Skip Navigation

Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world

kingpepe8006 @sh.itjust.works

3mo ago

Oh god

115 comments

My husband? Normal day.
- Well looks like u got the best option
- My wife is on my left, it's going to be interesting
- I only have a table to my left... Well this is gonna hurt.
  
  My couch is the only object on my left
- Put The Cat down shane dawson
I just walked past a parked car as I read that—it's been nice knowing you all
A couch. Is this like one of JD Vance's fantasies? To be fucked by a couch?
- No you've got it mixed up, he's a-pitchin'.
Toilet paper? All according to plan
- I guess he's trying to deep clean the pipes
Oh no.
- Is that south park episode again, now i need to rewatch it tonight
  
  This is my chinchilla. Her name is Muffin and she wants to rip the baseboards out from the wall so she can eat them
  
  🎶 Lemmiwinks 🎶
What a horrible day to be working around mig welding machines.
- Aw man, indeed!
  I'm in the bathroom on the 8th floor of a hospital building, so I figure it's at least some of the wall? Hourly not the whole building though
A 30cm offset serrated bread knife? At least the base is vaguely flared.
I'm not putting my cat up my butt, you fucking weirdo.
- You don't do everything a picture on the internet tells you to?
Well.. it's a door. At least my ass will be closed for business after that.
A wall?!
It's a car. RIP
looks at radiator dubiously
Poor cat
I now own a Browntooth speaker.
My poor Blåhaj…
There’s a window, but just outside the window is a tall skinny CACTUS
This is rather convenient, as the object to my left is a roll of toilet paper
Of all guitars, why did I choose a ten-string one
Well shit, I guess I have to re-enact 1 man 1 jar...
- Oh lawd not again
- Nonono... just do us a favour and don't film it. I've been scarred enough for a lifetime.
  
  You think you're scarred? You should see my bu- you know what, I'm not making this joke.
I’m at the DMV, a teenaged girl is sitting next to me 😬
Hairbrush. It'd fit fine, but it's got rubberized paint that's coming off the handle. :/
A double width bus chair
Fuck
I was leaning against this when I opened the post:
- Just be glad it doesn't have needles or thorns.
TP
- I'm also in the bathroom, but the TP is on my right and to the left is the shower. No objects that aren't attached to the building. So, that'll be hard.
  
  You can do it, I believe in you.
a wall
I am currently regretting my choice to sit in the garden. About 20 concrete blocks.
Holy mackerel, it's the house!
Water heater 😮‍💨
- At least it'll be warm?
Reading this on the toilet, literally it's toilet paper
- Whole roll, though!
  
  One... More... Square...
Not sure how a television is gonna fit, but here we go
The wall? I wonder how that's gonna work
Small metal filling cabinet that is wider than I am, death is what I get
A towel. Idk how im gonna make this work. Maybe if soaked with enough lube or oil 🤔
- Eww thats even worse
- I reckon you could manage a towel with a bit of lube and some sort of stick to help it on its way.
  I believe in you, you've got this.
- Wrap it around a stick and then wrap it with rope like you would do with a turkey and then soak it in coconut oil
  Haven't done it myself yet but sounds like it might work🤷‍♂️
Well, my terrier is going up my ass, apparently. Sorry, boy.
Cup.
Uhhhh
A jar. We all know how that ends.
Okay but it doesn’t specify entirely up your ass, just up your ass. So a Bo staff wouldn’t be that bad, it’s smooth at least.
- Right? I had a fresh mug of coffee to the left of me when I read it, feels like the scalding alone would make that worse than a bo staff without even getting into the damage a shattering mug could do.
The first time I saw this post: sunglasses
The second time: 375mL can of beer.
The third time: my cat.
Sharpie.
slightly concerned it doesn't have a flare but this isn't gonna go too wrong I don't think.
entire crate of water bottles.
Nice, just a coke spoon
Its just a big ol stuffy, I'll be fine after the surgery.
Either my 10in tablet, or my huge ~~ashtray~~ bowl
A mirror. Or... Myself?
Its either a large flat screen or CRT that weighs like 70 pounds, I am going to die.
Idk how to interpret this when I read it while laying on my right side. What's on my left... the sun?
- You sleeping on a park bench?
  
  TIL back yards exist
- That's going to be a tad bit difficult.
Thankfully just a lip balm...
- Too small, it's gonna get lost.
Oh no it's my dog!
Air purifier....
Roll of toilet paper.
A bigass shelf. I'm going to die.
HARDER!!
It's like a 6ft x 2ft painting (2m x 0.7m roughly) on the wall. Going to be a rough night.
Whew, just a coffee mug.
Cat wand toy.
Perforated bowel coming up
An ~12"x18"x1" wooden cutting board...
I can make this work.
Large banana stuffie. Could be worse.
A chair..
4 ft is about 1.2m - a Bo is typically around 1.8m
Computer 👀
- Wait what u mean again????
  
  I should've not said that💀
I'm pretty sure air already does this
... 40 oz metal water bottle...
Vlad the impaler
A two person seat on a train. Altho with a little shifting, ok now just my backpack. Been wanting to replace my daily anyway, make this one the dirty work pack.
I'm in bed laying on my right side... So the ceiling fan? 💀
The finger pointed at the fish tank.
- I wish i die before that
  -fish
Perfect day* to be a martial artist
Today its luggage. I'm gonna need a lube wale...a belube wale.
I keep telling my girlfriend that yes, bulk liquid soap has its advantages, but have we really done a thorough analysis of the potential second and third order consequences?
Floor to ceiling window…
an acoustic guitar. just shoot me...
Refrigerator. Oofta
- Lol u from upper midwest?
  
  You betchya
A teaspoon, or worryingly the kitchen table upon which it is sitting.

115 comments