After a lifetime against, I'm considering joining social media. Any advice?

Linkedin is the only social media I would reccomend to put yourself out (as in, put your successful projects in) as it's used more as a networking tool to land yourself in better jobs.

Fuck other social media. Anonymity is best.

LinkedIn is getting shittier all the time too. I check it out twice a year or so and every time I look at my feed it reminds me a bit more of Facebook. It's the only social media I haven't deactivated and is likely to stay that way for a while longer at least but it definitely feels like it's getting further and further from that professional vibe it once carried, and not in a good way.
- It's like the place where your bosses put lame boomer-styled memes and motivational stuff.
- They recently switched some feed algorithms and it became completely useless. At least in my case if I use their "adjusted" feed, or whatever it is called, I sometimes see the same posts up on top for several days! I anyway prefer the chronological feed which you can luckily still set as standard, but there I get so many results, I do tend to miss those "high impact" posts of some of my connections.
  
  So, neither is great and I have no idea how they think its usable in any way. Not using their app by the way, so maybe thats the issue, but I refuse to put that on my phone.
I second LinkedIn.

You dont really have to be all that active there either. Just login every now and then to add / accept new connections and to update your profile.

LinkedIn for me is basically public CV that recruiters can view. Depending on your profession you can also link your github, stackoverflow, portfolio, blog or something similar there to direct people to channels you prefer instead of social media.
LinkedIn has become a Tinder like hookup platform. Lol

I know how you feel but joining in now might be a mistake. The trend at the moment is people leaving social media, soon people won't care if they can find you or not.

Stay away!

The trend at the moment is people leaving social media

Eeeh... Is it really? I know that's what many people on Lemmy would like to believe because that's what they largely are doing, but lemmings are a minority. I think the vast majority of people don't even know or care about how bad social media is these days and continue using it.
People's situations can be different, OP is asking how they can join while minimizing the harms

We don't have to not join something because the trend is people leaving. Worst case scenario they meet the immediate need and leave alongside whoever they need to connect with

Social media is so dead. Everyone has one yeah but it's a placeholder. The novelty is gone

Seriously I kind of miss the "Internet playground" era of 10 years ago. It felt like you could easily find not just one but multiple close knit groups for ANYTHING you might enjoy. It was easy to engage with people without huge effort.

Nowadays it's monolithic corporate groups. Soulless without the close interactions. Content is at an all time high yet simultaneously true interactions are dead. Forget about trying to find multiple groups, they all have been cannibalised into a singular Uber corpo group if it exists at all.
- i miss the mid 90s internet.
  
  Where the internet was a curiousity, not yet exploited by companies and advertising, where to find new websites you had to click next on ring networks or find a website directory cause search engines werent even a thing yet, but every website you found was someones passion project and rife with the interesting and bizarre
- I honestly disagree, even if it's a lot harder now. Discord kinda took the place of forums and other niche groups.

Don't.

Thats the only advice you need.

You're on social media right now, but personally, I don't care if there's nothing when people look me up: Seems like a bonus, I barely get spam calls anymore.

"The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up."

That's not a problem, that's a privilege very few people get to enjoy. Fuсk social media and fuсk Facebook in particular.

Don't do it. I have stopped using Facebook and Instagram since November when they give me the choice to either pay a crazy amount or accept targeted ads.

The amount of time that I suddenly have is crazy. I have already read 7 books and Its been 20 years since I last had read a book!

Not to mention all the negativity and toxicity that I no longer get exposed to.

Its people own fault of they judge you by your being online of social media or not. That said, I don't think you'd be any better if they did value you on what you do online.

Maybe you can create a website with your basic information a few pictures and a short descriptive text. It's kind of a business card style website that will show up when people search your name on Google

You're already using social media, the only difference is that you're in the fediverse, not the metaverse.

You owe the internet NOTHING. You do not owe it posts at a certain interval, you do not owe it media, nothing. Only post what you want to post, when and how you want to post it.

Social Media should serve you. It should make you happy, it should make it easier to communicate with people you care about or share interests in. If it doesn't serve you or makes you unhappy, you should not feel any shame or regret in just walking away.

