Do you agree?

My older sister wasn’t the black sheep until she dropped out of high school and got addicted to crack.

Now she’s a MAGA head and her youngest daughter hates her and her oldest has already disowned her mom and has a great life with two awesome kids.

The rest of my family is fine and gets along well.

Sometimes they’re just black sheep

I told on my stepfather for raping my sister for five years, when she finally told me what was happening, he was in jail within 24 hours. I was 16, she was 15, brother, 14. He was an abusive fuck to all of us, but he groomed my little sister. I saved her she said. We were then put into foster care.

Homeless, many times from 18 through my 20s. My maternal grandmother had a five bedroom house with only her and her husband living there. Retired, wealthy.

I never understood why she wouldnt take me in, or any of us for that matter. I had wanted a good relationship with this grandmother, I thought she was the most sane. But, I didn't know at the time who she really was.

She saw me as a bad person, because I aired the truth of my stepfather. Her husband, I found out in the early years of my adulthood, raped all his three daughters, and my grandmother, instead of adressing it and leaving him, protected him, and in turn was mean/abusive to these daughters of hers, my aunts and mother.

Ten years pass, my sister is on a visit with them. I don't speak with my mother or that side anymore. My sister texts me that my granmother misses and loves me while on her trip. I spoke a little shit, reminding her if she loved me she wouldn't have left me or any of us on the street, how she's very superficial. My grandmother was always more interested in what the community would think of her, if she lived the same lifestyle as them, keeping up with the jones' type shit, than with actually protecting and loving her own family.

Cue my sister saying, "you were always trouble for grandma, you're always so dramatic". I've heard these words from my mother too.

I never took anything from my grandmother, she never helped me in hard times, nor celebrated me in the good.

I was trouble to my grandmother because I spoke the truth about my stepfather, to save my sister, and she's was afraid, I would tear into her dirty closet. Took some years for me to work it out. That's why my grandmother didn't trust me. The irony of my sister taking my grandmothers side blew my mind.

I've a loving family now, so much love, and I'm glad to be the new matriarch, though I do hope my son chooses not to have children. Either way, I protect my family. In ways they never did, love, in ways they never did,

I'd rather be the black sheep than deal with lying idiots. When I heard through the grapevine my grandfather died of prostate cancer, I had a good chuckle.

These are the same people who will, "well, I went through ________ and I turned out alright."
No the fuck you did not.
- Exactly

Eh. In my case it was because I didn't wear the right clothes and colors that fit into what they deemed the perfect Christian son. Like literally going to church multiple times a week, super involved in church fundraisers and such, but because I liked wearing black I got shunned. Stupid shit. Opened my eyes early on to how these religious groups will pick anything to hate someone.

sorry but some people are just assholes. i can't blame the parents when only one of the bunch of their kids just can't get along with anyone. I'm not saying it's their nature; but "nurture" isn't always just the family.

This post gives Reddit vibes where everything is black and white and the contrarian is always right

I'm sure there are families where this exists so cleanly, but the truth for most families is probably in the middle

Well, my dad was the black sheep such that his mom thought he was possessed and needed an exorcism, but even after she came around he still had that same classification among my aunts and uncles. Now, long after my grandma has died, he's still the odd one but the siblings are all very fond of each other. Not sure if grandma's Catholicism started it all, or his undiagnosed ADHD, or just generally being the oldest and quite rebellious in a large household, but it's all love these days.

Or your uncle that stole your car yo sell it for meth.

Yeah. Apologize to your uncle for traumatizing them.

I'm 100% sure that my black sheep family member was just born an asshole, and talk radio told him for decades that it's OK to be a racist asshole, so he leveled up to that quickly. His bad decisions as an adult were his alone based on greed and short-sighted "I'll get away with it!" racist-privileged assumptions.

Everyone else in the family is mostly relatively fine, and no one would have gone out of their way to traumatize child 4 of 5.

Exactly. The black sheep is simply someone that doesn't fit in, for whatever reason.
Sometimes they are the one nice person in an asshole family, like OP implied, but equally they could be the one asshole in a nice family.
"Black Sheep" says nothing about the individual identified as the sheep. The only constants in the situation are that the large group, the family, will always think they are in the right and there is something wrong with the sheep, while the sheep will always think he or she is in the right and there is something wrong with the family.
Who is really in the right will vary.
This. Black sheep at age 10: yeah, I gues smistakes were made by the family.
Black sheep at age 50: That guy had 30 adult years to go to therapy and get his act together. At a certain point one can't blame their messed up childhood anymore.
Turns into a generational thing as well: "I only messed up raising you because my dad messed up raising me and his dad messed up raising him". Nobody takes the responsibility to fix anything and instead just blames everyone before them.

this is assinine. It also proudly displays the "everything is everyone else's fault" mentality which is deeply, profoundly toxic.

People with good mental health dont kbsess over the past.

The way that you’re treated by your family today is (usually) the same way you were always treated by them. People with good mental health grieve this loss and then move forward. Grief work takes a lot of time.
- I concur
Fucking lol

Ehhh i wouldnt say you could say for sure. I know some black sheep that very much deserve it.

I'll elaborate on that some black sheep have larger undiagnosed issues due to historical not knowing better. I have a large extended family with a tonne of undiagnosed ADD. the black sheep uncle has said ADD coupled with substance abuse/addiction issues. When you take that with the prevailing society 40 years ago you can guess which way it went. Fast forward his son also has substance abuse/addiction issues and diagnosed bipolar along with undiagnosed ADD. I personally have diagnosed ADD and undiagnosed mania.
Point being, many black sheep are probably just a victim of the times and a lack of understanding.
Yeah but I've never seen a scientific study that demonstrates which version is more common, not to mention that you're ignoring implications of cause and effect.

