Elon Musk: your new Tesla will drive from the factory floor, to your house 'this year'

Imagine it gets into an accident lol.
Who gets charged?
If you thought insurance was expensive before....
- "we planned for this edge case, and have programmed the vehicle to quickly leave the scene of any accident where a driver is not present. by accepting delivery (by purchasing a vehicle) you accept that all vehicles are sold as-is. tesla insurance customers get half-off repair claim deductibles for the first 7 days."
- Surely it would be Tesla since you don't actually have possession of it, right? Right??
- Tesla “FSD” switches off seconds before an accident, so this will be interesting.
It’s not happening.
If it waives the destination fee, then I don't see it as a bad problem depending on how much it would normally cost to deliver vs how many miles.
- Dealers: charge bullshit fee
  Mftr: "get rid of this bullshit fee by racking up miles right from the factory"
  Customer: "this is such a phenomenal deal!"
- It doesnt waive that fee because it is a federally required fee to be applied to all vehicles regardless of their... destination. Uhg.
your new car racks up miles on your own dime before you even get to drive it.
What? LOL You would prefer to coordinate to have someone drive you over and then drive it back home for the pleasure of...watching the miles roll over in traffic?
- Ever used your eyes while driving? You've probably seen those car transport semis loaded up with new vehicles, transporting them to dealerships.

And also, who doesn't want hundreds to thousand of miles put against your warranty.

Assuming there is any reality to this (big assumption), I assume you are looking at the distance to the nearest distribution center (so Tesla "Not a dealership for legal reasons"). So a lot closer to hundred than not.
Mostly because Factory->House requires a lot of automated charging technology. Whereas Factory->Truck->Dealership->House still lets them take advantage of scale (a truck truck) and can go on a single battery charge.
- Yeah, I live like 10 miles from a Tesla dealership, about 1k from a Tesla factory. If having the car drive to me is cheaper than loading it on a truck and taking it to my local dealership, I'm fine with it having 1k miles.
  This is all hypothetical though. There's no way this timeframe is happening.
The shortest distance between Tesla and your house is a full circle around the country.
- Also at the odometer rate of Tesla Miles, where the warranty runs out faster.

Anytime Elon says anything about Tesla with a timeframe, you can guaran damn tee that it will not happen within that time frame.

If you double it, you might actually be somewhat close to hearing a believable date for the actual time frame.
- That's not going to be enough...the dude claimed "coast to coast" autonomous driving capabilities "by end of the year" back in 2016.

Earnings call is today

Ah so more market manipulation… got it. Jesus I hate this douchebag.

Yet another lie.

The shareholders should sue.

Tesla lost 6% of its value today so I'm sure Elmo felt compelled to find something to pull out of his ass.

He's always lied about the self-driving capabilities of the cars and promised timelines that have never held. Print this statement out and use it as toilet paper

But what about my Elon Musk? Sorry, I mean sensitive anus.

Doubt

But who's gonna fix your wall?

It does beg the question who pays the insurance until your get it the first time. I suspect you do though.
- Not only that, who will provide the cover.

He's lying again.

You can tell because his mouth is moving.

Tesla will begin its roll out of its self-driving Robotaxi fleet in multiple US cities in the months to come, already taking appropriate regulatory steps in both California and Texas.

Anyone want to take bets on how many deaths/injuries will there be before they're pulled?

Infinite is valid all things considered.

Anyone want to take bets on how many deaths/injuries will there be before they’re pulled?
DOGE will make sure it won't be pulled. They'll shut down any administration that tries.
This LiDAR tech vs Tesla video makes me wish Tesla will use LiDAR in their self-driving Robotaxi fleet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQJL3htsDyQ&t=556s
- They won't. Musk has a hard-on for doing everything with visible cameras for some stupid reason.
Infinite is valid all things considered.
Not really. I mean that would require a timeline where humanity is both stupid enough to keep Tesla around and survives indefinitely which is highly unlikely.
- Infinite just means it will never be pulled for causing accidents.
Yeah, I don't bet w/ human lives, I'm not an insurance company.