If you don't know whether or not you want to use "insert platform here", go ahead and sign up for a free account to reserve your name then just leave it until you find a need for it. If you end up not needing it, you can delete the account or just abandon it in place.

I would also say something like 'don't be afraid to ask questions', but you've already got that one down.

Have fun! :)

I know you've probably heard this about a dozen times by now, but..

Don't join Facebook.

They track everything they can about you, down to how long you spend looking at something on your screen. I'm fairly certain they listen to what's going on around you if you put the app on your phone. An ad for something I've mentioned in passing has popped up on my feed shortly later too many times to be a coincidence.

They follow you around on your browser, too. They know what you shop for. It's all specially tailored to sell you their ads.

I keep an account to stay in touch with my family, and it's appalling how much more information they get from you than any other app. Not to mention the heavy prevalence of MAGA hats and I'll-kill-you-before-I-consider-your-opinion conservatives.

Instagram isn't much better, but at least the people there are nicer.

The spying is horrendous. Even after taking so many measures, I still swear I'm eavesdropped occasionally. Ad blockers, private DNS, Firefox containers, GrapheneOS on my phone (I only install messenger, not the Facebook app). I don't use Facebook on Windows.

I wouldn't be surprised if other people's devices are collecting info about me. I have no control over that.

Unfortunately it's at a point that I won't get invited to parties without it. It's how my friends all organise events.
It sounds like Facebook tracks non-registered users as well, so everything you're saying remains true for everyone who doesn't have a pretty strong security posture.

If OP isn't blocking third party cookies, FB scripts, and piholing unwanted requests, they might as well join the platform and get the tenuous benefits it provides.

My advice is to cancel joining.

I'd say if you aren't on them and don't need them, there's no reason to dip your toe in.

It's okay to be a little weird and save tons of time and not have to read worthless comments.

I was part of the main ones, but got rid of everything, LinkedIn Facebook, all of it. They are useless or detrimental personally, and I don't need them for my job.

This is the extent of my social media now.

I think that if you don't want to have social media, you shouldn't make it. If someone is giving you shit about it, then tell them to fuck off. You do you, Booboo.

If you insist on it, LinkedIn is barely social media since there's limited interaction. It's more of an unstated competition on who has the best resume/CV. Facebook is a bunch of people sharing updates and opinions no one cares for. Instagram is people sharing pictures no one would have asked to see.

lol. I'm on some bullshit today. Anyway, if you're going to make a profile, set a limit to how much time you are going to spend on it. That stuff is designed to keep you hooked, so it might suck you in. Keep yourself to your own boundaries.

Don't join LinkedIn unless you need to look for a corporate job. Be a trailblazer and join Mastodon or something if you need an online presence... Frankly I don't have a single social media account that I appreciate having. It's occasionally useful to find people on Facebook, but there's nothing really it gives me that getting someone's phone number doesn't.

Please don't.

OP understands the risks, and they're asking for tips on how to mitigate them if they have to make an account.

A lot of the comments here either missed or intentionally ignored the post body... Or the downvotes on the comment with a personal account saying how single women can feel safer if they can learn about a new person before meeting them.

People have different circumstances and perspectives :)

My advice for the original post:

Joining: You don't have to join everything at once, figure out what you might need. This also depends on where you are because different platforms are popular in different places. LinkedIn is one of the few that are helpful in my area.
- You can also start with Fediverse platforms if you prefer, but if you're trying to connect with specific people that might not help
- An alternative getting your name published on articles or blogs to fill up the search results
Usage: Do spring cleaning constantly. It's a big task if you try to clean your feed all at once, and it'll be easier for you to do it from the start. When you don't like something/someone, unfollow or mute. You can do it in a way that the other person won't know, if that's important. A lot of the problems of social media can be avoided if you maintain your feed.
I'll add more if I can think of them, good luck!

I think it can help to have some presence, even if it is to control what information comes up when someone looks you up.

I have never had a social media account under my real name, apart from Linkedin, which is just there to show me for possible employers.

When I google myself, I only get results about my address and my Linkedin profile, so I do atleast exist.

As for advice about joning something like Facebook....

