Get. Off. The. Plane.

Take it from somebody who flies a lot:

Theorycrafting about the best way to load/unload a plane is pointless.

Bring a bottle of water on your plane. Bring some headphones and make sure they are charged. Make sure if halfway through the flight you even feel a little like you need to pee, do it in flight.

When the plane lands keep your headphones popped in, and chill out until you're off the plane.

The main reason I like a window seat is because it means I don't have anyone freaking out beside me that I haven't stood up as soon as the plane stops rolling. I'm just gonna sit here and read thanks.

There's an effect I see in situations like this where the people in a big hurried rush end up being slow asses because apparently they don't care about this working efficiently, they just care about when they can stop waiting.

On a plane these are the people who leap out of their seat and block your row, only to start searching for their bag once it's their turn to get off the plane.

I see the same from drivers at red lights. If there are multiple lanes waiting to go, and one car has to inch forward every 5 seconds even though they are already way past the line, then in my very limited anecdotal experience there's like a 90% chance when the light turns green they just sit there for a few seconds after I start going.

When I’m dictator, impatience will be abolished and punishable by fine or imprisonment.
- You have my vote but only if you promise extra special treatment for the people who stand shoulder to shoulder right up against the baggage claim conveyor at the airport. And the ones who rush into full elevators trying to unload.
  The amount of overlap in those two groups will probably save your Patience Police a bunch of time and resources.
one car has to inch forward every 5 seconds even though they are already way past the line
In my limited experience these cars are driven by people so absorbed by their phones that they don’t realize they aren’t fully engaging the brakes.
- I think automatic transmissions have conditioned people to sit too far from the pedals.
  I just bought an old classic and haven't driven stick in a decade. After I got everything comfy and adjusted how I wanted I realized something: I couldn't get the clutch all the way down if I tried, I'm too far away. Same for the brakes.
  Power brakes have made us feel as though all we need is the braking power of our toes, but what happens when your ABS pump goes out and you have to use actual force to apply the brakes at 65mph? Do you have the leverage to get those brakes as far down as they need to to stop safely?
  If we were all still popping clutches at every red light I don't think this would be an issue. I think we'd have less distracted drivers too, needing to shift manually keeps a driver engaged with the car and road.
  I Wasn't advocating to ban Automatic Transmissions when this comment started, I am now.

To all the people telling OP they're wrong, you don't fly enough. The issue isn't evenly distributed. It's not like cars in traffic or whatever.

Airlines put the expensive seats in the front. The people who can afford them are usually much older, either traveling retirees or very late career white collar workers who have significant status. They're the first ones holding up everyone because they take forever to find all the assorted shit (personal item, oversized roller bag, neck pillow, laptop, ipad, lost earbud, etc) they've stuck all over the place, which the gate agent/FAs wouldn't admonish them for because of their aforementioned status. But they're first class, so the peasants behind them can wait in the bread line.

After they get off (on watching you glare), depending on airline, it's the fraction of people who are old and not rich, or don't fly often and aren't used to all the ritual. They'll have placed their bag in an overhead that's 12 rows behind them and demand everyone stop and crowd surf it up or else they'll just sit there blocking the line.

After them come the young vacation families, you know, the ones who had the screaming baby for the last 6 hours. They couldn't be bothered to pay for seat selection to save money so one parent is with one kid three rows ahead but needs to coral the kids behind them because the other parent was playing on a Nintendo switch for the whole flight and didn't try to organize all the kids toys, now lost to entropy, and so the marital spat and bawling (louder now) children begin.

Then there's you. You fly a lot so you have nothing more than two pairs of underwear and a toothbrush, all safely hidden from the TSA in your prison wallet and ready to go without so much as a nanosecond of notice, along with your phone and airpods to combat the screaming child in front of you. You got 31B, way in the back, after trying to game united's seat assignment system by checking in only after all but the exit row seats were taken, but someone missed their flight and here you are.

