SoleInvictus @ SoleInvictus @lemmy.blahaj.zone

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2 yr. ago

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How it should work if companies cared about anything beyond the next quarterly report.

After my former employer's economic forecast did an abrupt sharp downturn, I went from being a highly desirable employee to extremely undesirable in the space of less than a week. Add to that a performance limiting on-the-job injury and being the highest paid person in my department.

Guess who was terminated the day before their stock and annual bonus was to be awarded.

I nut thrice each day for the poor souls who go without.

+1 for Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It is a massive help in learning to communicate better with others AND better figure out my feelings and needs.

Oh yesssss. Get middling quality cast iron, grind it flat, and reseason. A couple of hours of work and you have primo quality cast iron cookware.

Also: you can clean cast iron with soap.

And make "war in everything but name" considered war too.

I am currently tackling the result of over 10 years of my partner doing similarly. It's absolute hell and the unhealthy coping mechanisms I developed to tolerate their abuse had made me into someone I no longer like.

If I could go back in time, I'd do one of two things:

Present a clear and detailed list of your non-negotiable relationship needs, including topics like conflict resolution, personal accountability, and healthy communication. The needs are non-negotiable but you can and should work together to determine how they are met.

If that needs list and proposal to collaborate are not completely and enthusiastically accepted, run. Run far and fast. This person does not care for your needs and feelings, so it WILL get worse.

Same! It always seemed like my somatic symptoms popped up out of nowhere. After a fair bit of mindfulness meditation, I discovered I simply wasn't feeling them until my body was practically screaming at me.

Fuck yeah. I only have one sibling and they're a narcissist.

Ohhhhh fuck. Glad I saw your comment before getting too invested.

Yes! As someone that dances, please DO NOT join interest groups just to hit on people. Join groups that do something you're interested in, then hit on anyone you might be interested in as you naturally meet them.

Doing the first causes two big problems:

1. Whoever you meet is likely genuinely interested in the activity that may be the basis of your initial relationship. If you don't actually enjoy it, either you drop out or you continue doing something you don't truly enjoy, both of which detract from the relationship.
2. Everybody fucking hates these people. Seriously. We know who they are within a few sessions and that puts everyone's hackles up.

I actually forgot about this clown. The Elon Musk of gaming.

Just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten you. I'm extricating myself from an abusive relationship, so life is a little tricky. I'll start writing you a proper response tomorrow.

Please tell me it uses SI prefixes.

"They measure 1.63 x 10² megahomos!"

Yeah, I studied and taught in STEM. There are true stories about professors who are monsters, but this is pure bullshit.

We're not putting people in camps! Relax guys, it's a joke!

6 months later: haha, fucking libs believed us.

I was wondering! Your initial account really resonated with me, like something I could have written myself. The only confirmation I needed was if we had the same triggers, which we do. You react just like me too.

For my entire life, I've been extremely sensitive to rejection (and criticism, which is really just a type of rejection). Comments that could be perceived as criticism, no matter how implausible or nonsensical that criticism which be, would make me feel stressed or cause a sudden jolt of panic. Real criticism would cause me to stress and fret for hours or days, until I could appease the critic or fix the issue, even if it really wasn't an issue and they were just manipulating me. Direct rejection, like being turned down for a date, a breakup, being passed over for a job or recognition, or someone telling me they simply don't like me, would send me into an emotional tailspin for hours, days, or weeks. If any of this came from someone I cared about or was about something I was particularly sensitive about, it was so much worse.

I can tell you what causes it for me and what I've done in the hope it might help you, and feel free to ask any questions about anything. Literally anything. I know how awful this can feel, how it can make you feel like life is so unstable and you're turning into a crazy person that just can't cope. I really want you to find your way out of this, because you deserve to feel safe and empowered.

I'll keep this part shorter (for me, I talk a lot) and let you ask for any details you might like. You're welcome to message me if you want to take anything out of public view.

High level: I have hella ADHD as well as Complex PTSD from childhood emotional abuse and neglect.

ADHD comes with all sorts of fun issues beyond attention and motivation.

• I have difficulty regulating my emotions, causing me to have exaggerated emotional reactions to...everything. I can be an emotional roller coaster some days, or just super happy or super sad others. Bipolar was also suspected but ruled out.
• I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, causing an extreme emotional reaction to real and perceived criticism and rejection.
• ADHD makes it hard to think through emotionally charged situations since I get so overwhelmed. I have difficulty working through my feelings, so they stick around longer than they might.

CPTSD largely manifests as a suite of unhealthy coping mechanisms and deep-seated beliefs developed as a child due to my parents' mistreatment of me. These center around having difficulty asserting my needs , issues with self worth, and a drive to seek the validation and acceptance I didn't receive as a child.

Both are being handled with medication, therapy, a shit ton of self-help books, and a gradually building collection of coping strategies and behavioral changes, like starting meditation, calendars and to-do lists, explaining my situation to loved ones so they understand and know how to react if I flip out, little letters and reminders I write for myself while stable to read in times of instability, etc.

I could write more, but it's already a ton. If you want to know anything, fire away!

No apologies, it was very thorough but not rambling. Plus sometimes you just need to let it out some and that's okay!

If you don't mind my asking, what types of things are your triggers? Is there a theme?

Throwing too much effort into maintaining or working on any variety of relationship when the other party/parties is/are willing to neither reciprocate nor collaborate.

Don't give 100% for anyone who wouldn't give you the time of day if they had to split the relationship effort 50/50. We're all worth more than that.

Unfortunately I don't. I know it was Indonesian and the bananas were thick and tightly bunched, but that's all.

A tie between the Gros Michel and the Cuban Red. I was staying with a friend in Hawaii when I went on my banana bender, but both look to be intermittently available for delivery online at Miami Fruit.