Final part of the trilogy that I wanted to do here. Not from a Sonic game but from the same band on one of their own EPs.

I promise I'm not going to just post Sonic songs all day but I've got one more to go after this one.

Hi. Long time fan of this app from since it was still just Infinity for Reddit. Here to report a couple of issues that seem hard to replicate.

At first I thought that I was just absent minded but this keeps adding up. I'll subscribe to a community now and when I look again later, I'm not subscribed. I'll upvote things, then look again later and certain random upvotes seem to have just not registered. I'll block a user or community and know for a fact that I have, then see that user or community in my feed the next day and find out that they aren't in my block list. Not sure if the issue is my internet connection or what but I never had this issue on Reddit with the same internet.

Another one. I changed my screen name, profile picture and banner almost a week ago. And I've cleared the cache of this app already and it still insists on using my old username, profile picture and banner. Now today finally, days later, it's got as far as removing my old banner (but not replacing it with the new one) but still keeps my old profile picture and username. In comments it has updated but in the sidebar and on my profile page, it has not.

And now today, the latest issue. Seems like somewhere between the app and the platform, something else has decided for me to unsubscribe from !asklemmy@lemmy.world. Which makes me wonder what else I've been unsubscribed from now. And here's the weird thing. I went and subscribed again. And now according to the desktop website I am subscribed but according to the app, I'm not. Not sure what is going on here.

I love this app but these issues are starting to make me feel like I'm going crazy.

Thought you guys might appreciate this here. Japanese song, so here's the lyrics through Google translate:

June serenade

The sound of rain echoes

A solemn symphony

Hymns come together

I offer prayers

The street corners are colorful

Umbrellas come and go

Standing still

The ambient music

Feeling dizzy

Getting wet in the rain

I listen carefully

Lalala la la la la la

The rain is coming, just like sing me a song

Baroque and brick city

The rain washes me away

Lalala la la la la la

The rain is coming, just like sing me a song

Edit: dumb markdown is one of my pet hates. Imagine not being able to make new lines without knowing the secret code, so that it doesn't all just get jumbled together.

Posting this here because the metal community seems to be entirely links to tracks and I'm not sure how well received this would be there. Also, I'm open to anything that goes more on the punk rock side of things. I like a little punk in my metal and a little metal in my punk (which is very subjective anyway).

Basically as the title says. I'm bored of my current selection of heavy music and looking for new stuff. To per-emptively get ahead of these answers: yes, I've heard Kittie, Nightwish and Arch Enemy before (actually haven't listened to Kittie since the nu metal days and maybe I should check them out again).

Two bands that I have found in recent years that I absolutely love are:

In This Moment. They started out as pretty much straight metalcore but have a noticeable evolution with each album, to the point that the most recent album sounds like this. Evolution is something I appreciate in a band.

Butcher Babies. Just straight up chaotic. And good shit. And they're even named after an old school punk song. Chaos and attitude is something I also appreciate in a band. Pity that one of the vocalists left though, having two vocalists was something that really set them apart.

Any other suggestions?

Edit: wasn't expecting so many great suggestions here. I promise I'll make my way through each post and suggestion here but it's going to take time. In the mean time, thanks everyone. At this rate I'm going to have more than enough new (to me) stuff to listen to.

I don't want to turn this place into my personal journal, so hopefully this is the last post of its kind that I do here (I do have a general question in mind to also post here though). Although I do wish this place was busier so that people could discuss their journeys without feeling like they're taking over, or feeling too exposed.

On the subject of labels. I am sticking with non-binary now and deciding to make the conscious effort to stop thinking of myself as an imposter or invader, whether I ever actually take any steps towards HRT or not. I feel 99% sure that if all of this stuff was openly discussed and accepted in my country when I was a kid, I would've read the definition of non-binary and been "Yup! That's me!" Just like when I finally read the definition way too late in life. And if that had been the case, I feel like a lot of things in life would've been better and made sense or felt fairer to me.

