Toot toot

You unlock legendary at 4 toots.

The story doesn't make sense. He only ever does two, three would be ridiculous.

While at your desk make direct and sustained eye contact in silence. Once you know you have him gently say "poop poop" then violently shit yourself. Everything is about shitting, except shitting. Shitting is about power.

It's impacting my morale and performance

I can't think of a funnier sentence if I tried

Wasn't someone saying "toot toot" and farting a part of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide? Lol

I had a female employee come to me to complain years ago. She had had a disagreement with an older male employee (thankfully not mine) some weeks prior, and since then, every time he walked by her cube, he'd pause at her doorway, fart, and then keep walking without saying anything.

She at least was aware of how absolutely ridiculous it was, but legitimately didn't think it was something she should have to deal with. One of the stranger management issues.

We dont talk about the mythical fourth toot.

Record the farts. Sample the audio. Create music.

I literally laughed so hard I cried.

Straight up Beetlejuiced a nasty fart into existence.

toot. toot. toot. TOOOOOT

and that's how the universe got created kids

"he only ever does two, don't be ridiculous"

This is the most British response to a situation like this you could possibly get.

I learned to dab while sneezing back when the meme wasn't dead yet. I got so used to it, that I do that to this day. At least my palms are clean

If he starts doing "chugga chugga" you really need to watch out

I love how the last full paragraph shifts the narrative from tooting in general is strange to normalizing 2 toots, but a 3rd one???

I had a manager once who had 3 small kids and he rarely caught himself when he excused himself from a meeting to “go potty”.

I worked for a prof who prides himself on being an absolutely disgusting human being. Everyone has stories about talking with him in his office and then lifting his ass on one side to let rip. To make things worse, he had a fridge in his lab that he filled with booze and the stinkiest cheeses he could find, so his breath and farts were so bad they could make paint peel.

There's crazy stories about him traveling to an international conference and puking on the guy sitting beside him and shitting his pants on the same flight.

Then on a university sponsored trip (with other biology profs/researchers) to recruit new students and research collaboration, he drank some brown bubbling "wine" that he vought from a street vendor, that everyone else refused to drink, he shat his hotel bed 3 nights in a row and every time the hotel tried to charge him for it he claimed it was just chocolate that he had been eating in bed. They then proceeded to a remote research station up on a mtn and when they arrived he rushed to the bathroom and broke the toilet immediately. They had to spend close to a week there, with no functioning toilet.

Hope your boss never reaches those levels of depravity, lol.

Edit: spelling.

Fight fire with fire.

This is a shitpost? This boss is my spirit animal.

Toot-o-meter.

If that's the only issue? Ignore it and carry on. Consider yourself lucky.

You are officially at war, beans are your friend

This is so fake. Are we supposed to believe that the boss can predict when a fart is going to be extra nasty and adding an extra toot when he ALWAYS only does two???

move out of the UK

Three toots is enemy action.

Test toot!

Record that shit, and watch the internet roast him

Most lucid Mastodon user

Why remove the credit for the OP?

Well, next time I need to fart while lecturing I know what I'm doing...

I can’t believe you’re writing this either. Advice? Stay clear of the toot toot exhaust pipe? Or you know, get a new boss that doesn’t leak so much

Wtf

Well, I would love it if my tightly wound boss would pull something like this. Way out of character.

As a college student, I walked into the multi-use bathroom, and proceeded to a urinal. Strange, rhythmic, wet sounds were coming from the lone stall in use. I thought, "Okay, what the hell is this?" and tried to wrap things up quick, in case things got weird. Too late. I then hear another strange sound from the stall, something like crinkling wax paper. None of this made sense to my young mind. Then I hear a wet "plop" from the stall, and more crinkling wax paper noises. I quickly finish up, and turn to leave. On the floor of the stall I can see a partially eaten Subway sandwich. Unbelievable

This base human then picks up the sandwich, and continues eating.

To this day, I do not eat Subway.

Better out than in, as our holy green swamp ogre says

Another benefit of working from home.

I said "beep beep."

That's an HR complaint

I'd honestly ask them if they'd seen a doctor about that. No one should be that gassy on a regular basis.

Liquid ass. That's the solution.