Anon studies Buddhism

koans fucking with white people is just a fringe benefit TBH

The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last

Monk was passing through. Some villagers saw him pissing on a statue of Buddha so they grabbed their pitchforks and went to pitchfork him. "Show me where Buddha is not, and I shall piss there." said the monk.

You'll get it after fasting for 20 days straight I've heard.

Buddha wants a "peace" of pizza.

My favorite Buddhist tale is that of the Chinese monk Birdsnest, so called because he always hung out in a tree.

Now, Birdsnest was famous and highly regarded, and a governor heard of him and decided to seek him out. The governor travelled for days to reach birdsnest, and when he arrived, he asked "hey, birdsnest, what was it that all the Buddhas taught?" Basically, dude was asking for a one sentence summary of religion, like the famous tale of economic study resulting in the one sentence summary of "no such thing as a free lunch".

Birdsnest answered "Don't do bad things, only do good things."

The governor scoffed, and said "my three year old nephew knows that!"

"Easy enough for the three year old to understand," Birdsnest retorted, "but still very difficult for the sixty year old to do."

The hungry tiger jataka is my favorite

"One day, the Bodhisattva and one of his disciples decided to take a stroll in the forest nearby. This had become a regular practice. They often went for strolls.

While they were walking, the Bodhisattva notices something extremely terrifying. He saw a tigress, which looked weak and hungry. The tigress was about to devour her own cubs. Now, that moved the Bodhisattva’s heart. He did not want the poor animal to suffer the guilt of eating her own cubs. So, he came up with an idea.

He sent his disciple back to do something. The Bodhisattva had decided that he would offer himself as food to the starving tigress. He simply could not let her eat her cubs. And he knew if his disciple had seen this, he would definitely stop the Bodhisattva from offering himself. You may also like to read, The Tiger And The Golden Bangle.

After the disciple is gone, the Bodhisattva approached the tigress. With the utmost compassion in his heart and no malice, he let the tigress devour him. The tigress ate him and fed the cubs as well. After a while, the disciple returned. When he saw the Bodhisattva’s blood stained clothes, he realized what had happened.

He knew the Bodhisattva well. So, he knew the hermit had offered himself to save the tigress. He went back and told his fellow disciples of the Bodhisattva’s sacrifice out of love and compassion. "

Bible stories are the same way, we've just heard them a million times so they don't seem weird

"Hey Jesus what toppings do you want for pizza?"

"Plain with cheese"

Later the disciples are eating pizza with Jesus

""Hey Jesus why did you say you like cheese pizza when you normally order pepperoni?"

"You dumb fucks how dare you not understand my hidden meaning, I am the true pizza and you are the pepperoni, the grease is my blood"

"Oh of course, sorry boss"

I think I can explain. In Buddhism, you have to understand if he didn’t the last into the pizza, but from where I stand it simply is. I hope that helps.

The Buddhist Monk walks up to the hot dog vendor and says: "make me one with everything."

I felt a bit sympathetic to Buddhism up to the point when I actually visited a Buddhist temple and listened to the speeches of monks.

The amount of brain rot disguised as wisdom has made me feel Christianity ain't that bad after all.

Sorry in advance to any Buddhist out there, but it struck me how the common perception of it differs from the actual thing.

Buddhism's "Life sucks? Be nice and die and you'll get a better one" sucks but it's still better than "you should be nice to others, but that's too much to ask so go be as awful as you want and just regret it later and that'll be fine". But even that was better than whatever the fuck people are interpreting from religions these days.

are they just trying to fuck with white people?

Not just white people, but people in general.

Isn't Buddhism at least partially about a lack of desire? Buddha is enlightened, meaning he has no desires, therefore if you asked him what he wanted on his pizza, he'd be like "Eh, whatever's fine"

Zen koans are basically ancient memes.

There are things that cannot be communicated by reading alone.

Zen is said to be based on a "special transmission outside scriptures"

I suspect that actually looking at someone (preferably while you're together in the same room) lets you understand things better.

If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago.

This guy doesn't know the one about the pizza guy making him on with everything and then not giving him back and change. So he is angry cuz he didn't get the anti joke.

Anon looks at the finger smh

Have you Heard, Seen, or Suspected the salami here comes from an animal that was killed for my consumption?

Dont know man... is my first day here.

The Blessed One acquiesced with silence.

... The vegetarian one then. Next customer!

为什么不两?

Joshu wants nothing on his pizza.