MY new Tesla? Doubt it. Considering I'm unemployed due to this clown administration and I don't tend to upgrade much of anything, let alone a vehicle, unless/until the old one no longer functions.

hes also still a nazi-pedo associated with epstein too.

I used to about some things, like when he talked about the how the spaceX rockets worked, but then he went insane. And now I've heard there's a pretty good chance that starship isn't gunna archive much at all, because its too heavy from the stainless steel they used to make it.

'this year'

Sure, Elon. Lets get you back to bed.

... Even assuming the self driving tech was actually capable of doing this, which is won't be...

How would this even make any sense?

Ok, if you live within about 200 to 300 miles of a Tesla factory, ... you have this option?

Fremont, California; Sparks, Nevada; Austin, Texas; Buffalo, New York; Lathrop, California.

Outside of 250 miles ish of one of those places? No self driving delivery for you.

... And I am pretty surr not all models are made at all those locations.

Despite long ago claiming his EVs and charger network would be capable of automatically recharging or battery swapping themselves... to make a long distance journey... that ... doesn't exist, he abandoned all of that.

Even funnier: Imagine a tesla self driving from the as of yet to be completed gigafactory in Monterrey Mexico... through the border checkpoint.

The auto charger network doesn't exist, the car would murder people, cause an accident or fucking explode in the border queue... and even if none of that happened... how in the fuck is a self driving car gonna get through a militarized border crossing?

If he just gives himself a waiver via DOGE for his cars... congrats Elon, you are now a drug trafficker / arms smuggler, whether you know it or not.

... fucking lunacy.

He'll have a single car delivered this way, and there will be a Tesla robot in the driver's seat being puppeted by someone in the back seat of a Tahoe driving behind the car (they couldn't do actual remote because starlink doesn't cover the delivery area).
They'll then awkwardly film the whole thing, interview the overenthusiastic stooge they hired to "buy" the car, and fly the mission accomplished banner.

There is no war in Ba Sing Se sorta vibes

will it fall apart while en route.

Press F to doubt

F - You see it's even less likely for me to buy a tesler, than it is for them to be self driving.
- Don't be so sure about that. I mean you could be tricked into buying one, blackmailed into buying one,... but for them to be actually self driving would require Elon Musk to be correct about something and that is obviously fundamentally against the laws of nature.

He forgot to give us the point values...

Ran Over...	Reward Points...
Child	20
Cat	10
Dog	15
Adult	25

I wonder what they'll offer in the Tesla rewards shop

Run over Reward

CEO - 100000 points
Edit: updated into a table to clarify that I meant MINUS 100000 points, Life of one CEO is much more important to (f)Elon than lifes of us peasants.
- Nah, Teslas will set themselves on fire with a family inside before it allows something like that to happen.
You can request your payout at a minimum of 100 points
Ran Over... Reward Points...

18 wheeler 99
AI trained on carmageddon

Run over	Reward
CEO	- 100000 points

Ran Over...	Reward Points...
18 wheeler	99

This is such obvious BS. Putting aside that Tesla are always making claims about self driving that they can't deliver on, let's just consider the basic logistics of doing this for any customer who lives more than about 300km from a Tesla factory (of which there are two IIRC, and one of those is in Austin and the other is in Fremont)...

How the fuck is the car going to recharge?

It's not like it's going to plug itself in, and there are no staff at Tesla supercharger stations as far as I'm aware. With the range on a typical Model S even getting to LA might be tough if it gets stuck in traffic. Fremont to LA is just under 600km if you're lucky.

It’s not like it’s going to plug itself in
It could stop at Tesla "dealerships" along the way and have the staff plug them in, or have fancy robotic chargers at just those locations. Surely there are enough "dealerships" that this is feasible for most people.
- Nah, there's not that many. There's large swaths of the US where you have to drive across multiple states to get to one, in part for legal restrictions on dealerships

Riiiiiiiight

You will Nazi it coming.