Stay away from politics.
Don't just "like" random stuff, be selective and only "like" stuff you really enjoy.
Do not engage with dickheads, people will be mean to you, block them and move on, don't engage, you can just leave.
Stay away from politics.
Never post photos of your kids/family without explicit, preferably written, consent.
Be open to take down any photo of a person if said person asks you to.
Stay away from politics.
Avoid posting content about vacations before and during them, bruglers have been known to use that info to know when a house probably is empty.
If you are a woman, please be extra careful posting images of your face online, people have and will continue to take faces of women in particular and photoshop them into porn, it is sad, but is a reality.
Be mentally prepared for a lot of hate, whatever you post, you will sooner or later annoy someone online, or even just come to attention of certain people, and they will swnd you hate filled messges, block them and don't engage.
Stay away from politics.

Great advice, and thank you for answering the question :)

Weird how no one recommended Mastodon yet.

You can switch your profile to public and follow some nice people and hashtags, if anyone wants to check your vibe. All with you real name. It has become the good version of twitter for me and at least in europe many people are starting to use it.

If anyone seriously judged me for not being on a particular website I'd have to consider their competency at managing life.

You can still be subconsciously judged or ignored, though. It's easy to get left out because you aren't thought about because you aren't in a particular group chat, for example.
- True, but my own opinion on that is that if they're people who do that sort of thing, they're genuinely not worth the sweat off my balls.
  
  I do realise though, that I'm part of a generation where things like this are utterly irrelevant. It must be very much more difficult for younger people.

if you have no desire to 'participate' on a social media platform, but want people to still be able to 'google' you, perhaps a personal web page on your own domain. with a brief bio, your cv, and perhaps some interesting tidbits from hobbies or work projects.

You’re on social media right now. You know that, right?

You know what they mean. No need to be a smartass about it
Forums are not social media. God I am so tired of this disingenuous, and intercontinentally stretched argument.

"Hur hurr rhurrrrr U TLAK 2 PEPUL HARE TAT MEN U SOSHUL TAT MEN DIS SOSHUL MEDEEUH"

Social media is a very specific thing, relating to things like Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/TikTok/Etc.

Forums, like Lemmy, are not social media. Just because you interact with people on something doesnt make it social media, trying to stretch the definition to that regard makes everything from clay tablets, to semaphore, to IRC to email social media.

Why are people looking you up?

I don't think anyone can give you good advice without knowing the reasons you'd rather not get in to.

I can think of various scenarios where some sort of minimal internet presence under your real name would be useful for social or employment reasons, but exactly what it is you're trying to accomplish makes a big difference in terms of what tools (including corporate platforms, federated microblogging like Mastodon, a blog, or a static website) will get you the results you want.

What's popular where you live or in your professional field matters too. For some people, not using Facebook or Linkedin specifically is unusual, but we don't have enough information to know if that's true for you.

For the most part, stick to the fediverse.

Lemmy/kbin = reddit (you are here)
Mastodon = twitter
Pixelfed = Instagram
Friendica = Facebook
Peertube = Youtube

The only standard social media account I'd recommend is linkedin, literally only because it's meant to network for jobs. Don't get me wrong, it's full of desperate corporate worship and therefore miserable to use. However, the real point is networking for career advancement and job listings

I used to have Facebook. Dabbled with Instagram and Twitter. Don't use any of them now. Feel 10x better.

As a woman who was single and dating, saying you don't have a social media is a red flag. Best case scenario, you truly don't and it's probably from having some sort of arrogant judgement value about people who do, worst case, you have a spouce you are hiding from me.

Either way, not worth the risk. Like all the women I know feel the same. Sure it's a historically newer redflag that didn't exist 10-50 years ago, but neither was worrying about crypto gambling and manospehre BS. Modern problems require modern precautions.

If I don't have social media I am either arrogant or I am hiding something? Sounds very ignorant and arrogant to me.

The women I know are people I can talk to, discuss social media, discuss decisions regarding social media, no red flag bullshit. Maybe it's different in different countries.
- Not every gun is always loaded, but you should always treat a gun as if it's loaded.
  
