Urinals should not exist.

My trick for dealing with "blushing bladder" is a Palovian response on myself. I realized I had certain pee triggers. Long story short, there are certain places and situations that cause me to need to urinate. So I figured why not use a word as a trigger? While at home I began saying the trigger word just as I felt the flow begin. Every time I pee, I say the word. My blushing bladder went away. Some of the music venues i frequent have urinals literally elbow to elbow so it's awkward but there's no trouble when I say the trigger word. The only problem now is people look at me weird when I'm looking at my dick saying "shazam".

I do the same type of thing, but I just swish saliva around in my mouth. For some reason that gets my mind off it and next thing I know, I'm peeing.
Gomer, is that you?
- Surprise, surprise, surprise!
Hey now that gives me an idea.. SHAZAM! SHAZAM! SHAZAM!
I read on reddit one time—years and years ago—that doing simple multiplication can help occupy the part of your brain keeping you from pissing. A sequence like 2x2=4, 4x4=16, 16x16=256...etc.
I've been doing that ever since, and it really helps. Usually by the time I get to doing 16x16 in my head, I'm already peeing.
I just push really hard and force the pee out like a fucking man.

Well. This comic certainly isn't making it easier.

Why are you reading comics at the urinal while you're trying to pee?
- It helps me relax. Usually.
- To be fair, a bar I go to has a picture box that has a bunch of comics pinned in it over the toilet that you can read while urinating.

This cartoon can't exist. Urinal etiquette requires:

That you should have one empty urinal between you and the next guy if at all possible. And always go to the nearest open urinal when you enter.

And that you look straight ahead and never look to either side of you. You must stare solely at the wall straight ahead of you. Thoughtful establishments hang pictures or current sales flyers at eye level to look at while peeing.

And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there. So there is absolutely no way this cartoon can happen in the real world.

if at all possible
I hate that I'm arguing the reality of a comic world, but we can't see the rest of the wall. We don't know if there's 2/3 urinals total, making it impossible to leave a buffer urinal between them.
Also, without considering it a "rule" I leave an empty urinal between as well, but I don't go as far as resorting to using a stall if I only have to pee. That's just silly...
- A silly comic often leads to a silly discussion. Sometimes you just need to run with it. Or in the words-- Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
You're kidding yourself. The norm in American bars is to have two urinals whose porcelain touches, and everyone pees with their buddy while having a bombastic chat.
- They are so close. It's actually better to put your arm around the guy next to you to make sure you're good and centered to the urinal.
- You must spend a fair amount of time in bars to be so wise. Bars and even restaurants have limited floor space so they can often have just one urinal and you wait your turn. And I have never had anyone even try to talk to me in a bar or restaurant restroom. Why would they? We are there to drink and eat, not discuss philosophy.
Because everyone everywhere always follows etiquette without fail?
- In the men's bathroom, violating any of these rules of etiquette brings the death penalty.
- Jes it is an instinct, written into the Male DNA...
- Dem's the rules.....Follow them or become the outcast.
I agree with all of this except the “always go to the nearest urinal.” I don’t think it matters which you go to as long as you follow the pattern that allows for the maximum number of urinals to be filled while leaving a one-urinal gap between you and the next person.
Let me explain:
🚽 = urinal, 🚹 = person peeing
You have the following setup:
🚽 | 🚽 | 🚽
Correct urinal to occupy:
🚹 | 🚽 | 🚽 OR 🚽 | 🚽 | 🚹
Incorrect:
🚽 | 🚹 | 🚽
Notice how the correct solution allows for a second urinal to be occupied while still maintaining the courtesy urinal between. The incorrect solution doesn’t.
- You are either a republican or a pervy pervert.
  ./

I lived in a house once that had a urinal and it was the best thing ever, especially for the first pee of the day. Normalize home urinals!

Use a urinal while wearing shorts and you'll change your opinion. I avoid them as much as I can preferring to sit, but sometimes that option is worse than the urinal..
- Well, it doesn't work so well with morning wood, but at all other times I aim toward the bottom so the pee's hitting the back wall at less than about a 30° angle. I guess compared to sitting there's gonna be more splash back, but even with shorts I don't really notice anything. I'm sure it'd be different if you power blast the wall or base at 90°.

