3d ago

‘Britain’s most tattooed man’ claims he is unable to watch p*rn as 'new age check system mistakes his ink for a mask' | Need To Know

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3d ago

‘Britain’s most tattooed man’ claims he is unable to watch p*rn as 'new age check system mistakes his ink for a mask' | Need To Know

needtoknow.co.uk /2025/07/30/britains-most-tattooed-man-claims-he-is-unable-to-watch-prn-as-new-age-check-system-mistakes-his-ink-for-a-mask/

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3d ago

‘Britain’s most tattooed man’ claims he is unable to watch p*rn as 'new age check system mistakes his ink for a mask' | Need To Know

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3d ago

British man claims he's unable to watch porn as tattoos confuse age check system

needtoknow.co.uk /2025/07/30/britains-most-tattooed-man-claims-he-is-unable-to-watch-prn-as-new-age-check-system-mistakes-his-ink-for-a-mask/

131 comments

the greatest Onion writer could never come up with a headline like this
He should get a VPN, for example: https://mullvad.net/en
Let this man watch porn without giving out any of his personal information. I too want to watch porn without giving out any of my personal information. You do too, if you watch porn.
- The people making the rules know this. They just … in their Christian nationalist hearts believe porn shouldn't exist. And since there's too much precedent to simply make it illegal (they've tried before). So here they're trying to make watching it as painful and degrading as humanly possible.
  In other words, you're not wrong - just preaching to the choir.
  
  Christian nationalists say that porn shouldn't exist while watching a lot of porn and they would get mad if someone took away their porn. They only want others to not watch porn.
  
  Yeah. Except these “Christians” also love to rape children. It’s pure projection on their part.
If only there was a very easy, simple way to trick the system into thinking you are an adult.
- valve faceposer
From here
It's all part of the plan. Only this time they let the cousins across the pond do the first significant move.
- The line about "educators and public libraries" gives away the real game; this isn't about actual pornography at all.
  The "pornography" they're referring to here is any form of media that portrays LGBTQ+ people in a neutral or positive light.
  
  The age old problem of "if you remove rights from criminals, you can just change the definition of crime to encompass the people you don't like"
  
  Don't forget people of any color but white having any kind of fun. That's shameful, too!
  🙄
Since when did keeping kids off of porn sites become everyone else's problem and not the problem of parents? Oh, right, that's just a bullshit reason to make accessing porn more difficult and a security risk since they can't just make porn illegal.
- It's not even that. Porn is just a bystander here. The first step is put in place a very large framework for making some form of verification mandatory on arbitrary services and sites under the guise of whatever (terrorism, child protection, and extremely niche content are good candidates). Once it's in place, it becomes the new normal very quickly.
  Then, as the government, you suddenly have the power to extend the provision of said system to whatever the fuck you want. That's where things gets funky, and not the good kind.
  
  And look at the money.
  The reasoning for this is to eventually lock the internet down completely to put up fences and paywalls everywhere to every single site so that even if you pay for the privilege of using the internet, you will have to pay more money to actually use the internet.
  It is all about controlling you and taking every single penny they possibly can out of your pocket.
  All of the tracking, all of the identity verification, all of the invasive watching every single thing you do on your computer and your phone, everywhere, all of the time always, is all about milking you for every single penny they can.
  Even though they are insanely rich, beyond the imagination of any human being that has ever lived in the hundreds of thousands of years of humanity's existence on this planet they still don't have enough money and they will still never be satisfied with how much money they have.
  The fact that there are free websites where people can congregate and communicate and have fun with each other without paying them for the privilege galls them.
  It grinds their heart and soul the way watching a dog get shot in the head at the end of old yeller does to a normal person.
  These people are evil, and we need to stop them.
  When it comes down to it, we may have to rise up and slay them.
  
  “Oh look, we just banned all the opposition party from using any online services at all because (checks notes) campaigning against us is hate speech “
  All you EU chatters going on about us in the US sitting on our asses and not doing anything about what’s going are gonna eat your fucking words if you don’t show us how it’s done, and quick, because they’re coming for you HARD right now
  
  That's when the databases become huge targets and the government officials get their everything leaked online. They voted against privacy, they can enjoy the stones they threw in the glass house they forced themselves into.
- It's more than that, they want to
  limit who can post and make money off porn, and no, this isn't to support small creators at all unfortunately
  build massive blackmail networks
  build massive sex work websites with curated AI models and videos
  And yes, any time ANY ONE EVER says, "Do it for the kids, just think of the kids," when it is not something DIRECTLY and CONSENSUALLY helping kids, but instead FORCING ADULTS TO DO THINGS, is being manipulative every time.
  
