For #1, I even teach my daughter that she doesn't have to have her night-night kisses from me. She's 3. She loves getting kisses from me during the day, but she hasn't wanted a night-night kiss from me in weeks. We tell her aunts, uncles, and grandparents (the only family who really might try to kiss her), that she's allowed to say no. She needs to know she can say no to physical acts from anyone if they are unwelcome, and she can decide they're welcome sometimes and not others, even from the same person. She's very assertive already, and I'm trying to make sure she understands why that helps her. I don't want these Magats, incels, or even overzealous boyfriends making her do anything she's not up for.
That's absolutely excellent. You don't ever have to kiss anyone you don't want to EVER. I love seeing assertive girls!
And teach your sons to express respect and equality to everyone
To themselves too. Their feelings are just as valid as girl's and they are just as deserving of emotional support without shame.
Yes, “to everyone”
The problem is that parents themselves do not respect the child saying these things, regardless of gender. We have seen so many mistreat children and that is what leads, many times, to these kind of things.
Parents need to get better about respecting consent and not seeing children as mere objects that must follow their every command. Working with them instead of against them, not punishing them or calling them 'naughty' just for merely not doing what they say, not shouting at them etc.
I think this is an excellent point. Middle class children can be particularly vulnerable to abuse because they're polite, not assertive and totally obedient. Children's voices are missing from lots of academic literature. We need to stop seeing children as objects and respect their autonomy
Yes. We try to teach consent with my young children. When one is doing something to the other and they shout "no!" We point out that they are not consenting to whatever the other is doing.
Also, we have a phrase to help empower our children to say no when they're being tickled and no longer want it. We say, "no mas manos" (no more hands). They can also say "no," "stop," or any number of other things, but we've used this phrase to make a point of it. Sometimes they say no mas manos and then when we stop they say "mas manos" or "yes mas manos." To them it's a bit of a game, but to me they're getting to learn that it's exactly like a switch. When the switch is on, tickling is welcome. When the switch is off, tickling is no longer welcome and should immediately stop. They can choose for it to be on or off any time, and can switch in rapid succession--they get to decide.
For #3 I like to put them in the hot seat. Instead of "That isn't funny!" I ask "I don't get it. Why is that funny?" I put on a confused look, tilt my head with wide innocent eyes, and wait for them to stammer through an explanation. So let's say someone makes a "joke" about "women drivers". I do my little act and they're left to explain why women drivers are supposedly bad. "But I interned at an insurance company and women get lower insurance rates than men because they get into fewer accidents". (Feel free to lie about your experience as long as the facts are straight>)
And I can keep that pseudo-Socratic shit up all day until they walk away humiliated.
Do not lie. When you get caught you'll look bad and you make other women look bad.
Lying makes you look insecure.
Mate, i'm not gonna wad my snatch up being a perfect paragon lest some dipshit use me as an example to "prove the fallacies of my gender"
Nobody is going to catch that I didn't actually intern at an insurance company. I'm nearly 40 years into my career across three continents.
Yeah, especially since its a well known fact
Never let a man take something you’ve earned, meaning a promotion or raise, a house or car you’ve paid for, or credit for hard work or time invested.
This is good, however, if society itself doesn't change then saying those things could put people at risk.
