It’s one of the weird cognitive dissonances that I grew up with from the Christian church as a kid. They would say these things so casually, but then refuse to talk about sex or bodies. It’s just… bizarre. And took some unpacking and unlearning to get to a healthy place about bodies.
Why is body related violence so casually referred to, even in children’s books, but then they try to breeze past the weird sex stories in there at the same time.
It was just… weird. It’s still weird. I can’t help but shake my head and thank my lucky stars I got out of there when I did, right at the beginning of adulthood.
I always thought it was weird that they temporarily cut the skin off of their forehead until I was nineteen and wondered why I had a line on my genitals where the color suddenly changed. Turns out I had been circumcized as an infant.
I love this interpretation.
Sorta like how everybody in America is totally fine showing kids movies where the characters violently fight and die, but God forbid they see a bare breast (like they fed on as babies).
And God forbid that there be any implication that anyone is gay, or else we're going to have to illegally sanction Disney again.
I guess the nature of seeing breasts in movies is sexual/male gazey, and therefore not super appropriate for children. But yes, neither is extreme violence.
It's cognitive dissonance because we live in 2023 and not in biblical times. The bible is a collection of stories, written by mortal men, that seek to justify certain behaviors as "sanctioned by God". Like, why the fuck would we need to teach children about murdering hundreds of people for their dick skin? Or teach children that rape is okay as long as you marry your victim? It's because people did this shit and wanted to get away with it. The OT is literally "rules for thee and not for me".
It is more of an American phenomenon than a religious one. We're definitely a culture of "Spit in my face all you want, but don't you dare walk on the grass."
It is a community where children can straight up watch the most brutal horror movies of all time as long as there isn't too much swearing or gayness.
David is on that foreskillionaire grindset
200 foreskins?! Try not to find any foreskins on the way through the parking lot!
Honestly, that seems low. I used to collect foreskins when I was a kid and I had twice that many. I bet his weren't even autographed.
IN A ROW!!?
Gotta love corpse genital mutilation to be awarded a human being
No fewer than*
I can accept children being taught about collecting foreskins, but I will not abide poor grammar!
Calm down, Stannis
This seems like the kind of book to finally have an appropriate number of animal and human corpses bobbing around in the water around Noah’s ark. Such a great story to decorate baby’s bedroom with!
Why did he need to kill them to get their foreskins?
In a sense, he didn't! In fact the context of the story is that they couldn't be converted (which is why they still had foreskins), and had he successfully converted them, they would have given up their foreskins as part of the process. But since they refused to convert, he "converted" them anyway. Either way, a W for daddy king over there, and also a partial genocide for David. The guy really fell off after the thing with the giant.
I don't think asking nicely would work
Because if he didn't they wouldn't be foreskins, they would be beforeskins.
foreskinshadowing
Does it have the one where the guy chopped up his dead concubine and sent pieces to the tribes of Israel, who then wipe out the tribe of Benjamin and made men marry the women so the tribe wouldn't be gone?
For going above and beyond in his foreskin collection duties, King Saul rewarded David not only with his daughters hand in marriage, but also with no less than 500 chopped up hot dog weiners! David was so overcome with gratitude that he tripped and spilled them all over the floor, and everyone in the throne room awkwardly pretended not to notice as he scooped them up off the dirty ground... for to waste the Kings Weiners was considered an insult punishable by death
The context being that Saul thought David would be killed by the Philistines, because he didn't want David to marry any of his daughters and thought David was poor.
Ah yes the ol' Penis Chopping King, everyone loved him
Me when collecting foreskins for my princess
Tim Pool: Christians are grooming children! They created a Bible with a pornographic image of foreskins! My friends these people are insane! They are normalizing sex to children.
From those foreskins, the king made a coat.
Which some 2000 years later found its way into Lady Gaga's wardrobe.
The Technocolor Peen Coat.
Ah yes, where Saul traded his daughter for a bag of dicks!
Meanwhile, Israeli
tes are still collecting foreskins in Gaza...better call saul