  The only time the phrase "do it for the kids" is actually valuable is when it's someone asking you to grill hot dogs at a picnic.
  If it's a politician saying it, "do it for the kids" is slang for "bend over and take it up the ass because otherwise you're a bad person".
- I think the narrative is now that "parenting is hard" and you can't expect parents to do it right by themselves. Parenting used to be easy so parents didn't need any help but now it's just too difficult and government needs to help.
  
  Parenting used to be easy so parents didn't need any help but now it's just too difficult and government needs to help.
  Ahh ok, so that means they're for parental leave, and free daycare/preschool, right?
  And surely they'll do something to lower the maternal and infant mortality rates, right?
  And they'll definitely make sure that we're teaching proper sex education, and making contraceptives free and widely available in order to lower the rate of unwanted pregnancies, right?
  Right??
  
  Can't raise kids? Don't have kids. You're not ready yet.
- They can't make porn illegal yet.
you're allowed to say PORN on the internet
- Not in Britain
  
  "You got a loicense for that???"
- Sobering how all the tech bro social sites are programming people to self-censor so the bots don't cull their posts. The Internet is turning into a shitfuck.
  
  shitfuck
  Reported for language
  
  We needed a national online govt forum where we could sue for freedom of speech violations by mods etc. Unfortunately our government lacks leadership or progressives so
- Not only are they censoring porn, they're censoring the word itself!
- Not in the UK
- Why you think the net was born? Prn, prn, prn!
  
  Parn? Pern? Purn?
  I guess we'll never know ¯(ツ)/¯
I'm confused, can't literally anyone just generate an AI selfie to submit for the censorship?
A couple news cycles ago was just talking about how AI video and image generation has progressed so far that it is really difficult for any system to tell it is AI in some cases. This seems like the perfect usecase for that.
Or does it need to link to a real person ID or something?
- Selfie doesn't work, you need to turn your head left and right to follow instructions.
  But yeah, there's a bunch of avatars that will bypass it
  
  GMod apparently works lol
- The simplist answer is that this guy could buy some high-coverage foundation and a make-up sponge. He could change his appearance in other ways too if he likes - get a wig, fake nose, etc.
wow, they actually, properly, fully did this shit. Amazing.
So glad I left that shithole. My friends are aparantly using VPNs, which is the same fucking thing I had to use to access WIKIPEDIA in TURKEY.
- Well, maybe not properly
  
  enough for it to be consistently a violation of privacy and all the rest of the terrible things it does.
I hope he sues and wins
I don’t want to know anything more about this man other than he has a lot of tattoos, likes porn, and isn’t afraid to say it.
- We can also surmise that he's bad at computers.
  
  I'm sure he could probably figure out a VPN or a site that doesn't give a fuck about UK law, but chose to stir shit anyway.
  
  You can assume anything you want, but that doesn't make it true. This guy wanted to stir the pot. I'll assume he just wants to bring attention to this dumb law.
He knows that video games where you can pose the character can bypass it, right?
Iirc death stranding and a few others have been shown to work.
Alternatively VPNs work.
Or piracy.
- I don't think that's really the point.
hmm, something tells me that facepaint will come into style in the next 10 years...
- I'm honestly already thinking about anti-AI recognition make-up.
  
  I want to go full cyberpunk and get QR codes tattooed on my cheeks that will either crash the cameras or tell the recognition software that I’m a stegosaurus.
King Of Ink Land King Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite has written to his local MP to air his grievances.
Holy shit. That's his legal name?!
For King of Ink Land, this is particularly tricky as the system believes he’s wearing a mask – but it’s actually his tattoo-covered face.
So is it first name 'King of Ink Land', last name 'King Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite'? Or is there a middle name in there?
The King of Ink Land, who is now considering using a VPN, was attempting to access a live webcam site when the issue arose.
Whoa whoa whoa. "The" King of Ink Land? That's his name, not a title!
Godspeed, King of Ink Land. I sincerely wish you success in this fight.
- The true King of United Kingdom.
- There's no such thing as "legal names" in the UK.
  
  People don’t need to file paperwork to change their name? They just start using a new one on legal documents?
They just need to support alternate verification paths for people like him, and people who have otherwise been disfigured.
They should sue for discrimination if steps are not quickly taken to support their situations.
It’s funny how this turns into the gov needing to provide equal access to porn.
- Or maybe the government needs to keep their hands off other people's dicks?
  
