1mo ago

do you use non violent communication at the workplace?

I learned what non violent communication is a day ago and I'm using it to mend a friendship.

Have you however used it at the workplace?

I find it unpractical: there are so many things to do at the workplace and the last thing stressed people with deadlines need is to have a conversation about feelings, but maybe I'm wrong?

A question for nurses working bedside: do you actually use non violent communication at your ward with your patients and actually have time to do your other duties, like charting, preparing infusions and meds, dealing with providers, insurance, the alcoholic who fights you, the demented one who constantly tries to leave the unit, the one who wants to leave ama (against medical advice)?

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Notable concepts include rejecting coercive forms of discourse, gathering facts through observing without evaluating, genuinely and concretely expressing feelings and needs, and formulating effective and empathetic requests.
Why the fucking fuck does that need a name? People incapable of such basic communication aren't really going to be fixed by slapping a weird label on it.
- Because once it has a name, it makes it easier to describe and reference in research literature, and thus makes it easier to draw conclusions on.
  Everything has some super specific name that professionals in some field use for it because they regularly need to distinguish it from other similar thing that the broader public does not care about.
  
  We don't have a name for non-golfers either.
- Wait till you learn about how language works ...
- Well clearly it's making OP think twice about it. I think it's completely possible for people to lack some component of these communication skills simply because they haven't had anything that brought them to their attention before.
  And to be fair, berating people who don't understand these concepts doesn't "fix" them either.
No I only communicate violently. /s
It is not unpractical. You don’t need to follow every bullet point for every conversation. In most cases a normal professional conversation just need to be respectful. Some of the non violent techniques are only important in specific situations (e.g. difficult colleague in a stressful scenario)
You have to, even if you don’t do the four steps out loud.
Make an objective observation as it happens (don’t lump it with others in the past)
Express how it makes you feel (if appropriate)
Express your need (so the feeling can be attributed to it, and not your interlocutor)
Make a specific, actionable request that would satisfy your need (which can be denied, it’s not an order)
You can use non-violent communication even if you only do steps 1 and 4 out loud, as long as you understand 2 and 3.
No, we often communicate via messages attached to arrows and occasionally someone gets hit. And someone once got burned while doing smoke signals.
- Personally I prefer communicating by repeatedly punching coworkers and customers in order to send a message in morse code.
  
  Are you working at returns in retail?
- Nothing like pulling an arrow out of your arm or leg and seeing "fuck you" on an attached note. 😂
Well, this is not something you do, as in a once and done action. Like, you don't schedule a meeting to talk feelings. It's an approach. The idea is to practice it consciously to reach the goal of just doing it spontaneously. Stressed people with deadlines are exactly the kind of people who can take advantage of and appreciate nonviolent communication. It can help teams in highly stressful circumstances reach high levels of performance while keeping dysfunctions from stress to a minimum. Not to mention negative effects in their personal lives. Angry, burnout and fatigued people are actually really lousy workers and the least effective overall. Dealing with negative feelings can help reduce these ill effects.
Maybe the reason why nonviolent communication seems foreign in the workplace is because there is violent communication inherent to the workplace relationship.
Yes. I focus on making direct requests and on trying to understand the unmet needs of others. A large part of what I do is train people to believe that they can say "no" to me without arbitrary repercussions.
As it turns out... yes, although I was unaware that there was a codified definition for this. There are parts of this that I'm not doing, so thank you for linking such a useful resource!
IMO, doing this is really non-negotiable. Not behaving in this manner can be counterproductive at best, and land you in hot water with HR at the worst. People are on the lookout, and rightly so, for bias, discrimination, bullying, and malice. So having strong and warm relationships is important to make sure your worst days are not misinterpreted by others. This is even more crucial if you're in management. Having a solid communication strategy is paramount to enabling the best in all relationships, and having a good experience for yourself at the same tie.
Going by the written-word on Wikipedia... yeah, this is a lot. I honestly think this is the kind of thing that goes better with practice, and maybe having a small note (phone, paper, whatever) with the critical points to hit, would make that easier than recalling two pages of instructions. You can also be up-front with people, explaining "I'm trying something new, please indulge me for a moment". After all, who doesn't mind getting extra care and attention?
Yes I do if I really need to clean the air or if I want something from the boss but I'm a factory worker so with my colleagues the need rarely arises. If it does it's pretty funny to see how seamlessly you can actually switch between brutal workplace banter and sharing something genuine. It doesn't have to take a lot of time if you're upfront with it.
Isn't it directly related to 'non-violent conflict resolution' ? Maybe people should look at that first to get a grasp. As for real world benefits look at the outcomes (effects) in schools (Netherlands and other places in the world where it's already taught).
Humanistic psychology has a way to describe things in very long and broad manners that might sell a lot of books to schools, but contain very little practical information.
Also, they often use specific terms that can mean one thing in psychology but means something completely different to anyone in any other field, who have not studied the exact psychology book that they're referencing.
It's a lot simpler than described on wikipedia, and you do not have to discuss feelings with your co-workers.
The point of including your own feelings in the sentence is to turn to the topic away from fruitless chasing of logical arguments where there are none or they are irrelevant. It's about taking personal ownership of the problem, so that you don't claim that it is the other persons problem, even if they are the one who needs to do something in order to solve it.
At work you should be direct, and be polite. No need to bring feelings in.
It sounds like a crock of shit for weasels who can't look reality in the eye.
- It sounds like someone hurt you and in turn you want to hurt others unnecessarily.
  
  1/2. I calls em like I sees em.
- The whole point is to look reality in the eye without emotion in the way.
Im a social worker so i learnd to use it without thinking. It doesnt have to be complicated or exclusively emotional. I actualy think everybody in any situation would benefit from it.
So…
Do you always have deadlines?
Do you have time to have breaks (preferably with coworkers), at least two separate apart from lunch (one before lunch break and one after)?
Do your coworkers always talk about work during those breaks?
Bathroom breaks do not count, and you shouldn’t anyhow bother colleagues with feelings during bathroom breaks.
For 2 and 3, yes, it’s normal to talk about emotions and feelings, as long as you’re not overshadowing other peoples need to vent.
For 1, get a different job if you’re not constantly striving for heart attacks, kidney failures or brain strokes.
For 4, I was going to make a very dumb joke, but… change work place.
I like this playlist of sessions by the creator of Nonviolent Communication for anyone interested in learning more about the concept.
Just yesterday I was coaching someone on how to turn their demands into requests, so I guess yeah.
No, but we don't use violent communication. We use direct communication, and unfortunately sometimes CYA communication, though I push back on that.
No. We do hasty, vague and passive-aggressive communication.

34 comments