Why is this post full of people who are seemingly overtly defensive over the idea of urinals? Did I miss something? The comic is a joke. Every other poster here trying to make sure everyone knows they can and will always use a urinal. An ode of fragile masculinity.

Did I miss something?
Sounds like you missed the toilet OOOOOHHHHH
This reply makes me feel defensive and outraged.
No disagreeing with the title or you have fragile masculinity!
If you don't like urinals, don't use them. If you say something shouldn't exist when many people prefer to use it over the other options, expect pushback, even if it's in a humorous context.
The comic feels like a joke here but the title feels like there's some serious sentiment behind it, even if it doesn't have any real intent to actually ban urinals.
Well I stand facing AWAY from the urinal and pee over my shoulder!

The movie 'Waiting' has a character whose entire arc is them trying to get over urinal anxiety while working one crazy shift at an Applebee's clone.

Early Ryan Reynolds. Some of the humor hasn't aged well, but it shines a light on the service industry for those that haven't worked in a kitchen/bar/restaurant.

I remember a movie called Caffeine from when I was a kid and one of the characters had a nervous bladder. One of his friends kept telling him it might be prostate cancer (while he was trying to pee) and it only made him more frustrated and nervous.
Later in the movie, someone is being mean to him and he just snaps and lies saying, "You know what? I've got cancer! So back off!"
"Waiting" is the most authentic movie about working in a restaurant as a waiter there ever was.
It's so true.

You do know it's not a requirement to use the urinal, they also have private pee booths as well.

Us normal pissers also listen to the booths when we suspect a weener-holder.
- That's why I act like I'm pooping. I'll sit down and make grunt noises while aiming my piss at the side of the bowl so no one hears I'm actually peeing. Because that's less embarrassing than knowing you all think I'm too afraid to piss in front of you. I even pull toilet paper out and wipe it on my thigh so all you actual Weiner holders believe I'm wiping my ass. Who's the fool now? Not only was I too afraid to pee in front of you, I convinced you I was taking a manly shit while you probably nodded in approval at the other Weiner holders next to you. Check mate.
- That's why randomly drop change into the bowl to make people think I'm doing a twozy.
Yeah if you want to wait a lot longer
That's where they get ya

I don't understand why they don't just install partitions. One that goes from the very bottom to the very top. A thin plank would do it. Not these 50cm pseudo partitions. That's why I prefer to use a cabin when a lot of people are peeing.

Come to our uni. Each toilets at our faculty have the first cabin be a urinal for some reason. Real nice if you a re a shy pisser.
no, not partitions. Urinal booths. I want to be isolated from other men when I have my dick out.
Snowflake. Need more urinal troughs and communal showers.

The only evidence of the "grand gay conspiracy" people keep talking about is the existence of bath-tub (multi-user) urinals.

I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid when my redneck racist homophobic dad would drag us to the dirt track to watch other drunk rednecks race each other in their first track cars... Hang on...
Yea nah, that is not a sexy situation.
I would have thought trough over tub... but i guess that depends entirely on the type of multi-user you're going for...

When I lived in Japan, I really appreciated how the women's public bathroom stalls often had this little button you could push to make a white noise sound.

So glad I got over that peeing in public anxiety eventually, though.

Do people really struggle this much to urinate? How insecure can you be to not be able perform a basic bodily function like this? I had no idea. Though, I do question why one of these two isn't following basic urinal etiquette. One stall between, otherwise use a toilet, otherwise wash your hands first and then, if no one has moved, you're allowed to ride side saddle.

Some dude used a urinal right next to me with five urinals available, and I stared at him until I finished. He never looked at me. Come to think of it, I don't know if he started peeing until I was done, but that seems like an edge case. His fault though.

