Disappointed Christians say God is delaying the Rapture until Epstein Files are released
Gutted Christians say 'God is delaying Rapture' until Epstein Files are released
What if the rapture did happen but none of them were worthy?
Wow, covid was an extremely shitty rapture.
Even with god's chosen president doing everything he could to get more people up to heaven...
explains a lot tbh.
Or what if the rapture happened and the only creature deemed to fit the criteria was a single highly surprised but very chill about it capybara?
Specifically this dude:
Christians are almost always been selective about what parts of the bible they believe (or even bother to read) and this is an easy example. The bible makes very clear that the date the world ends will be known to none but god. There won't be a warning from angels and humans won't be able to figure out in advance. There could be signs it's coming that people pick up on but someone saying "it'll be this day on this month" will always be a lie. That aside, why would a Christian who thinks the world is gonna end sell anything? What will you do with that money in Heaven?
That aside, why would a Christian who thinks the world is gonna end sell anything? What will you do with that money in Heaven?
it's all carnies and rubes.
Even Jesus, who is God, sorta, didn't know when it would happen. He told his disciples he would return in their lifetime.
He forgot to convert from God Time to mortal time. He was thinking they would live another couple dozen years or whatever, a thousand times as long as it took HimDadSelf to create the universe and speedrun evolution. Forgetting those the same kind of Days.
Didn't he technically return for a short bit?
From what I understand this is a common misconception
I have yet to meet a Christian who doesn't regularly practice at least one of the 7 deadly sins.
In the modern age, just Greedy, Envy and Wrath are already common amongst the vast majority of Christians - I mean, if you want to punish immigrants becuase you think that "they're taking our jobs" that's already Greed and Wrath and possibly also Envy.
Then even the most pious religious people are generally Prideful, at the very least on how close to the Lord they thing they are and how superior their own moral and ways are.
Sloth and Gluthony also tend to be very common - you certainly don't get overweight "epidemics" in a country without tons of people doing very little when they could do more (say, riding their car everywhere) and eating far beyond what they need.
If there's ever a Rapture, nobody will notice because only a handful of people - most of whom eremits living separate from the rest of the World - dissapears.
That aside, why would a Christian who thinks the world is gonna end sell anything? What will you do with that money in Heaven?
They must not think Trump is releasing the Epstein files any time soon.
Well.....on that front, they wouldn't be wrong.
Sell car.
Donate to church.
GGEZ
Church: no re
I wonder if the inverse would hold true
If somebody "knows" its the rapture, then it must not actually be the rapture
You do realize Christianity is pretty diverse group, right?
You can believe what you want to believe
Diverse, sure. But some statements hold true across most of that diversity. Almost every Christian individual and denomination is selective about what parts of the bible they listen to. Since some parts of the bible are contradictory, this is sometimes a necessity. But other times it's just people being people.
If you hold a single text to be the very word of your god, and you use it to justify all that you do or do not do, then you must follow it to the letter or admit that you’re just a tourist. There is zero in between when you claim that the thing is pure and divine, cannot be questioned, and should be the basis for all your laws.
Christians just keep throwing out whole chunks of the fucking thing except all the parts that they can misinterpret and mistranslate to allow them to do awful things to people they don’t like for “reasons”.
"With God all things are possible... Except the Epstein files, even God can't help you there."
List of dates predicted for apocalyptic events
If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, then the people who anticipated this latest failed prediction are absolutely, frothing at the mouth, street corner screaming certifiable.
But then I think we all already knew that.
checks list Cool, the one I added (and documented) is still listed.
Well, we're getting close though. Only 5 more left.
American Christians. Never heard anyone else use the term rapture.
The article mentions the preacher who started this rapture excitement is from South Africa
I mean that really all depends on the religion that they are. The rapture is used in different context for different religions and it's not always called the same thing. However the word rapture is typically prevalent among sects such as Southern Baptist and any of the other evangelical faith. But it's not typically found among many of the base Lutheran religions and the exact words as well as Catholicism.
