If your username would predict the way you die, how will it happen?

I don't think I wanna know

Ceasefire Violation?

He died doing what he loved!

Starving, because I couldn't remember where I hid my nuts.

It finally caught up to me

The fucking Russians, of course.

Oh god

Morti means "of death" in Latin. I guess I'm going to die of death...

Silently hunted down by a mysterious lone wolf.

The US actually does invade, and I die in some kind of defensive gambit where they take more casualties than us.

Unfortunately, that's a vibe killer now, because it doesn't feel totally impossible and we still like each other. Sorry.

I'm not sure I want to know...

You wouldn't understand

Inviting my Farmville girlfriend over.

Tree

I'm going to go down with my ship, bellowing orders to my crew until the last.

Guess I run into traffic, yelling and waving at the taxi that just deliberately passed me by. Then I get hit by a truck.

lol idk

Happily.

Wrong place wrong time during a controlled demolition

Lots of beans

Furiously stroking my willy.

I guess I'm not growing old

Whatever it is, it's going to be the subject of several YouTube documentaries.

First I am. And then...

I'm not.

Sleeping with the fishes

A detective stands over my lifeless body, Detective Salvitore is panting for air, desperate to catch up to her partner and mount the hill. She reaches the crest covered in sweat, vision blurring but enthused at the grim sight before Detective Glassgow.

Salvitore fumbles for her radio, wheezing a shaky "We... we... I... found-" before Glassgow cuts her off.

"Save it Sal, I already told them we found the vegan."

Something the Scooby gang could have prevented.

I’ll never know. I blinked.

I dont want to think about it

Whelp...

Boiled alive

With a bang

Bludgeoned to death with a keyboard?

I'll leave it to you, reader, to guess the "where" it is cast

I'm already gone...

Meh…

Derogatory slur

Painfully, I'd assume

Idk, i wouldn't see it coming

Mine's pretty open-ended.

I'm going to go with gassing in a concentration camp for opposing the fascists.

History repeats itself.

Self Explanatory actually.

Nihilistic fruit

My flame will be extinguished.

By Japanese sword thrust

A remake of Alien but with a meerkat

In an accident.

Hey, somebody left some perfectly good Swiss on this block of wood. How convenient, don’t mind if I d….*

At least I would know what was coming, three would come before me.

Tree fall maybe?

Chuckles... I'm in trouble

Well, I'd guess I'd go out the way I'd always knew I would; mauled while getting blown by a bear 🤤

Error caused by an invalid pointer

Jaywalking.

Yes, please. 52 years old, and dying after one super night.

Drive errors would pile up on critical systems because they didn't filesystem check themselves before they filesystem wrecked themselves

exit 0

Asphyxiation

Ouch...

Bridge collapse

Mine unlocks the cheat codes from Jedi knight 2. So probably dismembered by jedi or sith spawns

My character makes a sandwich. I reach for the peanut butter...

Well... I can tell you who didn't do it.

Not sure how I die, but I guess I’m coming back to life after …

I choke to death while alone, try to self heimlich and fail. My body is found half eaten by my cats with my cold, dead hand still clutching the offending cheese toastie.

I've seen Monty Python before.

hmmm...

I don't think its widely used anymore

Burned at the stake, hanged, crushed, or drowned. Plenty of options.

Alcoholism.

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas...

Dunno

I think I'm probably going to die in a gutter somewhere

Very painfully

In a squeezer

I am very satisfied with this outcome

Gluttony

It will be a hell of a party!

Death by snu snu? Not really how I wanted to go -- unless it kills both of us.

Walking through the park with a bauggette

Too much taco bell

Thor dropping a mountain on my head.

In some sketchy den with a khajiit

High stakes dance off. I never stood a chance against the wiley crustacean

SUPPLIES!

Or being thrown out of a second story window during karate lessons.

Sounds unpleasant.

Like mathematician August Ferdinand Möbius, at 77, in Leipzig?

Some catty wampas, likely.

Impressively.

quickly

A daring suicide rescue mission where I manually hold the button on some space nuke to save the day.

Just broke.

Mauled, eaten or crushed to death

... or cuteness overload

Oh, no, Timmy fell down the well again!

Cat.

Chopped into several large pieces. But it will be awesome.

A very large child does something in such a way that I would die.

In front of my PC without anyone noticing until days later

Oh this is an easy one

Strangled by my hoodie?

Death by simulation crashing.

Or if going by the actual username and not the display name: Death By Air Conditioner Crashing On My Head Beacause I'm Too Indecisive To Choose Anything

....that last step will be a doozy.

By a spear, then repawn after 3 days

No idea

A Japanese Math Rock band murders me

I just hope I'm on the receiving end.

It wouldn't.

An undercover Corgi mission.

I am just going outside and may be some time...

Having a heart attack at an AC/DC concert.

I probably say something
And it gets me in trouble

Edit:
Hahaha I actually forgot my username and thought I was using one that I use elsewhere, but this still applies exactly the same 🤣😭

Mine is pretty obvious.

Death by snusnu

A stylish infinite combo from Meikyousisui MvC2 Vol. 10 that only works on me.

No idea

I'm not sure of the details but hazmat will be involved and it'll probably make the news.

Decomposing at old age in some field snd then a tree grows out of me

Death by human error... sounds about right.

I’ll donate so much to research I won’t have money to eat?

Guess I'm a very tasty bug.

Someone finally writes my name in that death note.

Very quickly but likely quite painful

Locked in a dumpster in Mexico, I guess

Can't say that I know, but I shall be avenged.

Some kind of ancient forest spirit emerges from the woods, consumes my soul and leaves my body in a coma before fading back into the trees without a trace.

I get bit by a werewolf and sentenced for execution due to being a danger to society. For some reason they choose death by drowning and it turns out I cannot drown because I am a vampire. I then actually do not die because I am an undead.

Died in a rocket accident and quickloads didn't work

oh noo im gonna die because i use arch

I won't. You can't kill rock and roll!

In the dark.

Obesity, and bounciness.

Struck by railgun fire.

ah hell, I’m getting shot by a drunk hillbilly aren’t I?

Well I'm named for a fictional character I wrote about. so presumably she comes to life and for some reason tries to kill me

i guess the deal goes wrong and i dont make it

Flayed alive, I guess. Could be worse.

Brake failure on a mountain road.

Depending on what your lemmy app/UI displays, executed either by Paul or Stilgar. One would be brought back though.

Hmmmmmmmmm

Weird ... Is what I'd say

The OTHER cat got me.

Suicide.

Alone in my apartment and nobody checks on me for not responding, because I stopped responding long before.

High speed dirt man, high speed dirt.