You've been instantly teleported two feet to the left. How does this affect you?

I'm pooping next to my toilet, inside this wall. The tp roll is in my belly.

Now there are three of us
Same. There is also a handicap rail through my sternum.
(This is the exact scenario that occurred to me.)
- Same, minus the pooping and being inside a wall. But I did eat a roll of toilet paper once. (/j) (I have never eaten a roll of toilet paper, yet)

I have simultaneously merged with my desk. My bowels have been displaced and are now bisected with bamboo. I feel simultaneously ripped apart and yet stuck and solid. Every point of my being is as though it has been engulfed in flames. My existence and identity has now become insufferable pain. I feel an impending sense of doom at a foreign body now lodged inside of me.

There are no wounds for me to bleed from and I cannot gasp for air to scream. My spinal cord has been severed and I feel hot prickles on my cheeks and my ears feel as though they are being stuffed with cotton. An internal white hot pressure feeling erupts up my now-fractured spine until it reaches the back of my head and radiates towards my forehead. My peripheral vision looks like static and everything appears to shake. I am unable to make sense of anything and everything goes dark and still.

U killed me op wow

my spinal cord has been severed and I feel hot prickles on my cheeks...
I read that as hot pickles and got realllllllly confused until I reread it.
me too, thanks for writing this so i didn't have to
Really impressive that you typed this comment. RIP.
- They could have become a prolific horror writer but instead they've been desk-integrated.

welp, I'm not sitting on a tram anymore

I'm now having an uncomfortable moment with the airline passenger in seat 26A.

I continue pooping in the next stall over.

Is it occupied?
- If not before, it is now

I'm shitting in the shower.

Aw! I'm shitting in the sink!
- I'm squatting on the landing at the top of the stairs and now need to shuffle off in shame to get some TP for my bunghole.
I’m shitting inside my vanity but also have the vanity inside me so I’m pretty sure I’m dead.
10 minutes ago I’d have been rolling on the freeway at 69mph. So dead either way I guess.

I'm now shitting in my bathtub....

Wooo! I'm now shitting in my shower. There's dozens of us!
Beats doing it outside about 10 or more feet over muddy ground

I am now shitting in the sink.

I move into a space occupied by my desk, thus taking 3d10 force damage before moving to the next unoccupied space.

Weird. I also move into a space occupied by my desk, but a Fey mood takes hold of me and I grab the left corner of the table with my left nostril and wrestle it into an oak masterpiece which I then sell to an Elf, just to piss him off.

Inside my boyfriend, for once.

Not with that attitude
A true gamer never pleasures their spouse.

I’m now in the lap of the guy in the stall next to me.

"Well hello there, come here often? Let me get that for you..."

I am now sitting on the wing of a plane that is about to take off. Gonna try to Tom Cruise it. Will post updates soon.

I've now telefragged my colleague.

Still counts!

Does the cat on my tummy come with me? If not Cheddar says that this expirement violates the cat sitting treaty of 1669

We only made that damn treaty because they promised to chase off the rats during the last bout of the Plague. We've had it twice more since then, lazy furballs.
- Maybe we should stop forcefully removing cats from the locations people gather the most. Grocery stores. Churches. Places of business. Maybe the Egyptians knew a thing or two about keeping the Gods happy.
  Edit for the downvoter: maybe you didn't get the joke, but Egyptians basically worshipped cats. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cats_in_ancient_Egypt

I telefrag the guy sitting next to me on the train

Fall out of my chair, but otherwise unaffected as I end up on the floor.

I'm now pooping on the floor. Thanks.

I'm reading this while laying on my right side in my bed. So I suppose I bounce on the bed then. Seems fun!

I fell off mine :(

Don't know, I don't know how much two feet is.

It's approximately a third of a Smoot.
- So around 3,33 bananas
3.5 feet to a meter
Bro just look down. Unless you're an amputee, then idk
2/3 meter

I am now sitting in the chair next to me. This is mildly inconvenient.

