Earth will be destroyed in 12 minutes...
Earth will be destroyed in 12 minutes...
This is accurate gameplay from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy text adventure that INFOCOM made with the help of Douglas Adams in 1984.
I thought people would find it interesting to see the way a game would creatively do a demo in print in the 1980s since doing it other ways was either too expensive or not very useful from a marketing perspective.
More info on the game- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy_(video_game)
It was very challenging. I never got all the way through it. Amazingly, it only covers a small portion of the first book despite taking hours and hours to play.
I actually shelled out for the invisible-ink "strategy guide" (i.e. cheating instructions) just to finish the damn thing. I suspect the guide was written by Adams as well, because it was almost as entertaining as game itself. Halfway through the section on how to get the Babel fish—the single toughest puzzle I’ve ever encountered in a game—it tells you that "it is at this point that grown men begin weeping uncontrollably."
I remember working that one out with my brothers. Every step you take just leads to further problems getting the fish. It was easy to figure out to put the towel over the perfectly towel-sized grate and hang your robe on the hook. Blocking the cleaning robot access panel with Ford's satchel also seemed to make sense as well. But when we put the stack of junk mail on the satchel and it actually worked? Well holy shit, were we ecstatic. It opens up some of the best parts of the game, though I would argue not as much as figuring out how to get the spare improbability drive to work. I think one of my brothers bought that same guide book long after we retired the C64, so though he knew how to finish it, I don't think any of us ever did. I remember getting to Magrathea and not ever being able to figure out the proper tool bit. Tried taking the proper tool, and storing another tool in the thing your aunt gave you, but never seemed to work.
Hmm... I definitely had at least one of those for an Infocom game... Maybe I had that one? But I don't remember getting to the end of the game. It was so long ago, I don't remember. I just remember it was basically a FAQ where you had to use a special marker to reveal the answer.
There were a number of books back then like that (mysteries and such), with the idea that you only revealed the answers to things you couldn't figure out.
As for the game itself, the one part that I have a continued memory about is where you could press the button labeled "Do Not Press". Only doing it a few times gave you the same "nothing happens" message, but being persistent got a different one. Infocom games were so great and full of humor, even the non-Douglas Adams ones.
This was an exceptionally difficult game from the very first scene. You were particularly hard pressed to even make it off earth if you hadn't read the book.
After that, it didn't necessarily coincide with the book, so you had to put yourself into a Douglas Adams mindset for the duration, and that was no easy task.
I think I may have gotten through roughly a third of it before moving on to other games.
Zork was the other game I never did particularly well with. I think I got a little further in it than hitchhikers though.
I got so frustrated getting killed over and over that I typed:
Fuck Fordinto the prompt. The game responded with:
This is a family entertainment game, not a video nasty.Which is how I found out that was British slang for
porn.graphic horror films, apparently.There were at least five Zork games I can think of that were purely text (graphical ones came later): Zork, Zork II, Zork III, Beyond Zork and Zork Zero.
I had one two and three but don't recall playing the latter two. By then I'd moved on to the greatest game released in the mid-eighties - Autoduel.
Then it was on to the original Bard's Tale.
I played both of those to completion then figured out how to cheat on both by finding character stats with a sector editor.
I didn't even get out the house
There was another Adams game called something like Starship Titanic. That one went beyond challenging into absurd. It as my first rage quit game.
Close- Adams made two games for Infocom. This one and a ridiculously hard to the point of impossibility game called Bureaucracy.
Then he made Starship Titanic some years later for The Digital Village.
Gonna head down the Winchester and wait for all this to blow over
INFOCOM: We make games that nobody ever finished!
In the era of arcade games, finishing it wasn't intended
Wow! Spoilers much?! I can't believe they spoiled the "Beer Ending" in the trailer...
I will say though that even though I know it will just be a text adventure, I kid of want to play it now.
Honestly, if you like text adventures, despite the difficulty, it's one of the most entertaining ever. Douglas Adams himself wrote most of the text, so even if you don't get very far, it's all funny.
