My pro-Trump family found out that I voted for Harris and now my brother is openly threatening to kill me. How do I get out ASAP?
My pro-Trump family found out that I voted for Harris and now my brother is openly threatening to kill me. How do I get out ASAP?
I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.
My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.
We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say "Sure."
My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.
My brother isn't the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can't be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.
My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.
I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don't know for sure if they will, since we're not close emotionally. I also don't know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn't have much trouble crossing state lines.
I don't know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.
Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won't miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.
The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.
I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.
Any advice would be helpful. I don't want to wait, but I also can't do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, so any input is appreciated.
Thank you.
You need to call your relatives. If one of my second cousins whom I never met gives me a call saying that they are in your position and don't know where to turn I am driving out 4 hours to pick them up at the drop of a hat.
It is going to be be hard but there are means to get free. Explore your options once you are safe but right now job one is get safe.
First, obviously ensure that you stay safe.
But if possible, gather as much evidence as you can. Make voice or video recordings, write down things you here, take photos of things that might be important, whatever. As soon as you're in safety, send all the evidence of your father/brother making death threats and planning violent riots to the police/FBI.
With conditions that severe, do you have access to a medical transport service or an understanding friend? One way or another, have them get you to a bus depot, buy a ticket to the nearest sane state and tap their social services to help you get established with basic care - Ohio is likely beyond broken intentionally, and it might not feel like it, but you will find social systems that function (not perfectly, but function for those truly in need) in other states.
If you're in active danger, focus on moving (or being moved) away, as fast and far as you can afford.
I have a hard time taking some of the advice here seriously, especially around there being some kind of conspiracy where the police are right-wing and full of fascists - but let's take it at face value
Instead of law enforcement, go to a lawyer and ask them to help, stating that you feel that you cannot go to the police. Any law firm worth their salt would ensure that you are represented, or that you're represented by someone from your district that will protect you. They will also keep an eye on adequate law enforcement to ensure they actually protect you, and don't just farm you back to relatives. At the very least, they can give you enough protection to ensure that your relatives in the south can contact you and take you in if needed.
Do you have any disability income?
Sadly, the local police/FBI likely aren't going to do shit for you and will only increase the risk of you getting found out by the people you're living with. I'd wait until you're out to contact them.
Your non-crazy relatives seem like your best bet, provided they're willing to put themselves between you and your potentially violent acquaintances should it come to that. Be honest with them.
Otherwise, people have suggested abuse hotlines and organizations, that's probably a good place to start. If I were in your situation and I had nowhere else to turn, I'd probably reach out to the church I went to when I grew up. I'm no longer Christian but the church I went to was exceptionally open minded and left leaning and I would trust the leaders to understand and help me how they could. Maybe you know of or could ask around about a place like that in your region? I would avoid anything within your town if possible since word is likely to get back to the people you're currently living with.
Really sorry you're in this situation. I'm all the way on the west coast but I have a network of resources in central IL if you end up there. Reach out if you can think of more ways I can help.
First thing is to ensure your safety.
Once you have that taken care of - what do you know about your brother's out-of-state trip? He sounds like the kind of person who will ignore the local gun laws of wherever he is going if they're stricter than where you live. If he's going to a fascist meet-up, a tip that he may be illegally armed may give law enforcement a reason to start searching the Nazis for weapons.
Here is my advice. When someone tells you who they are believe them. Get out. DO NOT contact police or any kind of law enforcement until you are gone and safe. People like this will escalate if they feel threatened.
You can get new documents, clothes and items. Even if you only escape with the clothes on your back, wallet and phone. Make sure your family cannot track your phone. Make sure any communication you have with your helpers is locked down. Use an app your family doesn't use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord. Have your helpers or uber pick you up a few houses down in the middle of the night if you have to.
You would be surpised who still cares for you. Reach out to family, to old friends, to anyone you think could help, either by giving you a ride or taking you in for awhile. I haven't talked to my best friend from collage for over a decade, but if she called me needing help I would drop everything and head her way.
Also, I live east coast and hell, maybe I could give you a ride to somewhere depending on where you are going.