Generally the legacy airlines will have the most old people, but the vast majority of people on them are very used to flying, because they know better than to book a budget airline. It'll be slow yet ordered.

The budget airlines like united and frontier will be the opposite, lots of young spry 20 somethings, but lots of vacation families that couldn't afford Delta... I won't sugar coat it, it's gonna be a shit storm. The FAs have been contractually required to keep everyone at the very edge of their sanity through the enforcement of a variety of draconian company policies (like turning on all the lights half way through a redeye to scream about some credit card offer), so things are primed for chaos. Lots of shoving and yelling. Everyone's reviewing the Wikipedia "list of crimes of passion" to see if this qualifies.

Then there's spirit. Half the people on the flight will be coming down off of something they got on the dark web by the time you arrive at the gate. You've already seen at least a liter of blood spilled from various fist fights. Everyone was already up and crushing each other in the aisle long before the captain even briefed the approach. The FAs have locked themselves in the lavs by now and the captain (an FFDO) has barricaded the flight deck with charts and duct tape and is aiming his questionably modded P320 at he door. Welcome to the new season of Hunger Games - Spam Can. You're on your own, good luck and good hunting.

that was beautiful
you should write a book
Where's Chapter 2? 🤓
May the odds ever be in your favour!
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
One other thing is that the people should allow other people who are already ready to walk out pass them before standing and taking out their carry-on. Most times I've seen all passanger wait for each row taking out their carry-ons sequentially instead of 10 taking them out at the same time. If everyone would be me with a carry-on it'd take around 5-10m since I only take the aisle when I'm ready to leave and/or there is another person taking out their carry-on in front or behind me.
- So the correct way to do it is for people like you to skip the line? People who get up and move forward make me want to go postal. They exude "fuck everyone" energy and they think the fact that I stayed seated a few extra seconds is their invitation to skip line. Fuck that.
I just don't (entirely) agree about vacation families. Just like the airlines made their bad with paid checked luggage causing more cabin luggage, they did the same with paid seating. Most families wouldn't care where they sit - so long as they're together.
I male sure we always sit together, but for some, additional 200-500 USD/EUR for the whole trip is significant and may account for a good portion of the holiday budget.
Now one may say that then they shouldn't fly, but why? Again - airlines made this problem.
this is accurate except for the bit about United - who the fuck flies United? don't people know that they break guitars?

I just want to point out that you shouldn't forget those behind you. As soon as you can fan out and get out of the way of the people behind you, the faster those people move, and the faster the people behind them reach the door.

A huge part of this problem is that when people get to the bottle neck that's slowing everyone down and making everyone go single file, people take their time getting through it. That's exactly when you need to hurry up and get the fuck out of the way.

It only takes a couple of people to waddle slowly off the plane to set everyone else up to wait several minutes before they can reach the front. And the problem is compounding.

So, what I'm saying here is, stay the fuck out of the way when you're not engaging in the activity of walking off the plane. If you're packing shit up, pulling out your luggage, putting on a sweater or backpack, stand in an isle and let everyone past while you fumble around. When you get off the plane don't stop and stretch and stare at the lights or whatever, move to the side or keep moving at a brisk pace away from the door until you get into a clearing where people can easily move around you.

None of this will make deplaneing fast, but the focus is on not making any slower than it has to be.

I want the safety announcement at the start of the flight to say:

"You are in a flying metal coffin. Now imagine this coffin filling with smoke and fire. This plane only passes safety regulations because we simulated unboarding it with everyone behaving perfectly, leaving all of their crap behind. In an emergency, you MUST leave your stuff behind. Your life depends on it. The lives of everyone around you depend on it. If you see someone trying to take stuff with them, you MUST use whatever level of force is necessary to stop them. Even lethal force is justified. You must be prepared to tear someone to pieces if they don't leave their stuff behind. The lives of you and your family depend on the asshole in front of you letting their laptop burn."

That's the kind of boarding announcement I want to hear!

No, you wouldn't. You're not special. Chill.