Still sitting on my couch

Right side couch gang rise up
- On contemplation of the left side of the couch, I would be entangled in two pissed off cats willing to use their claws on me for the crime of sitting on them.
- Nah man. My couch is comfortable. I ain't get'n up. I raised a fist in solidarity though.

I hover briefly in the air, next to my bed, and hold up a sign that says "uh oh" before I fall a couple feet to the ground onto carpet. I might hit my head on the nightstand, but I feel like I got off easy compared to most other people.

I'm standing in a box. I am now a cat.

hovers in air next to sofa, looks down, looks at camera, holds up sign saying "uh oh" and plummets two feet to the floor creating a puff of dust on impact

I'm suddenly on the outside of a bus on the motorway. Probably dead or at least badly injured.

Well now I'm sitting in a different chair. And I don't like that chair as much. 😡

Hmm, well the railing of my bed would well... be railing me.

Woah, lemmy is for shiters.

Taking a crap in the hallway

Not much, I'm just lying on the other side of the bed. Although my pillow has been replaced with a garbage bag.

I'm sitting on top of the bin of laundry I need to fold.

i just fell off the bed ouch

I would be spooning my dog who is on the other end of the couch. If this was a competition I’d submit my outcome for winner or at least most wholesome. Some of y’all’s are definitely more funny though.

I’ll have a window seat at 30k feet and the person seated to my left will be free fallin’ for a while.

Thanks, I'm now pooping in the shower ...

Waffle stomp!
- Nooo I didn't need to know this 😂

Whose left? Mine?

Let’s say, universal left.
- My universal left or your universal left?

I have been bisected by a table

Closet for me

I would be rather sad since I would be sitting next ro my chair on the floor instead of un my chair. My coffee would also be out of reach. I would be sad.

I am one with my bookshelves. Unfortunately the Steam Deck hasn't fared well.

I've merged into my bed and finally have an excuse to not get off of it.

If this involves some kind of adjustment of orientation, then I will be doing an early Father Christmas act and coming down from where I have appeared halfway up the chimney (being generous about how wide that chimney is). If it doesn't, then I am going to be part of the brickwork - except for my guts and arse, which will rot in place in the chimney over the next few weeks.

I’m reminded of this

Fusioning with the atoms of the wall next to me. So parts would stay me, others would just transform into very high density stone or something. The meat may fall off or needs to be cut off, luckily my head would be completely inside the wall.

I live in the wall now.

Yay, I'm in bed now! Good thing, I was getting eepy.

sl you dropped this

I'm european, so it doesn't affect me at all.

I am in the vacuum of space.

Meaning you're on a space station right now?
- Or he operates a vacuum chamber or some sort of specialized machinery.
- Inertia isn't preserved during teleportation. So you'll most likely end up either in space or the Earth's core.

I have either bisected the wall, or the wall has bisected me.

My husband is very happy, but he also dies (in his video game)

Ow!

I'll have fallen about 3ft, landing directly on my coccyx on a hard tile floor, causing additional damage to 2 discs in my lower back that I've already had worked on twice. There's almost a 100% chance that this will result in my needing to have those two discs removed completely.
So I really, really hope I don't get instantly teleported 2 feet to the left while I'm sitting here.

My left arm is now part of the wall, so at least I didn't die outright.

My ass is now on the ground instead of a chair, ow

Inside a decorated Christmas tree. Maybe I can blame the cat for all the glass bulbs I'd break?

I'm taking a shit in my bathroom cabinet now.

I'm still on the couch, slightly further away from my wife.

I am now sitting in a different chair at the same table. I continue browsing Lemmy on my phone.

My cat Ralph is not gonna be happy about that.

I instantly swapped chair in the dining room.

I'm pooping. Two feet to my left is a wall. I'd be inside the wall D:

Whose left? If I'm lying on my left side do I go straight down?

I find myself sitting inside the end table next to the sofa, instantly destroying it along with a lamp a ukulele, and several glasses I haven't taken to the sink yet

I die with my body stuck in the foundation. Now my house is gonna be all stinky >:(

I am now sitting on the laptop my company gave for work, most likely breaking it. Which is unfortunate, but I can probably just request another.