Lastly, please take this seriously. You are not overreacting. Your life may very well be in danger, and just like with any other abusive relationship, leaving is the most dangerous part. Nothing you own outside of your ID and medications are worth dying for.
You don't have family there. You have relatives.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say "Sure."
Isn't that already a case for the police or FBI or something?
Assuming this is real, and that you have a cell phone, I think your best resource is your not crazy relatives. Ask to visit. I find it more likely your brother is just boasting and full of shit, but if you are physically delicate, it could still end badly.
So call them and tell them what you told us, that you are worried. If they invite you, that will be an excuse to get your stuff from your mom. You need allies.
do you have a driver's license?
you can get a running camper or even a large van in a pinch for less than a few thousand.
it's not the most comfortable thing in the world for everybody, but if you get an RV, you have a tiny independent apartment on wheels free and clear.
you have no more rent after the initial purchase, and obviously it's private so you have as much time as you need to to figure out what you're going to do next.
That's the quickest way to get your own private space and I can walk you through it(browse, visit, buy, register) and look at vehicle listings near you.
I can walk you through exactly how hygiene and all the everydays work in the vehicle you get, likely expenses and all of that per month, it's all doable and not a huge adjustment from living in a regular apartment.
birth certificate in almost every state can be replaced in 1-2 weeks for about 40 bucks or expressed in a couple days for 80 bucks, and with your birth certificate and a couple other documents like tax forms or some other identifier, you'll be able to get your SSN card replaced as well.
If you have any other specific practical questions, please send them over here. I've replaced many documents before, I've lived in an RV, I've been traveling for a decade, and I'm thriving on the other side.
I have life experience I'm happy to share and you can take from it what you find useful.
This is a long reply. I'll do it in spoiler tags for the convenience of people who don't like that.
It sounds like you already have your answers on _what_ to do, which is the question everybody is trying to answer:
- You believe you are at real risk, so you need to get out.
- You can't safely access your primary ID documents, so don't (or if possible before leaving town, go the APS rout suggested by another commenter). Take any secondary ID you have with you and replace primary ID later.
- This is the one you seem least sure about, but you've identified your best safe destination, at least to start. Go to your Democratic relatives, and plan next steps from there. I'll add to this and other "what" questions in a reply
There are two other ways to understand what you're asking for in this post.
The first is validation to build confidence in your decision.
You have it.
Nobody is in a better position than you are to judge the seriousness of the situation. Trust your gut and get out.
The other way of reading the question is not what to do, but how. Logistics. This is the thing that hasn't been addressed.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight.
This suggests you don't drive, and that long walks or waiting at a bus stop aren't good options for you. Since you've presumably lived with your disability for some time, I'm going to assume you have local transport options sorted out - please reply with more details (level of urban, distance and size of nearest cities if rural, details on who drives you places if applicable, social connections) if if that's wrong.
You may or may not not have much long distance travel experience. How have you made longer trips in the past, other than your parents driving?
Driving
- Convincing a liberal friend to drive you to a red state within a week of the election is a tough ask - even if they are willing and have the time, they may not feel safe doing so. If they do, they're also more likely to downplay the risk from your brother. Most people who can do this are not working: retired, unemployed, or stay-at-home parents.
Unemployed friend should be your first choice here: probably happy to make the trip if you cover gas and lodging. Stay at home parent is less likely to be able to get away because of the need to handle childcare. Retired people you know are probably also connected to your parents, which make them riskier options.
- There are also websites and apps for pairing strangers with and without cars going in the same direction. Usually the person with the car will want gas money from the one without. This is a riskier option for you. It may also take longer and require you to make temporary arrangements to stay somewhere locally, and even then not work out.
First, don't use Facebook for this - too easy for it to get back to your family. Use your favorite search engine or app store to find a "road trip carpooling" tool. Probably as manybas possible, if you choose this option.
With your disability, you're more vulnerable to unsympathetic or even politically hostile drivers. When they ask about your trip, don't tell them why you left. You're going to visit family you haven't seen in a while. Talk about things you've done with them in the past, and what you're looking forward to doing with them now. Don't mention things that convey their (or your) politics.
