between the sounds of laughter of adults catching butterflies
This pill might fucking kill you
teeheeheee
It also might cause your eyes to explode
What if ads had to show side affects by law.
So like theres a guy with gut wrenching abdominal cramps audibly blowing liquid ass mulch into the toilet bowel while moaning painfully.
Scene cuts to he's smiling and cutting the grass in the front yard.
I'd rather they just ban the drug commercials. Talk to a doctor about medicine, and if you are unsure about what is determined, get a second opinion. Companies trying to sell their product directly to end users and ignoring the repercussions to the middlemen just causes more problems than the 9000 issues we already have in healthcare.
"sometimes, you have to smell the atrocious to really understand the positive"
shitting in agony, crying, the bowl soaked in sweat and tears, their hand and legs quivering
"that's why FuckYourself Maximum Dosage really starts your day off by ruining it in some of the worst suffering we have seen in clinical trials. it's not a side effect, it's a main one!"
'oh fuck make it STOP AAAAGGGHHHHHHH'
"after pinpointing the issue, we then turned the concoction up to 11! now when you are finally able to pick yourself up off the floor and wash yourself of feces, you can enjoy the rest of your day knowing that it can only get better from here"
smelling a lush garden full of flowers baking in sun rays, eyes closed and smiling, as a burning 747 goes down in the distance, and the scene fades with a nuclear bomb exploding
"FuckYourself Maximum Dosage; ask your doctor if it's right for you. Or an ex. Or a bastard boss. Don't be shy, we will prescribe it to anyone!"
fade to black
Strange joint pain, anal leakage, hair loss, anal leakage, minor headaches, anal leakage, throbbing veins, anal leakage, sore throat, anal leakage, eye twitching, anal leakage, shrink dink, anal leakage, tender nipples, anal leakage.
• Bone Sporking • Late Onset Albinism • Facial Corkboarding • Restless Torso Syndrome • REO Speedlung • Permanent Blindness • Nostril Inversion • Dissolving Intestine Syndrome • Spontaneous and Uncontrollable Gum Growth • X-Ray Hearing • Ankle Bearding • Brainwhistle • Arby’s Mouth • Steven Tyler Lip • Hairy Uvula • Jimmy Cracked Corns • Scrotal Bassoon • Massive Weight Gains • Scrappy Dooism • Honus Wagner Disease • Hungry, Hungry Hipbones • Capillary Yogurt • Hair Swelling • Minor Heart Explosions • Skeletal Xylophoning
Fun fact... anal leakage's first big hit was not even pharma related. It was potato chips.
Fucking Olestra
Unedited footage of a Bear
I tried showing this to people at work. They didn't get it.
I recently overheard one that was "fatal infection of the skin of the perineum." I thought might be one of the worst ways to go out.
God I hate the Jardiance commercials. I wish the writers a very die in a hole.
Thanks, I thought I'd gotten rid of that shitty ear worm but just a mention is all it took to bring it roaring back to life
deleted
Those always make me assume that somebody had that issue while in the trial, and it was easier to throw it on the list than figure out if it actually had any connection to the drug. Let the primary care docs read the literature if they want to make an educated guess. The patients will just joke about it but probably still ask for it.
Side effects may include:
spoiler
3 inches of blood
Anorexia Nervosa
Cephalic Carnage
Fleshgod Apocalypse
Gorod
Ion Dissonance
Katatonia
Malevolent Creation
Malignancy
Mayhem
Mütiilation
Neurosis
Nocturnal Rites
Odious Mortem
Phobia
Severe Torture
Sickening Horror
Spawn of Possession
Vampire Moose
Vehemence
Viraemia
Visceral Bleeding
Vital Remains
Ask your doctor if Abilify is right for you. (Side note, fuck Abilify. It's the worst med I've ever taken by a huge margin)
are those all band names?
They are! Some of them even have good music (ouch, self jab). A lot of them fall squarely in the realm of non metalheads saying "this isn't music/this is just noise", a few of them are small scale bands, and a few of them are really iconic bands.
3 inches of Blood is very much the outlier genre-wise, it's power metal about DnD stuff.
I don't know if I'd want to live in a world where people spontaneously break out into songs about their type 2 diabetes.
That's why I take Claridryl!
Beat me to it.
I always say this: ads exist in a parallel dimensions where problems are nonexistent. What minor problems there are can be solved trivially in less than 30 seconds.
I just always imagine that those ads are the vivid hallucinations of a patient in a mental hospital.
I always thought the generic nature of many of these ads are slightly strange. They'd show some smiling woman walking down a beach, hair blowing in a breeze. Then they start talking about a medicine for COPD, bipolar disorder, acid reflux or whatever. I guess the viewer is supposed to assume that the woman is afflicted with one of these maladies and now is relieved from it? To me it looks like stock footage of some random lady walking down a beach who had no clue she'd be in a ad for Prozac.
I'll say this. If any of those people represented in the ad exist, they can afford the medication that's being sold by the ad.
Those are the people who buy the things that people say "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" about.
You all forget, there's legions of people who are wealthy, but not the ultra rich. They bring in millions of dollars a year. Far more than you or I possibly could, but they're not notable because they're part of the 1% and the 0.1% are much much worse.
What they don't get, is that their wealth is closer to the bottom 99% than the top 0.1%. they should be on our side, but they won't get involved because they're a bunch of fence sitting assholes that just do enough to keep up their lifestyle, but not so much that anyone notices.
Be careful what you wish for https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gMjJNGg9Z8&t=0
Relevant (and absurd) Dethklok song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hP3XmWdH_vg
Lyrics:
spoiler
Pull the plug (x8)
I drove my truck into a moving van
It was all filled up with jet fuel and
I crashed right in and explosion
Smash through the window and ripped off my hands
Medical team drove up and found me
Bleeding in pieces picked up off the street
Drove me into a filthy hospital
Horror experienced financially
Woke up in pain in a gown in bed
Internal hemorrhaging inside my head
I really think that I should be dead
I saw the bill and then I cry bled
To keep me alive it is costing me
National deficit times three
There is no way to avoid this fee
Please pull the plug and kill me
It's costing too much
Pull the plug
It's costing too much
Pull the plug (x16)
Aneurysm
Botulism
Epilepsy
Narcolepsy
Pull the plug
Nearsighted
Breath lighted
Cataracts
Heart attacks
Pull the plug
Hepatitis
Bronchitis
Appendicitis
Arthritis
Pull the plug
Encephalitis
Adenitus
Mastoiditus
Capsulitus
Pull the plug now (x4)
Pay you my life instead of life support
Harvest my plasma because it's worth more
Take all my blood and my organs
Sell them to buyers over in third worlds
Burn my cadaver for some energy
Charge the patients in their misery
Such a strong quarter for the industry
Pharmaceutical fucking victory
Can't pay the price
Pull the plug
Pay with my life
Pull the plug
Say my farewell
Pull the plug
See you in hell
I'll fucking pull the plug
We ARE living in a pharmaceutical ad. Just the black and white bit at the beginning where everything hurts.
