You probably never heard of it, but I shitpost on this obscure technology forum called Lemonworld or something on things I would never admit to in public.
It's great, I'm something of a celebrity over there.
Doomscrolling.
Very badly.
Videogames help. Or a longboard and music. Drive and music.
Trained pavlovian responses to sensory triggers. If you meditate to the smell of lavender enough times eventually it starts inducing a trance you can use to combat panic attacks. You can also use other smells, sounds, colored lights, textures, etc. It actually works best if you use multiple different senses at a time. The catch is you have to continue meditating to whatever sensory trigger(s) you've decided on, and you have to do it more often than you use it to stop anxiety/panic. If you use it a bunch of times when you're anxious / panicking and don't keep using those triggers when you're already calm, eventually the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that's when you're doing it most. Ever set your morning alarm to your favorite song (if you haven't, don't). Even your favorite song in the world will eventually sour if it's heard more often interrupting a blissful sleep than being vibed to.
the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that’s when you’re doing it most
You might have no idea, but since you bring it up I might as well ask - any way of reversing this once it's happened? Recently my stress levels have been so heightened that that switch has flipped on some of the things (and people) that gave me most comfort and instead now they just cause me rage, and I'm struggling to find a way back (am autistic too which I understand can make this even harder)..
So the Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill above is called sensory-self-soothe, but it sounds like you might need something more like opposite action. I do recommend you take a breather first, so try to take a little bit of time away from those things entirely. This is to let some of your overall emotional inflammation die back before actually getting to work on this. You're not gonna get this done right if your emotions haven't even had a chance to stop getting their ass beat. How much time is gonna depend a lot on how you specifically relate to or need any of those things, but even 15 minutes can make a huge difference, especially if adrenaline/panic juice is involved. That said, if it's some distant acquaintance you might just cancel lunch and get back to them next week, y'know?
So opposite action means intentionally acting differently than the emotion you are feeling calls you to, with the eventual goal of changing the emotion you are feeling. The worst part is that that's a legit measurable phenomenon in behavioral psychology; you actually can fake an emotion until you feel it. Your brain will literally be like,"well. I'm smiling. So I guess I'm happy?????" Brains are dumb but the cool part is once you know your own exploits stuff gets a lot easier, and this one is in pretty much all human brains.
IMPORTANT FIRST STEP. should you be using opposite action to solve this issue? There's a decent chance that whatever feeling you're having is actually relevant, actionable, and important, so you need to rule that out before you use it. If there is a person or entity who is physically hurting you, constantly criticizing you or saying hurtful things, controlling you, etc, you're supposed to feel anxious/generally bad around them or it. Those unpleasant emotions are there to tell you to move away from something dangerous. I don't know enough about your situation to know if it's legit or not, I have no way of finding out over an internet message board, and more importantly, it sounds like you're talking about multiple things, so I suspect it's a mix of both legitimate and trivial anxieties. You'll need to evaluate the relevance, importance, and action-ability of each emotional state on a case by case basis. If one of them doesn't match up, opposite action is probably the wrong skill. For reference:
- Relevance - "is it an emotion that makes sense for me to feel about this situation?" If not, try to figure out what you're actually upset about first.
- Importance - "do I need to act on this?" - major fight with your significant other? Yes. Some idiot took too long in the crosswalk? No. If it is something important, you probably either need
- one of the problem-solving skills like pro and con lists to differentiate options or behavioral chain analysis to break down specific, individual undesired behaviors (often but not always substance related).
- one of the interpersonal skills, specifically DEAR MAN (negotiation) or FAST (
negotiation/ boundary setting).
- Action-ability - "is there anything I can do about it anyway?" If you are in an abusive / oppressive situation, sometimes it's ok to push your emotions down for a bit for the sake of safety, just also try to focus equal energy on finding safe outlets.
How to use it? idfk lol I'm not in your fucking brain and we're probably not even in the same country. Be willing to be a little creative though. A great first step is before you even go back to trying to interact with that person or thing, try to spend some time reminiscing about what you did like about that person. Scrapbooks and photo albums are great for this, physical or digital. Video is extra good. Do an activity you bonded over. Use, wear, look at, or otherwise enjoy a gift they gave you. Read a nice message they sent you. Protip: start collecting stuff like this about your loved ones in an accessible location if this is a problem you have often. When you're with the person, the two big things I recommend are:
- keeping your posture as relaxed as you can. I don't know if you've ever learned to swim or a sport or craft where you have to relax your body but that's part of it. The other part is to think about how you interact with an overall space when you're comfortable. How do you sit on a couch when you're comfortable vs uncomfortable? How do you walk down a hall? What clothes do you wear? What are your mannerisms? Study your comfortable self like an actor doing a character study, then practice playing that part (as much as is appropriate anyway, some comfort behaviors are for private environments only obviously). It will legitimately feedback and make you less anxious.
