the either a music legend, a messiah, or both
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Spices - You can become wealthy as HELL, and your modern day clothes can easily make you seem like some foreign merchant, so can get you people interested. You DO need to sell those spices fast, however, else you WILL get robbed
Motorcycle - As others have said, you can get it to run on grain alcohol once out of gas, but that's not the real prize with it. The real prize is using your new found wealth to get smiths to make more engines, using that as a blueprint, and essentially kick starting the industrial revolution. Mind, this IS going to be used for war, so prepare to become a war mongul
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the uranium even if you can't make a reactor
you can use it in sieges, in assassinations, you can have it sterilize your lord's rivals so they can't have kids without anyone knowing
you can make safeish samples using shielding, lead is readily available
you can expose fruit/vegetables so they keep better over the winter, killing bacteria
you can sterilize food and water, make it safer for consumption
229 comments
Ask for the gun and the bullets.
Before I'm sent back, shoot the time travel master (nerd!) in the head. Shoot their attendants, too (nerds! nerds!).
Grab all the other options, and load them in the time travel car. VERY IMPORTANT: the Moog will be playing the Knight Rider Theme until further notice.
Time travel back to the Vatican, Apostolic Palace. Driving the motorcycle up to The Pope, I do a jump that involves me turning upside-down OVER the Pope, during which I look down, shove the LSD down the Pope's throat, and then do an Akira-slide right in front of him.
In fluent Latin, I explain to the Pope that I am a messenger from God who has been sent to deliver a Mighty Revelation. For the next several hours I use all the other options I brought back to astound and amuse The Pope during the LSD trip. During this phase of the experience, the Moog will be playing selections from Pink Floyd, focusing on music from Dark Side and before. The key message of The Revelation is that I am an agent of God to be protected and revered.
After the Pope comes down, I scope out the Vatican's Cardinals. (The Moog will be playing Guile's Theme during this phase.) The spices are covertly swapped for hashish and opiates, which I use along with the Warheads candy to bring mini-Revelations to those Cardinals who seem friendly. Those Cardinals who seem hostile to me, are fed bits of the Uranium. I am declared a Cardinal. When the time is right, The Pope is also fed bits of Uranium.
After the Pope dies, a conclave is convened in the Sistine Chapel to select the next Pope. The Moog will be playing Objection from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (2001) during this phase. As a Cardinal, I attend, and will use the motorcycle to pop wheelies and do donuts until I am elected.
When I first appear on the Papal balcony, to be revered for the rest of my life as an infallible being whose words must be obeyed without hesitation, the Moog will be playing the instrumental version of We are Number One from Lazy Town, and I will be doing an appropriate dance.
I had the same idea for the items.
Pick gun and the bullets.
But instead my plan was to shoot myself.
My plan was to take the dab pens and the moog, assuming it could be used as a backup battery to the pens. And then just plan to hang myself when confronted with the inevitability of sobriety.
That moog isn’t a fucking iTunes playlist, it’s a musical instrument that needs a real person to play it so your entire plan is completely shot.
Problem?
I would read this comic book.
This is the best comment I have seen on Lemmy. You are a genius.
What about the other items? Bottle rockets off the papalcony for sure. Dab pen for office duties after I think.
The laser pen would also be a mind blower during the high times.
Just hope your time machine doesn't deposit you off during the Western Catholic Schism or else you'll have to repeat this multiple times with multiple popes.
Or maybe this is how the Western Schism is avoided in the first place. The Lord works in mysterious ways...
What a fucking ride. I had all the tracks on background play in pipepipe. Incredible.