Anon visits a coworker

I feel like the idea that women are otherworldly creatures instead of people and seeing someone being nice to their partner as "the man having tamed a female and convinced her to treat him well" has a lot to do with his problem.

I hate how much that is preserved socially, there's no good reason why that hasn't gone away at least a decade or two ago.

It's learned helplessness. Once they get rejected 15 times in a row for being a weirdo or something similar, they start to think in that instead of either reflecting back on the experience and trying to be better, or looking elsewhere.
Totally agree. I've been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it most definitely didnt involve me trying to tame her 🤣
It was just luck to meet. We both liked each other. That's literally it.
- The important feat is making yourself into a person that the other person would like to have in their life and makes their life better.
Where was there talk of taming women?
- There wasn't. FierroGamer got way too many upvotes for his stupid comment.
- There wasn't, that's what it sounded like to me, you're welcome to disagree, angrily if you feel like it.
Of course people want make this guy into ultra Hitler and blame the situation entirely on him.
- If it wasn't clear, I wasn't saying he's the most horrible person in the world but rather that his issue is most likely linked to the way he sees women.
  I also could've sworn I made a point about it being a societal issue rather than just that individual's
It definitely reeks of incel energy, which is unsurprising considering the source.

Anon imagining a giant, insurmountable gap between his life and his coworker's life is a huge part of the problem.

He has a job, goes to the gym and apparently he is able to experience emotions. Also, a seemingly well-adjusted person inviting him home immediately suggests he is able to make a good and trustworthy impression.

He can jump the gap easily, he just doesn't know it, so he's timidly staring to the other side and imagining what it must be like to live there.

If you think you're flawed, unattractive and unworthy of love, you can easily remain untouched way into your adult life, just by sabotaging yourself.

He is looking over the fence seeing the grass being greener.
But doesn't notice the gate
- Well sometimes you need help to see that gate. If he has not seen the gate yet then how will he magically see it now until it is pointed out
Let's be honest here, given that we have a partial, biased peek into anon's life, there could be a myriad of reasons that make that apparently small gap a far more serious problem. He may have a notoriously ugly face or body, he may suffer from heavy anxiety at the tought is becoming intimate with another person as a result of trauma, he may have atypical nonverbal communication, he may not want to form a connection with someone he doesn't really have much in common with, he might be a mysoginist. These possibilities would limit his options a lot, and looking for someone when you're supposedly doing everything right but still having so much trouble is painful.
If not saying Anon shouldn't look for tools to actually find a partner if he wants to put in that effort, but that we shouldn't underestimate his difficulties.
- Also, maybe he has body dismorphia which destroys his self confidence and therefore limits his contact to women even more.

Anon's co-worker would probably be willing to try and help him, especially given that he was helping them. The social nature of humans is our low-key superpower.

Evolutionary biologist here.
The social nature of humans is our high key superpower. It’s an increasingly common position that our individual intelligence is at least in significant part a side effect of an evolutionary arms race in an increasingly complex social environment, and that this was added to by the multilevel selection dynamic of increasingly cooperative groups. See EO Wilson for more details, as he’s one of the more prominent biologists who studied the phenomenon.
- Our social nature is powerful, sure. Sweating, though...

My horny ass was waiting til coworker and his wife asked to get fucked by op

A+ for the literary exercise. Authror played us like a fiddle. I still love these greentexts, even if they're fake. All good fun.
Maybe they would have if op hadn't ran out! At least that's what I'm going to imagine...zip
- Same homie same
Yeah I definitely thought it was either going into full threesome fantasy or that OP would get a boner or do some other high IQ move on the wife.
I wanted to give you an upvote, but you are at 69 right now an I couldn't bring myself to do it.
You might wanna try dating apps, its often easier than most would like to meet swingers and couples looking for their third, their unicorn. But negotiating a threesome is more difficult than most of them are ready for.
- Oh you sweet bean. I really want to comment on this and not be dismissive. But I am quite old and very sexualy experimental. I'm polyam with two partners and I've been a bull for couples before. But thank you for trying to direct people that maybe less knowledgeable then myself. Keep being kind!

