I am not an irritable person, but the ending of the whale Made me get up from my seat and yell "OH COME ON!" To the screen; Frustrating, corny , manipulative misery porn.
Princess Bride. The narrative framework of some shitkid not appreciating that his grandpa is Columbo ruins the whole thing. Those two characters should be cut out and then it can be good. ...Okay, Peter Falk can stay.
Avatar
No Country For Old Men.
I was actually really enjoying the whole cat and mouse thing until the main fucking character died off-screen.
How does nobody ever talk about how shitty that "plot twist" is? It's not clever. It's not entertaining. It's just bad storytelling. They don't even show you a good shot of him to convey what actually happened. My girlfriend and I had to rewind it twice because it was so fucking stupid and made so little sense.
That's actually how I feel about most of the Coen Brothers' movies. The classical narrative structure exists for a reason. It's a good framework for telling a story that makes sense.
Sometimes there's a good artistic reason for diverting from that and telling the story in an unconventional way. Other times it's just pretentious auteur garbage.
This might come off as pretensions, but you should trust the writers more. The movie, and book, are very well written, and if something doesn't make sense, you should consider that you missed something.
I'll say this, Llewelyn Moss is not the main character. The movie doesn't start or end on him. He doesn't change or evolve as a character. How he died isn't the point.
It helps to focus on what Anton Chigurh said about rules, and what the Sheriff says about what he is willing to die for.
If you want me to just spell out the theme, I can do that to, but I think you would enjoy it more if you trust the movie.
Yeah, I've heard that before, about how Llewelyn isn't the main character. Not trying to be rude to you, but that sounds like bullshit. He's the character I'm rooting for. If the main character isn't the character I'm rooting for, then that doesn't sound like an enjoyable movie.
If you're saying Chigurh is the main character: he doesn't grow either.
If you're saying Tommy Lee Jones is the main character (which I've heard before), then I'm going to strain my eyes from rolling them so hard. He doesn't at any point interact with the plot. That's not good writing.
I get the Coens are doing it differently. They're not following the rules for how stories should be told. But different isn't the same as good, and the way they told the story was needlessly confusing and pretentious.
I always find it useful to use food as a metaphor to describe how I feel about movies. If No Country For Old Men were a meal, it would be expertly seasoned and cooked, with one extra ingredient that doesn't belong there and detracts from the whole thing, like if you made a perfect steak and drenched it in liquorice sauce.
And it would be served on a scrap of driftwood, or in a fishbowl, or on literally anything other than a plate. Everyone around me would be raving about the side dishes while I'm wondering why my meat tastes like shit.
You can include themes in a movie and still tell a coherent story. Try this: remove the theme. Is the movie any good? Is the plot entertaining, and does it make sense? No, it'd be really awful, and the inclusion of a theme doesn't excuse that.
Gladiator.
Were you not entertained?
Snowpiercer. It was highly rated on Rotten Tomatoes and from the poster I thought it stared U2's The Edge, so I took a chance. That was the dumbest shit I've ever seen.
I suppose a movie in which they spend half of the time running through sleeper cars wouldn't have conveyed the same message about classism.
Time to fight the army of goon in an empty car that seemingly serves no purpose than to host a large violent brawl, now it's time to walk through the sleeper car for all the goons you fought, now it's time to walk through the kitchen car for the goons, not it's time to walk through the laundry car for the goons. Oh look, it's a rich person party car, what a weird thing to have at all in any context, are they aware the world has ended? Now time to go through the partier's sleeper car, then the partier's kitchen car, then the partier's laundry car...
Almost all of Will Ferrell's movies, but especially Talladega Nights, a stupid movie about stupid people doing stupid things according to a stupid script. It's one of two movies I've ever walked out on (the other being Split, which is just gross). Stranger Than Fiction is the only good movie with Will Ferrell in a starring roll.
Zoolander?
Zoolander is a great movie.
Mugatu isn't a starring role and Will Ferrell plays the part well. If he was playing Zoolander the movie wouldn't be anywhere near as good.
The Dark Knight Rises. Not only is it a bad Batman movie, it oddly has a pro cop message. Also, I can't take Bane seriously at all with that ridiculous voice.