If you're paired with a MAGAt or someone who holds otherwise objectionable views, do not push back. Express indifference, or even agreement if that's what it takes. You're vulnerable both because of your disability and because they control your transportation - you don't want to be stranded at the next rest or gas stop.
Air
You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. You can buy a ticket online through a site like Travelocity, Kayak, or Orbitz. That will usually be cheaper than through the airlines. Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.
Show up over an hour early - preferably two, I don't know how muvh your disability may slow things down. Check-in is probably at a kiosk. Then ask the first uniformed person you see for mobility assistance. With your standing issues, that will probably mean someone to push you in a wheelchair to TSA. Documentation of your disability may help here, but shouldn't be necessary.
After TSA, they'll probably send a golf cart to rake you to the gate. Once boarding is called, disability should make you eligible to board at any time. If you need to lie down to keep enough cognitive ability to recognize the right boarding call, do so, and explain to any official that tells you to sit up (but they probably won't). Ignore any passengers that say anything about it - you don't have to answer to them.
When you board, make the flight crew aware of the cognitive issues with sitting. Ask them to tell you specifically at each stop if it's time for you to exit the plane.
When you arrive, ask for mobility assistance again. There will be a taxi stand at the airport if you need that. You may not want to call ahead to your family even then, so you can make your request in person not to contact your brother and parents.
Bus
Greyhound, or Megabus. You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. It will be physically challenging.
Again, you can buy tickets online. I recommend this, as they sell out. If buying and printing the ticket at home is not safe, you can still plan the trip and then buy at the terminal if there is one - but it limits your starting point options to actual terminals (not all Greyhound stops have them). The ride will be long, cramped, and you will almost certainly have to change buses at some point. Bring something to do that won't run down your phone battery, like a book or knitting.
There will be less assistance than with flying. Lying down at the station is more common, but if they're full they're more likely to make you sit up despite your disability. There will be stops where you can buy food. There won't be a taxi stand at the other end, but there will almost certainly be a local bus stop.
> I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
Do you have a rolling small suitcase you frequently use for taking things with you when you go places nearby? If so, pack what you can in that. Ignore things that can be easily replaced (personal care items, fashion clothing, etc) and plan to replace them when you get where you're going. Thrift stores are your friend. Focus on things of emotional, medical, or financial value. If there's room left, pack underwear since that can't be gotten used.
If leaving with anything would be unusual, don't. Getting you out is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary. If you go the APS route for your ID, they can help you retrieve some belongings at the same time. Otherwise, plan to figure it out later.
If you're serious go to the police immediately and remove yourself from physical danger, deal with the rest of it later
maybe you should stand your ground in self defense. stop letting conservatives push you around. fight back for once.
EDIT: omg. i just read your story and i take back my words. this is awful and those people are dangerous. someone else should be fighting on your behalf. let's all ask ourselves, what good would this person's family do for the world if they continue to exist? like, why? these people are actual wastes of human flesh. ffs people, band together to stop this shit from continuing.
I believe the FBI is who you’d contact my dude
The problem is that you are totally unknown to us if you happen to not update or something what would we do? Who do we call? What we will say? You'll need to set up a network of people that checks on you and can ring an alarm.
How did they find out who you voted for?
As panicked as you are, take a second. Murdering family for political views isn't exactly on the table quite yet. You're still afforded freedom and justice and even if people dont think you should have it they would have to cross a line that they've never crossed before to exact their cruel punishment. Use these social norms to posture an exit route but do not fear standing up for yourself. None of us are there physically so you are your last line of defense. You can also start a live stream assuming you have a phone which should be another layer of protection.
I'm also not saying be confrontational. I'm saying if the need arises stand up for yourself, it will throw them. Just be sure to have an exit strategy for each situation and assume you can only play that card once before they talk themselves into disobeying societal conditioning.
Bullies are just scared little children on the inside. Murder, no matter how brain washed you are is not a small leap. I suggest you use this fear to build the courage to leave. Though your greatest fears may never be realized it takes a humongous toll to live with that sort of stress.
Contact APS like suggested and they should help you along but make it clear reconciliation is not something you would like to pursue. Even if you can imagine reconciliation being helpful now is not the time and you'll thank yourself later for making this choice.
