Edison

Just as the ducks at the park are free, there is also no legal requirement to answer the phone in particular way. Hit folks with a, "Ahoyhoy", "Howdy", "Whats good brother?", or for the more adventurous, "Ralphs Roadkill Cafe. You kill it, we grill it."

"Dave's pizza and abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce" is a particularly spicy one I've heard.
- Jim's abortion clinic ... We deletus your fetus
- "You rape em, we scrape em"
  
  (I do not condone this message)
I usually get people with: “Anons Morgue: you kill ‘em, we chill ‘em.”
- In my family it was variations of "Hello, Joe's whatever. Insert rhyme here."
  
  One of my favorites was "Joe's mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em."
- "You bag 'em, we tag 'em"
My go to is “Yellow”
- Mine is somewhere between yellow and howdy. If you call a Texas Drunk you should be prepared for a "Yeowdy".
I usually hit my friends with the "sup fuckface"
- I throw a fucko out there into the world every now on then
Snackbar Harry, Harry speaking
"Duffy's Morgue, you stab em we slab em."

Moshi Moshi

I like the explanation that devious spirits cannot say this phrase and that's why it's used. Apparently it's also just a casual way of saying "I'm ready to talk" and was used by early telephone operators in Japan. It's most likely people just ended up copying the phrase from operators and aren't worried about being tricked by foxes.
- Mosh moof
  
  Fuck, I can't do it, they're right!
- I like the explanation that devious spirits cannot say this phrase and that’s why it’s used
  
  Evil spirits can not say the same word twice in a row. Foxes can not say "moshi". With "moshi moshi" you get a 2-for-1 special.
Japanese people answer their phone like that, everything is fine.

I answer my phone like that, I'm branded a weaboo for the rest of my life.
I can't read this phrase anymore without reading it in Admiral Kizaru's voice automatically.

I love the fact that Burns answers the phone this way. Subtle jokes like this are the reason why The Simpsons is infinitely rewatchable.

Fuck Edison.

Graham-bell isn't better. He was super duper ableist and pressured Helen Keller to identify with her blindness instead of her deafness

slow heavy breathing

open mouth chewing on potato chips "Yeah?"
- "TIMMY, put those down!"
  
  [child shrieking in the background]
- Angry Silence
- With adjusted volume to make it louder for the listener

Edison was a cunt.

Funny thing: "Hello" was actually not a common greeting until that point.

I've always been curious how people greeted each other before "hello". Did we just say "good day" and variations thereof?
- Most English speakers actually used "wazzup" like those Budweiser commercials
- Greetings, traveler.
- Well, Howdy is a contraction of "How do you do?", hence the somewhat rarer "Howdy do!", and Goodbye is a contraction of "God Be With You!"

opens phone, "...moshi mo..." infinibonked for weebery

Had to look it up, and the story is actually really interesting. Heres a great article from NPR

https://www.npr.org/sections/krulwich/2011/02/17/133785829/a-shockingly-short-history-of-hello

Ahoy hoy

Excellent

Ahoy, guys.

Be the change you want to see in this world, don't let Thomas Edison continue to shit on everything from his grave.

my go-to when im forced to answer unknown callers is "who is this?". then i disconnect if they dont answer my question

"Who dares to disturb my slumber?"
spoiler

asdfasfasfasfas
- To me it sounds like OP's opener is exactly for people who aren't contacts saved in his phone. It sounds perfect to me
- The only folk who have trouble identifying themselves when calling my private phone, are spammers.

Let's compromise!

Alloy.

Or what we can agree on: HO. Omg Santa was right all along.

Great, now I'm fighting metal dinosaurs.

Imagine Edison trying to patent the "hello" greeting to get royalties every time someone answered the phone.
Then the incel fanbois defending Edison, insisting he invented the term 'hello".

At this point I think there are more incel fanbois overhyping Tesla, still believing he really did have perpetual energy death rays invented by Ancient Egyptian aliens

Dude was brilliant, but he was also very, very crazy... and a name that comes up a lot when I'm on the "Spirit Science and Ancient Aliens are perfectly valid methods of self-education in comparison." side of Youtube

Not that I'm defending Edison mind you, every cent he ever gained was earned by Tesla.

Pronto

Based Meucci enjoyer
Is it just to swedes "pronto" sounds like it would mean "hurry up"? Or is that everyone?
- Vad har det med Sverige att göra? As a Spanish speaker, that's just one its meanings in Spanish.
- In Italian it just means "ready", but in English is used in a completely different way. Probably Sweden got the usage from English
- Ive always heard it to mean "hurry up" or "be quick" too.
  
  ... I am 1/4 swedish though so I dunno?