A 22 year old that's married with a house?

Lol

- "hey, wanna come over at my landlord's house?"
That gave me pause, too. But I have a family member who bought a house at around 19 - a fixer upper in a semi rural area in Georgia (the US state) with a down-payment from his family. His dad helped him repair it and make it liveable. So that's lending some verisimilitude to the story.
- Upvote for specifying US state, not the country!
- It's possible in a very rural area with mommy and daddy's help, but it's definitely not 'finding happiness'.
  Owning a house means being house poor, can't buy what you want because all your money is spent maintaining your property. That's stressful.
  Getting married in your early 20s is also a recipe for disaster, you change too much in that time period and have no idea what you really want out of life. FOMO starts to hit as 30 approaches and both partners blame one another for trapping them in an isolated home with no money and the next 50 years looking exactly like the last 10 did.
- Yeah when I was 16 I had a 19 year old girlfriend who owned her own place. It wasn’t a small place either, 5 bedrooms, 2 bath, large living room and an entertainment room.
  She bought it for 20,000 in a tiny rural neighborhood in the middle of nowhere. It was always packed with young people partying. One day she got married, had kids, and raised them there.
  She sold the house about 5 years ago for 60k and used that as a nice down payment on a nice house in the middle of town.
  She got the place for a damn good price. It was in an old mining town and had been cared for since the 60s by a housekeeper for a rich family who left when the mines went under. I’m not joking, when we went to look at the place it was a time capsule. It had magazines in baskets in the kitchen from the 60s. The decor hadn’t been changed. The woman who lived there kept to her one room and maintained the rest of the house. It had the color tv the owners bought in the late 60s, a bookshelf with old encyclopedias, the original washing machine and classic stove. The guy who owned it was the owner of the local cable company and there was a building full of old cable hardware. He had a washing room built outside for the lady who stayed there where she kept her personal belongings. It was a large room with an attic. Hell, someone could have lived in there honestly.
  It was amazing. Kind of broke my heart to see it changed.
What a dumbass, had that masseuse chick right there and he married a building
Renting exists.
Yeah these creative writing exercises are getting very creative
He could be in the military. I know a few people married with houses in the US at about that age, and the story fits.
- He's fucked his life up 3 times then
My fiance put the down payment on our house and had us moving in when she was 23, so it's definitely possible even on meager income. We don't have the nicest house in the world, but it's good enough and we got lucky on the timing, it would cost us a lot more now, only 5 years later.

To anyone who is in the position of anon, the task is simple, just spend time with them. Treat them like people, which is what they are, instead of something to be won or to be won over.

Mutual respect, common principles, and a spark is all that's really needed. Understand that while you may be interested, they might not be. Would you really want to be with someone who doesn't genuinely want to be with you? Probably not, so just keep going. You'll get that spark eventually and things will kick off. Until then, be a good person and treat everyone with respect.

The whole confidence game is a bit misleading too. Confidence comes from being proud of yourself, more than anything. If you're not proud of yourself, perhaps that's an area to improve. Do things that you'll be proud of, and become someone who is confident in the process. Understand that not everyone will be impressed by your achievements, and that's ok. It's not a competition.

Any person who will shame others for their interests probably aren't worth knowing.

If you have serious struggles with confidence and relationships, there's no shame in seeking help with the council of a friend or from a professional.

Be well.

