Lemmy can help

https://lemmy.world/post/616615 there are great tips in that thread, I think you can find a way.

The OG Lemmy meme.
3 days is one thing, 8 days is impossible, (unless you don't eat anything.)
- I have a newborn that hasn't had a shit for 5 days. According to our doctor, anything under 10 days is "normal".
  So to answer the question...breastmilk?
- I did a 7 days water fast and as far as I remember I only pooped on the second day or something.
  https://tube.jeena.net/w/hSpSWFhcCMwVUtBq1CdZJQ
- Honestly, over 8 days, I feel like even if you only drank some kind of liquid nutrients, your body would still filter out enough solids that you'd have something moving through your colon

What nostalgia this brings lmao. The not pooping for 3 days meme is just as iconic as the influx of beans posts.

Yeah, my hope was that more people would get the reference when I posted this.
- We're here, bud.
  You done good work

Fun fact of the day: extreme constipation can result in build up that can reach all the way to your stomach. If the situation does not clear up soon after, patients might throw up poop. This is extremely dangerous and often results in suffocation by shit.

Best fun fact of the day that I have ever read.

Just shit, because you are human and shitting is a thing that humans do.

The real accurate captcha. No bots will ever simulate this.
- What about that robot scientists made that is literally just a digestive tract that shits?
this guy humans
So you are saying if I date androids they shit only if they have a fetish?
Hey bb, do you shit with that ass?
shit is a thing that some humans are, too.

Just use the lobby bathrooms at the hotel. If he loves you he’ll understand and be thankful.

Source: have done this myself

Y'all ladies need to read Everybody Poops if you think you need to sneak off to lobby bathrooms.
No. If I have to hide my poop he doesn't really love me
That's the way.
This is the best option. Go "ask for an extra towel". "

What a bizarre way to live, pretending you don't shit

Pretty sure it’s a joke
- Might be, but it's also very much doable.
  When I went to confirmation camp, it was on an island with no water toilets, only outhouses. Some of my peers just wouldn't use them for shitting, as they had never had to be without a "regular" toilet.
  When there was a visiting day like a week after the start of the camp, I think someone had felt too nauseous and given in. I know this because I was assigned to empty the outhouse barrels. Which some mischievous visitors (older siblings who had gone through the camp themselves a year or couple before) had filled up to the brim with a hose, so all the shit was in liquid.
  When we emptied them I saw a shit log the size of my forearm. All veiny and shit. Wouldn't be out of place in the South Park episode about massive poos.
  So idk man, I think it's a joke but also, people do do that. ("Doo-doo", hehehe.)
- You sweet summer child

Sugar free Haribo gummy bears, never mind that's the opposite.

Idk if you can get them anymore after all the ruckus.
Olestra Pringles. Damn you Pringles, the "once you pop you can't stop" happens twice!

I couldn't make it past three days. The pain was excruciating. Do not recommend. And what I left in the toilet that final day....it wasn't natural.

Did it break the seal of the water?
- No, but it was the size of a baby seal.

The solution is to not give a shit.

Ah finally a topic that aligns with lemmys expertise.

Just "hold it in" on the second floor of the hotel. The conference floor.

Butt plug maybe?

She's not practicing her chess. She should eat a wheel of brie everyday
As an experienced butt plug enjoyer, the plug will shoot out if you have enough stuff trying to exit your body. And if you have even SOME poo that really needs to come out, it will be SUPREMELY uncomfortable.
- Also takes up some of that real estate.
And then do a Mexican Lawnmower

From experience: Army ration packs certainly help 👍

I wouldn't recommend fiber.

Everybody poops 2: that hole you've been fucking is full of shit.

Maintain a state of intense terror the entire time.

Shit yourself in front of him, angry face style. Like a pain shit you're mad at. No embarrassment or tears. Own it. If he loves you after that, marry him

Don't eat anything

starting 2-3 days ahead

Opiates

This is how you get stinky farts

Easy. Only #1 in your hotel room bathroom, #2 in the hotel lobby bathroom, restaurant bathroom, or any other public bathroom.

I mean, why not let him get a full whiff of that bouquet? Sober him before you go any further.

i miss the days of my bygone youth when i only shat once a week.

and it was a firm, sturdy shit, One roll of toilet paper would last me months...never required more than the safety wipe.

Pending anal apocalypse

That happened to me once. I required stitches afterwards.

0_o

Poopourry on Amazon. It helps.

Matches too, way cheaper

A trick I have is to eat less and eat fiber.

Ascend to a higher plane of existence. Then you can quickly unmanifest and remanifest a fresh body free of waste products.

Lots and lots of cheese

That's the opposite if you're even just a little bit lactose intolerant
- Then hit a couple dulcolax a couple days before leaving to empty your guts out and refrain from filling them back up til you get where youre going