I flew to an industry event on a Southwest flight full of many people roughly my age, who worked my job, or related jobs. Deplaning was extremely fast once the door opened.
Maybe part of that is everyone being able bodied, and traveling without children, but I also didn't see anyone that waited to get their items in order until the last minute, anyone that had to travel towards the back of the plane to get their carry on, or anyone who halfway entered the aisle, blocking it just enough that people couldn't move past - which are all things I have seen on most other flights I've taken.

They really need to load back to front, then unload front to back, if it was organized it would go so much better. Like announce when each group can stand and get bags and when each can leave.

But how can they sell priority boarding then? Just think for one minute about the poor airline companies! /s
Airlines: "Wait, but I thought if you unload front to back you get a UTI"

It's the only community experience we have. Don't make it about you. Let us queue together and enjoy it.

Obligatory X... I mean CGP Grey

In totally unrelated matter, I now really despise ppl who put their personal item on the overhead bin and then take like 1 min to take them off even though it could fit under their seat

When I travel solo, it's with one shoulder bag I usually just shove under my seat, don't even need the overhead. I'm instantly ready, but everyone is in my waaaay.

I’ve noticed more and more people taking sooo much stuff with them on board too. Like they think they are pioneers and need a covered wagons worth of provisions to weather the trip from ATL to LAX.
I suppose some of that can be blamed on the airlines for steep baggage fees but holy crap do people try and take way too much junk with them everywhere they go. So they all take 10 min to unpack.
- It's the fucking trolley warriors....they take as much stuff as possible inside the cabin, to avoid checking baggage.
  Of course the time they save at the baggage belt, they waste for themselves and everybody else when disembarking the plane.
it’s with one shoulder bag I usually just shove under my seat,
That isn't an option for those afflicted with long legs.
- As long as you aren't packing that bag to the seams, consider just sliding your feet under the bag.
  I tend to be a "1.5 bagger" in that I have a small duffel/backpack in the overhead and my backpack/messenger bag for inflight stuff. And the latter gives me easy access to my steam deck or my kobo but is also more than small enough I can just slide my legs under and get a significant amount of legroom. ALSO has the benefit of making me lean back in my seat which means I don't care if the person in front of me "reclines"
  A buddy of mine is 6'5" and he is just in hell no matter what. Like, anything short of one of the enhanced legroom rows is gonna suck whether he has a bag under the seat or not.
- I put it under the seat during takeoff/landing, then move it under my legs the rest of the flight. Frees up space for your feet while providing additional support under your legs.
- You have the long stride advantage so it evens out
- taps head
  I would simply have a comically short torso

If they managed where luggage was stored in the overhead, they could reduce it 10 fold. The whole wait is because people need to go back x rows past people standing to get their luggage. Even if they made everyone sit and deboard in zones it could be way faster.

The luggage problem has only got worse and worse over the past decade, and by the airlines' own making. Carriers all started trying to make extra cash by charging for checked luggage, which incentivises people to take carry-on only, up to the maximum size and quantity of carry-on they are permitted.
If bags could be checked for free and people took only an under-seat carry-on for the things they need in flight it wouldn't be a problem, but we know that's never going to happen.
- If bags could be checked for free
  I'm skeptical. I fly quite often and it is normal for gate agents to openly beg people to gate check their bags (for free) and be faced by a crowd of dead eyed travelers unwilling to part with their max size carry on roller luggage.
  I wouldn't discount passengers irrationally hanging onto their luggage for some sense of control.
- Agreed it’s a combo of higher seat density and way more checked bags.
  I swear in the 90s getting off a plane felt way quicker.
It's this. Stay the fuck down until your row is clearing.
There is a faster method of deplaning. Inside-out is faster. All the aisle seats get their stuff and get off. Then middle, then window
Unfortunately it was never implemented because it makes it difficult to charge extra for higher class zones. It's also very difficult to get people to actually do it
- Ah yes, the most human deboarding method. Children deboarding on their own. Families separated.
  Hundreds of people trying to reunite at the gate all simultaneously.
  That won't cause any downstream issues.
- It would also split up people who are travelling together, so there's no way it's happening.
That would slow down boarding exponentially. It just takes one or two assholes to need to have flight attendants stationed throughout the entire cabin making sure people use their bins.
Rule of thumb: if you are anything past the first peasant boarding group, look ahead. If things look crowded? Find the first mostly empty bin and just put your bag up there so that you can grab it on your way out. Otherwise you are gambling that there will be an opening closer to where you actually sit which inevitably is five rows behind you.
And that (and lounge access and not needing to manage miles for status) is why I ended up just getting the fancy credit card for my airline group of choice. Priority boarding means it doesn't matter where I sit: I have "my" bin.

