Quiet Nourishing

Millennials are wasting a 1/3 of their day in laying in bed. We spoke to industry experts about how this generation habit is impacting productivity.

Nightly quit-hibernation is time theft from your employer.
They’re killing the furniture industry! Their habit for laying in bed is reducing the demand for things like dining room chairs, recliners, couches, and sofas.
- Don't forget the most comfortable of all furniture; the cheapest office chair your boss could buy in volume!

Millennials attempting to kill the food industry by buying less of it. Economists baffled.

Your comment reminds me of that time The Wall Street Journal unironically told people to save money by skipping breakfast.
- Sigh I grew up poor. Only got food at dinner. My family didn't qualify for free school lunch. Learned not to eat as often. Was a change when my SO wanted 3 whole meals a day.
They're already blaming Millennials for killing the real estate industry by not buying enough houses.
- I'm so glad gen x was completely skipped over in all of this.

Millennials "quiet breathing" oxygen in the company-owned building.

This is why I would never emigrate to Mars, because the corpo-tyranny would charge for air.
- After the ecological collapse, Earth will be like this too
- Company monopoly on air is an element of Total Recall (1990). Great Movie.
If we follow the logic of “doing your job” = “quiet quitting” then you need to call it “quiet suffocating”.
- sufficating
  suffocating
Reminds me of the Druuge from Star Control II
- Life in the Crimson Corporation is typical: there are good times, when benefit packages and bonuses improve and bad times, when the corporation has to lay off some employees. Only, if one is out of job, one is out of luck. Since everything on Druuge worlds is Corporation property, every ex-employee is instantly trespassing and guilty of stealing corporation property, like air and sunlight. The only suitable punishment in Druuge laws for that is to feed the Furnace. Retired ex-employees are, however, allowed to breathe Corporation air (albeit at decreased rates).

if quiet quitting is "doing your job", then wouldn't having a normal lunch break be "quiet starving"?

I write this as I am quietly constipated.

I'm kidding, this is the loudest shit I've had in weeks. The acoustics in here are fantastic.

And you didn't record it for us?!
- Just another in ASeriesOfPoorChoices
- Hang on it's been 6 hours???? Still no recording???

Millennials being blamed/credited for an incredibly short lunch break is amazing.

It's to make any millenials that read it think that their own 60 minute lunch break is too long
- And then there's me, just barely Z, office job, heading for lunch at 12 with my boss, his boss and some other colleagues, chatting about whatever (not work), eventually getting up to head back to work around 1250 because some of us have meetings at 13. My boss asks me if I want to grab a cup of coffee with him, we end up sitting in the break room for another half hour, eventually turning to work topics too.
  On my timesheet, I write lunch 1200-1230 for the legal minimum 30 min break. My boss signs it. Nobody bats an eye.
  Sure, I'm incredibly lucky, but I'd wager being in a unionised company in a country with fairly strong union protections (Germany) does some work too. If my boss started being a stickler for rules, I'd be talking to my union rep, and that just doesn't end well.
  They're scared enough of the union that, when a round of negotiations failed to achieve the result they were hoping for and the union put out notice (as in, flyers in the break rooms) that they're considering the threat of strikes, the CEO immediately announced raises retroactively effective for the whole month, "as a show of goodwill".
  Previous negotiations have also resulted in flat one-off payments even for working students. A 500€ tax-free bonus might not sound like a lot if you're making 4k+ net, but for me it was half a month of wages.
  Also, I have 30 days of paid time off, on top of bank holidays and unlimited sick leave (provided I submit a doctor's note on the third consecutive day). One coworker was sick for over half a year.
  Unions work.
- People actually get 60 minute lunch breaks? Is that with two 15 minute paid breaks too?

I'm Gen X and you bet your sweet bippy I quiet nourish, usually ending up eating my lunch at 10 am. And nobody could do anything to me about it because I'm in a union. I'll suck every morsel of fun or comfort out of my workday I can. Hell I might just take this new job I interviewed for which is from home and take up crochet. There's not a thing they can do. Unions are great.

I support unions. Don't give the enemy fodder for reasons why unions are bad.
I'm sure you work hard, and deserve time to relax as well, even on the clock. It doesn't come across that way with your comment. Thanks.
- You're getting downvoted, but I got a weird vibe from that comment, and your reply nailed exactly what it was.
- ...Did you misread their comment? You're not making much sense here, and I like to think my reading comprehension is at least above average...
- Me acting like a functioning adult who doesn't need to be micromanaged all day and can take a few minutes and enjoy myself is anti union? No it's pro human.

Quiet nourishing costs 30 billion a year in lost productivity. Shame, millennials

My 30 minutes generate thousands in revenue and yet I am only a couple.

Also, do you really NEED sleep?

Yes actually, I think you literally die if you don't sleep long enough. After 72 hours or so you start hallucinating but who knows if those hallucinations affect productivity? Only one way to find out.
- Been there, done that. The shadow people are rather distracting.

What about "quiet shitting"?

No. Assert yourself at work.
- The most important thing is to always maintain eye contact!
- Sometimes, when i'm shitting at work, i ass-hurt myself.
  So i'm a pretty efficient worker.
I’m a big fan of “quiet walking my dog during a meeting where I don’t need to talk”
Note: This only applies to remote work
- I just play video games during those meetings.
  There's literally 0 reason for me to be on 50% of the calls I'm invited to (I'm IT and they have me on every dev call)

I take a whole hou- oh wait I'm unemployed

How do you put up with the constant sexual harassment from your boss?

God forbid we have lifes.

So is this referring to their actual lunch break? This feels like satire lol.

It's obviously satire

Quiet nourishing?

You mean lunchtime?

This has to be a joke right?

Next is "quiet bodily purging", aka taking a pee break?

It's satire buddy, time to log out and go for a walk if you can't tell the difference.
- Ah yeah it is - I'm drunk AF from the holiday weekend. Thanks for clarifying that it's a joke.
- I'm autistic and sometimes struggle with detecting sarcasm and satire. Occasionally, I miss things others would obviously consider a joke, while at other times I fail to register that something is actually serious.
  Neither of them are super frequent, but compounded with difficulties reading subtle cues and the shame of being called out it's enough to induce some insecurity: How many times have I been wrong and never knew bcause people glossed over it to save me embarrassment or I failed to read their reactions?
  Short of explicitly writing that it's a joke, there's always some insecurity, and particularly since the embarrassment of "I was serious and you've now made a social blunder" is usually worse than the light ribbing of "that was a joke and you're oblivious", it often feels safer to err on the side of caution for me and ask.
  I'm not saying that's the case with the other person (given they already blamed it on inebriation), but it's a possibility that I feel more people should be aware of.
  (It also doesn't help that it's election season here and the streets are lined with the capitalist party's adverts explicitly saying "Finally end this red-green government")
This has to be a joke right?

Local office employees donate part of their Krebs cycle to single parent coworkers

Who comes up with these stupid terms? It's TAKING A LUNCH. It's called TAKING A LUNCH. Li k e everybody else, no need for stupid made up terms

That’s the joke. (They’re mocking “quiet quitting”)
- I've never heard that term used before and now that I've looked it up, I feel dirty. What idiots really thought it necessary to come up with a derogatory label for "doing your job"?
- It's a joke? Well there's something to be said here if a joke term is able to be mistaken as a real term imo.

Fuck off.

Edit: Beat to the punchline.