Republican after reading news article about republicans removing a bajillion people's voter registrations for no fucking reason:
Republican after reading news article about a hurricane: "Those liberals built an honest to goodness weather-controlling death ray and they're using it to make hurricanes that target republicans so they have a harder time voting"
Christ almighty searching for shit on the internet is a pain in the ass now, it took me forever to find this
Here's my prediction: after Helene fucks up half of Florida, Biden will sign a high relief package for the state.
DeSantis will turn it down and let his citizens suffer for party politics
DeSantis will accept the money, then use it to cut the state's taxes. Biden will threaten to suspend payment, on the grounds that it is misappropriation of funds. DeSantis will then insist Biden is trying to unconstitutionally raise Florida's taxes in the wake of a lethal hurricane. He will then claim FEMA agents are trying to turn people Transgender.
It's always the same with red states. They bitch and moan about how every state has disasters, and how they are prepared and they shouldn't have to pay for states where the people just
have to much melanindon't work as hard...And then they get hammered by a hurricane, or a little bit of cold weather (looking at you Texas) and suddenly it's "we don't have any money left, we need to take care of each other, our fellow countrymen are suffering". It's be nice to find a way to just royally fuck those politicians just once...
HAARP is a research program studying the ionosphere IN ALASKA! Apparently this void-skull thinks it's a weather machine controlling the Hurricanes in fucking Florida!?
Edit: Dug deeper into the conspiracy theories about HAARP. So many morons attribute so many powers to this fucking radio research station. Hurricanes, floods, droughts, earthquakes... it can make the sky appear to burn and control minds. It can flip the Earth's magnetic poles. It can neutralize satellites. And it can create artificial aurora's in the sky visible across the entire northern hemisphere. Man... conspiracy theorists think science is way cooler and more advanced than it actually is. I wish we were at that level of technology. This isn't even a new research facility. It's over 30 years old. We were still using VHS's when this fucking apocalypse machine was being built. Imagine what we could do now!
If Democrats actually controlled the weather, wouldn't they make wind turbines and solar panels way more efficient?
Duh, everyone knows wind turbines kill birds and birds are CIA drones to maintain the holographic disquises of the reptalian vegans...
Why do you think they release doves at the Olympics?!
And I really don't think you need someone to explain how the Italian Easter Bunny is connected to solar panel. It's 3027 for Glorgon's sake.
/s
You can't out logic someone who didn't get to their current situation without giving logic a second thought.
Using Radio and Television broadcast technology that was invented more than 40 years ago.
Apparently this void-skull thinks
Let me stop you right there. They don't think, they just are.
Conspiracy theorists are just ordinary people lying to themselves and everyone else instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. Nothing new or surprising here, just more of the same cowardly schoolyard behaviour played out at a grand scale. We give people, adults especially, way too much credit.
To me the most bizarre conspiracy theory aspect is, that they consider governments capable of large scale conspiracies. But if you're in the mood for some more, check chemtrails theories. You won't be disappointed.
These people see the US Government as an entity that is massive, overbearing, all-powerful, and technologically advanced beyond our imaginations. But they also think we should privatize everything because the US government is inept, overworked, impotent, and unmodernized at everything. It's a weird dissonance they live in.
Damn looks like they better look into more thoughts and prayers.
Rather than, you know, climate change and funding that science.
Speaking of which…I really need to hit the store to stock up on those thoughts and prayers before Walmart is sold out.
If the US Government was at the "stop at nothing" stage you'd find out the same way the Cherokee did.
And the Choctaw and the Chickasaw and the Seminole and the Mvskoke and the . . .
Democrats: We should STOP doing things that Cause MASSIVE WEATHER PATTERNS! Republicans: That's Socialism! Also Republicans: It's DEMOCRATS Fault for these MASSIVE WEATHER PATTERNS!
Who could have predicted Florida would get hit by a hurricane, I ask you?
I got this!
Grab me a Sharpie! Stat!!
If HAARP can control hurricanes, why do we have to deal with them at all? Wouldn't any shadow government secretly controlling the weather have a strong incentive to divert any dangerous weather away from the US? The loss of life is low enough in each hurricane that a few black ops soldiers would be far more cost effective for eliminating enemies. Show me a power hungry autocrat that is going to feel okay funding fema knowing they could have just kept those funds for other things by preventing those disasters.
Or even better, direct them at our enemies and countries we don't like. Why hasn't Cuba been ravaged by decades of severe hurricanes leaving the country in shambles? HAARP has been around long enough they could have destroyed dozens of enemies of the US.
It's not like anyone could stop the US. It has the most powerful military on earth, most of the world's nuclear weapons, veto power in the international organizations that matter, and provides defense for most of the western world. What is the shadow government waiting for?
Why hasn’t Cuba been ravaged by decades of severe hurricanes leaving the country in shambles?
Communist counter-HAARP efforts are more advanced than the CIA would like to admit.