Seeing the crowd of people squeeze off the Airplane like a tube of toothpaste only to all congregate around baggage claim is the same energy as passing aggressively on the street only for you to pull up next to them at the redlight.

I used to fly for work a LOT. At one point it was 2x a week for a year.
I have never once had my bags make it to baggage claim before me, even being the last person off the plane.
- You couldn't get away with just doing a carry on? It would have to be a 2+ week trip for me going through the hell of checking a bag.
- i used to fly a lot back in the 90s. rarely had to wait for bags, even when taking the cattle car (old swa).
- alaska air has a 20 minute guarantee. they’ve beaten me before to the baggage claim, pretty impressive.
- Happened to me at STT. I think they ended up on a dedicated baggage flight or something, because they didn’t come off my plane. Thought they’d been lost and started freaking out, turns out they’d been there for a while already and had been set aside. Wish I’d been on the flight without the layover.
- Try İstanbul airports - especially Sabiha Gökçen. They are really fast.
This ignores:
People with only a carry on.
People with tight connecting flights they need to get to.
Honestly i just want to stand after a long flight. I do not fit well in the seats, my shoulders are significantly wider than the seats. If I end up in a middle seat I have to roll my shoulders in. If I'm in an aisle or window seat I have to lean away from the other person. Not comfy
This only includes the people with a carry-on though.

Most off that time is standing still, while the L1 door is still closed, and the jetway has not even begun to move to connect to the aircraft.

People don't realise that once the plane is parked, engines are shut down and belt signs go off, there's still shit to do before deplaning can begin.

Just stay seated. You're going to wait for the luggage anyway.

I've flown enough to not check in luggage. Not gonna wait for that bullshit. No one needs more than what can go in the overhead bin. Only ever pack for a week, if you're gone for longer than that, find somewhere to wash, anything more is a waste of space, time, and money.
- But what if I shit myself three times?
If you're smart you did everything in your power not to check a bag, so nope. And no I'm not staying seated. I'm stretching and I'm going to be ready. Such a confusing thread.
- You had the entire flight to walk to the pisser and back to your seat for as many times as you wish, but now , exactly at the last and most annoying moment, you absolutely can't sit down for 5 fucking minutes? The door will open at the same time.
I need to fucking stretch my legs.
exactly my point

This is the same line of thinking as, "if everyone drove like me, there'd be no traffic," (a phrase used exclusively by terrible drivers).

If everyone drove like me there'd be no traffic. As I only pick up the car like once a month.
- Covid was a great time with clear roads
No. It turns out driving and grabbing a bag while walking are actually very different activities.
- It's the same attitude. People who disregard traffic laws to drive faster think everyone is causing the problem, without thinking about how their driving affects everyone else. The guy who gets up and grabs his bag first doesn't think about the 5 other people in the row who have to wait to get their bag, or that there are 50 rows of people that are all trying to do the same thing.
I use that phrase all the time and I'm not a terrible driver. In fact, I rarely drive at all. I work from home and live in a walkable area. So yeah, literally if everyone drove like me, there would be less traffic.
- Fair enough. Most people mean, "If everyone drove 85 in the 55, ignored safe following distances, and didn't waste time signaling and checking their blind spots, there would be no traffic." Those people are not correct.
Project much?