And now guess why the billionaires behave like they do.
Imagine you wake up in the morning and realize all the annoying Christian fundies have been raptured away and the world is all unicorn farts and rainbow cotton candy for a while...
Nice try.
The Rapture did happen, and you failed to make the cut.
I was raptured! Or at least I think I was. I was laying in bed when all of sudden everything started shaking and there was a bright light outside. Everything in my bedroom started being lifted up. Then two shadowy figures were in my bedroom. They were short and large heads. They spoke like Biblical angels, completely in tongues.
The next thing I remember, I woke up two towns over with no memory. I also have a pounding headache.
Oh yes I remember that Pixar short!
Actually, this is something I could relate to.
This is hell. Like, literally.
Somewhere, one single person was raptured and wondering where everyone else is. No one else noticed their absence. But the rapture did happen.
“Just me? Really?”
small gods was right all along
This happened in AD 221.
And then the probing began.
Yes Lot, just don't look back, or I'll kill you.
The one raptured dude was super high on fent so they assumed it was an OD.
Faith is such an interesting concept. Believers can make up interesting statements like this, but if this statement is true, then so is the following: God was okay with Epstein's activities, otherwise God would've intervened. Right?
Naaah we're just too stupid to understand how god operates. Don't even try, just know that god loves you and shut up about Epstein /s
God is all-powerful and all-knowing. He knows the number of hairs on your head. Every touch, crime, etc. by Epstein was God's specific will or it wouldn't have happened. The Lord works in mysterious ways!
It’s 2025 and the Daily Star is now considered one of the more relevant and trustworthy news sources. And not because they’ve improved themselves.
In our era, a new way of winning the race to be the British Newspaper with the most Journalistic Integrity appeared: just stand still as a tabloid with little or no Journalistic Integrity whilst everybody else just runs by you in the opposite direction of "better" on their way to Pure Propagand Outlet.
Every time the rapture doesn't happen they seem more convinced that it will happen in the future.
I really should get into the property market around the time the next rapture announcement comes out because surely they'll be selling all their houses off right. If you timed it right you could go on a really expensive holiday and save money by not paying for a return flight.
I think I saw someone selling "rapture insurance" a while a go. Iirc they pay a one time fee to get on a registry and they would go around and collect pets that didn't get raptured with their owners.
Don't forget the annual renewal fee, by automatic withdrawal. Make it expensive, and do it just before Christmas.
That sounds like a nice little grift to get into. Usually I have to reject these ideas because I have a moral compass, but I might be able to ignore it to fleece gullible MAGA religious freaks. I don't mind separating the money from racist, pedophile traitors.
What? But the rapture was last night, didn't anyone tell them?
"Oh, it was last night, and YOU are still here? Sorry, buddy, that sucks. Well, not for me, I wasn't expecting it. I'm just happy that we'll have fewer arrogant self-righteous Karens."
Every time the rapture doesn't happen they seem more convinced that it will happen in the future.
That has to be some sort of Logical Fallacy. If the rapture hasn't happened yet, then it stands to reason that it must happen in the future. That part isn't in doubt, it's the actual date that is controversial.
I mean, assuming you believe the rapture is real in the first place. You have to make that illogical leap first.
It's like a variant on the Gamblers fallacy. They believe there's a chance, and so every failure means a success is closer
They are more convinced. "When prophecy fails" was first published in 1956, it's well documented.
Death cult makes up another excuse for their god not existing.
"We know it's fiction, but we hate you for not believing our bullshit!"
Fuck religion, and the religious. Even you 'good' religious assholes. Fuck you specifically for supporting evil religions.
Without religion, we'd be talking about Epstein right now. REligions come along with the complete lies and just fuck everything up. Every fucking time.
Pretty sure bad people don't need religion to still do bad things and lie. I'm pretty certain murder and other such horrors existed before religion did.
