And they say English is bad

It's Afrikaans, not Dutch. It's close though. We can understand written Afrikaans.

For non-speakers, it's kind of like reading Scots as a monolingual English speaker. https://sco.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scots_leid
- Did they ever fix the issue that an American teen used a hilariously bad interpretation of the Scots language to write thousands of articles on the Scots wiki?
  
  https://slate.com/technology/2020/09/scots-wikipedia-language-american-teenager.html
  
  https://old.reddit.com/r/Scotland/comments/ig9jia/ive_discovered_that_almost_every_single_article/
- Funny. If you say the words out loud they're much easier to understand.
- It's like reading a Nac Mac Feegle speaking.
That explains the neutral tone. It's something important far away.
- Also that newspaper is called "The Fatherland".
  
  It's a pretty good hint of where they stand in the whole Left-Right political spectrum.
- Well, the Union of South Africa were participants in the war against Germany, so that's still a bit weird. Don't know about the affiliation of the magazine in question, but the support for joining the allies wasn't clear cut, but only a narrow majority among the ruling white class.
It's Afrikaans, not Dutch.

Hitler dood? Lekker bru!
Would you translate the bold text below the subtitles?
- Alright this is what I understand as a dutchie
  
  Hitler is dead and Dönitz is now the leader in Germany, a British newspaper writes today: "Never before in history has the perspective of peace been so ?? made a possibility of the long war"
  
  The sentence structure is pretty confusing to me and I don't know some words
- Obviously, he's so dood.
- Crude translation, trying to keep the word order the same.
  
  Hitler's death and Dönitz 's acceptance of rule in Germany led a British paper to write: "Never before in the history has the prospect of peace so suddenly changed to the possibility of a protracted war."

I'm dood.

Fun fact:

In Dutch, two o's make a long o sound. Dode. "oe" makes the "oo" sound.

What is "oo" sound if not long o sound? Sorry, not natives englishian.
- Dutch "rood" is pronounced like English "road".
  
  Dutch "moed" is pronounced like English "mood".

Similarly, if a Dutch person ever asks you to "kiss my moist cunt" or (kies mijn mooiste kant), don't take offence.

"Look at the sea" in finish (katso merta) means "dick shit" in Italian (cazzo merda).
I am stealing this.
I mean if it's moist I'm doing something right. Right?
- Depends. Is there any money involved?

That’s not Dutch. Related, Frysian or Afrikaans but not Dutch.

Hitler so dood

Truly one of the doods of all time.

I mean celebrating isnt gonna get you out of a post war collapse. So good job by the dutch?

So good job by the dutch?

Yes, if this was Dutch. It isn't though, looks like Afrikaans to me.
- I'm not seeing any double-A's.
  
  I think this might be an AI mockup of faux German.
  
  Edit:
  
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liechtensteiner_Vaterland

The play was not fair, in Dutch: de plee was niet ver, means the toilet was not far away😏

Who is saying English is bad? You save yourself so much trouble not having to like genderize all the words.

I offer you Indonesian, which has a word for “he/she/they/it” (dia) but no words for “he” or “she”. Indonesian has words for older sibling (kakak) and younger sibling (adik) but it's rare to specify the sibling's gender. It ever has rude slang for “primary reproductive organ” (titis, among many others) without specifying wether it concerns a vagina or penis. TL;DR Indonesia is based.
- Oh wow just like Turkish. Probably little sexism in Indonesia and none in Turkey, right?
- On top of that the grammar is far more regular than whatever bullshit the European languages have. The ber- prefix is always ber-. If you are talking about the past you say sudah instead of juggling with the verbs. No sing-sang-sung do-did-done and all that irregular stuff.
Gender and cases allow you to write much more complex sentences, and make long and complex sentences easy to understand.
- I require elaboration.
- I mean this is subjective. Asian languages let you play with words freely. When you don't need agreement of verbs and subjects and nouns, you get to make a lot of puns and other kinds of wordplay. See Malay pantuns.