OP, don't take dating advice from Lemmy. That's my biggest tip I've got for ya.
The trick to being into anime, gaming, and being able to date is to find partners who enjoy the same things.
Or have other hobbies to balance. Anime and gaming aren't hobbies you bring out first.
That would be the responsible thing to do if you want to make sure you can find an acceptable mate.
But then there's ADHD and depression to deal with. Video games and anime are a lot more approachable if you don't have the psychological fortitude to take yourself out of the morning fun pit and go touch grass.
Non-joke response: be true to yourself. OP is fine for liking anime and video games, their date is fine for disliking the same. But don't feel like either one should change or hide themself whether for a single date, or even their "one true soulmate"! Either scenario is not a lasting strategy. Find someone who likes you for you, even if it's difficult and takes time...
if i were to guess, i'd say that for people it's not a problem with those hobbies in particular, but rather with the fact that the question implies you to say the most exciting things you do in a free time, therefore if you answer "anime and playing games" they consider you boring and uninitiative.
Idk "what are your hobbies" sometimes means "what do you do after work" and sometimes it means "what do you love to do when you can scrape together the time, money, and energy?"
As someone who is a bit older than the average 4chan user, but used 4chan when I was that age: don’t change your hobbies for
a girl/boyanother person.I get the reason people think this way - but you’ll never be able to hide who you truly are. Find someone who likes you for who you truly are.
And no, not showering isn’t who you truly are. Shower.
Be the best version of yourself.
Best version showers and wears deodorant.
This feels like you’re just rephrasing “don’t watch anime”
Keep in mind this is a 4chan green text, so the faux pas may have been mentioning Boku No Pico or something less innocent than “anime”
It’s not necessarily about “changing who you are,” it can be about the way you express those hobbies. Some people are definitely unfairly biased against video games and anime, but some people have encountered people who explore those hobbies in an unhealthy way.
Eg, when I am dating, I do avoid people who list gaming as their primary interest, even as a gamer myself. I might message someone who has a particular game I like mentioned in their profile, but rarely. Having gaming and anime listed primarily/only just has not been a good indicator - especially when it is left as generic as “gaming” and “anime.” Balder’s Gate 3 is normie-af and I doubt was the problem.
They can be very isolating hobbies too in how they are pursued - sometimes as a form of escapism for deeper issues. I wasted most of my twenties being a bang maid and mommy for my husband as he rotated through FIFA and Ubisoft releases, and I don’t think my experience is necessarily unique. He had a pastor who almost went through a divorce because of a World of Warcraft addiction. That’s the kind of thing that’s going to flash through most heterosexual women’s minds. It is painful to come home after work to a grunt and a pile of dishes and the flash of the screen. This is not to say that all or most gamers are like this - but if you do game and have a partner, you should sit and think to yourself about how it does relate to the time spent on other types of hobbies.
Another aspect is that receptive/passive hobbies can be less interesting to talk about? Listening to someone rehash a show is usually going to be less interesting then watching the show. Remember that a first date especially needs to have a lot of push and pull. If they haven’t watched the show, a brief this is what it is this is why I like it, what shows do you like? With games, try to find out what games they like first and match their power level. The Sims and farming games are safe and common - and if you make someone feel comfortable by listening to them talk about their Sims legacy challenge, you can talk about the benefits of your Smash main.
But also, the technical aspects of someone else’s hobby are just not something that most will want to listen to, without already having a connection. I’d love if I could make genitals flush by showing off my Hush runs or the fact that one time in Nethack I actually got a character through the mines and to the castle.
And use soap
I feel like hiding/changing self is oftentimes easier than finding someone who likes one as-is. Most people are quite stereotyped and prefers being normal.
“Easier” is a copout in the long term if you’re giving up your happiness for someone else. “Normal” is a spectrum and not absolute.
I get it though - loneliness sucks arse. For plenty of people desperation makes them want to make radical changes. I promise though that a lot of people who get stuck thinking they’ll only have one opportunity at happiness are wrong
If you're not a normie, don't match with hardcore normies. Usually it's pretty easy to tell.
Yeah, OP dodged a bullet here.
