Melting Snowflakes!

I get this is satire, but how the fuck do you even cook a steak that bad. Is it boiled?

Look up milk steak, it's a delicacy and it looks a bit like that.
Some people don't actually know how to cook and think "I got it to X temperature" means they did it right.

Ben Shapiro likes his steak like he likes his wife's pussy: completely fucking dry

Which his wife, WHO IS A DOCTOR BY THE WAY, assured him was perfectly normal.
- Wait, what??
If you added some ketchup and a side of McDonald's you'd be even MORE of a political player in the US

That's not well done, that's congratulations.

It looks like it was boiled... And not in like a Sous Vide way ..
- It's not done well, either.
Very close to a standing ovation
I don't think anyone is fuming as much as that steak was. And 0 flavor. No salt, pepper, garlic, or marinade.
Year end bonus

I'm only mad about what he did to that steak

Honestly same, choke on gas fumes all day, it's your life! But a cow died for that steak, honor it for fuck's sake.
As a vegetarian, even I’m mad about how he cooked that steak.
- Vegetarians and vegans should be twice as upset, because that cow was murdered twice.
- I guess anyone dumb enough to think liberals would be angry about him cooking a steak is probably too dumb to learn how to cook one properly.

MFer figured out how to turn beef into pork

Thanks, I thought I was looking at 'the other white meat.'

I'm just upset they a cow had to die to make a steak that bad. They could have used a cardboard box and saved a cow.

We joke about my grandma like that, she had this whole process with store bought sausage to remove the salt but then it's so bland... "she does this and that to the sausage, boil, three times with another thing, remove the casings, and then to finish it off you toss the sausage away and just eat the packaging."
- I've heard the same joke about eating a native bird here: pluck the bird and boil it in a pot with a leather boot. After boiling for four hours remove the water, toss the bird and eat the boot.
Well, wait until you see this:

So this 'alpha' thought he could own some libs by steaming a steak?

That steer is going to come back and haunt his ass for such disrespect!
Fuck, I am a trans non-binary market socialism stan and I am more upset by the ruined meat...
That thing looks like Spam cosplaying as a steak. Is this what anti-wokeness does? Do they sear off your tastebuds and feed you a block of shoeleather when you join the club? Honey... Just come to one Pride BBQ please we need to start walking back that trauma and teach you what a proper fucking sear looks like.
The very definition of “own the libs”. He’s happy that we’re outraged how he ruined a good cut of meat by cooking it wrongly. He wasted his own money and deprived himself of a good steak, but he can at least be smug about it
Not as good as steamed hams, but okay.

An animal died for that. At least do a good job cooking the damn thing lol

I'm wondering if that's a butter knife, or the steak was so hard it wore the knife down

*Ruined a steak

Did he boil the damn thing?!

Needs some jelly beans on the side, raw.
- Jelly bean confit with a starburst and Kool aid demi glace
I was going to suggest he might haves used gas to boil water to cook that thing.

Damn. Well, enjoy your disconcertingly pale steak. Try not to get mad cow disease.

Honestly, why do these assholes regard acts of self-endangerment as "owning the libs?" "I'm gonna run outside without a mask, get COVID, and die a miserable death! That'll show those commies a thing or three!" Yes, I'm very "triggered" by your easily preventable deaths. Please don't kill yourself with your own stupidity. I couldn't go on without your fourth grade insults and desperate, performative machismo. Stop. Please. Oh no.

I agree with your point, but I hope you’re not seriously buying into the whole “gas stoves are a health risk” bullshit.
- I assumed the beef with gas (pun partially intended) was it's burning a fossil fuel and releasing CO² whereas electric could potentially be drawing from carbon free sources.
  Not that gas stoves are a direct risk to the user (although the one in the OP might be if that's the best it can do)
- I have no opinion of gas stoves, although they would not be my personal preference.
- No? Really? You don't think gas and its combustion byproducts can ever be bad for you?
  What are the known health effects from NO2 exposure?
  In a 1992 meta-analysis of studies on this topic, scientists at the EPA and Duke University found that nitrogen dioxide exposure that is comparable to that from a gas stove increases the odds of children developing a respiratory illness by about 20 percent.
  (...)
  In addition to acute effects such as asthma symptoms, long-term nitrogen dioxide exposure has also been linked to chronic lung disease and increased mortality in general.
  https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-health-risks-of-gas-stoves-explained/
what boggles me is that politicians encourage it! like sure they have no empathy and just want power, but in what universe is it a winning bet to make your voter base actively endanger themselves?

