Couch menace

JD Vance (or at least his staff) called the mayor of Springfield before they said anything about it. The mayor told them there was zero proof that it was happening at all, then Vance went ahead and said it was happening anyway.

I would argue that the couch surfing/fucking was verified more than the immigrants eating pets story because no one officially said that it was false before it was spread.

no one officially said that it was false before it was spread.
In fact, neither he nor his campaign has denied it at all to this day.
We could call the mayor of Springfield and ask

JD Vance puts his cast iron in the dishwasher pass it on

JD Vance thinks cast iron is a Wild West fishing gun.
That is just unforgivable.
- Trump literally eats steak well done with ketchup.

I'll take full credit for any virtue signalling buzzwords like "addressing the suffering of the American people" and all the attention my dogwhistles get me. Any negative results like bomb threats and hate crimes do not exist. Also, they very much exist and are the Democrats' fault, who are evil because they make up lies for attention.
JD Vance on why he insists Haitians afe eating pets

JD Vance said he was able to cure himself of couch chlamydia using a home remedy he invented that involved tree sap and some indian spices he found in his wife's kitchen spice rack.

When he was then spotted showing couch chlamydia symptoms, he claimed that he got reinfected a second time, but this time it was from Democrat secret agents that infected him for political persecution.

JD Vance is a good man. Every Christmas he goes down to the pound and gives couch chlamydia to one hungry cat and one hungry mouse.

I just think it's fucked up that JD Vance likes to bite the heads off of live rats.

Tp be fair, it can't be easy thinking you're young Ozzy Osbourne AND being dyslexic

We do not know for a fact, that he did not do this.

Thats why his friends and family secretly call him JD Couch Fucker Vance, pass it along and insist on using that name every time hes mentioned

I used to have a roommate that apparently had a habit of taking honey to the shower and fucking it. We found more than one jar of honey that he denied fucking, and others that lived with him reported the same.
He would go on to sexually assault a friend of mine.
Now I'm not saying JD Vance absolutely has sexually assaulted someone under the influence, but I am saying he looks and acts like a guy who would rape a hot dog bun after two shots of tequila.
- he looks and acts like a guy who would rape a hot dog bun after two shots of tequila.
  No notes, perfect
- I got news, apparently his name is now JD Vance the Degenerate. Spread the news

I read on the internet that he was caught shoplifting eyeliner @ Sephora but somehow evaded charges.

A vote for JD Vance is a vote for an America where every new vehicle sold will be upholstered with rich Corinthian leather.

Corinthian leather isn't anything. It's just a made up word to sound posh like Hagen Das.
- "Corinth is famous for its leather!"

He also has to stay 500 feet away from furniture stores at all times.

JD Vance puts out $5 in quarters when he visits a restaurant and each time he thinks the waitress fucks up, he removes $0.50. The remaining money is his tip at the end of the meal.

I mean, this is a cute meme. But it does seem to illustrate why playing dirty scores points while playing "by the rules" is for chumps and suckers.

Vance is a very effective sleaze. His smear of a migrant community in his home state has been devastatingly effective at stirring up a lynch mob. People are casually rejecting any semblance of truth, because "Black man ate my dog!" is this statement that resonates among his supporters and among the ambient racist fucks that are looking for someone to pander to them.

Calling him a couch fucker appears to have a better track record at deflecting his racist critiques than trying to get to the "truth" of his bigoted remarks. It forces him back on the defensive and alienates him from those same racist fucks to which he's looking to gin up turnout.

Yep, fuck facts. Orange chimp dip shit started "fake news" with earnest and they should suffer for it.

That's why he puts on all that eyeliner. It drives the furniture wild! 😍😍😍

Why give the disclaimer. 🤷‍♂️ When they go low let's meet them down there and wipe the floor with em.

Yeah going high hasn't exactly been working. Let's give them a (metaphorical) kick in the teeth instead.

I heard he volunteered to change Don’s dirty nappies and that’s how he got picked

Do you think Jackson Delacroix Vance grew the beard so he would look less like the result of Adam Lambert fucking a Cabbage Patch doll?

Jorkin Depeanus

Emulating their bullshit doesn’t give you the high road you think it does. Sure. It’s funny… but it just puts you on equal footing.

Now they can say, “See! They do it too!”

If this meme hadn't include the last line, I'd agree that it's emulating their bullshit. But that line means it's satirizing their bullshit by pointing out how easy it is to make up stories from social media posts. I hope future political scientists will call this "couchfucking."
- Fair enough. But it’s considerably more difficult to speak from the high ground when participating in shit that’s equally as bad- especially when it’s satire.
  Because you don’t get to say that you don’t any know better, like they get to.
You'd have to do way worse than that to be on"their" level.

I heard he entered a sectional while the family recliner "ole brown" sat and watched helpless. The utter disgust i say

I wouldn’t let this ‘guy’ fuck YOUR couch. Look at the predator look in ‘his’ eyes…

I imagine his basement smells of pleather, dried jizz, and overconfidence.

Don't forget the bodies!
... Of literature that he absolutely keeps on hand at all times. Right next to his victims.

While I do find this funny, I think it might make it more difficult to tell true facts as true when looking at the extreme shit these awful people say and do.

I think we should call his office and demand compensation for the couches of ours he fucked.