I'm often the last to leave the plane. By the time I reach the passport control/baggage claim areas I'm barely having to wait. I've never really understood how other adults are always in such a damn rush.

My legs are long af, and I’m cramped in that tiny fucking seat. Also, I probably have to pee.
- A wee bit of claustrophobia doesn’t help either. I’ll happily jump out of the plane anytime but sitting in a small metal tube for hours is not fun.
Could be some folks might have to catch a second plane and the timing is really close. Unfamiliar airport layout sometimes puts your connecting flight on the opposite side of the airport and it departs in 10 mins. I would be in a hurry to get off and reach my connecting flight in time.
This is just one scenario. Each person is different. Some people have travel anxiety etc.
Pretty easy to understand once you open up to the idea that you don’t know each person’s day, schedule or disorder 🤷‍♂️
- I've been in this situation where the flight attendants identified and notified the people with tight connections and made the announcement that certain passengers would be let off the plane first. Practically needed to be at the front of the plane when it stopped at the gate.
  This was a Delta flight connecting in Atlanta.
- I was speaking more generally, not about flights specifically, and about how common it is.
  Adults throughout my life seem to constantly be rushing to everything. As a proper big boy adult now myself (I'm almost 40) I still don't get how it's so pervasive. My comment was more about how common it is, not about reasons people might be in a rush. I can think of plenty of reasons any given person might be in a rush on a given day but so many people seem to be in a perpetual mad dash. That bit boggles my mind.
If you don't have checked baggage on a domestic flight then being in the back of the plane just means you're waiting longer to get on with your day
- So? Decelerate your life a bit.
- I live in the UK - domestic flights haven't featured significantly in my life. As in my comment doesn't have them as context.
  The only domestic flight I remember taking was flying from Edinburgh to Cardiff and it took almost as long as taking the train (whilst being significantly more hassle).
Found the problem, this guy right here.
- Staying out of the way of all the people rushing is somehow the problem?
  Explain.
I hate the air on planes sitting on the ground. I always feel like I'm mildy suffocating.
- Rushing to get out past the people in rows between you and the exit makes the suffocation last longer for everyone, though.
During one flight, I really had to deposit a shit while the aircraft was making it's way to the gate. The worst part, the terminal in Frankfurt am Main was under construction and most of the WC's were closed!

No joke. I hate waiting for people who are inefficient and slow getting off a plane. If everyone just waited a few seconds to stand up, me and my one piece of carry-on could walk straight to the door without delay. I hate this aspect of flying more than almost any other. A late landing making me miss a connecting flight is still the worst, however.

At the risk of sounding boomer despite not being boomer, have others noted a decline in basic decency with deplaning? In the past maybe two years or so even I've never seen so many people from the back of the plane rush ahead into the aisle blocking people in front of them from getting out and disrupting the hell out of the standard row by row front to back organized way to get off a plane. Last. Flight I took when I got into the tunnel some lunatic behind me tried to trample me, stepped on the heel of my shoe and ripped my shoe off. Not even a "sorry" Modern air travel is the epitome of enshitification.