Hmm.. it's actually kind of fun to come up with brainless conspiracy talk
Why hasn’t Cuba been ravaged by decades of severe hurricanes leaving the country in shambles?
Just sharpie the path of the hurricane towards California or something
So a research center in Alaska using 1980s TV and Radio broadcast technology is controlling the weather in the Gulf?
I wonder what would happen if people started regurgitating the same conspiracy theories the conservatives believe, but instead aimed those conspiracy theories at the conservatives themselves.
Blame everything on the “Shallow State operatives”, frame the existence of viruses and diseases as the conservatives’ method of population control, assert as fact that the cons are installing chem trail canisters into planes to keep us drugged, shit like that. Sure, it’s Spider-Man pointing at Spider-Man, but it could be fun to see how they react.
Calling Trump weird worked really well. Maybe some religious Democrats can claim the hurricane is god's divine will for straying so far from biblical teachings and raising Trump as an idol.
Honestly though I think we're all better served trying to come together against the real threat to our lives, Oligarchs living in a second gilded age.
It's true enough that most people would only object to the hyperbolic phrasing, but conspiracy theory sounding enough to give the fantasy prone among us something useful to obsess over.
And bonus points, their power is woven into the country so profoundly we'd never agree on what to do about it. But at least we'd be all having the same conversation, which will lead to better outcomes for everyone, even the poo-brained among us. Except maybe the Musks and Bezoses of the world, they'd hate it.
The conservative stance on climate change is quite a mystery. On one hand, they believe anthropogenic climate change is not real and it's impossible for humans to change climate. On the other hand, they believe the US government has done nothing but fuck with climate through HAARP for their own nefarious ends for 30 years. So who knows what the actual policy is, really. Your average voter is probably not interested of this question - they just want the gas price to go down.
For those out of the loop. There is a batshit crazy right wing conspiracy theory about deep state liberals controlling the weather - and they’ve been using hurricanes and snow storms to prevent republicans from voting in person.
https://www.newsweek.com/what-haarp-iowa-caucus-weather-control-conspiracy-theory-1860800
Thank you. I thought surely this post must be satire
recall when they thought covid vaccines were actually bill gates's nanobots for spying on people
is this really surprising? if the hurricane were headed towards a blue state, they'd be blaming it on "the gays."
and laughing about it
Keep in mind these same people would slob elons knob at the change for him to inject them with some microchips
Is HAARP the hurricane division of the AARP?
Curse those pesky Democrats! I bet they turned all their windmills towards Florida and now it's blown away by all the wind the windmills blow that way! Yarrr!
Twitter subscriber, checks out.
They? They/them?
They could have nuked it any time! /s
Its a perfect encapsulation of conspiracy logic.
Everything is more expensive, wage growth sucks class mobility is dead... is this because of the complex, yet inherent and inevitable nature of poorly regulated capitalism, which is poorly regulated because of the policies our people support?
No, its because of totally secret machinations of the Illuminati, which we definitely know about but also cannot demonstrate. It has to be!
Climate change is so bad now that its undeniable... us this because if the complex yet inherent and inevitable nature of poorly regulated capitalism which is poorly regulated because of the policies our people support?
No, its the result of a dastardly secret plan of evil deep state cabal scientists operating a secret weather machine which we definitely know they are doing even though we cannot demonstrate any of that. It has to be!
The modern GOP clearly hates Occum’s razor.
Cause of increasing hurricanes:
- A) climate change that was predicted decades ago, and is agreed upon by every major climatology study.
- B) or, shadowy cabal of liberals and Jews that use space lasers and weather controlling machinery to screw the right. And, unlike every government or company on earth, these organization are so aligned and well organized that no whistleblowers ever come forward.
Obviously got to be B.
Everybody knows that hurricanes are caused by gay sex. That's why those Democrats support gay marriage.
I thought HAARP was shut down years ago?
Yep.
In May 2014, it was announced that the HAARP program would be permanently shut down later in the year. After discussions between the parties, ownership of the facility was transferred to the University of Alaska Fairbanks in August 2015.
If the US could control the weather Cuba wouldn't exist
Just have your lord satan trump draw it to go to Haiti instead of floriduh.
TIL an outdated science facility is the target for Conspiracy Theorists! Not shocking I suppose, but maybe they should have chosen a presently active facility?
But that's the perfect cover, maaaaan!
It's also a pretty old conspiracy. I remember hearing about this the first time about 15 years ago!
Less participation across the board in a solid red state doesn't really do much for us. We should aim the hurricane somewhere more useful
Dad?! Get off the Internet!
This is fab! My wacky Mom and insane shithead sister live in FL. Somewhat close to the cone of effect. I should email them and tell them that my buddies @ MIT are helping steer Helene in order to fuck over the MAGA nuts.
The all powerful Democrats have finally taken control of the skies!!
This is a joke/troll tweet.
It may be, but you know at least some Republicans will believe it.
Unfortunately, there are people that actually believe this shit.