  You can think whatever you want about my post, unfair/arrogant idc, I'm just sharing a very common view from among the women I know and the discussions I've read. Not every one out there in the dating world is a creep, but I'd rather be careful since I only had a limited time to go out.
  
  It's not that every single person falls in to those two camps, but social media is super duper common, so why would I risk wasting my time on someone I can't vet?
- It's worse than "very ignorant". It stinks malice and stupidity at the same time - because the person is rushing conclusions (aka assuming, aka making shit up) about another person, based on little to no information.
  
  I never saw this in real life, but if some acquaintance told me that they avoid dating people without social media presence "because it's a red flag", I'd look for further signs that the person is unjust and/or assumptive and consider avoiding them altogether.
I'm a woman and I don't have any social media. I just don't see the value in it when the cost is tracking and ads.

Honestly, it's not great to assume that someone is "arrogant and judgmental" because they don't fit in your boxes :|
saying people who don‘t have social media are arrogant (or worse, suspicious) is the most red flag you can get. there was literally a greentext about this recently and I remember thinking there‘s no way someone could be that ignorant and yet here we are
I love that your post gave a probabilistic binning of someone who doesn't have a traditional social media account, which was unironically confirmed by people replying with rustled jimmies.

Come on folks, it should be clear from context that she is saying that a single woman setting up dates is going to use what limited info they have to avoid stalkers, cheaters, red pillers, and anti social people. That this might filter out perfectly normal people along with the creeps is the cost of maintaining safety and not wasting time, which is pretty much par for the course in dating. There's also a difference between exchanging info after a brief meeting, and actually knowing a person for an extended time and then dating. I doubt OP is saying that someone they studied with for three semesters would be excluded for lack of social media, because they have real life context and don't need the proxy filters.

Also, getting real close in these replies to "but I'm a nice guy" and "I'm not like other girls."
- I just think it's quite funny that in their justification, they project their own arrogant judgemental attitude towards those they justify their own behavior against.
  
  [it's justified because] best case scenario, [the reason why] you don't [have social media] is probably from having some sort of arrogant judgement value about people who do
  
  seriously? I think that's where people disagree.
  
  it'd be different if they said:
  
  a single woman setting up dates is going to use what limited info they have to avoid stalkers, cheaters, red pillers, and anti social people. That this might filter out perfectly normal people along with the creeps is the cost of maintaining safety and not wasting time, which is pretty much par for the course in dating
  
  but that's not what they said, and that's not what people are responding to.
  
  Imagine if some guy said:
  
  "honestly, dating women who have social media is a red flag, at best they're probably attention whores, but there's also a good chance they're a cheating slut."
  
  now imagine if someone responded to the "rustled jimmies" with
  
  well, obviously they meant ((something else))
  
  same thing, they should've said that then
- Lol is this that Internet white knighting I hear about?
.
If you told me on a date that no social media is a red flag I would just interpret that the opposite way entirely.

I find social media addiction a full-on, hard-stop, red flag, deal-breaker.
I think your post here is a bigger red flag than someone not having social media

I keep my Linkedin updated, but Linkedin is BS. I hate it. Facebook I only keep for shitposting and because it's the way my husband's family keeps in touch (my husband deleted his FB years ago). Facebook is not great. Would not recommend. Honestly, most social media websites are shit and I could not recommend. Lemmy is kind of social media, and this is okay. I liked reddit too, back when I used it.

I turned off all social media almost 3 years ago. Reddit was the only thing that I subscribed to, and I got rid of that last June. I haven’t missed Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter or anything else for even one second. Don’t do it!

When it comes to Facebook, Instagram, and other mainstream social media, just stay away, it's not worth it. I had Facebook, and it was just full of trash. I haven't had Instagram, but it's not very appealing either.

A LinkedIn account, however, for professional reasons is very much advised. Or Glassdoor.

Although over the recent years I saw some decline in quality on LinkedIn, as it's getting full of shit posts, but you can completely disregard what's on the feed. What you need LinkedIn for, is to build a professional profile, have your former and current coworkers in your network, and find and apply for jobs. Or even just let opportunities come to your inbox once you have an impressive profile.

