The four horsemen of the dogpocalypse.

I grew up with blue ketchup on the shelves at the market. There are bagels that come in rainbow color. Ever heard of Lester's Fixins? They'll sell you soda thar tastes of buffalo wings. I come from a reality where nothing is off the table.

And then some joker comes along and makes up fake shit that doesn't even raise my eyebrows... I believed this was real with no reservations. How's that supposed to make me feel?

You forgot hot dog flavored candy corn.
- Thank you so much, I felt like I was being made fun of for a minute there.
Proud to be an American! 😎🇺🇲🦅
- Where at least I know I'm free 🎵
  
  Unless you're poor, or black or gay, or trans or disabled or need healthcare-

This is why Americans are the only people not allowed to make fun of British food.

There's British food now?
- British TV leads me to believe their diet is entirely doner kebobs, indian food, fried fish, and the most expertly crafted baked goods an oven in a tent can produce.
- Since food is just what you eat, anything can be food even though it is utterly disgusting
I counter with American Chili, Barbeque, and Corn Bread. I would give you Maryland Crab but I'm busy eating it.
- MD crabs are soooooo good. I've eaten a dozen every Friday all summer.

It'd be so easy to make veg dogs look like this. Literally just put different veg in it, boom, different colors.

But no, gotta dye the tube of pig buttholes.

They don't actually use pig assholes in hot dogs.

They use the chuckle.

The Freedom Frank is War, Hallowiener is Death, Mtn Dew is Pestilence and Baja Blast is Famine.

That Baja Blast one provoked a physical gag reflex in me.

So original flavor dew dogs are ok?
- I think it's physiological response to that teal color in food. There are lots of green foods that are ok to eat, so the immediate revulsion wasn't as strong.
  
  But yeah, that Baja Blast teal is something you only see in nature on mold.
Have you tried Sweet Lightning? It's a KFC exclusive flavor that hasn't escaped containment the way Baja Blast escaped Tace Bell.
- I have not, but I can't remember the last time I was in a KFC. Is it any good?
I really want to try it.