It’s a scapegoat aka the identified patient aka the truth teller. The family is highly dysfunctional and instead of addressing the actual problem, they attack the person in the family who talks about the problem (truth teller)… making them the problem instead. Projection. Booyah. The only way to win is to distance yourself from them. They’ll see the light when pigs fly.

This is me exactly. I just finished typing a comment as to why I was black sheeped in my family.
One thousand percent it was because I was and always will be, a truth teller.
It terrified my shit bag family.

Shout-out to all the black sheep from conservative families. I'm a black sheep for not being anti vaccines, LGBT and Palestine.

Yeah that's my situation. I'd try to avoid political discourse and just pretend to ignore their views, but over time it gets harder and harder to ignore. I had to just cut them all off eventually.

I don't really think of that phrase that way. I think of it as "the person that did not follow the family dynamic". This could either be positive or negative by societal standards.

If the "black sheep" person comes from a crazy racist family, and the person rejects that racist garbage, they might be outcasts from the family for not following the dynamic, but they'd certainly be the better person in my opinion. Conversely, if the "black sheep" person is career criminal, and the rest of the family is law abiding, then the person with the "black sheep" title would the more traditional agrarian reference to black sheep in the herd and be an outcast from the family for their criminal behavior.

This.
Someone who's just too different from the rest of the family.
I know people who got cast out for stupid reasons but also people who kind of did it to themselves. There's never a systematic way to decide this.
- Yeah, we cut off communication with the trumpet in my family. He and his wife died of Covid a couple years ago.

When I hear "Black sheep of the family" I think about the absolute banger released in 1983 by John Anderson.

https://youtu.be/7pJL7TRM00Y

How about Martin Sexton? Youtube - Martin Sexton - Black Sheep
- Metric? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xcSDYy3Dl4

Or it could mean the one who doesn’t like fishing

Not always. My dad was the black sheep of the family because he was fucking crazy. It was a self imposed moniker. "Everyone was out to get him," despite constant love and support from his family, especially his mom who is a goddamn angel.

Bipolar drug addicts are not fun. Not fun at all.

I knew a family who's "black sheep" situation happened because of unreported pedophilia. They should've reported it, sure, but the victim is an adult now and just wants to move on, and the sheep in question fled the state.

So no.

Being traumatized and ostracized exists but sometimes people get the black sheep treatment because that's the least they deserve. I wouldn't assume anything about a situation like that.

Yup. Had a great-uncle who was the ‘black sheep’ for this same reason.
Of course, back in those days you didn’t report it, you just made sure to not let the kids around them and ostracized them from most social events, because reporting it was ‘airing the dirty laundry in public’.

Sometimes. Other times you've got a sociopath, psychopath or - worst of all - a flaming narcissist on your hands.

The black sheep is the victim of the narcissist's family.

No. The persecution complex....

I was the black sheep of my family before it was cool.

...like in the 1970s.

ETA: I have an ancient blogpiece about this, and author Janet Hardy surmised that we weirdos kicked out of our paddling for being the ugly duck often have to go and find a paddling of like-souled ducks who don't find those traits so ugly. We don't necessarily grow up to be swans (or even scrappy geese who come back for revenge) but there are folks out there who get you.

I like your column. ★★★★★

In some cases it can just be that one person who chose to become an asshole or whatever

I'm the one that's not an asshole.

My father (a boomer) was the black sheep of his family. It started when he switched religions, which seems fucking stupid, because it is. But it seems it just went from there and never got better. He was fairly belligerent about it, which I can understand. I know literally no one from his side of the family.

No. I’m the black sheep because I am creative and a juggalo in a family that is largely uncreative with a live laugh love kinda vibe. We all love each other just the same.

I've always said my mom is not the black sheep of the family, because that was definitely Uncle Jimmy; she is the Purple polkadotted sheep of the family. Sounds like that's what you might be.

Well, depends, some people are just shitty. My uncle repeatedly steals from the family. First time, he charged my mom for a wardrobe that he never made (he's a carpenter); last time, he stole my dad's identity to buy a car. I've never heard anyone refer to him as "the black sheep" and it wasn't until the identity theft incident that he was cut off from the family, though.

Hmmm, is that why I'm ostracized? Have not talked to my brother and his many kids since 2016.

I hate my 2 sisters, so, don't give a shit about them anyway.

Don't really agree with this, at least in my case. I consider myself to be the black sheep of the family, but that's mostly because my life's a complete mess, and I'm fine with it.

If they could "apologise and do better" the problem wouldn't have arisen in the first place.

I’m definitely the black sheep of the family, but not an outcast per se. I decided to reject the traditions I grew up with, but everyone remains mostly civil.

Partly. I became the black sheep of my family of my own volition. They tried their "best" to assimilate and subjugate me to their vision for me, for what I was supposed and expected to be and do for the family. I pulled the Eject lever as soon as I found it.

Disagree. Some people are just different from those around them. I never heard the term black sheep to be inherently negative. Black sheep make wool too, you just have to sell it separately.

When I hear the term, I think of the Rainbow cover of the Quatermass song. But that's just me.

When I was young, the term black sheep always implied crookery, from gently bending the law to absolutely smashing it. Maybe that was just my family.

I think there are other ways. In the process of finding what aligns with you internally, you have explore outside the family.