I just had this yesterday! Was literally standing up out of my aisle seat and some boomer lady literally pushed me aside to get off the plane. I'm hoping she had another plane to catch, but goddamn you were one row away, we're talking maybe 30 more seconds here.
It shouldn't at all be a surprise, since Covid, reports of "air rage incidents" spiked about 1000% and then remained elevated ever since.
People are no longer able to be in enclosed spaces with each other because everyone is paranoid of everyone else, mental problems don't get treatment, they get communities of supporters, and every American has a custom algorithm that feeds them specific, atomizing perspectives of a world we once all shared. Even basic decency is out the window because we are abandoning any sense of community with our fellow citizens.
I just assume that deplaning is not happening until people 2 rows ahead stand up to grab their carryons. Everything before that is part of the flight experience.
Zero stress.
- It's remarkable how many people in these comments detest people wanting to have a chill time when flying.
  We're not slowing the rest of you down - we're getting out of your way. There's so many moving parts that an extra five minutes are so far down the list of things that I'm just not fussed.
  Trains are a bit different - there rushing can make all the difference. The limiting factors there are usually how quickly one can get between platforms!
Yes it's insane. I was on a flight recently, we got in 15 minutes early and the flight attendant came over the PA asking to let people with tight connections off first. I was bewildered, we're 15 minutes early, just deplane like normal. I didn't have a connection, but I do have things in my life I need to attend to.
- just say you have a connection?
From my experience, rushing the front of a plane during deplaning is common in Asia. I noticed it the most in Thailand, China, and India, but I've admittedly only had a few travels there. I've asked a few Asian natives about this trend, and the general consensus so far seems to be that, especially for China and India, there is a sense of "everyone for themselves" due to the sheer population density in many areas. If you don't push forward, you won't make it onto a crowded train.
I have seen much less of this in Europe and North America, except for the occasional eager individuals or small group. In those cases, I haven't noticed any perceivable pattern in ethnicity. If I had to pick out a trait that comes to mind, I most often notice it in younger men. It could be confirmation bias, though.
I can’t remember a time in the last 30 years where things were different. People have always sucked.
But over all it's good if people hate flying since we are not supposed to fly anyway. Yay!
- "I'm not even supposed to be here!"
I saw someone itt say that it speeds up deplaning for them to rush to the front like you're saying.
- It likely does. The chaotic bumrush wouldn't be permitted by the airlines if it didn't work. The sense of panic in promotes is probably good for deplaning averages. Like so many things that are good for corporations, it's very damn unpleasant for customers.
I fly several times a year and haven't really noticed that? I usually sit towards the back anyways though.

You aren't in traffic. You are traffic.

Just stop flying altogether, we're in the middle of a worsening climate crisis. We can't afford ourselves to fly anymore.
- I'll probably catch shit for this, but I'm going to say it anyway: the normalization of casual air travel was a mistake. I think there is a time and place for it, but it isn't something that should be done lightly.
- Indeed
  https://www.yesmagazine.org/issue/life-after-oil/2016/02/11/how-far-can-we-get-without-flying
  Hour for hour, there’s no better way to warm the planet than to fly in a plane.

Literally the fundamental attribution fallacy

Thank you. I had to look it up:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error
- Oh nice. I've heard of a fundamental attribution error before but didnt realise it was this.
  You commonly see it written as "we judge ourselves by our inte twins but others by their actions".
  Using the examples in that wikipedia page, if we are late for work it doesn't matter because we intended to be on time. If others are late it indicates a lack of planning or dedication.
Nah y'all just don't hustle enough.
But but but they have a small child- lame excuse for lame breeders, get out the way.
- IMHO there should be a child section in back.

Don’t do that. Don’t be the dickhead who stands and blocks everyone. You’re not going to move faster, but you will inconvenience everyone around you. This is stupid. Just be a normal human and wait your turn patiently so others can get their things. The door out is people-sized, and you’ll not extrude others by a few seconds, so sit the fuck down. It’s not about you. It looks like OP is one of these dickheads, standing in the aisle and blaming others for the congestion.

It’s not about moving off faster than everyone else, because that’s not how this works. Just fucking sit and wait like an adult. It’s not ‘get off the plane’, because you can’t. It’s ‘sit the fuck down’ and stop making it about you.

e: look at all those people seated in the forward rows, and OP standing in the aisle bunched against the first man in frame. All those seated people will have to wait to access their overheads until OP barges by, but it’s the others standing ahead of OP in the aisle who are the problem. 🙄