The most amazing workplace I've ever had was possible thanks to LinkedIn, with almost no effort on my part. I have to say, this isn't typical though. It's only likely happening in countries where there's a labour shortage. But a recruiter (among tons of others) found me from a well known company, their opening looked good to me, so I gave it a try. After just one interview I was hired, and I didn't even have to apply for the job.

My most recent job was with a relocation to a different country. I can't even imagine how this would've been possible without LinkedIn or Glassdoor. But I achieved one of my big life goals.

A career advice I got about ten years ago: create a LinkedIn profile and always keep updating it. If you do so, you'll see it's kinda awkward to go back in time and retrospectively edit things and connect with former coworkers. But since you haven't had an account yet, I don't see any other choice for you.

As for Glassdoor, it's maybe a bit less popular than LinkedIn, but nowadays you can find opportunities there too. The best strength of Glassdoor is that you can find reviews of companies, sometimes they're also reporting their salaries so you know what to expect. In some cases, individual reviews may be misleading as they're forced by the company (which is btw against the terms of use), it can be a good indicator if you find thousands of good reviews or thousands of bad reviews.

Regarding the fediverse (Mastodon, Lemmy, Pixelfed, PeerTube, etc.), they're much better than their corporate equivalents in terms of quality, but they're not immune to misinformation either. And also not immune to the user's own stupidity. Obviously, don't share what doesn't belong there.

Edit: added notes for Glassdoor

Ignorance is bliss.

Yeah..isn’t this social media? lol
- No, Its not.

It would be better to host a site.

LinkedIn is pretty good, for finding work. I've gotten a lot of offers there. Ultimately never took any of them, ironically, but worth the time to set up a good profile.

If you're thinking of joining Facebook... Don't. It's not worth it. Tell people you have something else and give them that info. Like your phone number or your email or your WhatsApp/telegram/whatever.

I hate how I have Facebook and am so dependent on it. I wish I could tell people I don't have it.

I'm seconding the "no Facebook" thing, and I'd add "no Meta-Owned anything". Facebook is constantly showing me conspiracy flat earth shit with people honest to god arguing about it, and everyone in other posts strangely all comment the same thing or early similar things to the point that I've checked peoples accounts out to see if they are bots or not. Instagram isn't much better, and a LOT of it is basically soft-core attention seeking influencers. Threads.... Isn't giving anything better than what Mastodon offers.

I swear. One of these days I will pull the plug.
- [Palpatine: Do it.]
  
  I haven't scrolled Facebook in over a decade I think. But nobody interesting posts on Facebook in my feed so I'm not too bothered. Instagram is good to me. Giving me only like comics and skits and stuff from people I follow, and things similar to what I enjoyed before like certain sports etc. I'd gladly jump Facebook if I could find my friends elsewhere. I wish Messenger wasn't connected to a Facebook account. 😞

Don't. I don't care if this is just how the world works now, don't do it. Keep yourself.

Honestly, I'd stick with the Fediverse. At least on here you have some rights and no one (probably) will sell your information to advertisers. LinkedIn is an okay platform if you're looking to grow your career through social media.

The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up.

Is this referring to job applications or interpersonal relationships or both?

Unless you are expected to engage with others on social media, you can circumvent them by creating a blog under your name. Tailor your essays to the crowd you want to appeal to - family, friends, potential employers - and publish a few articles every year.

That's essentially what I've been doing. I used to be on Facebook (left a while ago), and I'm still on LinkedIn (due to its toxic positivity, I'm not engaging there, just keeping my CV up to date). But if you googled my name, the first few pages of results would be my blog articles, my Flickr profile and a few other things not related to social media. This also gives me far more control over what I want people to know about me, and how that information is presented.

Get LinkedIn. I understand where you're coming from. I don't have any other social media either and I've gotten weird looks. Especially when it came from dating in the past with people trying to make sure you're you, but having LinkedIn helped significantly. Also shows the maturity of having a social media account that can possibly help you in the long-run.

It's not standard to still expect to find anyone on social media these days. If someone mentioned they couldn't find you and that was important to you maybe you should ask that specific person for advice?

In my experience the expectation these days is for people to be available in some chat apps online (depending where you are: WhatsApp, signal, telegram or iMessage).

