If you are still confused, here is the simple explanation

You forgot the one little fact that said virgin was 13 at the time of impregnation.

_{PS. Epstein didn’t kill himself.}

It gets better.
The Greek word that's eventually translated to English "virgin" means unwed. (I have no source at hand to support that.)
Let's employ Occam's razor.
Mary (lit. Beloved) is just some dirt poor farmers daughter who got knocked up and ran away to the next village with her boy friend. Gave birth in a barn.
Then 25 years later this dude shows up again, a carpenter by trade, and is a total hippie.
Then all his mates write down his adventures in letters to each other.
- The plot of The Hobbit?
I hear this Jesus guy is a pretty big deal with the Republicans. He's probably on that list they won't release.
- Apparently, he is too woke for them now, but still go worship a woke god every week.
Mary wasn't the virgin, her mother was. She had to be pure that way to carry jebus. It's so nonsensical even the followers of the religion get their own shit wrong.
- What? Mary was allegedly a virgin when she became pregnant with Jesus, but that's not what immaculate conception is about.
We didn't have rules back then

Mary cheats on her husband, gets pregnant, convinces the dumbass that it was some magic ghost that gave them a magic baby, and accidentally created a religion.

...woulda prevented a lot of problems had she just owned up to it >_<

I've read somewhere (don't remember where sorry about that) Mary wasn't a virgin, and Joseph was definitely Jesus' father until some much later time when some pope decided that sex with women was gross and tweaked the story.
- Probably sooner than that. The "Pope" as we know it is an office that evolved later, though the Catholic church claims the line goes back to the Apostle Peter.
  The stories in the gospels are a collection of stories that had been circulating orally among the first century Christians, and got written down mostly in the late second half of that century. Mary likely never claimed a virgin birth at all; that was invented by the oral tradition. Pretty much everything about Jesus childhood is made up to push certain religious narratives.
  Which itself is sometimes interesting to follow. The whole census story behind Jesus birth, for instance, is almost certainly made up. Why would Rome require everyone to go back to their birth city to register? That's hugely disruptive to everyday life if people have to travel days or weeks just to fill out some paperwork. But why did they stick that in there? One good answer is that the particular group who wrote that section of the gospels--it doesn't appear in all of them--really wanted to connect Jesus to King David and Bethlehem, but everyone knows Jesus is from Nazareth. So they stick this convoluted census story in there to have a reason for Jesus to be born in Bethlehem instead of Nazareth.
- "Virgin birth" was already a concept with other dieties. Christians just absorbed myths.
- it was always part of Mathew.
  The fun fact is that Mathew insists this is to fulfill a prophecy in Isaiah. (Mat 1:32, referencing Isaiah 7:14)
  
  The Isaiah prophecy is being given to Ahaz as a sign that his enemies will get rekt. The child being mentioned, here, is nothing more than a time-marker. Basically, what it's saying is, that somewhere a young woman will give birth and name the kid Immanuel. By the time that kid has reached the age of majority or whatever, then everything else (enemies being rekt.) will have happened.
  There's a few mistakes the author of Mathew is making here. First. The prophecy was given to Ahaz and could not have possibly been about some kid seven centuries later.
  Secondly, in the original Hebrew, the word is most certainly "young woman" or "maiden" not "virgin." so the prophecy isn't even saying there'll be a virgin giving birth. Just a woman, and the sole role the kid plays is to identify a period of time. at that time and place, it would have been around fourteen.
  The second mistake comes from the author using the Septuagint instead of the original Hebrew texts. for whatever reason the Greeks translated 'maiden' to 'virgin', and quite incorrectly so. Most modern English translations (particularly for Christians,) make the same mistake because it would be awkward otherwise. Suffice it to say that the author of mathew has exactly zero understanding of the old texts- probably because he was a Hellenic Jew, and spoke/read Greek- not Hebrew or Aramaic.
  basically all of the messianic prophecies mathew points to beign fullfilled were either not a prophecy originally, or so severly misunderstood that it's incomprehensible to imagine the author did anything other than throw spaghettified shit at the wall to see what stuck.
Some other person would have done the same thing. This is just the words that survived.

Now let's have a quick snack I've prepared from myself. I'm also made of bread and wine.

Not just a virgin, a young teen. A child.

Republicans just following gods teachings.

Dear Jesus, why you gotta do me like that?

Remember this is still the nice version. The OT is the "we mean business" half. Honestly re-reading some of the OT stories as an adult is fucking wild, and kind of fun if you treat it as mythology. Its still fucked up don't me wrong. Tho I sometimes think it would be fun to watch an HBO mini series about the OT. Like the story of Samsung is just wild.
- You mean Samson? Autocorrect is a bitch.

Just to dump more gasoline....

... Mary didn't- and couldn't- give meaningful consent.

Gabriel told her how it was, and she was like 'okay'... but between the power imbalance and the consequences of not bringing the savior of the entire freaking world into the world... it's basically a gun to the head of all humanity.