As far as HRT goes, I am very open to trying, mostly to see how it feels. I feel like as long as I have only ever known having T in charge of things, and have never experienced E driving me, part of me will always feel like an imposter. Reading up on the effects of switching to E, almost all of it sounds beneficial to me. Except for one of the two irreversible effects, breast growth. This is the difference between doing this without needing to explain anything to anyone and publicly coming out. I have seen people report that it starts fairly early. And I already have a kinda prominent chest and reason to believe it would end up being quite hard to hide.

Either way, it's not on the cards soon due to finances, living situation etc. And either way, I would still be non-binary because I am also 99% sure that if I was AFAB but still had the same personality and experience in a binary world, I would've also read the definition of non-binary and been "Yup! That's me!"

So for now, I'm actually happy owning this body and by extension the way society looks at me for a while longer. I'm happy being GNC at most for now. And I'm going to use this time to work on my mind, work on a regular income, work on my general health, work out, and prepare for what the future may bring.

If anyone responds here and I don't respond and / or upvote and stuff right away, it'll be because it's currently 2am here and I've finally fallen asleep. Although I am planning on another joint and cup of coffee.

Hoping that this doesn't get too long (spoiler: it got long). Not sure where else to dump all of this. It was either here or the non-binary community because I might mention aspects of that. I feel like most of my problems are self inflicted, so I'm not even looking for sympathy or even acknowledgment here, just a space to put this shit out into the world, for whatever that might help.

I am stuck and have been for years now. My 20s were spent fucking around and my 30s have been mostly spent wishing I'd done a little less fucking around in my 20s. I dropped out of varsity and something one could call a stable career for stupid fantasies and life has pretty much just been chaos and uncertainty since then. Especially financial security.

And I'm stuck in this world now. Taking whatever unskilled blue collar back breaking soul sucking job I can get. That I never last too long in. And actually I've been unemployed and making scraps from odd jobs for a little too long now. And that's not even for lack of trying, my CV / resume probably just looks like one big red flag to employers at this point and I don't think my age helps the spotty and all over the show job experience look better either.

Now to actually get to mental health. I have been trying to work on myself and become who I am supposed to be and I'm finding over and over that while it might not necessarily be the source of happiness, the biggest obstacle to happiness is money.

For one, I highly suspect that I have some lifelong undiagnosed neurodivergence and tried going through the government system to get to the bottom of things. But so far I found that route to be nothing but actively worse for mental health and I get the impression that unless I have visible tics or 'act' like something is wrong, I'm not going to get very far there. And yet going to professionals on a private basis would cost a small fortune, on top of every other basic worry.

And as far as gender identity related stuff goes. I need money for basically everything that could be regarded as gender affirming care. And space and privacy which, surprise surprise, require money too. I need to be able to afford to live alone. And in the city where I can disappear into the crowd and not a town with all the pearl clutchers.

The biggest conundrum right now as far as being both unemployed and feeling close to exploding point at wanting to take the mask off and be my non-conforming self is that I'm waiting for the day around the corner where I have to cut my hair and put on a fucking golf shirt and brown pants or some shit for the next minimum wage job that I can't say no to and that doesn't actually improve your life in any way.

So here I am, stuck. I don't even feel like I deserve friends these days, I've cut myself off from all of my old ones and I feel too much like a loser in life at this point for new ones. Everyone has careers and marriages and children and shit. And here I am, taking what I can get, and spending Friday night smoking cheap weed and watching cartoons.

On that note I'm boring as fuck these days too. All of my good stories start with "years ago" and I barely feed my soul with the things that it needs anymore. I don't make any art, barely read or listen to new music anymore. I feel blank and burnt out and broken and somehow helpless to fix any of it. And I'm tired of being stuck here.

Thanks for reading, or not reading. Thanks for the space for me to post this garbage. Other people have serious problems, mine feel selfish and as I said, self inflicted. Just wanted to get this all off my chest though.

I was going to complain that these guys only ever released one album but I just learnt thanks to Spotify, that released a new album last year! I hope that the 15 years of anticipation don't spoil it for me.

