Dibs on the hat

One of my characters I hope to play some day is a half orc hexblade warlock who doesn't realize he has magic powers or that he made a pact. His "casting" involves yelling intimidatingly and waving his arms, sometimes throwing certain things.

If anyone asks where he got his favorite axe (which is always conveniently "on his back" when he needs it, despite him constantly forgetting it), he'll explain that he traded part of his shoe for it.

Any party members that try to explain his pact are met with disbelief or confused facial expressions before he inevitably moves on.

The peasant farmer always gets underestimated but kicks ass.

The bard is a hick who wears overalls, is named Beauregard ("Beau" to his friends), and charms the underpants off of various people and creatures of all kinds with his unassuming and innocent, natural "aw shucks" charm.

Secretly, he's a perv from a big city putting on an act.

My friend played Farmer Bob at a larp. His village had a legend that the chosen one would come from the village to defeat the great evil. When things got bad enough they picked him because he was the only one who was literate at the time, so they figured that was heroic enough.

@itskimlove @Stamets Shades of discworld logic, right there.
- You have no idea. It's hard to explain, but Bob was a riot.

Anyone who's had a player who's "an [X] trying to convince the party they're a [Y]" is probably having PTSD flashbacks now.

It sounds funny to read about but in my experience players who commit to constantly gaslighting fictional characters are not team players and always willing to spoil the fun of others.

In my party was a hobgoblin convinced he was the most beautiful being on the earth. And he tried convincing everyone to think the same. Was very funny
- That sounds very cute! I'm thinking of the players who seem to need secret knowledge over the other players.
  I was in a game with a secret were-rat who was constantly passing notes to the gm and then you'd wake up missing items or finding NPCs you liked dead and the player would angrily deny having anything to do with it. We all saw you pass a note.
  A friend of mine once intentionally derailed a pug game by playing a priest of torm who was convinced that torm was black, to piss off the gm and the paladin of torm who were super racist. We probably shouldve just left the game, but we were asshole teens.
Had a game where the DM and his bestie homebrewed Roy Mustang. The PC was insufferable and overpowered by level 3… shooting fireballs that consumed the entire room in a single attack.
The party, and the group, broke up because they were mad the rest of us didn’t want to live in their power fantasy world
Hear me out: I played with an orc fighter who was convinced he was a mage, and tried to convince the rest of the party of the same thing. He carried a cast iron pan as his weapon, and his spells were "pan toss" and "pan smack". There were a lot of laughs when NPC's would be like "you're clearly a fighter, you're wearing plate armor" and he'd say it was his spell casting focus.
i had a rogue that i claimed to have forgotten the name to each session. in reality, i was playing them under a false identity and hiding from the thieves guild, that was just me dropping bread crumbs. that was fun.

I would love to see the werewolf play the pompous know-it-all: "Um, actually the idea that the moon causes the change is a superstition. It's a body cycle that often coincidentally matches up with the full moon. People just remember the times during the full moon because of confirmation bias."

Meanwhile the moon disappears behind clouds and they briefly turn human, “COMPLETE COINCIDENCE!”

Heard one on the weekend - a party of warlocks who are all each other's patrons through the power of friendship.

Ok, this gives me a great idea - a warlock whose patron is his own mlm scheme, he has to sell his shitty “get magic quick” scheme to lots of people to power up. “Just dedicate and focus your energies to the collective and you too can gain godlike powers, share it with your friends and loved ones. Join now and you’ll be empowered in no time. Empower 4 others and you’ll get candle lighting privileges! Reach archeon tier like me and you’ll be throwing fireballs, just 7 short tiers to work through, what better use for your time?”

"If the moon is real how come I always black out when it is allegedly supposed to appear?"

(the moon is up at any hour of the day, it only rises at dusk and sets at dawn when it is full)

The peasant farmer I’ve played as a halfling artificer with halfling luck. He never improved much, aside from rolling with the punches a bit better. In fact, he hadn’t any clue what his equipment was or how it worked. Things just kept happening for him and the party refused to let him leave.

