That's what I teach my kids. If you apologize and do it again it doesn't count as an apology. An apology is a promise to do better next time.
What about paying a small fine which is a fraction of the profits you made from the crime?
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That depends on how small a fraction of the profits are paid, smaller fraction = more sorry.
I think that's just one notch above what's necessary.
An apology is a promise to [try to] do better next time.
You might fail again, but it doesn't mean you did the wrong thing, necessarily. But if you didn't even try, then 🖕🖕
Yeah, this kept tripping me up. I tried to be better but was always falling short and kept getting called out on promises not fulfilled. So I just stopped apologizing.
What I'm trying to say is, if a kid keeps failing to deliver on those promises constantly the parent might need to make a change in there. If not then all is dandy.
the way I've always put it is you have an idea of who you want to be and you have to work to be that person every day and it's okay to fall it's okay to fail but it's important that you keep trying.
I really like this perspective, thanks for sharing!
How do I become a better person and stop doing it? I find I am constantly making mistakes and bothering people. I think a solution to this would be to stop interacting with people as a whole so my presence isn't harming anyone, but that often isn't really feasible. Like at work I often have to interact with people to do my job for example. Occasionally I have thought about quitting to save people from me, but then I wouldn't know how to pay my bills. And idk that I'd want to be homeless.
I tried teaching my mom that and that did not go well.
This is true, but unfortunately, some people dont understand this and think an apology is a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want, and no one can get mad at them.
Likewise, if someone genuinely apologizes and tries to make it right, stop shitting on them. Too many people view apologies as weakness and admitting fault for events that are sometimes out of your hands.
You're right, I should have mentioned I am referring to the same repeated bad behavior and people who keep apologizing for it again and again as if that makes it all better, rather than making meaningful change. An apology is meaningless without action to back it up.
And you bet that forgiveness benefits you the most. It doesn't. If someone says sorry rarely, never changes, and you are taught to keep being compassionate... you are going to lose your ability to care about people. Better to stay alert, because that person will hurt you again.
I don't think this meme format is adequate for the contents...
On the contrary, one of my favorite meme mutations is the subversion of the intent of the original media or meme itself. Like the "can you please call HR", "hello human resources" one. Or bonehurtingjuice on the whole.
There are people whose entire modus operandi is to not give a shit about others in their choices and actions, apologize when challenged about it and carry on doing the same.
Their "apologizing" is just a confrontation-avoidance technique, not a genuine expression of regret.
Oh you've met my "supervisor" Dave?
Why is "supervisor" in quotes? You'd know if you knew Dave.
Unless you work in a customer facing role......then you throw out apologies all over the place to calm people down. Never need to act on the apology. Just need to get through the shift. Management isn't going to change the structures that cause the poor experience anyway.
I used to do that, but I stopped because I’m trying to be less of a people-pleasing doormat in general. Plus people don’t like empty apologies from company reps anyway.. it often led to more hostility. Apologizing also tends to give to the impression that they are right to be pissy whiny assholes, which isn’t something that should be encouraged at all.
Instead, I started saying “I very much understand your frustration; let’s see what we can do to get this resolved for you.” This makes you and the customer (psychologically) a team against the problem, and they are less likely to go off on you.
I definitely stole that tactic from car salespeople. And it works super well.
My dad would always say "don't say sorry, DO sorry". The apology will be present in your words and actions.
LOOK WHAT THEY NEED TO MIMIC A FRACTION OF OUR APOLOGIES
That's the neat part!
*than
Assuming we're talking about a friend/acquaintance, a person can be genuinely sorry but sort of be too dim to meaningfully improve their behavior. That said, if they don't at least give a good faith effort to improve then my patience will wear thin and I'll probably want to be around them as little as possible, even if I end up ultimately forgiving them on the emotional side of things.
That's why I never apologize!
"I'm sorry, that's just the way I am!"
"I know what I am" - princess pony head
There are three critical parts to an apology. You have to feel regret/remorse, accept guilt and make an effort to correct it/make sure it never happens again.
If all three aren't present every time then someone isn't sorry. If they say sorry and don't make it right or make reasonable actions to ensure it doesn't happen again then they are a liar and poor company to keep.