  Nah, we enjoy having our cold, dead, clammy government hands on your dick. We have to protect the children.
  The Government
- They just need to get the fuck off of people's life.
- I think they do provide ID verification too
  
  So the man with the most tattoos is just seeking attention?
🏴‍☠️ I live to ride the ocean
\ The mighty world around
\ To take a little plunder
\ And to hear the cannon sound 🦜
- Unexpected Knopfler
Back to wooded areas for you, my friend
How about... People are paid as age verifiers. Win, win. More jobs, lower chance of data being stolen, maybe more awkwardness if you came across your partner on the other end of the teleconference call.
Or, how about this, bring back porn theatres. Industry gets paid from ticket sales, you have a ticket person who can ask for ID.
Also, is porn really that damaging to kids? I remember when there were videos circulating from beheadings and that was far more traumatising.
- First thing I thought of was what if your family like aunt/uncle or cousin has this kind of job... that'd be way awkward.
  
  Doesn't need to be?
  "Oh, hi Andrew why are you here?" "Got a bottle of wine with my Asda order and need to go through this circus again..." "Well enjoy your wine, age approved, see you!"
  call disconnects, browser goes back to not-Asda
  
  Probably the more desirable dystopian future, to be honest.
- People are paid as age verifiers. Win, win. More jobs
  Broken window fallacy
- I like the rest of your points, but moving verification off to a different private companies is not solving anything. Why would a second company not sell your data or make it easy to steal?
  Edit: Ah, my bad, my brain erroneously conflated paying people with private companies.
  
  Why privatise though? Or if you do privatise, pass legislation to make data trading illegal unless you pay the person whose data is bring traded or make it outright illegal. Or figure out a way to make the data completely useless. Perhaps banning advertising and marketing or limiting what they can do. So many possibilities for a better future than this.
Pretty soon it'll be illegal to masturbate over anything but a picture of the king.
You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
- "Whaddaya mean I can't watch porn???"
I'd be devastated if I couldn't watch pyrn.
#LifeGoals
Not saying that he should have to do this -- but I bet he could apply foundation+concealer to cover them up.
- Why bother, just generate a face with some other AI and call it a day.
  This entire thing is some out of touch shit.
  
  Dead Internet is coming faster than I thought.
- Well, that would be putting on a mask.
On one hand this guy has a hell of a hobby that seems like it steps on everything else in his life. On the other its amazing dude exists to fuck with normative behavior and policies that exist to keep people down.
Sail the high seas, friends.
- Nah, maybe he has some ground to counter this insanity the government is pushing. They enacted this silly shit, and now they're violating his rights as an adult.
  
  O yea fully agree. Fuck laws like that.
Britain’s most tattooed man proves to be too dumb to get around this system as it stands and he is unable to watch porn :( He told the media :(
- Eh, or he decided to use his unique situation to illuminate how bonkers the situation has gotten.
  
  Likely true! I'm being a shit.
  
  This! People need to read between the lines here. Even if this wasn't originally his case, he needs to make it his case and go up against the government and this stupid knee-jerk law they've enacted. It's either some reactionary response to religious extremists, or the "protecting kids" nonsense is a total scapegoat.
He should put lemon slices over his eyes to complete the look.
“Ah good, finally have some alone time. Just gotta go put on a full face of caked-on concealer before I can jork it.”
OI YOO GOH A LOISESNCE FORE THAHT PHORN?
Out of curiosity, what does the law say exactly? Is distributing porn without age verification illegal? Like, if I set up a a 'take one, leave one' free porn box, would using it be illegal?
- Feed the need to breed! (Or at least trick your brain into thinking you are.)
What a fuckwit.
Does he not have a printer?
- I don't think it's that common to own a functioning printer anymore
  
  Some of us are old enough to have a functional pre-enshittifation Brother B/W laser printer off in a dark corner of the house. It waits. It bides its time. It has a toner cartridge from the Obama administration.
  Today’s greybeards might show the youngins their old box of punch cards.
  The next generation, in addition to many elders wearing cat ears instead of beards, will astonish the junior engineers by clicking print and it just works!! No App? No account? No subscriptions? No driver installation? No giant bloated utility pack that installed itself when you just asked for drivers? Wait and it did that over Wi-Fi?!?! It can connect to the internet and it still does the things you ask it to do?
  Whoa whoa whoa, and you don’t even have your printer gun here! How are you going to shoot it when it starts making new noises after a shady forced update?
  
  It's about to make a comeback.
- I don't get it.
  The only use for a printer in this situation that I can think of is printing individual video stills and making them into an erotic flick-book, but I'm sure that's not it
  
  Print stuff to fool cameras. Old trick, finding new use.
  Doesn't work well on people, but it's very diffocult to train a model on the difference between printed and real images.
Oi bruv, this wanker thinks it’s bollocks.
Put on a base of foundation and try again. You’ll have to use a lot, but how bad do you wanna watch the porn dude?

131 comments