don't tell iceland

The ocean: state of impending catastrophe

Humans: can we make another kind of cheese from them?

I wonder if there's a hidden whale/dolphin society debating whether or not to invade humans right this very moment
- If whales are smart enough to debate that, they probably have cultural memory of almost getting whaled to extinction. Which would make them like us less, but on the other hand, might make them afraid to get us too upset at them
Perhaps it'll make your day better to know that Pacific nations have passed legislation recognising legal personhood for whales and dolphins, granting them rights against being hunted?
- Honestly makes sense
  Looking at a dolphins brain is enough to convince me they’ve known what’s up for far longer than we have

Although I will admit that’s an interesting little fact, I would have been perfectly fine not knowing it.

Unsubscribe from whale titty facts?
No need to thank me. You're whale cum.

So….

That’s enough internet for the day:

Apparently, somebody is selling whale cheese

So many questions. How does one go about milking a whale? How do you make cheese from milk with a thickness similar to No. 4 Fuel Oil? Who was the first person to attempt to milk a whale? Who is buying up all these whale dairy products? Is there such a thing as a whale milk cheesecake?
- So I elected not to look into it, because I doubt that zoos are selling it. Which means it’s likely sourced from whalers
  Japan, Iceland, Norway, are all actively fishing commercially (though Japan uses the cover of “scientific” expeditions to justify it.)
- Must be an April Fools prank.
  215 Juniper St. Pismo Beach CA doesn't exist.
Well the reviews are from the Oculus marketing lead, a, Simian Field Reseacher (sic) and an independent shoe salesman. Two of them even have the same picture. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this isn't real.
Plus they're touting it as the new sustainable future of dairy. That alone is an insane thing to claim. There are fewer than thirty thousand gray whales in the world. They produce eighty gallons of milk a day. That's about twelve cows worth if you ignore that most of it is going to be drunk by the whale's calf.
- Yup.
  I’m thinking it either flopped or was never a thing.
  I doubt it’s something that could be reliably commercialized.
- Plus cow dairy requires constant breeding in order to keep the cows milk supply up. Just like humans, they only produce milk after giving birth and for a limited time.
  Breeding cows in captivity is pretty standard fare these days.
  I'm not sure whale breeding is an industry that currently exists. Nor is whale sperm harvester. As if milking a female whale is complicated enough.
But why is this any more disgusting than cow milk cheese or goat milk cheese?
- Well.
  I hate to break it to you… but the whales probably aren’t milked more than once.
  My guess is it’s sold by whalers.
aaand they're sold out
That earthly address does not exist. Pismo Beach is just that, a beach. (You can successfully dig for clams there, or you could when I was a kid.) And there's no street by that name anywhere in the vicinity. Looks like an elaborate April Fools joke.

100% that someone has tasted/drunk/chewed whale milk. In fact I don’t think there would be many species that haven’t been milk tasted by a human at this point

humans are some curious little fucks
- You spelt disgusting wrong
I'd drink whale milk without hesitation. It's probably fishy, though.
- Whales are mammals, so it probably tastes humany.

How TF does a baby whale nurse then? The momma whale is essentially pooping lard out of her nipple? That's a visual I didn't expect today.

? it just drinks it? like sure its thick but it still flows
- The analogy of toothpaste was used but yoghurt in a poch might be a better analogy.
- Imagine dairy flavored toothpaste
- The whale milk must flow.
https://youtu.be/-O0e2Q7wCt4
High pressure washer style
I know this one! Baby latches on and Mama pumps a big gulp of milk, baby swallows one, done! So baby doesn't have to hold it's breath too long.
The address is the ad doesn't exist, though. Which is good because there's no way anyone could ethically harvest whale milk.
? it just drinks it? like sure its thick but it still flows
- So maybe more like a milkshake? Her milkshake brings all the calves to the yard?

Must consume the forbidden icing

I've never had whale milk but I am willing to give it a whirl. who's with me

Fuck Yeah! Put that on the bucket list! I want to suck whale milk straight from the teat! Feed me big mama!

If I found a block of cheddar in my fridge with the consistency of toothpaste I'd throw it out, so I have no clue what this guy's deal is.

Cheddar isn't the only kind of cheese...
- Go on... 🤔
Many (most? I'm not sure) cheese are not hard cheeses. A lot of delicious cheeses can be very creamy (sometimes in a shell that's more solid).
Sounds like you are missin the point on purpose
- I'm addressing the final statement that "[Whale Milk] is basically cheese."
  Apologies, that comment was made as I was falling asleep and this one is being made during a period of half-wakedulness that I hope to prove temporary.

that would bring a new meaning to "full ~~cream~~fat" ice cream.... (editted a word)

Would this be the freshest cheese possible? Considering that cheese is traditionally not fresh in the slightest.

cheese is traditionally not fresh in the slightest.
Oh, but it can be. Farmer's cheese and other fresh milk cheese types curdle the milk proteins using an acid reaction to citrus or vinegar rather than fermentation.
Fresh cheese is typically called curd. Curd needs to be compressed and aged to make actual cheese.