I haaate when people from way back get in line in the aisle-way and it’s not their turn. So because the rest of us are patiently waiting, we get screwed? Quit cutting!
- Yes. Learn to queue. It’s not hard, and it’s much more efficient – we all get there faster if you’re not barging
- Do the ole leg into the aisle as soon as we land to prevent people like this lol
Don’t do that. Don’t be the dickhead who stands and blocks everyone.
Sir/ma'am, this is the internet. We can write long comments but no one is going to listen to us irl.
For what it's worth, I agree with the sentiment of your post.
I am insanely confused by this comment. So it slows down deboarding for some people to be already standing with their things ready to move forward, and speeds things up for literally everyone to first have to stand and then get their things? Seems like a fraction of the plane being ready when the doors open would inevitably speed things up a little. Sidenote: the real dickheads imo are the ones who get up and then move up to the front of the plane. They are effectively skipping line to get off and it's such a dick move. I want to strangle people who do that.
But back to the post, what OP and I seem to notice is just how damned slow people are. If I have a window seat and a bag overhead, it still probably takes me under 15 seconds to go from seated to having my bag and moving. I watch people toward the front take FOREVER to do the same thing. Then they have a bunch of kids and that magnifies the issue even more.
- The moment the seatbelt sign goes off, a bunch of people always stand in the aisle, even though the exit door won’t open for several minutes and even though several of them are a dozen rows from their belongings.
  They can’t deboard yet, and are only making themselves an impediment, so those in forward rows can’t even try to access the bins. In this photo, like on most flights, the majority of people in the forward seats can’t stand, because the aisle is filled with people who can’t deboard yet, likely because the door hasn’t opened yet.
  This saves the bargers at best 30 seconds at the expense of everyone else forward in the plane, and it’s very rude.

Why stress yourself like that? 😆

Just wait in your seat a few minutes longer, you even have an internet connection now. And the best part is, you then don't have to walk together with that crowd, and then your baggage is probably also already on the belt when you're there to pick it up.

Everyone in the photo thinking the same thing.

Simple question to find out, how much space is there between you and the person in front when you leave the plane?
- I try to chill in my window seat and wait for one of the big gaps to open up, then I flip into the aisle, Scorpion my carry-on ("Get over here!"), and rush past the flight attendants to get stuck behind everybody else still meandering up the jetway.

On this topic, we also board the plane incredibly wrong. Always in the name of corporate profits.

I love that video (and enjoyed the paper) but even the modified Steffen is bullshit. People will inevitably sit in the wrong row (sometimes on purpose, sometimes because they didn't pay attention what number started that block of seats and can't tell if "13" in between two rows is the first or second, they looked at the wrong ticket, etc) and it still falls apart for the reason people want to get on a plane sooner than later: Overhead bins are too small for the amount of luggage on a plane and people are monsters who put ALL their bags up there before sitting down.
My understanding is that, in practice, the best model tends to be what Southwest used to do (before everyone figured out how to abuse it). You board by number/group and just sit wherever the fuck you want to. Families group up and as long as you are in teh first half or so you are all but guaranteed your preferred seat type (window/aisle).
Combine that with no large bags (under seat or checked. nothing in between) and you would have a REALLY effective model that all passengers hate.
Tl;dw it's not just profits

I honestly think most people are twice as slow as me, and it adds up so fast. I am always so ready to get off the plane but it seems like most people aren't for some reason? They must enjoy the cramped farttube experience much more than I do. I've often just spent hours with some asshole rubbing up against my elbow and I'm ready to gtfo.

I’m the exact opposite. I get annoyed when everyone springs up at the same time, as if rushing into the aisle will get them off the plane faster. Last time I flew, I had an aisle seat. I stayed seated while everyone lined up in the aisle. Meanwhile, the asshole in the window seat sprang up, and looked at me expectantly.
I had to be like “uhh bro the aisle is already full. Where do you expect me to go? Sit your happy ass back down and wait for the line to start moving.” Even worse, I knew his bag was behind us, so he’d have to push everyone in the aisle backwards in order to get to it. No, you can fucking sit there and wait your turn, like you were taught in kindergarten.
- Its a tricky game to play.
  For you, if you know it will take you 3s to go from sitting comfortably to walking down the aisle, then fine - you can wait.
  Most people need time to get organised. They're also unable to focus on getting organised unless they're standing up because that is one step in getting organised. They have no ability to prioritise the steps which are presently actionable.
- as if rushing into the aisle will get them off the plane faster
  No, as if it's more comfortable to stand after sitting for hours on end. Also, being ready to move with your bag would undoubtedly help.