The running joke was that he’s lucky enough to stumble into unfathomable power, wealth, and fame, but not lucky enough to find the mundane life of peace he was looking for.

I've been that druid 😂 except I diversified my inventory after picking up circle of spores

I would totally buy drugs from a druid named Violetbriar or Shroombeard...

Fuck, now I gotta roll new characters...

Shroombeard sounds like a treant from the deepest, dankest part of the forest.
- Shroombeard's stash would make an Ancient Golden Dragon worried about missing their fortitude save.

I played a Protector Aasimar Barbarian named Krill who was a fairly average scholar who had decided studying wasn’t for him. He heard somebody talking about “Power Word Krill,” and decided that he wanted to learn how to do it. He would basically go along with the party on everything (sometimes a little too quickly, he was hard to kill and often forgot others were squishier), but was absolutely obsessed with finding Power Word Krill.

He was asked multiple times if he was instead looking for “Power Word Kill,” but he really wanted to summon a lot of small crustaceans on demand. Or maybe it would just summon a big one, he didn’t know and was fine with either situation.

These are fantastic. The hat+mannequin seems like it would have a lot of RP potential. Ditto for the midlife crisis.

I'm currently placing a sentient spellbook piloting a mannequin. It's telepathic, too, and I love switching between the robot "outside" voice and the more demonic "inside" voice. For even more dramatic effect, it can summon it's own soul (Scribes Wizard works extremely well for this concept)

I've done the peasant farmer, who left his farm and took off to be a cleric. He never had the knack for farming like his brother, and when a passing cleric told him about the wonders of his deity, old Jeb was enthralled. The cleric was nice enough to even sell Jeb, promised to be the genuine article, his very own holy symbol for all Jeb's coins and a pair of chickens. His brother said he was a gullible fool, but Jeb was sure he had seen his true path. Gave up the farm and hit the road looking for enlightenment. It was actually a fun character, too bad the campaign slowly died off because people couldn't make it to the sessions.

There's a longer and better version of this that has a fanart of it

I would like to see that.
Edit: Found it!
- We're not twitter, link to sources
  https://dat-soldier.tumblr.com/post/186717742297/terrible-character-ideas

In Pathfinder, as a Tanuki you can take a feat called Teakettle Form that allows you to change into a inanimate object (like a hat) and if you're a witch you can have your familiar take a humanoid form.

i really need to find a pathfinder game it has fun sounding classes. do the tanuki have magic scrotum power or do i have to RP that
- Convince your GM to let you reflavor "Iron Belly" which gives you a 1d6 bludgeoning attack.
How the fuck did we not get Tanuki in WotR instead of Kitsune? This is bonkers amazing, and better be included if Owlcat does another one.

I basically did the farmer once. My character was a winemaker with barely any skills that would be useful on an adventure. When his sister's fiance and that fiance's cousin - both wizards - got invited to visit some rich uncle at the other end of the realm, he took the chance to see a bit more of the world. By the time they arrived, the uncle had been killed by demons and my character basically got stuck at "I want to go home" and "Can we just let the inquisition handle this?"

Edit: to be fair, this wasn't D&D but The Dark Eye, so a lot more social and knowledge based skills that can make a non-fighting character useful.

I love these soooo much.

So I don't know DND rules, nor the strengths of the classes.

But you could follow several European Monk blueprints:

definitely a beer brewer
Hildegard von Bingen Route: be a herbal healer and a bard
Mendelssohn Route: have a knack for breeding peas, combine it with the fairytale of the giant beanstalk and you could have a handy getaway or bridging monk

There's also Brother Cadfael: a crime-solving sleuth from the 12th century. A high Wisdom stat is exactly what the Cleric class needs, so it would work out pretty well.

A druid who got involved because they're the party's weed dealer.

Isn't that the plot of Dazed and Confused?

A werewolf who doesn't believe in the moon.

