No it won’t

What's this? A phone case pretenting to be a organizer pretending to be a wired phone?

a metal wallet with a bunch of lanyard loops?

You don’t want an AI generated non-descript thing?

Actually, it might not even be AI generated. Just a non-descript thing.

I have seen AI gadgets in clickbait ads.
Cool-looking cubes with lots of controls and stuff, but with meaningless symbols and "words" for labels.
It reminds me how influenced I am by advertising, that I kind of want something that doesn't exist or have a purpose, just because it looks gadgety.
- It is the promise of mystery, discovery, unknown functions that could end up being truly fascinating. The less clear the workings of a device at first glance (down to some minimum threshold), the more it evokes that sense of wonder and curiosity.
It’s not AI generated. I’ve had this wallet for like 3 years now.
- So... what is it? Lol
- show us a picture then. or reply when people ask you what it is with a name and brand.
  of course people think you're full of shit when you don't reply to them with anything but vague bullshit

What is that? It looks interesting but it also might be an AI image of something that doesn't exists

Edit: what the fuck is an EDC tactical wallet? I thought it was some kind of rugged electronic thing

You ever scroll down to the bottom of a news article and see the dozen or so clickbait ads with weird (and very frequently ai generated) images designed to make you go, tf is that?
- Those are called chumboxes
what the fuck is an EDC tactical wallet?
EDC being everyday carry, tactical at this point has lost any real meaning - pants with a few extra pockets, this wallet, any knife you might take outside of a kitchen, a water bottle holder that you can attach to something, anything that they put those little loops that are normally on military backpacks (actually there's another example, all those "EDC" backpacks that are 150 bucks).
This maybe? https://www.dangoproducts.com/collections/all-wallets/products/t01-tactical-wallet I saw mentioned that Dango is the brand.
I'm convinced this is AI. If you assume the wallet folds at the back, there is no way to get your card out. Also they have stitches and bolts presumably into a metal plate, but you don't stitch into metal. Fake
- It might be real, just bad. The stitches might just be holding the folded rim of the leather, while the bolts might be holding the leather onto the metal. Still, the bolts look small for the purpose.

It will be when it's 19:71 o'clock (look closely)

That's the date duh!
19th day of the 71st month.
- I'm pretty sure it's 19 weeks, 71 seconds
That's the year you came from and the year you're going to.
It's obviously a Time Machine.

It will be when it bursts into flames 👍

Is it just me or does the long thingy on it look like a turd to anyone else?

It's not just you

“THIS IS A (bs overexpensive dumbass gadget for suckers) BLA PHONE 22XTS IN OUR ANTIDROP CASE!!!”

Jumps off a cliff

fucking dies

I always love these AI generated "interesting looking objects".

What we have here is some plastic, aluminum or pot-metal frame with a piece of obviously fake suede screwed to it with undersized screws so that it'll rip off at the slightest provocation. It then has some sort of shitty OLED display crammed inside of it for...reasons?

It’s not fake lol. I’ve had one for like 3 years now.
- This can only mean one thing: you're a bot!
It's a Starbucks gift card not an oled screen.
Seems the product, ore one variation of it is called "Dango M1 MAVERICK"

I'd rather not have a wallet covered in dead skin. They make all metal ones that function similarly.

I love my cork one. It's been holding up for many years now. Metal is ofc the only choice if you care about RFID protection though.
I have a cork one and its durable AF.
Dead skin wallets can be made more renewably than metal
- covered
  This is metal underneath
- Human skin is even more renewable, we have billions of those motherfuckers munching about
Not exactly a wallet, but I got one of these several years back and I like it: https://www.ekster.com/products/ekster-cardholder
I think it's the only thing I've ever purchased after learning about it in an internet ad.
All metal what? I can't even work out what it is. Given the fact that I don't know what this is, I'm reasonably confident that I don't want it.
- Its clearly a time machine. The left side displays when you are and the right when your going to.

I’m definitely going to tie that “tactical” rope (I know there is a more official name, can’t think of it) to my suit jacket pocket.

I think it's called paracord, strong useful rope, and that is a cobra knot, which is a useful way to carry relatively a lot of rope in a small aesthetic package (but it's a pain to undo/redo).
Practically useless for evey day use. I doubt anyone who ever bought one of those cobra knotted paracord in bracelets or keychain has ever used the rope in an emergency.
that being said, it's the insecure male version of a friendship bracelet.
- 550 cord is great, and people should have some in their vehicle, or a pack while traveling.
  The cords on stuff like the wallet bother me though because even with the space reducing knot, it's a comically small amount of cord that's almost purely a fashion statement. A significant amount of 550 cord on a roll, spindle, or just in a ziplock bag is far more practical.
  I've known some outdoorsy people who've made their own 550 bracelets, but when it comes to storebought ones it's pretty much 100% people that never go in the woods wearing them in my experience.
- I kept one in my car and actually used it to tie down patio furniture while helping a buddy move houses.
  I just wadded it up into a ball and put it into the trunk when I was done with it. Haven't used it since tho.

...hottest regift this year

All the little screws give me Pareidolia

Pareidolia is seeing faces and other stuff that isn't there. Do you mean trypophobia?
- Maybe they resemble a very unusual face to this person.

isn't coal one of the hottest gifts you can get on Christmas?

Depends. Is it actually ignited? Or, is it just sitting on its own somewhere?
Liquid Hot Magma
- Hot Pocket guts
- shove a cut grape in the microwave for high temperature plasma, but were losing the Christmas theme

What if it comes with a bag of thermite?

The one with a bag of plasma is a hotter gift
Couldn't possibly beat the heat from the gift that came with a bag of plutonium.

I bought that wallet. You don't want it. If you want something like it, try Code 118.

I looked up code 118, I hate it.