The bad ending:
> learn not to talk about anime and gaming
> change hobbies instantly for a woman
> long-term relationship but miserablePros: Having sex.
Cons: Has to know the names of everybody on Love Island.
I feel personally attacked. Love Island is wonderful trash okay? 🤣
Any woman that wouldn't be interested in anime and BG3 probably wouldn't be lasting prospect for anon anyway and that's OK. Find a partner that has similar interests to you (and hopefully isn't too crazy) and you've got a decent chance for something that can last.
Can confirm. My wife is a gamer and we watch anime together. Life is great :)
They dont even have to have similar interests only one. Its more like anime and gaming is a veto for a lot of women and even men from my understanding. People think youre wierd if you do those. I know someone who looks like your typical gym bro so he gets a lot of attention from women but then they get turned off instantly becuase of his hobbies.
Sooo true! Every friend I have that has a partner/so has or is playing BG3 together. I love hearing them talk about their adventures and always giggle when they get to the romantic side of things - never any jealousy, just cheering each other on đź¤
I think it depends on how OP said it and what exactly they said. There's a certain type of anime viewer that women (rightfully) are worried to be around. I'm sure this wasn't the only thing that happened, but when they said anime it confirmed everything she was thinking.
If she doesn't like those things she's not worth bothering with. Keep looking.
Nah, it doesn't matter if she likes those things or not. It's about whether or not she supports you having hobbies/interests that she doesn't share.
Exactly. You're never going to share 100% of your interests with a person, but you can still listen to them when they talk about the interests you don't share. Anon's date was a jerk for not even trying to engage with anon's interests.
Honestly I loved anime growing up but I went on a date with a guy in college who spent the entire date talking about anime in a manner that communicated his big tit fetish on the first date. Like. I would have loved talking about Inuyasha or fma among a few others I remembered really enjoying. But nope. Anime tiddies. So when I read this I'm like... Are you sure it was the anime dude or was it maybe actually something tangentially related to the anime?
Otoh if it really truly was the anime anon dodged a bullet anyway.
Maybe anon only watches loli hentai but played it down to 'anime'.
This is the problem I've encountered. Anime is fine, it's like any other show/entertainment but it really can attract the wrong type of people. It's why I don't put it in my profile. The person I'm seeing has plenty of "horror" stories like yours too and said they avoid people with that in their profile now even though they like it cause of how weird or obsessive people can get about it.
Kinda sucks cause IMO one of the best parts about it is the ability to create other worlds/universes that live action struggles to do. (Think ATLA anime vs Live action)
Ive always felt the same, throughout my life I've had dumb asses for friends who would say "oh shit Anon here watches alot of anime" and i feel encouraged to downplay it for fear of being associated with weirdos they may have past experiences with.
Being older now i recognize that would be on them for judging based on a label. I don't hide that I watch anime, but I cant say I don't still feel odd talking about it. Especially because its just like any other show to me, its good or it isn't, I'm not some huge anime person, I just love a good story, i don't care about the medium.
I mean... Did they not say what their hobbies were before they met? How do you go on a date with someone without knowing anything about them?
Some people go on dates to learn more about people.
But, if any of this story actually happened (which it didn't, but I'm sure has happened), I agree anyone so petty as to decide anime and video games is wrong for a young person...would want to do more homework before wasting their time.
Or maybe just wanted free coffee.
I def agree about the level of happened that is going on here, but in defense of this fictional date: while it's not always good to judge a book by its cover...if I'm being honest with myself, I'd have a certain image in mind and a certain reaction if I met someone at a party and just in conversation, not even a date, asked what they were into and the response was "anime and one specific video game".
I mean, I wouldn't stop talking to them, but I'd certainly have preconceived notions that I'd be very surprised if they were very inaccurate.
And it's not so much that it's wrong, as that it gives me insight into the type of person I'm talking to. And honestly, if I were looking to date, and this person matched my preferred gender, appearance, etc...well...an answer like that would certainly be a "yellow flag" and a clue that I may not be so compatible with this person, based on others I've met with similar interests.
