UnitedHealth's New "I Feel Your Pain" PR Blitz

Once they are killing you in the streets and everyone is cheering, it is too late for striking a transparently false empathetic tone.

The idea that Witty, who earned $23.5 million last year alone and is a Brit literally knighted by the UK, would “understand” the struggle of any ordinary person is of course laughable.

Fuck

Lmao I don’t fucking believe that for a second. Get fucked, insurers.

Unnecessary middleman responsible for human suffering promises to produce the same amount of suffering while having a concerned look on his face.

It's typical CEO speak to write entire articles for the New York Times that say essentially nothing, promise nothing, and only give meaningless platitudes.

It isn't unique to just CEOs, all the C-levels do this shit. I once had a Chief Manufacturing Officer mention "creating Value" four times in one paragraph, which was pointless.

The kinder tone is just so it blows over. Then it remains the same, or at best crumbs are given for a while, to get worse again.

I know, maybe instead of a PR blitz they could spend that money on properly serving their customers!

“I don’t believe you…”

—Ron Burgundy

I feel their pain with every CEO shot. Thoughts and prayers.

I mean, they don’t feel it. Yet…

When they literally feel pain I may be a little mollified.

Fuck you. Pay me.

Remember Remember the 4th of December, the day a CEO got dropped. I see no reason why the vigilante season should ever be forgot

May they feel much pain.

No, they don't. But, hopefully, they will.

I believe them. I also believe Trump will lower grocery prices. And the moon landing was faked. And there's dragons.

speedrunning into the next tragedy

”We hear for you…”