News @lemmy.world Old Jimmy Twodicks @sh.itjust.works 8h ago

The Onion Wins Bidding for InfoWars Assets

www.cnn.com The Onion wins bidding for InfoWars assets | CNN Business

Satirical news site The Onion won the auction to acquire conspiracy theorist Alex Jones’ InfoWars.

A small bright spot in a dark timeline.

41 comments

Time to start working on my alternative writing personality, trans socialist Jordane Petersburg. Or should I be Bo Rogaine?
In order to make the bid work, the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of The Onion’s bid, enabling its success,” the families said in a statement.

The power of unity and determination beautifully demonstrated.
I love that people kept saying they should do this and then it freaking happened! I am so curious how much they paid.
“The Onion is proud to acquire Infowars, and we look forward to continuing its storied tradition of scaring the site’s users with lies until they fork over their cold, hard cash,” said The Onion CEO Ben Collins. “Or Bitcoin. We will also accept Bitcoin.”

This is gold.
- Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
My absolute favorite part of this is that they also own his supplement business now.
- His supplement business was under the same business ownership? That's preposterously stupid and hilarious.
  
  I'm not exactly shocked he was that stupid, but yeah, that made me laugh the hardest.
- Active ingredients:
  
  Salt
  
  Isn't it usually sugar? (With a big helping of snake oil.)
- I spent about ten minutes trying to figure out if this was just an Onion headline ..... only to realize it is indeed an Onion headline ... this is beautiful
  
  Everything about this brings me joy. I was hoping it would be Cards Against Humanity, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is even better.
I love that

They're turning the freaking frogs gay!

is now officially an Onion story.
- Also that was the only conspiracy he covered that was slightly grounded in reality. The atrazine poisoning was hermaphrodizing the frogs. Of course more regulation to stop pollution is not a solution that dumbfuck jones would support..:
- In case you haven’t seen it:
  
  Gay Frogs Remix
  
  I'd like to respond with:
  
  Alex Jones wants to eat ass.
Just when the country needed a laugh the most, The Onion went and did the funniest thing they could possibly do. This is a wonderful morning.
As a policy wonk I feel that this was the correct buyer. Damn, it couldn't be funnier. The Onion now owns Alex Jones' former twitter account.
Love to see it!

It would be great if The Onion could use this site to help grow an information platform to counter the Rights enormous disinformation network. And using satire or jokes can maybe break through the noise of main stream media who always treat the fascists with kid gloves.
LFG!

I wonder if they would be willing to gift the desk to Knowledge Fight...? I know Dan has wished he could get his hands on that for a long time.
- That was my first thought as well! Just gift something from the set to Knowledge Fight.
- Hell, they could full on partner up
- Thats a great idea! I was thinking the QAnon Anonymous podcast folks would be great for conspiracy deep dives. They already are but on infowars that would be perfect 🤌
I love this, I hope they turn it into a fake far-right website to mess with conservatives
So the families gave up a pile of money in order to back The Onion's bid and make sure Jones wasn't just reinstalled doing the same shit as before under the Infowars banner. Wonder who the shitbirds were that made a 7-figure offer to do that fuckery? I wonder if it rhymes with Felon Tusk?
- The families didn't pay for this, The Onion did.
  
  The families support was not financial in this .
  
  “In order to make the bid work, the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of The Onion’s bid, enabling its success,” the families said in a statement.”
  
  Sounds like they contributed by reducing their collections?
  
  They backed the Onion bid to reduce the cost and make sure they were successful. It definitely cost them.
I hope they do what the Colbert Report did, keep the inforwars name and let it be a right wing lampooning.
I will gladly eat that onion.
I love this so much. It's perfect!
Is this what being on drugs is like in normal times?
Dr jones naturals is still online.
- I can’t not read that in the little Asian kid’s voice from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
- Didn’t he transfer that to his dad? He’s been very public about illegally subverting parts of his judgement by transferring some ownership to his dad.
- Because it's owned by his father. It's a workaround to sell supplements.
It will be fun if The Onion and Infowars use this to satirize the presidential debates.

41 comments