Where do you go when you have no one to talk to?
Where do you go when you have no one to talk to?
Posting this because I can’t really talk to my family or whatever. I have one main friend but I don’t think she cares on a deeper level so it always just feels like I’m alone. Who do you guys turn to for help? It’s always been a struggle for me, it’s like no one is really there. It feels like I’m living the same day over and over again and I’m not contempt with my own thoughts and it’s hard for me to get over it. I’m not sure if I’m just depressed and I’m so good at hiding it or I’m just so numb to everything. I forget so much of my past and it’s so hard for me to sit with myself and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake and that’s also something I won’t get over. I can’t win things back and it’s sad to accept reality of things. Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
Before the rise of shitty corporate social media, we had Livejournal which was a private blogging platform, you could have your posts set friends only or public, and let me tell you writing shit out and having people comment on it, whether they validated you or pointed out a flaw in how you thought, was so much more useful than therapy.
Is it still an app?
Used to have one but not in Android store anymore.
Ha! Haven't thought about that in awhile... you're absolutely right! My Livejournal is now old enough to get drinks. Yikes.
!dadforaminute@lemmy.world make great substitute parents for advice and hugs. They're always there without judgement
I go to bed. By day three I'm a little better, as long as nothing else happens in those three days. I have good meds for sleeping though, it's like a mini suicide
Journal. Then a sappy romance anime until I feel better. If it's a consistent issue and not just a bad week there is no substitute for therapy.
that’s also something I won’t get over.
Not when you keep repeating that to yourself. Shit sucks, shit will suck for a while, but shit won't suck forever. It is okay to grief and be sad about good things. But life has to go on. Do things, meet people, force yourself to do it.
It will get better, period. Right now, it feels like it won't. But you are already reaching out here, that is working on getting better. Keep doing it, and in the meantime, head up, chest out, carry on.
nowhere really I just get extremely depressed
I usually blast my grievances to the greater fediverse. Some passerby may read my woes and wipe a tear.
It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.
I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.
It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.
Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.
Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.
Thanks for this. I do enjoy being alone I do but it’s so hard to distract myself sometimes when I’m alone the motivation isn’t there and I want to bed rot. I spiral in my own thoughts and it’s so hard to channel it out. I have lowkey been feeling like this for so fucking long, it was starting to get better but now it’s just downhill. I’m trying to work through it but I can’t even talk to my own family because they don’t believe in anything mental health wise. I’ve been told to shut up during panic attacks and I never been comforted the way I wanted to. I don’t know how to find new friends, it’s hard. I am 21 and I feel like at this age like everyone has their “set” and not much people go out to make new friends, I could be wrong
On your last point, I moved 5 years ago when I was 28 with no friends or family to speak of outside of online. It’s never too late. My best luck making friends have been in context. In other words, I never went to a place to specifically make friends. I met them all when I was doing other things.
The biggest change for me was joining a kickboxing gym. I’m not an athlete by any stretch, but it allowed me to gain confidence, which I quickly learned is about the most attractive trait you can have.
The only way to get better at meeting new people is to try and fail. Hopefully through some trial and error, you can find an activity you enjoy that happens to involve others rather than trying to go places to meet people.
Here to add that this is my problem too, and I have a therapist... that I talk to by phone once every 2-3 weeks (Here in the states psychotherapy openings are impacted so anyone who doesn't have super-good insurance is on the wayside) and she's more of a CBT coach.
I'm trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane, given our society elected the party that regards us all as expendable, and very much wants there to be fewer Americans and more elbow room for the MAGAs.
As I'm likely to be elevated on the list of priority persons to get the CECOT treatment, I still need to arrange for a rapid exit strategy for when ICE stormtroopers blast down my apartment door. Kennedy Jr. has some serious beef with us ASD folk, and as someone who is on a fixed income (though I've had jobs and even have written poetry) am exactly the sort that he wants to purge.
For the moment, I am currently living for a cat and a dog. I regard them as persons and can't trust anyone else to. And so am very reluctant to re-home them until I cannot support them any longer. I might be living so as to not traumatize my wife (we're separated) but lately I seem to be more of an obligation and a burden. It didn't help she went to a family Easter event to which I was uninvited. I spent the day alone.
What I don't understand is why elected officials claim that people like me are a burden to the state are distressed by the notion that we might want to self-dispose (This is, or rather was, my only country, my only society) Indeed, the US suicide rate has soared since the Trump era began in 2016. We're higher than Japan now, and gaining on Russia.
I don't think it's that anyone actually cares about me, I'm an abomination, like The Outsider in HP Lovecraft's story of the same name. They just don't want to process the cadaver and meager legacy I would leave.
Anyway, I go off and on suicide watch, but in these times, we're all expendable, and sooner or later going to be removed from the new MAGA society to be stuffed into a megaprison gulag. I've been told by 77 million American voters they don't want me around. I don't understand the drama if I immolate myself in front of a state building. Is this not what they want?
PS: Wife and family are considering giving me ECT, the same stuff that Hemmingway and David Foster Wallace tried before they decided it didn't work.
I'm trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane
You already provided a whole list of people that should check out before you do. Why would anyone want you gone when the horrible fuckers aren't going anywhere?