If this is not satire, i hope that potential Chud ate that entire fucking thing

- It looks like it was boiled. I'm sure there's a right way to boil steak (and I will pop a cap in the first motherfucker to say "sous vide"; sous vide is "boiling" like searing is "throwing the steak directly into a furnace"), but I'll never find out because it's fucking sacrilege.
- By the looks of it, by starting with a porkchop

In a gas stovetop I make a beautiful pan-seared, oven cooked steak. And I’m liberal.

This steak has nothing to do with what it was prepared on, just the moron who ruined good food.

Based
The gas he used to cook that was probably nitrogen.
You see we do things like reading books and learning to do things like cooking food properly. Those concepts are for woke idjits from the snowflake generation.
I am a bit triggered at the waste of food though, shit looks nasty lol
- Yeah, I’ve seen that going around. I’ll wait until there’s some consensus from the scientific community that the use of gas for cooking is indeed bad for the majority of people and not just a problem for those with sensitivities or respiratory issues. We’ve been using gas in homes for such a long time that I don’t know if we could separate out any serious slow to appear negative health consequences from the background noise of all the other things that cause health problems like automotive exhaust and the like.

The only people who think gas stoves are superior are the ones who never tried an induction stove

Gas is better than shitty electric, but induction is better than both shitty electric and good gas.
- Depends on how you define "better". Shitty electric doesn't make the fumes burning gas does, unless that gas is hydrogen.
My ideal stove would be an induction range with 1 gas burner, as there a few things gas is just better/easier for (eg. A Wok, non-magnetic cookware), but otherwise you're right. I was a proponent of gas until I got an induction range.
- Someone will probably make one of those soon. I just bought myself an induction range, and I saw ranges with 3 gas burners and 1 induction hob. Hopefully not long until those numbers are swapped around.
I have a gas stove and i hate it. The heat wicks up the sides of the pot/pan, making the handles get too hot to touch and also burns any food stuck to the inside above the surface of what else is in the pot. All that lost heat off the sides is incredibly inefficient/wasteful (well i guess not really in the winter as it does contribute to heating the house, but definitely its undesirable in other cases)
Also is stinky and a pain in the ass to clean.
I agree broadly, but I have seen some shitty implementations of induction stoves . Specifically one which didn't have enough heat settings, and when you changed between settings it would turn off for a full 2 seconds before turning on at the new setting. Did this stop me from cooking anything? No. But it was annoying.
A good induction stove is way better than gas for 99 percent of what most people will ever do at home.
Nah, charcoal and wood. Everything else is crap.
Nobody really cares if you cook with gas. However, heating your 4,000 SF home without any insulation during a blizzard to 75F... that's wasteful.
The only thing I don't really like about induction is that I can't see the energy visibly to judge things like I can an actual flame. If I cooked with a wok more, I might have issues there as well
- You can just feel the heat and judge based on that.
- I think they make induction stoves specifically for woks, and even induction woks.
Correct, I have not tried an induction stove, and as much as I'd like to, they can be hard to find. Even harder to find if you have a kitchen with a weird layout. I have thousands of options for gas or electric, I have found ONE induction stove in my area and it was a clearance, floor model only item.

There is a nonzero chance that we're looking at a piece of wood

New tv show idea: Is It Steak?

Someone should publish a study that self castration is harmful and should maybe be phased out.

CAN'T CANCEL THIS TURNIP LOVERR! I'M GONNA SLICE MY BALLS OFF TO OWN THE L- wait. Ahhhhh almost had my you little scamp.

