You can choose 1 superpower, but the first reply is the side effect. What superpower would you choose?

I guess I choose Denmark or maybe Portugal. Having USA and Russia being superpowers has been real shit.

Magically summon pizza whenever I want

but only anchovy and pineapple pizza

Can communicate with any animal

But they can't communicate with you
- Oh damn. You got me bad on that one.
- Haha imagine trying to explain that to people.
  "I have a superpower, I can speak to animals they just can't speak back"
  "But everyone has that superpower, I can do that too"
  "Yeh but I'm actually really talking to them, like in their language that they can understand"
  "How do you know?"
  "..."

Being able to hear from afar

But only bad music.

True Omnipotence

(Also read/listen to Worm

But of an unrelated universe...so schizophrenia with delusions of grandure lol
- If I'm limited then it's not true Omnipotence is it?
You have no choice but to see everything, wether you want to or not.
- If I don't have a choice then it's not true Omnipotence is it?
But only over dial-up.
- If I'm limited then it's not true Omnipotence is it? Honestly though I'd take it if I had to though

I can teleport instantly to any location I have previously visited.

But each location has a specific song you must play on an Ocarina....
- Do I know the song automatically? Or like, do I have to defeat someone in single combat to get to learn the song?
- Thankfully my people know how big a nerd I am, so I actually have been gifted an ocarina. I'm ready. Now, what's the song for my doctor's office, again?
You don't get to choose the location, it's just a random place you've been before.

Ability to control every atom in the surrounding area of approx 1 km.

You can control only 1 at a time.
- Nuclear bombs, or a really good scientist.

Immunity from all replies to this post.

But you are incredibly smart. BOOM GOTEM.
You end up with no superpowers at all
- Hmm, but are they immune to this restriction?

Fall asleep at any time and place by will

It is impossible to wake up until you are fully rested, including by alarm, fire, or intruder.
- I either wake up rested or not my problem anymore.
But when you wake up, you're in a random spot in the wilderness. Every time.
You wake up with a severe headache everytime.
- This is apparently my superpower and side effect combo.

Teleportation!

But you have to go through TSA every time
- Easy there Hitler 🤣🤣🤣
- 😂 I'm on the shitter at work damn you, can't be laughing out loud!
- Honestly, still well worth it. And with pre-check it’s even faster.
You can only teleport to random places
- When I first started playing Ragnarok Online, there was this one item, aí believe it was something like bat wings, that was really valuable and when you used you would teleport to a random place in the same map/sections. I thought it was a shit item, but soon enough I understood that its power was to run away from problems when you are low on health.
  So I think it still is a good power.
- Random place WITHOUT obstacle detection or height limit makes this risssky.. 😆

I'll stick with the strongest superpower of them all, I am Cables Never Tangle Man!

But you cannot tie knots anymore. Even worse - every knot you touch magically slips open. Be careful not to trip over your shoelaces!
- Velcro has entered the chat...
Your cables break every 3 days
Every time you get an error it is unknown error

Teleportation

But you lose one of your socks every time you teleport and they're like really cool unique ones that only work as a pair. Heartbreaking.
Butt stuff is marginally less fun.
- Really depends on the butt

The power to reply to my own comment.

but you have multiple personality disorder
You become god.
(Not oc, this is a known joke)
But you will only reply as your worst enemy would do.

Master poet level fluency in all languages

You are now blind and deaf like Helen Keller. Good luck, she figured it out, you’ll be fine.
You can now hardly remember anything else (as happened to me, my memory is full of Chinese vocab with no space for anything else).
Terribly loud non-stop belching
- So no new drawbacks, then? Sweet!

Switch sexes any time I prefer

Every time you switch you have to peel off a layer of dead skin line a cocoon.
- Seems like a small payment honestly
- Depending on the person, this might be a bonus.
- Damn that's harsh. I didn't expect that, it seems you have some great imagination.
... provided you are playing Uno and have a reverse card.

Super strength

You can't use anything but maximum super strength, all the time.
- I'm gonna jerk off. Oh no...
- Ouch, yeah that's going to really ruin fondue night.

Manifest any superpower at will

... that then gets applied to everyone within 100 metres of you on top of yourself.
- Lol, I'd still take it. All I can say is the people flying with me better keep close. Ditto the ones breathing under water
It gives one month of bad luck for each time used. If the power is activated to help others without benefit for yourself, then it’s sloppy good luck instead. You are fortunate in a tragic way.
The timer and type is reset each time power manifested

Shapeshifting to any other human or humanoid body

But you can only do so by singing, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," as loudly as you can.
But you also shift into that humans or humanoids personality

Reading minds

But you have to start at the beginning.
You have no inhibitive filter, and compulsively blurt out whatever you’re thinking, including whatever the person is thinking when you’re reading their mind.

The power to talk to women without staring at their feet.

Instead you cannot stop staring at their boobs. And yes, that includes your family, bosses and so on.
you can only speak to them in languages they don’t understand.

The United States of America after the Cold War.

But you live in Afghanistan

X ray vision

Everyone in your line of sight gets the full radioactive dosage
It cannot be regulated
- Ha! So Congress can't stop me!

Super good luck ala Domino of the X-Men.

It's good luck for the first half of your life, then its bad luck the second half
- One day, your luck will reverse, and you know you have hit your halfway point. Before, you survived everything because of your good luck. Now, survival is a curse you cannot escape until your appointed time.
- That's a good answer.
  Reminded me of this movie.
  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0397078/
  Never saw it myself, just remembered the concept and searched

The ability to change my own superpower.

This one doesn't really need a monkey's paw curse since, as written, I'd argue you could only change it once anyway, then you'd be stuck with that power.
Uncontrollable and overwhelming diarrhea whenever you use any of the chosen superpowers, which is immune to any kinds of “and I’m immune to the side effect” types of loophole powers.

Being a cat

You make noise every time you walk
- Ok, it's basically like my cat.

crab claw

Only when jorkin it

You emit an unmaskable and extremely noticeable odour whenever invisible.
- I don’t know who you’re responding to, but it sure is smelly over here.

Cryokinesis

But you cannot defy the laws of thermodynamics, so if you make anything colder, you need to absorb the energy to do so and vice versa. First time using this power and you accidentally made something too cold? Sounds like you just burned to death.
- Actually seems like a cool power to regulate your body temperature. You could probably weather some pretty extreme conditions if you were careful about not killing yourself with your untested powers.
But you can only use it at 0°N 0°E
- This looks like it can counter most powers except ones having effects in far away places
But you heat the random object in 100 metres from you