- Got it, hit the gym in VR chat
To anyone who is in the position of anon, the task is simple, just spend time with them. Treat them like people, which is what they are, instead of something to be won or to be won over.
For OP, who is lacking massively in experience with both intergender emotional connections as well as intergender physical intimacy, your methods are unlikely to work anymore. Most age-appropriate women for him are going to be looking for an experienced man, and will be revolted by his lack of experience.
And yes, even my wife (46) confirmed this in a recent conversation last year, and she’s pretty darn progressive. Beyond a certain age - usually around 22, but it differs with each woman - most women start getting turned off by any inexperience a man might have with emotional and physical intimacy. By this age, women begin to want and prefer an experienced man who has proven his worth with prior relationships.
Why? Because an older man without experience practically screams “I am an exceptionally poor choice for you” precisely because no other woman has decided to take a chance on him -- this is an actual preselection sexual strategy found in almost all women.
Sure, he might still find someone. But at his age, the likelihood that he’ll be chosen for any reason other than being an ATM and/or a surrogate father to children who aren’t his, is statistically about as close to 0% as he can get. He has about as much chance of finding a truly good and loving woman (who is still single, childless, and not below the half-plus-seven rule) as he does winning the Powerball several times in a row.
- You start off strong and then go fully off the incel cliff at the end there
- I agree that it limits the number of woman that might be options.
  But you are making it sound neat impossible. And that that is just not true.
  Somebody will be out there who sees something in op. It might take a bit to find her, but honestly, as long as he learned to treat her as a human beeing and not as an asset to aquire he'll be good.
  I met my wife with 36 while she was 38. There are reasons she was single. There where reasons I was a single.
  We have been the happiest couple I can imagine and I can't fathom how much luck I had.
  Don't give up. Learn to be a descent humans. The rest will fall into place eventually.
- You're making one very serious assumption that ruins your entire argument.
  You assume that all women 22+ are going to have the same opinion as your wife.
  You're assuming that I'm speaking exclusively about lonely men, not even stopping to consider that the advice I gave would have any use to women.
  Factually, there are plenty of lonely women, ladies who may never have been kissed, etc. The difficulties that would lead someone to be in the position of being, for lack of a better term, a 40 year old virgin, are not exclusive to men.
  There are entire communities dedicated to people who are "forever alone" (so far), with other people who are the same.
  And that's not even considering all of the other types of intimate relationships people can have.
  It's so arrogant to think that your small, isolated and anecdotal experience is the only way things are, or could be. Then you use that anecdote to essentially tell people who are in that position that they're essentially without hope. How cruel. Even if your words had merit, throwing in the face of people trying to give people genuine advice is simply one of the worst things you could have done.
  Clearly, your mother never told you that "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".
  Enjoy your ratio.

Can someone get me in contact with green text anon guy? I'm a licensed massage therapist, I'm a woman, my hobbies are working out and he likes working out too and it was so poignant how he responded to that massage and he appreciates women and massage and health and his reaction to being the sad lonely third wheel was so heartbreaking and he deserves love.

He's behind 7 proxies, and at least one of them is emotional. In scientific probable reality he doesn't even exist.
Also not sure if it's a joke or some other angle, but there's lots of dudes out there (and on here) like that but I wouldn't expect it to ever work out well (if any offer was even accepted). It'd be long/difficult process even for doctors/therapists to fix people like this up with today's options. Maybe volunteer somewhere instead (if you don't already).
- He's definitely a real person. So real that millions can identify with how he was feeling. The fact that he verbalized it so well makes him even more precious. His feelings are real and valid and he deserves love. And millions of others just like him.
- why are people here talking about fixing? What ecactly are the things he's told that need fixing? That he's nervous to ask women to go on a date? How does this mean he needs fixing? I'm sorry can we stop pretending we need to be perfect before having a relationship?
  The amount of pressure this puts into people is crazy, if you have obvious problems you should ofc fix them but a ton of times having someone by your side and them having you can help tons if you both are sincere and communicating.
  Just stop it please, this dude showed nothing wrong, if anything how he realized he misses being in love with someone, my god.
- I'm not as broken as OP but it's still gonna take a professional unbrokenor. Don't touch me, I'll cry.
Don't choose a guy to fix him, it does good for neither of you.
- This.
  Unfortunately, this old quote is true far more often than not:
  Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Hey i like working out too

Loneliness epidemic. Anon is not alone. I mean, he is alone in a way, but he is also not alone in a different way.