Like I do not know how to cook

But I can assure you I would not be able to fuck up a meal like this if I tried

Bro

As someone who eats steaks Blue Rare

What the fuck is this?

What's the appeal? Meat is gross, but putting that aside why eat it as close to raw as you can get.. Always seems like the equivalent of I'll have my coffee black, like having any cream / sugar or in this case, cooking it, makes less of a statement.
- If you already think meat is gross, how do you expect to understand why someone would like it prepared a specific way?
  That being said, the more rare the meat the more flavor you can taste. If you cook steak too long all you can taste is the seasoning. Raw is too chewy for me, I like rare to medium rare but I'm sure blue rare has even more flavor.
  Also, ordering coffee black is definitely not a statement 😂 I like my coffee black because sugar is poison and I'd rather consume it from pies and ice cream. Milk takes a lot of the coffee flavor away too. If I was drinking 7/11 coffee I would probably need sugar and milk to mask the terrible taste but when you use good coffee beans you should be able to taste it.
- Because red meat is more tender. But searing and cooking give it flavour. Besides health reasons for pork and chicken. Beef can easily be left rae completely in some situations like a steak tartare or seared for just a little 2-3 minutes to create flavour and a crust but leave the juiciness and tenderness there be leaving it more raw.
  As someone that usually drinks black coffee, adding steamed milk for me is usually a texture thing when drinking an cappuccino also dilutes the coffee with something warmer and sweeter, just creates something different then there was in the first place. Exactly the same as I said with the steak tartare vs a smoked brisket or like some stewed meat.

I think my cat eats better meat than that.

That looks like an overcooked pork chop.
And it looks disgusting.
I pity the fool that has to eat that.

It looks both over cooked but under-seared.
I have a feeling they boiled it rather cooked it in a pan.
- Definitely making the most of that gas stove
- I think they found it in a hotel buffet simmer pan on a Tuesday after the big conference dinner Friday night.
Probably the same guy that cooked it.
Nobody else would eat his cooking.

When you don't realize the meat thermometer is set to Celsius

Bold of you to assume that they even know to use a thermoprobe.

Yeah, they’re fuming, they’re fuming about how the fuckwit ruined whatever that shit on the plate could’ve been.

Nah it's the benzene and carbon monoxide that are fuming.

Okay, I think this marvelous.

That steak is actually amazing.

I mean, we’re looking at the cure for world hunger.

“The dwarf bread was brought out for inspection. But it was miraculous, the dwarf bread. No one ever went hungry when they had some dwarf bread to avoid. You only had to look at it for a moment, and instantly you could think of dozens of things you'd rather eat. Your boots, for example. Mountains. Raw sheep. Your own foot.”
-- Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
Yep, one look at that steak and I think, "nah, I'm not hungry anymore"

Damn, that person needs to learn to properly cook a steak.

Look at that steak, there's no way their problems are limited to just that dish
- Damn, that person needs to learn to ~~properly~~ cook ~~a steak~~.
  Fixed that for me.

Are we sure this wasn't carved from somebody's arse? Because it looks like arse.

That would be ‘rump steak’ sir
- For a moment I thought you said 'Trump steak', then realized there's not an entire bottle of ketchup pooled it and the plate.

I know a real greasy dude who can cook a better $2 steak with a fuck ton of lemon pepper.

That lemon pepper wet?

Why does it look like Trump's sentient hairpiece

The better term for these ones is "meatflake"

Not woke, go broke

Cannot unsee pie

Walked through a room... . Then slowly dragged through a bubbling pot of piss for 1976sec. Then beat-off-over for six rounds by well hung studs (for flavor and commitment) then shat through a bald eagle with a hawk skawk. Served on an olive tree plank with sturgeon caviar... And wrapped in a kevlar and leaded jacket?

Fuck you wondering about? It's American breakfast!

I bet he used his own gas to flavor it

🤢

I'm Bernie Sanders left and wish I had a gas stove and could buy more steak.

Fuming? Gas Stove? Get it?