Also, cops arent inherently bad people. Some cops have disabled family. Some cops are left leaning. Some cops just firmly believe in the letter of the law. It's a gamble, for sure, but not a crap shoot as others would have you believe.
I don't know how things go in the USA but in my country if anyone was to threaten to kill me, like a real threat not some shit talk, I would call the police and they would deal with that. Even more so if I told them I have a disability of some sort and can't defend myself.
Also, you need to contact a social assistance office, or whatever you may have like that in your town/region/state, because you need to get away from them and be able to sustain yourself. A change that will most certainly take a lot of your energy and focus — one more reason to let the police deal with the death threat.
To be honest I would take some of the advice here, but in the immediate I would get a switch blade or bear mace or both and hide them in different places around your room.
When election day comes if anyone tries anything stupid you will at least have means to defend yourself and escape.
Please update us!
If you have an extended family member who is sympathetic, that is the best. Otherwise, look for somebody who is sympathetic and older with a spare room or something, if there's some task you can help them with, even better. Older people are likely to be more stable and better understand their own limitations.
If you have an ID you should be able to get a copy of birth cert and social security by applying for them, if your family messes with them they can get fraud charges. You'll need to file a change of address for disability etc. Try to work things out as possible.
The other thing you should do is see if some anarchist is willing to put an airtag or similar on your brother's truck to monitor him. This will mean if your brother does end up doing his murder spree he can easily be tied to the murder at the least.
If you're as disabled as you say and either you have documentation (such as state benefits) or it's just obvious I would try APS (adult protective services) over the cops. Things will move faster and more effectively if you do some of the legwork (hypothetically speaking) for them ahead of time.
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Get in touch with the family that might take you in. Try to find three options who confirm they will take you. Write down or keep in a Google doc or whatever their: full names, phone numbers, email addresses, and physical addresses. The number one thing I see holding up cases like yours is housing, and if you have all those details worked out ahead of time a caseworker can do a lot more for you a lot faster. A lot of the time our psych social workers can get someone a uber / lyft or bus ticket easily enough, the problem is figuring out where they're going. If you have the contact info of someone they can call right there and then who has already agreed to take you, you are a slam dunk open and shut case. Get three so you have backups.
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Arrange for a ride locally such as a friend or acquaintance or literally anyone else who has a car and is willing to help you for 24-48 hours. This should not be hard to talk someone into. Many people want to help a person like you but don't have the resources to house someone for weeks or months. For this acquantaince you are an easy way to help and feel good about themselves. Use that. Tell them to wait for you to contact them. Again, try to get three options set up so you have two failsafes.
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AFTER you've done that, call your local APS (adult protective services) or file a report online. Do whatever you can to keep your family from knowing you called because it might take a few hours up to maybe even a day or two for them to get to you and you don't want your family tipped off in the meantime. Tell them you're being held by your family and kept from accessing your legal identifying documents like your birth certificate. If you get state benefits your documentation or papers regularly mailed to you may also have a compliance / abuse reporting hotline number somewhere on it. You could also try a crisis hotline through an organization that does community outreach. Tell them they have abused you in the past and you are in fear for your life. Tell them you HAVE A PLACE TO GO you just need help getting your documents. Again, you are easy to help in this situation, they don't need to worry about setting you up with benefits or housing or anything, just transport maybe. This is what the numbers and addresses are for, they may want to confirm you have somewhere to go and even have options. Just play up the danger and that they're keeping you from your documents. If you get an asshole worker wait six hours and try again (change of shift) or try calling a different agency or the next town over. You may also be able to find other places to call or worst case scenario call 911.
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The SECOND they show up and if they're able to get you those documents, get the hell out to that person who's helping you locally and block your family and do not tell or hint or give them any other indication of where you're going. Don't even tell the person giving you a ride if you think it will get back to them. If necessary tell them an entirely different final destination and just get them to get you to the airport / bus terminal and get out.
