Safe

Everywhere they went people were getting kidnapped, orcs were invading, trees were coming to life, and the dead were rising. Id want to be far away from that elevator.

- You take that back, I protect my marines while playing!
  You know.... As much as possible while charging headfirst into the most powerful empire the galaxy has seen in 100,000 years hell bent on destroying humanity and all we represent...
- Look bro, I just handed you an entire SPNKR rocket launcher and a Scorpion jump seat, whatever you do with those afterward is no longer my concern. I'm busy driving.
You know for a fact that they'll literally coming charging across the countryside to rescue you though
- Not much countryside for the charging in most elevators, though 🤔
They probably wouldn't be that familiar with the workings of a lift either
- Only one of them.
- But Legolas could poke out the ceiling panel with the tip of his bow and Aragorn could boost Gimli up with a rope.

So ackshually...

Aragorn was descended from Elros who was a half-elf, but that was so long ago he may or may not be a full man depending on how racist one is about miscegenation.

Legolas was an elf and Gimli was a dwarf, so explicitly not Men.

How about Eomer and Faramir instead?

Men as in males, yes.
Men as in humans, mostly no
Elros and Elrond had a choice as to become Eldar or Edain. Elrond chose Eldar, while Elros chose Edain. Once they chose their mixed nature was resolved.
- Not exactly, since the Númenóreans still had longer lives than Men due to their elven heritage. So while one could absolutely make the argument they were Men, there's also a case to be made saying they weren't pureblooded Men.
Boromir would've made them feel safer.
- Faramir didn't try to take the Ring from Frodo, unlike Boromir.

Let's be real. We're all NPCs so if any of the men are from something with action, we'll probably end up dead. My pick would be Bob Ross, Mr. Rogers, and Steve Irwin. Super calming and chill

I tried to come up with a counter argument and realized pretty quickly that I didn’t want to.

I mean, they're objectively correct.

The fact that they had to go to fictional characters is significant.

We're in the LOTR community, the sample may be a little biased
- Yes, but the person who responded to the question wasn't in a LOTR community.
Good point!
Okay, real world examples from me (notably, a big dude, so y'know, probably not as in tune to things as I could be):
Bernie Sanders My brother My Uncle
... I... Really thought I'd have better options until I really started thinking about it
- Yeah. Same issue here. So how about:
  Bob Ross. Carl Sagan. Steve Irwin.
The people you know well enough to trust them are close to you but unknown to others, so other people wouldn't really appreciate your answer if it was just some common unknown people. You mostly cannot bet on the character of celebrities, because you don't know them personally (see Gaiman). Fictional characters are known by many people and their personalities are nicely described in the books, movies, whatever....
it really isn't, people comfortably stand in elevators with men all the time lol

I'd choose: Boromir, Ned Stark, and Sean Bean.

No way anything bad can happen to me with those magnets around.

The whole elevator would just crash through the foundation. You'd be collateral when Death gets a 3 for 1 final destination style.
- Nah, I think it'd go more like this:
  Get it in the elevator and see them all in there.
  Go to press the button for your floor (the top floor) and see that it's already pressed.
  Have a pleasant trip up.
  Arrive at your floor and the doors open.
  All three politely allow you to exit first.
  Step out of the lift safely.
  Elevator malfunctions, plummets and crashes through the foundation.
  Walk off thinking how nice they all were.
I dunno. Might take Sharpe instead of Ned Stark, good to have someone that knows how to use a rifle

Figures that the safest men to be stuck with aren't human men.

Aragorn?
- He's 87 years old at the start of LOTR.
  He descends from Elros the Half-Elf.
- He's got Elven heritage. He's the 64th descendant of Elros, brother of Elrond. I think he's also decendend from a Maiar as Elros and Elrond's great great grandmother was Melian.

Somewhat related: that's a dream blunt rotation right there

I feel like Gimli would hog it, Aragorn would obviously be awesome, and Legolas would be chill but you could tell he's thinking your weed sucks, he's got a much better connection.
- Gimli, it's a blunt, not a microphone
- i like to imagine that weed is the opposite of beer when it comes to elves and dwarves, elves barely even notice while dwarves start giggling when standing next to someone puffing a blunt
  Oh and hobbits would of course treat it like something abjectly holy, they already take pipeweed extremely seriously and that's just tobacco. Actual devil's lettuce might well start hobbit cults.

Three guys wearing a red shirt

three clones of tom scott, who say "we are standing in an elevator going to the 5th floor" in perfect unison as you enter

Not if yer a fucken orc!

My two older brothers and my dad

first 3 celebridudes that popped into my head:

Tom Hanks, Keannu Reaves, and Willie Nelson.

Also, Patrick Stewart.
- totally could get down or up (elevator joke) with sirpatstew
You are NOT safe from Willie. He will get you SOOO high.
- exactly why he's on the list. I'm secretly trying to get to Hanks that high so he can laugh like he did in money pit.

Enhanced

- Oh God. That's horrifying.
  The meme from OP is not much better, though.
  
  The jpegs are very scary.
Is this AI?
- Sadly. There's no other copies of this meme that's not infested by the jpegs. I didn't have time to find the source to recreate it.
  Now, however... hold my beer.
  Edit

Just put me with Pedro Pascal, in any role.

Pedro Pascal, Sir Ian Mckellan, and Sir Patrick Stewart.
- I definitely wouldn't want my human ass inside a metal box that is inconveniencing Magneto.

Christopher Reeves, Stephen Hawking, Teddy Pendergrass

i mean, i guess i'd feel safe, but probably not super comfortable, given that they are all three very dead.
- If they're dead and in the elevator, are they still in wheelchairs?
Idk about Stephen Hawking
Mr Rogers, Bob Ross, Steve Irwin