All of Nolan’s Batman movies were heavily pro-cop. Watch TDK again: the day is saved by illegal surveillance, and Batman faces no consequences for using it.
This is how I felt about all the Nolan Batman movies, except it was Batman himself I couldn't take seriously because of Bale's ridiculous Cookie Monster voice. I think I burst out laughing in the theatre when I first heard it.
I'm reminded of this video:
Gravity.
Literally the only movie I've ever turned off part way through. Youd think that the producers would have, i don't know, accurately depicted the force the movie is named after.
citizen kane. I mean I get it. If you geek out on cinematography history and the first of doing stuff but its just plain boring.
Avatar. Highest grossing movie in the world. Blue shit.
I mean it’s just Dances with Wolves in spaces.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Lucas directed Star Wars. Any. He's an awful director in almost every aspect. Some of the worst acting from extremely talented people I've ever seen because he doesn't know how to direct them.
Take the same cast, story, massage the script, and have ANYONE else direct, and it'd be great. I just can't with Lucas.
I think George Lucas would agree with you.
While he directed the first film, Empire and Jedi had other directors. When it came to the prequel series Lucas really tried to get someone else to direct, but everyone turned him down as the project was "too daunting".
Lucas is best as the idea guy.
Take the same cast, story, massage the script, and have ANYONE else direct, and it'd be great.>
Not true, they did this already with Ep7.
Chappie. I had to leave the theater early to prevent any more brain damage.
I agree. It was Short Circuit meets District 9.
Yeah it really sucked
The Big Lebowsky
That’s a rough one. Everyone ever loves it… I completely do not get it.
It had to grow on me, kinda like a fungus. I didn’t like it the first time. For some reason I was convinced to watch it twice more. Now it’s solidly alright for me.
Any superhero movie since 2008.
Probably getting some hate for saying this, but…. The Dune movies are some of the worst big budget movies I’ve seen. They look nice and the cinematography is awesome but that movie feels so damn empty.
I agree with the Dune movies and in particular; I think I don't like Denis Villeneuve; He takes a cute sci fi short story like "stories of your life" and turns it into a very self important dull thing. Then he takes a Novel about flying through space with drugs and doing terrorism warfare while riding sand worms and it all feels so somber and rigid. Man has no fun in him.
I will say, the first one is the most to-the-letter book adaptations i have ever seen.
Yeah, I'd rather watch the Lynch version anytime, the new ones are like 6 hours of bland, boring choices and wooden performances.
“Wooden performances” is the only way to describe the acting in Lynch’s. That movie is a confuding mess and painful to watch if you don’t know the story. A movie can’t simply assume you’ve read the book to understand it. People can only truly prefer Lynch to Villeneuve ironically. You can’t honestly think it’s better film.
Even the three part TV movies from around 2000 are better.
New Dune.
I was gonna ask why so I could provide a counter argument, but then the question specifically asks for a movie you will never be convinced is good. So I won’t bother lol.
I gave them an updoot for answering the question even though my personal opinion is that the two new Dune movies are top 10 movies of all time.
Nothing appeals to everyone, and I dislike a lot of critically acclaimed movies and other media because while they just don't resonate with me. Top Gun Maverick was a mediocre retread of so many movies that came before it that while it was well executed from a technical perspective, I found it forgettable and don't understand the hype.
Not the person you're replying to, but for my own POV:
I think the new Dune movies are the best they could be and I'm glad I was able to catch them in theaters, but they've also convinced me that Dune just isn't a franchise I'll ever be interested in. I'm not sure if I'd bother with the third movie, and any spin-offs are also fully out of the question for me.
IT (2017).
Do you like the one from 1990?
I tried watching that one a few years ago. It aged poorly
I'm rereading the book right now and just watched the movie. While I agree it's... not good and certainly not faithful to the source material, I think the kids were all fantastic. They acted their little hearts out and - in my opinion - really nailed the characters.
True, I have no problem with the actors
Titanic
Titanic is better if you interpret it differently:
Jack never existed. He was a coping mechanism for Rose to get away from crippling depression and self harm.