Which is to say, y'all would be still talking about Charlie Kirk, tariffs, etc still instead of Epstein.
72% of Americans have some form of religious belief.
If religious people fuck everything up you are literally surrounded by them.
"Some form" is pretty broad. They may not actually mean all religions, either.
But I don't think that raging against the majority is uncalled for.
Ok.......then we're surrounded by people who fuck up the planet.
Hey, you DO see that humans, and only humans, have fucked this planet up pretty badly, right?
Like we're already past the point of no return for climate change. We can't unfuck the planet.
So why is it hard to believe that the majority of people are huge fuck-ups in life? Including you.
After the rapture failed to happen on Tuesday
be the change you want to see in the world
not even god knows what's in the files? this does go deep!
What if they gave a rapture and nobody left?
What if the rapture happened and the only thing that dissapeared were the Epstein files?
Oh God, don't even give them any ideas. I'm already worried with all this symbolism trying to make Charlie Kirk into Jesus they're going to try and claim he was resurrected at some point.
"This was all part of God's plan."
Sure, okay, whatever, just release the Epstein Files. I'm not religious, like at all, but if that's what it takes, I'm fine with it.
Wait people were taking the rapture seriously
Yeah I get it, it's like when the forecast called for heavy snowfall overnight, and you're like "fuck yeah snow day tomorrow!" but then it's barely a dusting and you're watching for your school to come up on the news crawl, and like all the other towns schools are closing, but yours is still open, and then you realize the bus is coming in like ten minutes, and your snow day dreams are shattered and you gotta sit in English and Algebra instead of making a snow fort... yeah that sucks, man. Life is unfair
It is so utterly insane that so many humans that I share this planet with are basically in a doomsday cult, and what really gets me is that you're considered an asshole or an extremist if you ever say something like "I hate the doomsday cult and the people in the doomsday cult are stupid". You get called intolerant etc etc. You're damn right I'm intolerant of a bunch of morons who have literally no incentive to care about the long-term well being of our planet and species. Just because the doomsday cultists happen to share the same name for their beliefs as people who are substantially less insane than them does not mean that they get a pass on being insane or that they get to be entitled to the same degree of respect that their less insane counterparts are entitled to.
I'm tempted to say well, at least they also want the Epstein files to be released. But the people with this type of mentality are just going to sit around waiting for some literal miracle to take place to release the files, because they believe in miracles and that's not an irrational plan of action as far as they're concerned.
I hate the doomsday cult and the people in the doomsday cult are stupid
By "doomsday cult", do you mean the very specific subset of Christians that follow the rapture conspiracy theory or all Christians? Because one of those answers is fun and games and the other actually does mean you're an asshole, extremist and intolerant.
Just because the doomsday cultists happen to share the same name for their beliefs as people who are substantially less insane than them
Yes, the other Christians are who I am referring to here. Although I do believe that the fundamental way of religious thinking (belief contrary to logic) does inevitably degrade into the behavior of the doomsday cult, in the same way that a seed inevitably becomes a plant given the conditions that it latently seeks out. So while I do not hate your everyday type Christian, I do think it is important not to create the conditions that they seek out, as that will result in a hate-worthy entity before long. The particular conditions, I believe, are an environment where they cannot be questioned, an environment where logical thinking is not valued, an unequal ability to disperse their beliefs while others cannot, etc. Given those conditions, harmless beliefs will expand to become harmful beliefs in the same way a liquid conforms to whatever container you put it in. This goes for any kind of belief, not just religious ones. But religion is a smart enough meme to encode the importance of creating that environment as part of its core values, which makes it a belief that is at especially greater risk of degrading into harmful behavior. This much is undeniable, as you hardly ever see people getting in doomsday cults over their favorite type of cheese or other non-religious beliefs.