Alright. slaps thighs Time to stand right in front of my seat for 10 minutes hunched over the seat before me, lest my co-passengers misinterpret my staying seated as an unwillingness to get out of here ASAP.

Hunched over trying to stretch out my painful sciatic nerve issues because I've spent hours in an uncomfortable cramped seat

Me and my 300 clones spider-crawling over the seats to deplane.

SURRRRRGE!!!!!

And me. I'd just wait the 30 seconds for all of yous to deboard and then take my sweet time.

There’s no point in standing around like a lemon because you’re still going to have to wait for all the people up front who couldn’t get up and pull their bag out of the overheads yet because of a all the people standing in the aisle.

I like to stretch my legs a bit. Makes sense to me.

What's the hurry to stand up, especially if there's a bus that waits for everyone or if needs to wait the luggage

Just enjoy seating down

I get pissed when they turn off the entertainment system immediately after landing

If the plane is late and someone has connections or someone has kids, I think they should get priority.
But it turns chaotic everytime because most people have no patience.
YOU HAVE BEEN IN THE PLANE FOR 4 HOURS WHAT IS 5 MINUTES??
Just enjoy seating down
Turns out, after sitting for hours, sitting is the thing that is least enjoyable in the history of humanity

Except the 1st one of you would stop and convince the 2nd one of you to suck his dick before the 200 become 1 again after deboarding, thereby delaying all the other 198 too, by about 30 more seconds.

This is my hell.

Humans are the literal worst.

Do not bring tiktok content here too. We had ENOUGH of tiktok.

It's worse than drinking hydrochloric acid.

Funnily enough, TikTok and the like are probably a huge part of having not much patience, I believe.
Consuming non-stop content that is only a few seconds long can't be good in the long run. (And yes I sound like an old man yelling at the cloud...)

The guys in front of and behind you are thinking the exactly same thing.

During covid it was so good. They actually called the lines which can leave the plane so we all left in an orderly fashion.

It's the same everywhere with humans, rushing to be everywhere to save 5 seconds. Which usually ends up in congestion and then it taking longer anyway. Just be patient guys, wait for the people in front of you.

I flew back from Mexico to Seattle on Friday of last week. Somehow managed to stand up with my bag and walk directly to the front of the plane before any other joker even finished shuffling their asses in their seats. I was able to get to baggage before the conveyor started...

and for all my good luck, I was dealt a cock-slap to the cock: they forgot my luggage in the crew luggage bin on the plane since it was on the heavy side. I waited over an hour for my luggage. They ended up just sending it to my home the next day.

FML.

That's why I fly business only. If I can't afford for business class I don't fly, simple as that.

Friendly reminder that if we all fly more than 6 times in our lives, our planet is fucked and cannot be recovered
- Yep, another reason why I don't fly unless it is really needed (maybe once every 5 years, even less than that).
  Being in Europe is an advantage as we can travel by train and don't have to go far away to feels like holidays (between France, Italy and Switzerland you have an extensive train network and tons of things do discover. This can easily be extended to other country)

Literally me 6 hours ago 🙃

I've never flown but want to but all this crap news about airlines and people not understanding basic saftey issues is nerve racking.

I feel like I'm going crazy here with so many comments insisting the fastest way is to wait for everyone in front of them to go first. I could hardly engineer a slower way to go about it

Shortly after pandemic I was on a couple of flights where they would make people leave in 5 row groups starting from the front. I saw one or two flights where people actually understood the instructions and everyone just stayed seated waiting for their turn. Then 5 rows would get up and leave. Then the next 5. It went very smoothly. I didn't time it but it looked faster than the usual way.