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Funny: Home of the Haha @lemmy.world The Picard Maneuver @lemmy.world 6d ago

They're here to save your soul

ExMormon @lemmy.world wjrii @lemmy.world 6d ago

They're here to save your soul (XPost)

93 comments

Nah. They're shopping for a third.
- More specifically, a handmaid.
  
  What type of... handjobs?
  
  ...may the lord open
- Nah, they're Mormons. They're actually this crazy
Ah yes because Jesus was known for his condescending, judgmental attitudes against others.
Can bukake be used as a baptism if it happens in a church?
- The church I grew up believed in immersion, not sprinkling. It's not a no, but it's gonna be more difficult.
  
  Logistical problems aside, if it’s a non-Newtonian fluid, it’s going to be an issue.
  
  I am church contracted cum supplier, noseplugs sold separately
- Now there's a brand new sentence (probably)
  
  nah I bet you could find a dozen death metal bands with that as the lyrics
- Thank you, Internet.
- What the fuck
  
  Well it’s obvious Becca wants to open up and be filled with the Holy Spirit, and that got me thinking.
  
  Let’s face it, that question has probably been at least thought of by Catholic priests before.
Spencer definitely wants to film his wife being nailed by another man
- He wants to be the one to jump on the bed.
  
  We can only assume that if soaking isn't premarital sex, then it can't be extramarital sex either.
- Good for Spencer.
- Maybe Spencer wants her to film him getting the nailing
  
  hey bi switch vers people exist yannow
The sound like the second most insufferable couple ever, right after the couple that is going through a very public breakup right now.
I'll go to your church, you come to my orgy. Fair is fair, right?
- Imagine the uproar if you went to a church and said "you're so prudish, you need to fuck more, come to Tinder."
- Joseph Smith: "No need to make them exclusive."
- Oh sweet summer child.
  
  The church IS the orgy. Now here, have some Kool aid, we're going to see the face of God together.
  
  Liar, this is Flavor Aid.
my partner and I did some butthole fingering at midnight up against a church the year we started dating

we’ve been together for 13 years

thank you jesus
- My first time was while vandalizing a church. Yeah it was pretty great. Be this couple's unicorn.
- It's called the loophole!
  
  If the loophole works it means God is okay with gay sex
Cum with us!
If I saw this in the wild, I'd immediately hire the most attractive single person I could find to reply to this ad, go to church with them, and low-key try to have sex with either/both of them on the side
No thanks, Satan gave me a good deal for mine.
Would. Both of them.
- The only correct response
- “Come with us”
But you guys will put out after Church, right?
- During.
- They did don some crazy underwear in anticipation of the event. Also, polyamory is definitely on the table if they're true to their founder's beliefs and actions.
  
  Don't sully polyamory with the misogyny that is polygamy. They want multiple wives to have multiple women to control
i dont care if you call him "little extra jesus", spencer, PUT HIM AWAY IN CHURCH
I'm willing to go to church on her, not interested in the guy though
- As long as you only soak it, he won't be able to object.
Disgusting.
- I've got nothing against their kind per se, but do they have to shove it down our throats?
  
  Kinda. The most powerful, fastest growing and largest religions seem to depend on aggressive proselytizing.
The problem is they are Mormon so they can’t save your soul
- I don't know. There's got to be at least one decent Morman cobbler.
  
  Cobblers deal with soles not souls
  
  Meh, they are mediocre pastry chefs. Their venison stews are pretty good, though.
They both have different right and left hand. It's creepy as fuck.
- what
  
  look how her right wrist is unnaturally curved to hold him and the proportions where their arms are if they are the same length ? It's photoshop.
- I get AI vibes tbh. This may just a fake account for comedy.
  
  The meme is at least 4 years old. It's not AI. Obviously it's a joke account https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/qkkshh/becca_and_spencer_into_that_holey_tinder_scene/
- GOBBLE GOBBLE? What is wrong with these subtitles. GABBA GABBA WE ACCEPT YOU! ONE OF US!
  
  I was not prepared for that camera pan
- Talisien's take on being a Rod Serling stand in was peak.
  
  100%. Taliesin is a true joy to behold in every single regard. Love that man.
Hey, no kink shaming.
Look, we’re all looking for a unicorn. This seems like one of the least effective ways to do it.
- Counterpoint: Unicorns famously love virgins
If you are young enough, church and tinder end up serving the same use so the concept isn't that crazy.
What is it with Mormons and the name Becca? If I count all the Mormon Beccas I've met, then counted this girl, she wouldn't even be on counted on my hands.
- Rebecca is a beautiful name IMO, but it's jewish (like etymologically) right?
  
  Idk if any of them have had the full name, just lots of Beccas. You'll also note that any Hebrew name that also appears in the old testament (Noah in particular) are popular Christian names.
  
  Yeah, it's from the Torah or Old Testament and is the name of Isaac's wife. The name itself comes from the Hebrew for "to tie firmly" or "to bind."
Lol, they are looking for at least a third (at the mildest kink), no preferences on the gender.
Hey, man. I'd bang your wife if you'd let me. You seem like you might have some kinks.

93 comments