I wish humans could get firmware upgrades

Patch Notes v2.0:

Fixed a bug where you would freak out for no reason. Anxiety levels now reduced by 50% - enjoy a smoother, calmer and more stable experience!
Upgraded memory capacity by 50%. Say goodbye to forgetting where you put your keys or that one relative who changed your diaper once. You're welcome!
Removed those pesky 'Remember that time you embarrassed yourself in front of everyone?' pop ups. Time to move on, folks! No more cringe-filled flashbacks from now on.

Stay tuned for more updates on the Human OS and also a huge thanks to our contributors.

Damn it, when are they going to add the 'sex drive is now equal to partner's' feature?!
- That's a paiD DLC. =(

Based on the age of that model, I would expect the issue is more likely a failing vacuum tube.
- MF so full of bugs he might as well be an ant colony
IDK maybe the power went off mid-update.
They don't seem to upgrade anything.

Bug fix: your tongue and cheeks no longer get bit by your own teeth while eating

get your vaccines 🤣

They are the updates for your antivirus system.

You could always use monkey-patching

Drugs, I'm talking about drugs. 🫠

What drugs? Asking for a friend.
Spotted the software engineer

That's called drugs.

-Empathy attribute improved by 50% -bug fix: some players' Empathy attribute was below baseline; these players have had their Empathy attribute reset to baseline.

Absolutely, one of the best ones yet. Thank you.
- You're welcome. I'm saving that one in case I ever stumble upon a genie or something. Honestly, If there was such a thing as God, there's no way he could be worse at his job than I would be.

What do you think vaccines and gene therapy are? :P

I think they should call them bugfixes.
What's their marketing doing?
- Genius. I love it for so many reasons, not least of all is the knowledge that "bug" also pertains to sickness, and "fix" can mean a dose of drugs. Calling a vaccine a "bug fix" is perfectly on the nose. 🤣

bug fix: you can now go to a room without forgetting the reason you went there
bug fix: you can now produce your own vitamin C again

No you don't. You want to learn how to properly run your hardware.

anxiety serves a purpose, forces your fight or flight response, develops survival instinct
memory is not meant to be heidetic as not everything is vital information; you want to remember what you had for lunch when you were 3 years old, on a tuesday, mid january?
failures are more important than successes; failure teaches you what does not work.

Run your hardware better. Have some therapy, try to sleep more/better and go for a daily walk.

- Probably flavour, texture or just boredom. And a liking for seeing our parents pulling their hair out.
- still in setup mode... a lot of garbage gets stuck in the cache. takes a while, but theres a final reboot around 4-6 where the ROM starts to kicks in.
true.
Remembering every day of your life is not eidetic memory but Hyperthymesia. Anxiety serves a purpose if there's a danger. If it's prolonged and the danger is some thought inside your head no it doesn't.
- Remembering every day of your life is not eidetic memory but Hyperthymesia.
  New word of the day. Thank you.
  Anxiety serves a purpose if there's a danger. If it's prolonged and the danger is some thought inside your head no it doesn't.
  Learn how to manage your hardware better. Get some therapy.

Oh yeah! finally fixed that anxie- Segmentation fault (core dumped)

adjusted responsibility level by 1000%

patch out the bug that causes eyelashes to have a chance to fall into the eye

Or our teeth biting our own cheeks!

Cursed Monkey Paw:

Wish Granted. You get regular firmware updates, just like HP printers do.

The entire field of medicine : Am I a joke to you?

Humans have them. But they are like Linux drivers and upgrades. You have to look for them as invest a lot of. Tike to actually improve.

No thanks, seen too many bad updates to want to let myself get bricked by a bad update.

Is that how I ended up with crippling depression and anxiety?
- That's another way of saying "bricked".
  Seriously, I hope yours is just a joke, but if it's not, kudos for the self irony.

Just open source the code. Let me hack on it.

I'm afraid we lost the source code long ago, we've just been stochastically binary patching for a few billion years. At least there's a disassembler: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/projects/genome/guide/human/
- Now I am kinda wondering if we could somehow fuzz it...

I'd give my left nut for the allergy update.

A tick can install an allergy to red meat for you.
- Biological malware is the worst.
Particular human has too many nuts. Removed left nut and replaced with nut allergy.
- Statistically speaking the average human has less than one nut.

Isn't this technically a vaccine? I suppose that's more like Avast for your body

It's more of a malware definitions update for the antivirus your body already ships with.
- "already ships with" 💀

Reading books, studying, learning new things, is our way to update our firmware to make new things, or give us new tools to fight anxiety or depression.

Also, to improve your math skills, you have to do maths often, and the brain will get better at it.

The brain is like a muscle that you can train to become stronger at things that hurt you or better at things that you need.

What if the pain is so bad i can't remember or study things? I think i could use a proper firmware update to fix that.

-new bug: Due to forgetting of past failure, there is now reoccurring failures.

c/outside

Loved this sub reddit

This is the meditation update that you're looking for

3rd set of teeth added

Sure, but you always download the latest bugs.

-known issue: audio skips every 10s

Fixed a bug where the human would sometimes procrastinate too much, saying "It's a problem of my future self".

Eh, I'll put it on the back log

Can I get a perceived attractiveness buff plz

Also, combined sex and waste organs; awful idea.

Human babies need a buff, they're functionally useless for far too long. Other mammals can stand immediately.

Way too many incompatible preference traits. Cheese being delicious but also requiring to enslave another being for manufacturing, with a 50/50 chance it makes your asshole explode. Way too chaotic.

Human babies need a buff, they're functionally useless for far too long.
Capitalism now wants to extract value from babies??
- I'm not talking about exploiting them (and even if we could the value would be infinitesimally small). From a gameplay perspective it's just boring. Everything is out of your control. Even if you get a shit start you can't reroll, you have to deal with it for literally YEARS.
  Not to mention the sound they make is so aggravating that older male players want to kill them to be quiet. It's a good thing one of the beta updates made babies heads produce a chemical which dulls aggression in males and heightens protective traits in females.
- Always did

I'd be Windows. Constantly rebooting every five minutes

The technology is already here:

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/31/1067400512/first-sickle-cell-patient-treated-with-crispr-gene-editing-still-thriving

You can. I go on a 2 week Mahasi vipassana silent meditation retreat each year and each time the release notes make it worth the time and effort. Also like running defrag on a disk that has been defragged regurlarly, it runs smoother each time, making the whole experience much more pleasurable.

Release notes last retreat:

Fixed approval seeking issue due to lack of approval by clueless dad during teenage years
Reduced day dreaming by 10% by recognizing mechanisms that lead to day dreaming
Optimized routines for dealing with tough situations
Increased mindfulness by eliminating several mechanisms that lead to mindlesness
Discovered access to high concentration states that likely will lead to more discoveries
Fixed loneliness issue due to missed update
Fixed part of a (self and others) judgement issue. More work on this issue needed.

The above is a pretty accurate representation of the results I got.

funny idea but this is where transhumanism starts

we only get firmware corruption as we age

No, you actually say you want to solve your problems without any work from your part, sorry no can do.

Even for a firmware update somebody has to code and work in the background, only the update process itself it's simpler (if you don't consider the work involved in creating the update mechanism and infrastructure itself).

- Each system is custom built. There isn't a way of transferring code due to different used architectures! 😁

essentially that is what mythology has been for humanity. Too bad now we just let advertising borrow the techniques without education the population how it works.

In a way parenting is our brains change a lot for that

It's called autophagy. Check out dry fasting

It sure would be great to not do any of the work yourself, huh?

It sure would be great if doing the work actually lead to change for everyone.
For many it does not.