This would play out as an unintentional (or intentional) allegory for addiction, and the denial that masks it. The party would very likely form an intervention of some sort. I mean, they'd have to. After the third werewolf attack or so, it starts to become a real problem.

Hey, I came up with the peasant farmer idea myself, like 10 years ago.

My character was this: A 36 year old blond guy, he farms watermelons and sells them at the village square. He is married with two kids but has a very selfish and idiotic personality. Leaves his family behind to "make his own destiny". Always says pseudo-inspirational shit. He is a rogue but extremely clumsy and often has trouble with how he carries himself, he is the opposite of smooth.

I think everyone tries fielding a commoner or "normal" person at least once.
My version was a nobleman's son that just "wanted to try this adventuring thing out." He wound up bankrolling the entire campaign, right up until he died in the second encounter.
- That's amazing lol.

Only one that's terrible is the washboard bard, but that's just my personal dislike of the horny bard trope

I once played an ace bard. He only cares about the music. He also unconditionally oozed sex appeal.
- I also played an ace bard (technically bardlock but whatever)! He was a satyr but deer instead of goat and the campaign had him slowly change from just a silly little guy to eventually taking the tragedy subclass. Very fun to play
- I also had an ace bard! Red dragonborn who was head cheerleader at his school and only wanted a puppy during the campaign. The puppy then proceeded to be carried around on said bard’s head.

I had a guy play a combo of the sentient hat and farmer. A lich screwed up, was left as just a head, and his phylactery was the farmer. As the farmer got stronger the lich got weaker but more connected to the farmer, until the lich was very nearly fully in control of the farmer (fighter/rogue by that point) before the party found a way to remove the lich.

I got a DM to let me play a 3.5e ninja but lie to the party and tell them I was a bard.

Oh hey I sort of unintentionally did the monk one! He was raised in a villain's cult that was was taken down by a party of adventurers. Since he was raised in it he fully believed in the cult's teachings until the shock of that day, and since then he had been trying to make up for it. I didn't use the religious aspect, but he had the aesthetic and the repentance, and also the party's druid had taken him on as an apprentice beer brewer so he even had that European monastic tradition down too

They're terrible on their own, in an otherwise regular(lol) campaign. Together, as a party, they form something magical

Depending on peasants’ lifespans in this world, the peasant with the midlife crisis could be just out of their teens

Nah. More like early thirties. Average life expectancy in the dark ages was 30 or something, but that's just because most people died very young, mostly as babies. If you managed to grow up at all, you could reach your 50s or 60s.
- @Manjushri @AllNewTypeFace If you got past age 5, your life expectancy soared.
- One in eight Commoners has 1 hp. I doubt they'd even make it to their teens.
Unless you're in the middle of a major plague or have a ridiculous amount of war, peasants in a medieval-style world who survive young childhood should generally get to an age of about 60. Though getting old with medieval-level medicine while working a physically demanding job probably sucks hard.

Giant snails in 5e can be defeated by a Commoner throwing rocks. They have a speed of 10 feet and an AC of 15 while in their shell. The same trick even works on both versions of a Flail Snail, though it takes longer.

Fuck that’s cool

yeah, i like the hat being a cursed hermit crab that acquires new, uh, "transport" each level making them stronger.
- The peasant farmer, hat & druid are my favs 🤣

A bard who is a wrestling jobber that pretends to get his ass kicked by the rest of the party so they look to bad ass to fuck with.

Throwing a "fight" to a party member is the most badass version of bardic inspiration I can think of
- Okay DM, I'm going to snort a line and monologue for a few minutes to get the party pumped up.
- Happy cake day!

My wife is currently playing an asamar druid that was a drug dealer to the noble families of baldurs gate lol

my horny bard played spoons but go off

I want this as a Dimension 20 series so bad.

My first character was a half elf, arcane trickster, rogue that was deathly afraid of spiders. My dm was fun enough to work it into the campaign and had us go up against a giant spider hoard

What's missing is the Mud Wizard.

Make D&D great again

Yo why this post out here hating on my boi 035?