If you do create a social media profile, just remember two things: you control what you share, and anything you share is out there forever.

If I don’t have anything nice to say I don’t say anything at all.

Quite late for that. The fun time is in the past.

LinkedIn isn't a terrible idea if you just want to come up in search results. It's quite useful for a lot of different professions for networking. You'd likely just make a profile and never look at it again.

Facebook can be almost mandatory depending on where you live. I currently live in a city where Facebook is the only meaningful source of networking, local news and information on events online. It's not uncommon for businesses, even quite larger ones, to have their only media presence online be a Facebook page. The city is also kind of infamously hard to break into socially so you want any advantage you can get.

I don't currently have any social media but it's become a hindrance and I might need to reactivate. I end up using social media by proxy through family and friends anyway.

what kind of roles are you applying for and at what level (entry, factotum, assistant, specialist, manager, director...?)

that will help what kind of presence you can have

About 7 years back I joined everything there was, Instagram, SnapChat, Facebook, Twitter. Then I started using Reddit, honestly the best social media at that time. Amazing repository for information (still is). I can tell you now that all those platforms are all garbage. They're like 70% bot content and 20% reposts by actual people, maybe 10% are actual original posts. It's so hard to find something that is authentic and new on the internet nowadays.

Lemmy, Mastadon, the Fediverse as a whole at this point in time, has some of the best content every. Although small and not vast, the content is top notch. I scroll everyday and very often find some of the most engaging discussions in any of the subs, AskLemmy for example.

Now, if you're going to start using social media, I suggest you use it containerized (vm) or use a new computer with a burner cell number (redpocket is like $30/year on ebay). Just to see garbage for yourself.

Edit: oh yeah, at some point I did use TikTok. You can check it out on proxitok I think. That shit is poison. I personally sifted through and saw the shit for what it really is (spyware that is coated in social media). Dancing girls everywhere, reddit voiceovers, people pointing at things over original content, some of the most cringe content known to mankind.

If you really need to, I'd recommend social media within the Fediverse.

First, a Mastodon account with your real name, photo and a small bio. Post your thoughts or quotes or whatever; repost memes, art, etc. Leave an option for people to send you messages, with whatever privacy you see fitting. In case you worry about it, Mastodon is a known alternative to Twitter, and Twitter is very toxic nowadays, so people will find it reasonable that you have a Mastodon account instead.

There's also Pixelfed, if you like photos. It is an alternative to Instagram. If you have a hobby, post often about it. I don't know, cooking, skating, painting... Anyway, make it a beautiful gallery of your life and fewer people will question why Pixelfed and not Instagram. You can always excuse yourself saying you don't like so many business accounts on Instagram or whatever excuse, and that you like to give new things a try.

Finally, a WordPress or Plume or WriteFreely blog may be a great opportunity to write and share your ideas. It is kind of retro to have a blog, I guess, but it is a good way for people to get to know you better. You may even find something you're passionate about and create a community. Some people start with two or three pieces of advice about something (like gardening) and end up with a blog full of useful articles and a community that follows them. Blogs usually have an option for private e-mails and a redirection to other social media, so you can have your Mastodon and/or Pixelfed account attached.

Why the Fediverse? You don't sell your soul to corporations, you help it grow, you get a better community.

But give it a second thought, though. Having a social media profile can be exhausting. I personally obsess over it being a good reflection of who I am, respectful in the things I say, with beautiful images, with colors and themes that reflect my personality, with enough of my real self so that people know me but not enough that they cringe or judge me negatively. My objectives (and perfectionism) make it chaotic after a while, and the profile gets more and more inauthentic. That's why I don't have any at the moment. It can also bring some social drama, so, yeah, ponder the pros and cons.

I've been thinking about it as well, I think if I were to do it I'd probably post and immediately close the app, and disable notifications, to prevent addiction. Go for it, it might be fun who knows.

Don’t. Stick to your guns. You will be better off

Why do people feel the need to brag about how they don't use social media?

It's better if you filter out and moderate the usage. Just because social media it's bad doesn't mean there's no good part.

I think more than the fediverse isn't needed