LOL my Tesla? Nonono. The possibility of me ordering a Tesla would require so much leadership refactoring at Tesla, I'm confident this is no longer a possibility.

To put it more sussinctly:

Fuck off with this bullshit ad headline. I wouldn't touch these swasticars if they jerked me off nightly

No it won’t.

It can drive itself straight to the dump

It's irrelevant because I'm never buying anything that piece of shit touches.

lol right. tesla cars can't even tell the difference between a painting on a wall and the actual road.

Is that a threat?

Driver included

It’s one of those robots that’s just remote controlled by some guy in a call center.

Not because of advancements in technology, but because of erosion of regulations.

As if the far right folks will buy an electric car and Elon burned the bridges for buyers on the left.

No, but the not as far right conservatives might. I have a cousin who bought one recently... I'm pretty sure it happened because of the Whitehouse yard sale Trump did with Musk.

Not my fucking house.

Later this year: "I was right, but I actually meant to say 'into' instead of 'to' and 'someone's' instead of 'your'"

I ain't buying that piece of shit if it offers blowjobs.

I don't want to be caught dead driving one of those fucking nazimobiles. I would not take one even if it were free.

Do people still care what this turd has to say?

lol they can’t even drive from the factory to the parking lot in their fremont facility.

Lies

"it drove right through my kitchen wall. And I hadn't even ordered one!"

Not if your home is not in USA, your new Tesla will have to pay Tariff and don't know how.

Factory Floor is in China.

Enough musk spam...

Next thing they’ll “say it will do your taxes and walk your dog”. Seriously this company is so unserious.

Everyone: Hey, I've seen this claim before! Elmo: What do you mean you've seen it? It's brand new!

Gotta save that stock price somehow. Activate investor bullshit machine.

The "next year" promise of the year...

If they even try that it will look like that car chase scene from The Blues Brothers.

Sure Elon. Here, have another hit of ketamine.

When a battered car with a mangled cyclist smashed through your wall

Elon Musk: Your new Tesla will get into a serious accident and be totaled before it even gets to your house 'this year' (and you're still liable for it)

Right... My favorite "promise" so far was the Tesla SpaceX edition (with rocket boosters or microjets or some shit, IDK doesn't make sense) and die-hard fans defending this PR stunt as "the car that might fly".

Ha ha ha sure Elon.

Elump will accomplish this not by improving technology or software, but by outlawing any safety regulations that prove inconvenient.

To your house, through the wall, and into the living room?

“It’s dirty. Why did you deliver it dirty?”

Sure, Jan.

Announced since 2014

Bullshit.

FSD is getting people killed and somehow this same car will get any kind of “ok” to solo drive to someone’s home from the factory?

More promises by Muskrat that aren’t gonna happen.

Probably have a sales rep in the car to monitor the drive.

No it won't. I'd never my money on anything supporting that fascist pig.

Soon the only ones buying Teslas will be factory workers that are forced to in order to keep their jobs. The basically live on the factory floor, so it's a pretty easy promise to fulfill.

Jokes on him I’m never getting one

I feel that spreading lies, even to make fun of them, is ultimately counter-productive. I know others disagree though.

I told them I didn’t want the car delivered to my house. If they did, I would auto accept it. Even if there’s issues on it. Accept it from their dealership.

He means that's how long it'll hold together

What excuse can he use later?

I mean, when it turns out that it's not happening this year, and not even next year.

Any bets?

My guess: He won't be with Tesla anymore then, so all these broken promises become somebody else's problem.

It already drove across the country by itself several years ago.

Is Joe Schmoe going to have to answer for his shitbox that just plowed through a school zone with an unusual number of speed bumps? Joe hasn't even met his vehicle yet and it's gonna be out there committing crimes potentially under his name.

I'm sure Elon musk would hit all of his timelines if it wasn't for the Democrats or Steven Miller

kinda like elon would put a man on mars in 10 years back in 2011.

of course they will, all their dealerships are burnt down

It could happen, provided the cars are remotely piloted by a bunch of Indians.