So no, I don't mean all Christians, but in the same way that all Christians think I deserve to go to hell in my current state but may still treat me with kindness in hopes of what I may become, I believe all Christians deserve to be treated with suspicion and wariness in their current state in hopes of what they may NOT become. All things considered, I think it's a pretty de-escalating stance for me to take.
You guys, we have the best opportunity. Next time they hold a Rapture, we all just go completely cold turkey silent for like, three days. Let them all think they've been left behind. Then we all come back to social media and the rest of the real world on the third day like, "whoa, that was so cool, what was your favourite part of it?"
Well I went to heaven, just as predicted. Let me tell you: it is GREAT up here. And free WiFi too, as you can see.
Cool. How's the food? Are there orgies?
Food is surprisingly good actually. Lots of grapes. No Orgies yet, but they drag Epstein from hell everyday to give us all bjs.
The files need to be released already. That's one thing I can agree with the cultists with
The funny thing is the rapture actually happened. They didn't get plucked. Maybe they should figure out why and be better people.
To add to this, the only person who did was that stoner that Michael in "The Good Place" has framed on his wall, because he knew too much/was the only human who (for a brief moment) knew roughly how the universe worked.
Needs a bigger font. I want it seen from space. Like the great wall of china.
*disclaimer: not actually seen from space. terms and conditions applies. all rights reserved.
God needs to know who's on the Epstein list?
He needs everyone to know.
He was going to give Santa a call and verify but they had a falling out after a leprechaun and the Easter Bunny played a prank on them last Halloween and neither figured out it wasn't the other who played the prank.
Metaphorically speaking, a rapture in the 1% will be possible if the unredacted list is shared. This will make a rapture in the government also possible… I never thought I’d ever agree with doomsday but here we are..
See you misunderstood the rapture, it is but children that think the lord is god.
Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken and the other left. Matthew 24:40
Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left. Matthew 24:41
Matthew 24:42
What lord do you know that has stripped the fields of their laborers? No regard of their ability or need to work, ungraciously taken.
God is greater than understanding.
God is Thanos?
Fundies think they can force God to do something.
If God existed, he'd be smacking them down hard for this level of arrogance.
Many fundies, especially Prosperity Gospel folks, see God as a vending machine - prayer goes in, whatever you ask for comes out.
its not just christians that are disappointed TBH. I was really kinda hoping they were right this time...
A world without Christians?! Sign me in!
Jesus loves the little children... all the children of the world....
Dang they truly believe US is the center of the world. Is absolutely baffling.
If only prayer worked. I bet we could get a lot of people to ask God to take all his people ASAP even if we never get to see the Epstein file. The world would be a better place.
Ah see it's thoughts and prayers. You need the thoughts also, to make sky daddy do his thing
The Star is somewhere between The Sun (a Rupert Murdoch spec tabloid rag with a "publish first, verify sources later" approach) and The Sport (contrary to its name, is less about the development and performance of elite ball games, and more about substituting the journalism with as much softcore pornography as possible).
Admittedly, the Star is highly entertaining - like the "nottheonion" comm in print form, with an approach more like a magazine than a newspaper. It's usually a fraction cheaper than most of the major tabloids too.
I like pornography.
Yes, and, if you were using piefed.social there would be a little red warning icon next to any post that links to the daily star, with a popup saying "Tabloid".
They're so fucking self-important.
The rapture happened, unfortunately the only guy they pulled up because he didn't follow proper procedures and suit up, so he's a stiff now. Still legally fulfilled according to celestial law.
After reading most of the article, because frankly even that was too much, it sounds like it's people on Twitter trolling them.
Maybe it eventually got some buy-in from the unraptured, but doesn't appear to be where the idea started.
It's the only possible explanation!
You can listen to any song any time you want these days, what's the problem?
Ah, the old rule of unfounded consequence.
They just can't wait to get to that glorious pie in the sky.
You know what? Sure. As long as they have a reason to release the files I'm down to support it.
I think if this idea were seeded into the Facebook frenzy that would have been diabolical