Everyone look at this guy. He can piss under extreme pressure. We should all aspire to be him
- under.....pressure.....?
  vanilla ice riff
- Yes, the extreme pressure of... using a public restroom. 🙄
It's not a choice. It's like some primal instinct or something.
Edit: urinals don't typically bother me but if you try to talk I'm done. Can't do the troughs. It's not insecurity it's just a little privacy and peace is nice.
- I've heard jokes about it, but I didn't think it was a widespread thing. Doesn't the need to pee outweigh the fear of... well. Whatever the fear is I guess? What exactly is the fear?
Questioning is also not allowed.
Lemmy is a silly place.
It's proving to be Reddit without the random intellectuals.
I don't know what age you are, but if you're too young to have known, some people have medical conditions that make them struggle to pee.
- I don't think this is medical conditions. I think it's just people shy about urinating. I just didn't realize how common it was.
Also never had an issue with urinals. I can also talk to others while peeing. But I'm also used to be nude at the sauna. If there's sufficient urinals available I keep at least one free but if someone stands next to me, I don't care.
stopwatch
Try it at home, too. It takes 21 seconds to pee. It's freakishly accurate throughout the animal Kingdom. My theory on shy bladder is that our brains know how long it takes, so when we take a while to start, everything compiles and we get nervouser and nervouser as we approach that 21 second limit.
I just use the stalls, but that's mainly because I'm self conscious about my peeper, and I've seen enough cruising in the men's room porn to be worried about Looky loos /s

More of a communal trough man myself

I haven't seen one since the early '80's, but yeah.
- I saw one in a Shanghai department store once. I'm a woman. It ran through all of the stalls. It's the third most awkward pee I have ever taken.

This hits me deep. I will often walk into a bathroom and walk right out if I see too many people. I'll either find a quieter bathroom or just hold it because it's physically impossible for me to pee if I can sense anybody within close proximity. Sadly, that applies to stalls too.

Something I've been doing as a kid is just counting slowly. I don't know if it's distracting to be thinking of counting or what but usually by the time I get to like 8-10 I'll start going. That and no one wants to stand next to someone just randomly counting. Lol I don't really do it out loud, I do count in my head and it seems to work.
Kind of a double edge though because if I get to 20 I start thinking like the comic lol
- Lol when holding it is not an option, I'll try singing the ABCs in my head and similarly when I get to Z and have to repeat it is when I start to panic.

Legend has it that alpha males stand in front of each other when they pee, looking straight into each other's eyes and sometimes arm wrestling with their free hand.

- That's pretty thoughtful to put drink dispensers next to portapotty's.
I need both hands to control my alpha male fire hose. The girth of my manly urethra is enough to fit an average penis. I can empty my bladder in 3 seconds, but it is an intense 3 seconds. You'll be damned sure I'm staring you straight in the eye from across our opposed urinals as I do. And I expect a small kiss, out of respect, before I leave.

I don't mind urinals. It just sucks when you have to double or triple up on them. Sharing with someone else just isn't fun

You may be joking, but the ones that are just a trough with no barriers at all between them I always hated. I don't want my shoulders touching 1 or 2 other guys while holding my dick in my hand trying to convince myself I am not to nervous to pee.
They were common in country themed bars for a while, I would have to be drunk and NEEDing to pee to be able to go. So usually I just stopped going to those places.

I've never used a urinal. it's weird and also some of them ate disgusting, they almost guarantee splashback

If you're eating at a urinal you're doing something wrong
- lol

Well...I have paruresis and it was a struggle when I used to go to nightclubs and use the urinals, for some reason there was always only one toilet and a bunch of urinals, so I had to get drunk fast to be able to use the urinals like a normal guy. Most of the time the bathroom door didn't have a lock, so I'm glad I never had to do number 2 there.

"Nice watch"

Whoever drew this, had never gone to an urinal in his life

Oh my god, they've died???

Basically my nightmare.

I said. I can't HEAR YOU PISS!

What was the movie/show where there's a bunch of urinals and a guy comes in and stands right next to the only guy there, and the guy already there moves over (peeing on the guy's leg as he does) to get to one that's a space away?