Steve feelin' lonely, but Steve ain't alone.
There's a million other Steves in their little Steve homes...
Totally.
I'm there right now in a way. Between pandemic, being single, and living off-grid in the woods...
It'd been 2 years since I had any physical contact with anyone. Was visiting a friend a few weeks ago and they hugged me when I left. I had to pull back because I could feel the emotions building. Until that moment I hadn't realized how lonely I was and how much I missed being close to another person. Didn't think I had the desire to date again but now I know I have the need.

I was expecting surprise threesome but received surprise depression instead

Anon flew so close to the sun and didn't even know how hot it was.

I have quite a bit of sympathy for this man. Never being loved or touched makes for a broken mind. As repugnant it is to say I'm relieved he turned his misery into self hatred rather than anger to those around him. Hopefully he will either find someone or ages out of the desire for romantic companionship thus ending his turmoil.

What the fuck are you talking about. Self hate is surely not helpful for anything and definetly not for finding people that like you or turing into a decent person. smh
- Self hate can go three ways: deterioration, motivation, or repression.
  Deterioration is the worst outcome for the individual. Self hate becomes learned helplessness which can cripple a person's mental state.
  Motivation is usually the most productive. Using that self hatred as a starting point to address personal issues. The original author stated they were going to the gym on the regular, considering what they wrote I would conjecture self hatred might be the motivation there.
  Repression varies in harm to an individual. You either accept and move on about negative aspects about yourself or you ignore them outright. It's the bottling up of negativity, not addressing the underlying issues. This is the way some people handle criticism, which can be disastrous for society when powerful people keep adopting this method.
  Now to address your statement about self hatred not being helpful for finding someone or becoming a decent person; not processing negative emotions isn't healthy and a girlfriend isn't going to be a magic fix for the author to be happy.

What's a "khv wizard"?

Kissless handholdless virgin. Basically “never been kissed, never held hands, never had sex.” There’s a running internet joke that if you’re still a virgin by the age of 40, you get rewarded with wizard powers.
- 30
Kissless handholdless (I've seen some say hopeless} virgin
- I thought the h stood for hugless.

Man that's a rough read

The reason why channers shouldn't be allowed to partake in society, as a single image.

The reason why channers shouldn't be allowed to partake in society, as a single image.
Why? Just because you enjoy kicking people when they’re down? To punish someone for never having gained any experience because no-one ever took a chance on them?
At least this channer is fully aware of his problem. And he never rejected experience -- those that could have given it to him rejected him due to his lack of it.
You cannot peacefully and ethically acquire what others refuse to provide to you. That goes equally as much for experience with intergender emotional connections as it does for intergender physical intimacy.
At worst he is to be pitied, because most women who are age-appropriate for him will be revolted by his inexperience; his only current utility to most women at this point will be as an ATM and/or surrogate father to children who are not genetically his. His only statistically significant chance for true happiness is to become intrinsically motivated and go his own way.
- Why?
  Because he's got the emotional intelligence of a child, just like you. Oh, and because channers are pretty much all raving lunatics, there's that as well.

How fucked am I that I laughed at this post

Me too

Haha relatable

Sadly I can relate to anon.

That's painful to read as I've been there. Hell I've even been there while in a relationship that was in troubled waters before. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes, but I promise it's there.

"Those who do not move, do not notice their chains."

This pain and shame is a universal experience for those who plan to make big changes in life, and I hope that poster who got a taste of freedom works his way loose of what burdens him. That shame, that perspective on women being so alien to him, that score keeping of virginity and touch. Shame is so unhelpful, and change is a natural element of human life. You can do it!

Mf, just get some bitches 😔