Came here to make a similar comment having had a similar experience.
Judging how "easy" someone might have it based solely on age is a ridiculous thing to do.
Mental illness and or abusive parents or siblings (E: or as someone else mentioned: grief) don't suddenly stop existing when you're on holiday, if anything, being away from your own safe space and comfort zone, and in a strange place you don't know surrounded by people you might not even be able to speak to, never mind ask for help, and your abusers potentially feeling more free than they would at home, can make everything significantly worse.
There's plenty of shit to criticise in the world we live in, emo kids reaaaaly shouldn't be one of them.
When I was 13, we went on vacation to sprinkle my mom’s ashes. The radio in our rental car didn’t work, and we were driving from the Muir Woods to Big Sur and San Francisco during the week, so there was a lot of time in the car. The only cds we had were a Beatles greatest hits album, which got old pretty quickly, and Dennis learys no cure for cancer (my mother died of cancer), which we listened to several times. Luckily, we all thought the situation was pretty funny, though it is the worst vacation I’ve ever had.
The thing people don't understand about depression and money is that, if you throw firewood in a fireplace but there is no fire burning, or even a little spark do ignite it, the wood will just keep being wood. Money is like wood in a fireplace with no fire. You can have bilions and do everything you want but depression won't ever let the "fire burn". Depression suffering is very real.
That’s exactly why I quit caring to try. I achieved a few dreams and felt..nothing. No sense of pride or accomplishment after burning my life away with no time or energy to make friends for years at a time or enjoy the few things I can still enjoy.
I just wish I had the desire to make friends or keep them. Every step we take in this world requires other people, and yet the most exhausting thing in this world to me is company. I can’t have a career of any kind because the whole idea of doing a social dance makes me want to vomit. It just isn’t in me.
I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.
I always wanted to be a musician and I recorded a lot of songs when I was younger. I got pretty good at it even, and then I just stopped one day because I stopped feeling sad. I never shared any of it really. I still play, I just don’t take it seriously or write any more. I want to, because I put so much of myself into it. When I listen to a record I love, all I can do after is dream about making something that someone would love that much, but even if I did I’d never put it out there.
I don’t even know why I typed this out. Your comment just opened me up I guess.
Fuck it. Here’s one of those songs I wrote a thousand years ago.
I was married to a milionair for 4 years. His family was INSANE. Movie style milionairs. I had anithing and everything I wanted, best clothes, personal trainner, home gym, personal chef, a driver and would travel the world, but I almost killed myself twice. There is only so much shoping you can do before it stops being at all fun.
I left him (and his fucked up family)and got myself a psychiatrist that put me on great meds. I got nothing from him, I didn't wan't to have to deal with them at all. I'm now indeed fat, poor, have to.work to pay bills, old and single but I have never been so happy.
It seems it is a product of modern western style culture. Move away from family for independence, spend best days of life slogging away to live paycheck to paycheck.
I worked with a few filipinos that immigrates to Canada. While the believe Canada is a good place to live, they mention the lonely culture here. They said in the Phillapines every weekend, or sometines day, was a party with friends or family. They always made up a party to celebrate something.
I think we have forgotten that communty village living is what humans evovled to, and yearn.
Another Filipino said canada is great, but everything needs money. Housing is expensive, food is expensive, cars, and all the bills. He said back home we live more simple, no need for a heating bill because of climate, no need for a water bill. If I want water I drill a hole in the ground. So life is about living not earning
There is a screamo scene made up of gen z kids that seems to be rising in popularity. Check out a band called Catalyst... if you want to get an idea of what they are doing. Its actually really good stuff, and reminds me of the underground emo/screamo scene back in the late 90s/early 2000s.
And I can't make it on my own
(And I can't make it on my own)
Because my heart is in Ohio
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die
Deep, I know.
Not to say that Dashboard Confessional doesn't have similar lyrics, lol.