- doing favors / generally being kind to the person. This mostly speaks for itself, but to illustrate my point I'd like to point out that it's also a known behavioral psychology phenomenon that successfully getting another person to perform favors for you will legit make them like you more.
Like I said, dumb, but very useful once you know the exploits.
Online hate.
Lay it on me
I had a good day. No need.
I remember that despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage. I think of it as the pumpkins' version of the serenity prayer.
Fuck if I know. Closest I can think of is being alone.
…you guys destress?
You're looking at it.
Laughter helps a lot. But if I'm consuming a ton of media, it's sometimes better to just take a break and drink water while doing nothing else. I also have mantras about life like: "if I have my family, I'm ok", "home can be anywhere", "nothing in life is more important that food, shelter, water", etc. Sometimes I worry about bills, future costs, etc. But worrying doesn't always make it easier. A little bit of worry keeps me from ignoring finances all together. But too much worry isn't helping. If you can free yourself from worrying about money, you'd be surprised how much weight gets lifted. I'm privileged because I have family and friends that I love. If I ever hit hard times, I know I have a home with them. Reminding myself of that keeps me from staying up all night with worry.
Quiet walks
Playing videogames, mostly, but reading fiction is another. Cleaning open-endedly while listening to music, as well. Primal screaming.
They all work pretty well as long as I pick the right kind of videogame.
I found a YouTube channel that discusses philosophy called Einzelgänger about a year ago and it helped change my whole perspective on life. I get stressed a lot less frequently now, but when am stressed listening to his videos calms me down better than anything else ever has. I've bought and read many of the books he talks about and look forward to buying new ones. My favorite authors so far are Arthur Schopenhauer and Albert Camus. I also recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the Tao-te Ching by Lao Tzu, and anything from Seneca or Epictetus.
weed. Sopranos, Law & Order, American Dad, whatever I'm in the mood for.
Check out weedtime 👍
I used to scream at passing trains, they didn't seem to mind. But now none of them come around.
A video game where you and a rotating groups of strangers each pretend you're cars that are playing soccer.
Hot tub:
workout
You'll be positive and will start to think what to do next
Snorting cocaine and going to grab a street hooker..
Finding joy in the small things. The way my dog stretches, smiling at a stranger, smelling a flower, a nice cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger, etc. Making the time and going out of my way for these small moments of joy is important to me.
Cooking
It depends.
If I am anxious or upset, vigorous exercise works best. Exhausting my body settles my mind.
If I am burned out from work but can't relax, a drink on the porch with my husband helps to unwind.
If I cannot sleep, yin yoga is the best. Slow cold yoga with lots of forward folding.
Browsing the internet while drinking alcohol.
Unfortunately, it works really well. Can't keep up the alcohol thing forever.
Wanking.
Day Z with a friend till I hate everything about every thing. And therapy twice a month.
Video games
Varies on where I'm at. One thing I can do no matter where I happen to be is allow my body to lose its tension. This is a learned skill. Focus your mind on preferably a major muscle to start, and just will it to begin relaxing. I like imagining I'm becoming more liquid and that the stress I'm holding is draining away. It's a lighter, though similar, feeling you get when your body is just exhausted and you lay down.
This is a part of a series of coping mechanisms I'll choose from when my anxiety begins to peak.
The best ways I've found:
Going for a run with music Doing VR Boxing Taking a nice long shower.
Playing dota is my escapism habit that is VERY counterproductive for destressing... I'm trying to start making music again as a substitution.
Physical activity. Going to the gym or going for a run. Watch movies/series. Lazing around while telling myself that it's ok not to be productive.
weed, cigarettes, caffeine. lots of it 😅
Sharpening/polishing knives and tools. No music or videos, just the sharpening. Water stone and warm water too.
It's cathartic to do a good job sharpening and spending the time to get a good result. Especially when you get to the buttery smooth finishing stones. They're quiet but have, quiet, subtle sounds that are relaxing to listen to.