Mind you, it certainly doesn't justify any rudeness, but it's a coffee date. She owes OP nothing. And while she could have been nicer, limiting conversation and politely excusing herself at her earliest convenience isn't the worst thing she could've done.
maybe just wanted free coffee. Better a $2-3 coffee than a $20+ dinner
Probably didn't have them on the app profile. She liked how he looked, and he may have approached her profile/responded to her message, in a way that socially acceptable to her, and nothing on his profile was a red flag to what she was looking for, so she agreed to meet him for coffee. Then, upon being told his hobbies are watching anime, and he has playing a video game, she lost interest, not what she was looking for though he was otherwise acceptable.
I literally had a birthday picnic last sat with a bunch of incredibly attractive and intelligent women who would not shut the fuck up about bg3. Dude lost nothing of value
I was at a house party a couple years ago and had like a 45 minute long conversation about attack on titan with a group of women who did not seem to fit into the anime demographic at all. I didn't even initiate it. The whole time in my head I was like "wtf is happening right now."
Ive met girls who spend most of their free time gaming complain things like "all he does is game, hes going no where". Some people have dumb standards for first impressions or are just straight up hypocrites.
That said, in our hyper competitive online dating bullshit timeline, OP should have thought of one of their more interesting skills and hobbys, even if they don't do it as often. Something like "sometime i cook a nice dinner on fridays" or "i like to ice fish in the winter" could have gathered more interest than just games. Even sticking to the gaming genre but mentioning a weekly board game meet sounds more attractive than solo gaming. It isn't necessarily the most fair but we gotta sell our selves even more when trying to connect digitally. There is no body language or other aspects to observe, your handful of pictures and texting is all you got to make a shot, for example, I game more than i ice fish, gaming is less commitment in time, energy, and money, but ice fishing is the more interesting and skill diverse hobby so I'd choose that over gaming for first impressions
It's not just girls, some people just really don't enjoy anime... me being one of them. I have tried and tried to like it to no avail.
So if a girl was really into anime, that would turn me off because I would assume I would have to at least listen to a lot of anime in my life.
There's anime fans ("Hellsing is pretty good, Gundam's pretty cool too"), and anime fans ("KONICHIWA SENPAII~~❤️UwU NANI!?!?")
Lots, if not most, people who like anime are in the first camp (sub in anime that people watch these days - I am deeply out of touch and know it shows). Lots, if not most, people think of the second camp when they hear someone say "I like anime".
Wouldn't necessarily lead with it as a hobby in a dating scenario unless you're talking TV and movies in general already. But that's just me, and I haven't had to think about dating strategy for a loooong time.
I can understand that.
Have you tried watching anime in English dub? Some anime have great dubbing. Recently "Delicious in Dungeon". The dubbing is amazing. I would even say better than the original. At that point it is just fantasy TV show or cartoon.
Not OP but the subtitles are only part of the reason why anime is a bit hit&miss for me.
Another is the tone, a lot of the emotions are extremely over-exaggerated and in some shows it goes so far as having the characters almost constantly shout. This makes it hard for me to form an emotional bond with the characters, e.g. I aborted my attempt to watch Attack on Titan after about two episodes when I realized that I didn't care if any of the characters lived or died with a slight preference towards them dying because they were annoying to watch in some cases.
Not sure if it is quite the right term for drawn content but the cinematography conventions in anime can also be annoying with e.g. zooms from extremely wide shots to extreme close-ups. Kill La Kill was a particular negative example among the anime I tried watching that I can remember.
That said, some anime is perfectly fine but it is usually more the kind that is closer to western animation in style and character behaviors (leaning more towards realistic character looks and camera angles and lighting you would see in reality).
Fake: Anon had the courage to talk with a girl
Gay: anime
I feel like bg3 is gayer tbh
I mean have you SEEN Astarion? I'm not straight enough to say no to that!
Did he put that in his hobbies? That's like going out with someone who likes hiking and being mad when they mention their favorite trail. Anon dodged a bullet.
Would anon want to be with someone full-time that they had to keep silent about their harmless hobbies?
You could replace "keep silent about their harmless hobbies" with a great many other things, and people will say yes. The hobbies thing is relatively tame compared to a great deal of self-directed changes/decisions based on the partner.
I had a first date yesterday and we spent the entire time talking about anime and videogames. Sounds like OP just had bad luck.