I'm now outside the train going 200km/h and have a nice, hard and long fall in half a second to look forward to.

I am now a propane stove/human hybrid.

I have a bag of Skippy Peanut Butter Balls lodged in my ass. If I move they won't be there any more ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Fuck, I'm merged with the side of the sofa, and my cat's ass sticks out of my chest. I don't care already though, she mixed with my heart and lungs.

I'm in a sitting position, one foot beyond my desk, with my feet about 10 inches off the ground, and my butt is about 16 inches off the ground. I fall on my ass comedically, amidst loud cursing.

Two very pissed off cats.

I'm laying on my side in bed, so.... I guess I jump two feet in the air, fall, make a big sound, probally bounce off and break some stuff and then have back problems all day.

Dead. I'm laying on my left side.

Very uncomfortable. You've pulled me off my bed and now I'm laying naked on my power inverter.

15 stories high in the air over a concrete street.

I’m partially clipped into a wall. I’ve fallen into the backrooms.

I'm on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles

I am now out of my cozy and comfy bed and on the floor while hitting my head on my lamp :(

My head is now clipping through a cardboard box full of stuff. I assume that wouldn't be very survivable.

I fall to the floor and possibly hit my head on a table on the way down.

I now have to crawl back onto my couch. And I'm cold now too.

I just took my evening shit on the floor of my bathroom, which is unfortunate.

Not this again.

I've clipped into a pool table.

sitting on my friend's legs rather than comfortably next to him on the couch

Stuck in concrete wall / window T_T

Inside my coat closet...not the first time I'll struggle getting out of one

I'd be on the floor. Which is a problem because I have a broken ankle/leg and can't put weight on it for another week.

You just discovered the tensile strength of the color green is umpity dumpity 400. How does that make your left nut feel?

That's how utterly asinine these kinds of queries are.

I am now inside my desk. I die a slow and painful death.

I'm now swimming in a icy river, with a small ferry passing by next to me. Yay!

I'd be literally just standing in the middle of my balcony instead of on the side. Not bad.

A painful and likely explosive death

I'd be in a wall, and 2 objects occupying the same space would like result and a violent resettling of local physics as particles push each other out of the way

I went from sitting in my Jeep in my garage to falling a couple feet onto the floor. Otherwise no issues.

It depends on whether I displace the wall, or the wall displaces me.

minimum 10 foot fall into the cold mud with my pants down. Please don't.

I am impaled by the edge of the couch.

I guess I’ll be sitting on the ground now.

I am now sitting on the left side of my bed instead of the right one.

I would assume I’m dead since there is a workout machine made of steel next to me.

Superpowers

I shit in the sink.

I'm now shitting in the tub and about to fall right into it.

I'm now on my husband's lap as he driving us 70 mph on the highway.

That seems highly unsafe.

I'm dead.

Finally, I'm inside my wife.

I am in my cat's litter box

I'm clipping through the hairdresser right now, send help

I'll end up lying on the floor of the store room. No thank you for my butt hurting me.

I just fell off the couch.

I no longer have a cat laying on my back.

I fall 2 feet onto my bed. I'm lying on my right side, browsing Lemmy from a tablet right now.

High five, same. Except phone.

Sitting in the driver seat of my car so I'd transfer to the passenger seat.

Taking a dump in my neighbors hallway

I fell off the bed and got a nasty hit on my head against the bedside table. Thanks, I guess?

A chunk of file cabinet where my knee was falls to the floor. I fall to the ground, twisting my hip joint quite uncomfortably, possibly enough to pull something. I can't actually tell if my leg would be totally trapped, or if I could at least slide it out. If it's caught it's going to be a shitty wait for rescue.

I fall off the couch.

Depends Is that like 4 school buses or more like half a pen?

two feet = three chinchillas.
How big are your feet
- Bigger than a feet. Am I big foot? Oh no!

Damnmit. I asked that kid to clean off this coffee table and now there's a pepper grinder, a bag of terrible candy, three remote controls, and some crushed fortune cookies, all under my back.