Since America's namesake Amerigo Vespucci was an immigrant, what should the United States of America be renamed to? (no wrong answers)

Turtle Island

Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.

Whatever the Cherokee word for "stolen land" is.

Wendigo

It’s an Algonquin cryptid / monster with an insatiable hunger for human flesh and a love of murder. Generally greedy and evil. Also known to smell bad.

Honors our native heritage and says something about our beloved country’s strength of character.

Mountain Dew presents: Freedom Country - Brought to you by United Healthcare.

Given the religious fervor throughout its history, how about naming it after an ancient biblical region?

Transjordan?

Wait. Shit, that won't work, even Jordan's gone woke. Maybe something else in the region?

OH! How about Gilead!?

OK hear me out: It should be named after the first European explorer to discover it and popularize the European expansion: Christopher Columbus.

• Like its namesake, the nation too is racist, cruel and genocidal. Even the Spanish Inquisition era Catholics were like, damn Christopher!
• Like the largest exporter of cocaíne in South America, it too is full of drugs, and its elections are the plaything of big money cartels and foreign powers.
• It was mostly settled by white people from England.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you your new nation: British Columbia.

Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:

• The Divided States of America
• McMilitary Industrial Complex
• The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
• Red vs Blue
• Gilded Ruins
• AmeriKKKa
• Walmartistan
• Gunlandia
• Yeehaw Reich
• Methlehem
• Debtlandia
• Live, Laugh, Lawsuit

United States of Lee (after General Robert Lee)

New motto

All For Me and None For Thee

Rename it to Mexico. Then the whole gulf of mexico situation is fixed.

Dumbfuckistan

Dumbfuckistan

Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land "Vinland" long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)

Alternatively, a name in the a Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.

Dumbfuckistan

Staties McStatyface

The Adjacent States of Denial

South Canada

South Canada.

North Mexico

Formally: Jeb!
Informally: Jebland
Dialectical variant of English: Jeblish
Collective name for the people of Jebland: Jebanese

I’m kidding of course. We all know the process to rename the U.S. would be taken over by the wealthy and we’d wind up named HCH (Human Capital Holdings), LLC, a shell corporation/nation that is jointly owned by Blackrock, Vanguard, and State Street.

Donald Trump’s Best, Biggest Country in the World, the Biggest, Juiciest Country there is, you know it, folks, No Illegals Allowed, No Fentanyl, All the Guns! And Covfefe!

The incorporated states of Northern America ltd.

The Land of the Flee while you still can

“Vinland” is what the Vikings who discovered the land named it. Not a bad name.

Were I to name it today I’d pick some foreign language version of “The Land of Pulling Up the Ladder” or “The Land of Crabs in a Bucket”.

Hank D. Hamburgers Electric Freedom Gun-Republic

The United States of Moronica

no offense to actual morons intended

Clown Country

The United States Inc. since that's all we are anyway....

American States of Maga

And yes, it is infinitely recursive.

TwatWaffle McDunceland

X

The vikings were there first (after the native Americans), so I'd go with Greater Norway.

united states of fuck you, i got mine.

United States of Native America

Han Dynasty would be funny, not least because it doesn’t solve the problem

There’s also the Prince joke “Land formally known as USA”

Fuckwitistan might be prudent after the russian takeover.

Divided States of Affairs

The United States of Whatever

Ozempia

oligarchistan

Fascistan

Ignorancia

Corpoland

Gun-ited Steaks

RetroPolice, like metropolis but it's a reactionary police state

Northern Lands of g.u.l.f. (= greedy unelected lying fascists)

Vespucciland

The birth place of Jesus

Just revert to using the old name: Vinland.

George Soros' United Commune of Mexifornia

Turtle Island

https://greenwichhistory.org/whats-in-a-name-americas-first-name/

Annual bidding by major corporations for the opportunity to rename the country each year, stadium style.

Let's go United States of Waste Management

Muskland. Quickly so we can start a fight.

Wackoland

Brawndoland

“Yucatán”

Which means “the end of your finger” because the Spanish asked some folks what they were pointing at and they didn’t understand the question

After Hispaniola they made a brief slave raid in the Bahamas, capturing 232 Lucayans, and then returned to Spain.[34] src

i think the cult would call him 'one of the good ones'

Still the same guy, but the Firesign Theater suggested decades ago that the country be called Vespucciland.

And yeah, we name everything else after people's last names.

Red, white and blue land obviously.

Bonerland

Whatever the natives decide on tbh. Turtle island is popular but applies to the continent not the country

Annex of Denmark

The United States of America

Kleptostan brought to you by Carl's Jr

The DraftKingsTM United States of Trump

The Bada Bing Republic

Oops.

Hmm, idiocracy fits I guess. Seems to describe our country well enough.

Trumpland. Trumptopia. United states of Trump. Trumplvania. The new republic of Trump.

Just testing the "no wrong answers"

Eagleland

I played far too much Earthbound.

Did Amerigo Vespucci migrate to North America or did he just pass through?

Fartland.

United States of America (temporary). America as a country isn't making it much longer anyway so no need to think about it too much.

Disneyland.

Mississippiland

Shitstain

Hell.

North Mexico

Columbo. Marybe Columbo's wife.

There's actually debate over whether America was actually named after Amerigo Vespucci. My understanding is that it was likely just a coincidence that his name is so similar to America. As I understand it, it was actually named after a tribe of native Americans. But native Americans don't pass the Republican scale of whiteness, so they'll probably try to rename America anyways. I'm calling it now: they're going to rename it to Trumpia

United States

El Gabacho

The Chips and Cheese Deluxe Society

Eduardo

The Golden Whored

No, he did not. But I thought it was funny to say he was an immigrant, and it doubled as bait for people to call out that he wasn't. Hook, line, sinker?

Welcome to Costco I love you.

Break up the union and pick the name of the most powerful government that existed within the bounds of every state before the land was occupied by any old-world government.

Xico

Needs to be named first.