The whole movie can be interpreted that way, and it makes it much more interesting. There is no direct evidence for Jack's existence, and everything we hear about him interacting with others is from interviews with Old Rose.
In fact, some parts of the film make more sense when watching this way. Rose's near-miraculous ax hit to free Jack from handcuffs? Never happened. Not getting caught in cargo storage despite having a very involved tail who apparently just gave up? Never happened -- or at least, the part where Jack and Rose have sex in the car never happened.
There is a nude drawing of Rose which she says was done by Jack; however, it is actually signed "JD", so technically could have been any commissioned artist with those initials. In fact, Cal could even have set it up himself -- again, you only ever get Old Rose's version of events. Though we see Rose given the Heart of the Ocean diamond while on board Titanic (and she is wearing it in the drawing), there is once again no reason that must be the case, and since the drawing isn't dated, it could even predate her voyage. The letter she claimed she wrote to Cal about said drawing is not found with it, despite the two documents apparently being stored together.
And, note that a "Jackdaw" is a type of bird with various connections in lore -- one of which being that Jackdaws appear as a precursor to death or an omen of death. Rose claims she met Jack Dawson when he saved her from a suicide attempt.
I am not convinced
Titanic would’ve been a better movie if they’d cast someone other than DiCaprio. But it probably wouldn’t have been as big of a hit.
"There Will be Blood" was one of the most drab, boring, washed out, and damn near unwatchable movies of all time, yet everyone claims it's a masterpiece. It's just a story of a man becoming richer than god, and going off the deep-end, culminating in a scene where his adopted kid tells him how much they hate him, and him murdering someone in a misguided fit of rage. None of the characters are relatable, redeeming or interesting. The script has like a grand total of 1000 words across the entire 2.5 hour run time, and none of it is particularly compelling. What a snooze fest.
I get where you're coming from. There will be Blood is based on an Upton Sinclair novel, Upton Sinclair was a staunch socialist and this could be felt in his writing. The film is a send-up of American exceptionalism. Daniel Plainview literally pulls himself up by his bootstraps. In my opinion it's an amazing comedy
Jupiter Ascending
La la land. I hate that shit, I was happy when he lost the Oscar and I hadn't even seen the one he won.
Yeah I never got the hype for it being an oscar contender.
Hollywood is self-centered and loves movies about Hollywood. That's really the only reason La La Land was in the running.
Pi and Requiem for a Dream as a one-two punch.
"Being smart is such a curse I'd rather get a lobotomy" is boring, self-serving and trite, but the Reefer Madness-level "drugs bad" thing in Requiem is unbearable and requires every character to be entirely nonsensical.
Trainspotting was four years old by that point. How critics let Aronofsky get away with it is beyond me. To this day the closest I've been from walking out of a movie theatre. The only reason I stuck around was it was in a festival and I was there with other people.
Right there with you on these two. So overhyped.
Braveheart
Here are a few I could just never get into.
Brazil, Godfather, Fight Club, Wizard of Oz, and Gone With The Wind
Mothman prophecies
2012
The 2005 Elektra movie. It nearly killed Jennifer Garner's career! There's so much of that movie where I just have to wonder "What the fuck were they thinking?"
Slumdog Millionaire
Tar. Just, so boring.
I wanted to like it, but both my partner and myself were bored out of our minds watching it. Also what was that line… “I’m a BIPOC pangender”? Nobody has ever fucking talked like that.
End scene was fucking dope. That brought it up to a 6/10 for me.
Unfortunately people do talk like that, lol.
Event horizon. It has a big following but I don't get the big horror. And the gore in the director's cut is more annoying than shocking. Maybe if it was the first space horror movie you watched
Thank you!! I'm a big horror buff, and the amount of praise this movie gets is utterly baffling to me.
Teen Wolf, Goonies, ET
I'll give you Teen Wolf, but Goonies?! Man, what an adventure
Mulholland Drive.
While I like the movie overall, I don't get the hype about the diner scene with the jump scare. Even watched a couple video essays explaining it and don't understand how it does what people say it does.
Raising Arizona