Unlike many video game adaptations, Douglas Adams was substantially involved in the game design and writing the text. I believe he shares the authorship credit with an Infocom programmer.
Adams wrote most of the text of the game. He also created another INFOCOM game, Bureaucracy, which was basically impossible. And if you don't believe me, check out a walkthrough sometime. There are multiple points where you'll say, "well how would anyone ever think of that?" Especially when it gets to the airplane.
Oh yeah, I'm not sure I ever got past the first room or two with that one.
This tickled a half-forgotten memory. I was into a few "ASCII" "game engines" when I was a kid, ZZT and MZX. There was definitely a Hitchhiker's game on one of those. Doubt it was official, of course.
Maybe an unofficial sequel?
Almost definitely just some random guy making an homage. I think the games/engines were pretty niche themselves.
You have:
No tea.
I love that 'no tea' was listed as one of the things included in the box.
And the thing your aunt gave you that you don't know what it is.
One of the best and most useful items in the game.
The BBC released this in html5 for an anniversary, you may need to faff around with sky player if you don't have a BBC license, though.
https://www.wired.co.uk/article/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy-game
I never got far in this game because I was too young. I'd love to give it another go.
Here it is on the BBC's website:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1g84m0sXpnNCv84GpN2PLZG/the-game-30th-anniversary-edition
Oh god, it's just as hard as I remember.
Thanks!
I spent days on it. I did finally get the Babel Fish. I think with help by talking about it with friends who had solved other parts of the puzzle... but it got even harder after that!
spoiler
First you had to put together the improbability drive, then you jumped into different characters' bodies and had to survive in their bodies AND bring back the items you need to make it an infinite improbability drive and I didn't get past that, but apparently after that, you land on the planet Magrathea and you have to figure out how to get the door open and that's where the game ends.
It took me way too long to solve the first, easy ass puzzle in this game. It's dark. You can't see anything. And your head hurts.
Solution? Open your freakin' eyes.
It gets harder from there.
Actually, it was to turn on the light.
I knew a co-worker who was really into a lot of early and more modern text adventure games. He said the babelfish puzzle was one of the hardest puzzles put in any text adventure game, past or present.
Ginantonix please
I prefer a bottle of that old Janx Spirit.
One of my all-time favorite games from my teen years. I think of it often.
I bought several Infocom games in their day, I think HHGTTG was the only one I ever finished.
You finished it?!
Yup. As I recall it was kind of a school-wide effort, with kids relaying solutions of various puzzles to each other until we had enough to complete the game. I do recall working out the Babelfish puzzle on my own, though I also neglected to feed the dog at the beginning of the game soft-locking myself on at least one playthrough.
How did these text based games work? Could you really type any action and it would give a relevant response?
Try for yourself. Long story short: The devs would anticipate a lot of stuff you might try, and given that this is Douglas Adams the game can be quite snarky, but if not then you'll see "I don't know the word 'foo'" or similar.
That particular game is notoriously hard and confusing and meant to be attempted several times before you're able to get through it without triggering some dead-end in the beginning that will only become apparent in the end. It's from another era. You might want to try Starship Titanic, also Douglas Adams, pretty much the pinnacle of text adventures (though it's not a pure text adventure). All in all I'm just a tad too young to really have gotten into the genre, regarding point+click adventures I can recommend anything Terry Pratchett (multiple Discworld adventures) and pretty much anything Lucasarts, though the very early stuff (Maniac Mansion, Zak McKracken) is quite rough around the edges. All the LucasArts and Discworld stuff is supported by ScummVM, you only have to get your hands on the game files.
Not any action, but they had a pretty large vocabulary. There were some basic commands they all shared like LOOK and EAST and INVENTORY. They would tell you if they didn't understand.
I couldn't find this one, but if you're interested in playing vintage games, Archive.org has a pretty good list. They also had a way to play some of these in-browser, but I can't find it now.
To answer the title question, how many sips left in my glass?
Next galaxy is farther than needed.
