You never swipe!

I can hear this comic.

they should do 1 20 minutes episode revival where it's just the 3 of them (not kramer obvs) talking in the booth about new tech
- I'd rather not have Jerry either tbh, he doesnt seem to think he can be funny without being somehow hateful apparently.
- It's human to lose your shit sometimes. I think he sincerely apologised.
- No way Jerry would do it without Michael Richards.
- Why no Kramer?
- Honestly yeah, like a podcast script read Reunion would be amazing with a modern script!

Never hand a boomer your phone. Especially an elderly boomer, and especially if that boomer is your mother. They will always start swiping. It's like their brain just deflates. Their eyes glaze over. They get this wide, tranquil smile, as if to say, "Hot dawwg! This boundless collection of photos I've been handed is going to be a real treat!", and they just start swiping. They just start fucking swiping.

My boomer mother swiped too far on her own phone when she was showing me something
- Oh god no! Please...tell me it's not what I think it is...
As a boomer fully versed in modern phone usage I resent this unwarranted collective slur.
- Ok boomer
- I apologize for any offense I may have caused, but I believe your presence here is no coincidence. You have to be the messenger. Please pass it along to the others via email chain letter, or perhaps more effectively, state that Mark Zuckerberg has changed the rules of Facebook and requires all users to automatically swipe when handed people's phones. That should be effective in getting Aunt Joyce to do the exact opposite.
I love that my gallery app has a "guest view". I can select some photos, tap "guest view" and hand someone my phone. They can then only swipe across these photos, and if they try to leave the app the lock screen comes up.
- What app is that and does it exist on android?
Just make every second image in your phone this GIF:
Get some Operant Conditioning in them.
Just zoom in a little so it pans
- Then they zoom out and start swiping. Just turn on Guided Access mode on iOS or Screen Pinning or App Pinning on Android. In those modes you can disable touch.

That's why you slightly zoom in on a pic before showing it to someone.

My god you're a genius.
You're also hiding something, but still, genius.
I put any pics i want to show off in an album.
Swipe to see similar/SWF photos, while the ones I take to track my receding hairline, stay in the chaos bucket that is my photos app.
- iOS has a “hidden” folder that requires a password to get into. All the nudes should go in there just in case. I’m sure there’s something similar on most versions of android.
How isn’t there a feature like this? You press a button next to your photo, and lock it in place, no swiping or exiting the app without faceID
- The Ente photos app has this exact feature! https://ente.io/blog/guest-view/
- Guided Access Mode on iOS or Screen/App Pinning on Android
Wait that's so smart I need to start doing that
- Or, you know, use a gallery app that doesn't need such workarounds.

Later on, George swipes when she shows a picture to get even, finds out she supports the wrong baseball team, and spends the rest of the episode trying to break up with her without revealing whybecause she'd find out that he swiped.

That's why I'd never date a US girl. I could never tell if she supported the right or the wrong baseball team.

She's a swiper, Jerry!

The League already did something about this...and yes it was basically a more modern version of Seinfeld.

It used what I call the "four psychopaths" format. Seinfeld invented it and...it's always sunny in philadelphia uses the same format.

IASIP is Seinfeld cracked up to 11, in some episodes quite literally
By did something about this I assume you mean did an episode on this subject, not did something to stem the tide of illicit swiping.
- More like a little bit about it in one of the episodes. The League was based on a fantasy football league if you never watched it, and the episode featured one of the people discovering something due to "illegal swiping" and one of the NFL referee people guest starred and called him out on it.
  It's a pretty funny show even if you aren't into football.
Also Delicious in Dungeon
- I kinda think living in the real world is a bit of a pre-req. I don't think the cooking anime quite counts there.

It would be fun to make a “No Swipe Image Viewer” app that lets you pick an image to share - and then presents some searing penalty like a screamer to anyone who swipes to the side.

Just be warned, not for the elderly or faint of heart.

I just tell people "don't swipe unless you wanna see my dick" and that usually does it.
Faceswap the offender's face onto lemonparty in real time.
We have this technology.

I was thinking and I could totaly see george showing up at the wrong time only to get dragged along with a mass shoplifting crowd and being the only one caught

"I tried to stop her, Jerry! I tried!"

"What is the deal with swiping on other people's phones?"

No swipe for you! Come back one year!

If you have an iPhone you can turn on Guided Access mode by triple clicking the power button.

In guided access mode you can disable touch.

https://support.apple.com/en-us/111795

I was watching a cpl episodes of Seinfeld last night, and it seemed like half the plotlines would have been moot if everyone had a cellphone.

Yeah, welcome to the era from before they were ubiquitous.

A gentle reminder that Jerry Seinfeld is pro-genocide, and his wife financially supported a counter protest to those speaking out against Palestinian civilians being slaughtered.

https://tribune.com.pk/story/2464751/jerry-seinfelds-wife-sparks-debate-with-5000-donation-at-pro-israel-rally

I'm so sick of it just nuke Palestine and Israel together it's over
- Or we can nuke the countries that send arms to Israel and in a day they'll tone down their crazy.

I'm thinkin' Hey!

This is why every other picture on my phone is my dick. Swipe at your own risk mfers.

Eh, no one will spend the time to zoom in that much, you're safe.