Side project from the singer of Pennywise that's one of the only albums that's been in my listening rotation pretty much since release. I actually prefer it to what Pennywise has to offer these days.

An example that I can think of is Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL), which requires a relatively short online course (for a fee, of course) and entails teaching basic english to kids from non english countries online. I've usually known of older and elderly people doing this but I don't think that's a requirement or anything lol. As far as know, the only requirements are high school English and the teaching English course.

Are there any other of these sorts of online jobs that maybe require a short course, and at least potentially bring in enough to pay for the groceries?

These guys used to be one of my main favourites but I kinda lost track of them since Through the Ashes of Empires. They've got a new album either out or coming soon, maybe I should check them out again some time.

Wish the lyrics were up on Spotify, this shit was my anthem at one point.

Confession: Meat Loaf was my first big super fandom of any artist when I was a kid. From the moment I heard 'I Would Do Anything for Love' on the radio I was obsessed and bought every cassette I could (and dubbed anything else I could get my hands on). And my answer to the question of "what do you want to be when you grow up" in school was "a singer" lol. Pity that he died of anti-vaxxer disease though.

Apart from maybe busting out 'Bat Out of Hell' once in a blue moon if I'm feeling particularly nostalgic, I don't really listen to Meat Loaf anymore. But this is definitely the coolest and heaviest song I've heard of his since those days. From the time period where Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue was playing guitar and writing the songs.

There's for sure better Skunk Anansie songs that would get a bigger pop but hey, this is topical. And as Skin herself would say on this same album, yes it's fucking political.

They've got a new album coming out pretty soon. Hoping it's a return to form because while I liked the previous album, it kinda sounded more like Skin's solo stuff than the Skunk Anansie of old. And the world could do with some of this attitude right now.

First I just want to say that I wish this community was busier. There's still major things missing from R\*ddit around here on Lemmy. Namely, actual discussion. In all areas, like even the punk subreddit was great for actual discussion and not just dumping links and shit. And as far as gender identity goes, I'm not sure how different my mindset would be right now if it wasn't for the non-binary and genderqueer subs on R\*ddit being around and just having other people's stories to read and interact with.

But to the actual post. Not so long ago, I boldly and confidently declared that I'm agender. And I truly felt it at the time. Which honestly has just made it so much more obvious just how many times daily and for how many reasons I wish I was afab. And it can't be exactly true that I'm no gender if this is how things are.

However, I remain under the non-binary umbrella because I know that I will probably never\* take steps to change my physical body or even start asking people to address me in a certain way. Not going to even share these thoughts and feelings with family, or even a therapist. And I haven't even been in contact with a lot of my friends for years and in this already religious conservative leaning country that I'm in, I have no doubt that a lot have gone down Joe Rogan looking rabbit holes in the years since. I've even had one old friend catch up out of the blue, which I was quite happy about at first, who then sent me a Jordan Peterson link and I kinda ghosted that conversation and haven't spoken to him since. So I've told exactly one (1) person in my life, a decades long online friend that I've never even met in real life lol.

So based on societal pressures and various other things, not excluding imposter syndrome, I begrudgingly accept my shell despite my inner feelings. I begrudgingly accept being something 'other' or 'in between' and that I will never be either. And anyone that wants to claim that this is some sort of fad is out of their god damned mind. Because it's actually kinda shit. The world is full of "men" and "women" labels on arbitrary, cultural and non-biological shit. And being man shaped but also not only pretty much disgusted with the current state of 'masculinity' but also yearning to be surrounded by things and people with the 'women' label is shit. And I think a double source of guilt and imposter syndrome is being man shaped, feeling this way but also being attracted to women shaped people.

So yeah, it's all fucked up. After a couple of years of this journey and thinking that I had answers, turns out that I still don't really know who I am or where I belong. Or if this state of being just dooms me to be alone and seeking connection in random corners of the internet in a binary world. But it's also all good because actually life has always been this way and I've got this far.