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while you're waiting, get all your medications, medical equipment / supplies, any valuables or sentimental items, and 3-5 changes of clothes all in the same area of the house. Make sure to pack sentimental clothing but especially pack accessible clothing that's easy for you to dress yourself with. Get them into a bag if you think you can do so discreetly, but a box or even just a pile in an out of the way corner is fine. If you have any special skin safe shampoo or other non-medicine but important toiletries stash them too or just make sure they're all in the same place in the bathroom. Get everything into 1-3 discreet / hidden piles so you just need to throw them in a trash bag and go. If there's any valuables you think your family will try to dispute ownership of, try to get any receipts or photos of you wearing or using them or texts from someone who bought them for you or whatever else you can find and put them in a Google drive folder or email to yourself. Worst case scenario though, be willing to leave some things behind if you have to.
Good luck and godspeed. :)
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Department of Children and Families
- Find the best person in your contacts whom you can trust and explain everything to him/her. Discuss about where you'll stay, how many others friends are there, how many people live in house (more is better). And it would be great if someone who stays with you has firearms.
- Call him/her to pick you from your house and tell him/her to bring cops too.
- Once they reach. Pack all important stuff like certificates, clothes, gadgets, etc.
I just hope that you were just high while writing this but if not then you gotta fight for your life and freedom.
First, you need to know, you did NOTHING wrong. Your family is the problem, NOT YOU.
Second, when you say you are "financially-dependent on my mother at the moment." it's quite likely the other way around. If you're as disabled as you say, you should be getting disability benefits, paid to YOU, not them. Likely they were collecting before you turned 18, but at 21 those benefits are YOURS, not theirs.
Third, don't sweat the birth certificate or SSN. Those are just paper and there's a process to replace them, a process you can't start if they harm you.
GTFO. Now. While you can. Take your benefits with you, cut them off and let them hang.
The absolute state of these lunatics, november is gonna be messy for us with either candidate ugh. Call the cops, leave, start over, etc im so sorry.
You should read the book, "the subtle art of not giving a fuck"
I've always found the best people at foodnotbombs, which has local chapters in most cities. Start there.
Man, I am so sorry this is your situation. I won't pretend to really know what advice to give you, other than you should contact adult protective services and see if they can do anything since you are a vulnerable person (aka disabled).
Again, I don't know shit from fuck, but that's where I would start. Idk if the cops would take the threat seriously or not, but you might be able to file a restraining order.
Absolutely agree with you, but one thing to note is the existence of what's called representative payees. OP would have likely had to sign a form for it at 21, unless they were verifiably incapacitated at the time, but a rep payee is, for an intents and purposes, the beneficiary as far as the social security department is concerned.
Which is NOT to say don't leave. It just means that OP needs to contact social security the instant they are clear of danger or being overheard.
The moment you're safe, contact the SSD and ask them to verify your status as the primary on your account. If your mother (or someone else) is not the rep payee, then you're clear. If they are, you need to ask for the paperwork to transfer your benefits back to yourself, which may involve having to go through a judge. That said, keep a record of any communications between yourself and whoever the rep payee is. Ohio is a one party consent state, meaning you are legally allowed to record your phone calls as long as one party is aware and consents, namely yourself. Text based communication is easier, though.
If you are able to contact anyone (guessing you can since you're posting this) I would suggest contacting progressive organizations in your area. Women's shelters, even if you're male, may be able to help you, or direct you to someone who can help. Gay organizations often have some resources in place for teens who have disowned. The DSA, the episcopal church, the metropolitan community Church, the United Church of Christ, any Sikh, Buddhist, and often Hindu community centers are also notorious for being home to progressive members. Sadly, they likely don't have anything in place for such a rescue mission already, but they may well be a member willing to assist.
Best option is if there's an anarchist mutual aid org near you, but that's unlikely.
I wish you all the luck and success in there.
This also ended up longer than I anticipated going in, so posting it as a full comment in and of itself, too.
Sending good vibes op. ❤️
Leave now. Fuck your stuff.
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get a cab
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get a Greyhound to an area with a better outlook.
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look for roommates in your destination city on the ride
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"Family" and "relation" aren't mutually exclusive; call the cops on your brother. You can't un-radicalize him, but you can at least keep him away from you.