Nowhere? Sit with my own sadness. Go to the gym and work my frustration out on weights. Play games and forget? Unfortunately none of them healthy coping mechanisms, but talking to close ones leads to more issues because I'm very bad at putting my feelings into words without causing distress to others apparently. So inwards it goes.
Not as if the universe cares, so why should I?...
I don't go anywhere and it's probably killing me slowly thru vices. I don't see a better option tho.
Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
Don't feel sorry.
Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.
As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)
I did for a bit and then stopped. I will try to continue with that. It did feel good
came here to suggest journaling as well. and if you've already had a good experiance with it, all the better. during my divorce, the only other person i felt connected with offered to "help fix me" if i'd just give them a pass on all my established boundries. i declined and we parted ways. filled at least two books that year but it gave me a place to talk outside my head. it was enough to get me to each next day. that gave me time to let connections with other people develop on terms i was comfortable with.
Do you have a hobby that you might be interested in that involves meeting up with others? I know for a fact that more than a few good friendships started this way.
I’m not sure :/ I guess I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it.
but I’m not the best at it.
Doesn't matter! It's the act of doing it that's beneficial.
I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it
I mean, it's a hobby. I understand the desire to be good at it, but the primary goal is to have fun.
In the US, 988 has a warm line. They get a bad rap but if you call, wait and ask for the warm line during the day, they will call back within 48 to 72 hours to talk about anything for a half hour. For when you are not in a crisis, but still need to talk. If you ever are, look up crisis numbers in your area.
That's the neat part, no one.
But hey, you're not alone being alone. (Sorry, I kinda like that sentence)That’s true. Me myself & I i guess
I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake
I saw your previous post and I just want to say, as an internet stranger that only knows what I've read, I think that you did nothing wrong and I hope that you reach the point where you can see that and believe it for yourself. I'll be fair and say that at most, you both fucked up. But that's just in the interest of fairness towards people I don't actually know. I don't believe it though. In fact, the way it went down, it just proves that you had good reason to not be 100% truthful at the start. And I don't believe the results would've been any different anyway. The only thing that I agree with that person about is that you need to believe in your own self worth.
As for your question, let me know if you get a good answer lol. At least being able to get things off your chest on an anonymous platform and hopefully get helpful advice is the next best thing.
It’s so hard to believe my own self worth when I’m always in repeated pain from people. I try so hard man, I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of giving people so much of my energy. I won’t blame myself for everything because I know most of what I did isn’t wrong but I did involve myself I guess in situations where things can go wrong but I never wanted that.
I definitely hear you, in fact I ended up kinda shutting myself off for years just to avoid that pain. But maybe one has to come first. Maybe if your self worth was higher, it wouldn't be so easy to be hurt by people. People that probably didn't deserve your company in the first place.
I did involve myself I guess in situations where things can go wrong but I never wanted that.
We live and we learn. There's no going back and doing things differently (although I fkn wish there was), the only direction is forward. And the best that we can do is learn and grow and maybe do things differently in the future.
Not to sound too much like a fortune cookie though lol. The truth is that I suck at life myself, so I'm not sure if I'm even qualified to be giving this kind of advice. But hopefully there's something in here that helps.
One thing that I do know is that there's no magic words that you're going to hear that will make the current fresh pain that you're feeling go away. That'll only happen with time. So hang in there, and be kind to yourself. We're all just making it up as we go along.
I either talk to my partner, therapist, or ask online :)
No where. There's only so many times I can be ignored and be okay with it, or have my hand slapped when I reach out.
Nicole
I think many of us have been here before. The first thing to realize is that... you aren't the first and won't be the last. I'm sorry you've had trouble in life. I'm having trouble now too, but different.. and feel there's nobody I can really talk to about it. I have friends who are also having trouble and while we talk, the reality is that all my good wishes and time to time help doesn't solve their problems either. In the end it's up to them.
"Life is a struggle" isn't just an axiom.
The first thing any lonely person can do is really learn to love spending time with themselves. It involves a lot of soul searching, exploring, learning what things in life interest them enough to explore on their own. When you accomplish that, take what you're interested in and go find other people who are interested in it. Two people in the world who might be meant for each other, but just stay at home because they don't want to get out there... will never ever meet.
Life is work. Friends are work. Relationships are work. If you just want to be happy alone and by yourself, guess what? Work.
This is a crossroads in your life, where you get to decide which way to go. It may seem overwhelming, but in the end it starts with one simple thing. What thing in the world makes you happy? If that's nothing, then start with, what thing in the world makes you less sad?
Every house has a foundation. Time to build yours.
I daydream. I'll "go" somewhere else. I know it's no more than me talking to myself, but I'll daydream someone who really likes me or cares for me, and I'll "talk" to them. Not really to fix it, but to kind of resolve it.
I was extremely unpopular in school and I'm an only child of a single mother. I spent a lot of time by myself, and still do. I've had a lot of practice.
I moved five countries over so I don't have to talk to or see my family. I used to sail away so that I don't have to talk to, or even see other people.
Right now I'm in-between boats and trying out camping to get away from people instead. Also, the dogs like it more than sailing. Having to dinghy to shore for pee breaks gets tiring real fast.