Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world yesman @lemmy.world 1mo ago

Fruit Loops!

The Proud Boys have an initiation ritual where new members are beaten by the group until they can recite the names of five different breakfast cereals.

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Obviously this frat-boy shit is dumb, but if you had to figure out if someone was a real American or a spy, this would be an excellent way to do it.

Like if someone said "I eat musli" or "I like grape nuts" you could go ahead and shoot the spy.
- Grape nuts was one of the first American cereals
  
  Yeah and everyone who ever ate it was like "oh god, no" and immediately came out with a better cereal.
  
  Like corn flakes. Itty bitty tortilla chips make a better cereal than fucking grape nuts.
  
  I didn't say it wasn't American, I said it's not American to eat it. No American has ever purchased, much less consumed grape nuts. They don't even put the product in the boxes anymore. Just some led shot and asbestos to give it weight and they change out the box design every once in a while. They've been doing this since the 80s, it has to remain on the shelves to satisfy the terms of a demonic contract.
  
  Before that, Grape Nuts was funded by the dentist lobby hoping to cash in on all those broken teeth. But nobody ever bought any and the dentists gave up.
- Grape nuts and muslix are delicious. You unwash philistine.
  
  Grape Nuts fuck
- Poor steve1989
See I have to believe at least some of this shit was because the leader of that group was a federal informant. This is the kind of thing the FBI agents in Ms Congeniality would think is funny.
Coco Pops, Special K, Bran Flakes, Cornflakes, err...

Lucky Charms. Phew.

Also, what?
- You have Cocoa Puffs and Corn Pops combined, I'm going to give you 2 points for that.
  
  Very kind of you, but I can't take credit, Coco Pops are a cereal in the UK.
- Congrats, you're now a Proud Boy!
Cheerios

Honey nut cheerios

Frosted Cheerios

Chocolate Cheerios

And...

Uh...

Hmm....

The uh...

The one with the umm...

Errr...

I'm just kidding
I was raised in peak cereal advertising. I can spout off like 10 based on mascots alone.
- Does it count if you're old and all the cereals you remember still have "sugar" in the name?
I know Kellogg's is trying to fix their image since more people became aware of the anti-masturbation thing but this is not a good sponsorship deal to do that
- waht?
  
  Oh boy you are in for a treat. Essentially John Harvey Kellogg was really against masturbation or sex of any kind (He and his wife had separate bedrooms and it is believed he spent their honeymoon writing.) and thought the secret to a good life was eating plain food and good posture.
  
  https://archive.org/details/plainfaorold00kell/page/236/mode/2up https://archive.org/details/plainfaorold00kell/page/302/mode/2up
Captain Crunch

Peanut Butter Crunch

Crunchberries

Oops All Berries

...crap
- If cinnamon toast crunch isn't one of the 5 you're definitely not getting in.
*Froot Loops
Breakfast cereals? That's pathetically weird.
Dammit I'm going to be thinking about this for ages, is this to prove you were lower middle class? Like to make sure they were raised on the same "Saturday morning cartoon" upbringing? To see if they only name "Great Value" brand alternatives? To make sure they weren't raised on croissants?

I know I'm giving the Proud Boys far too much credit, but I really thought they only check that you get an erection while reciting the pledge of allegiance.
- I think it's more about making sure you can handle yourself under pressure. When there's multiple guys actively beating the shit out of you, can you still focus on naming the cereals? Or does panic take over and your brain stops working after you only have a chance to name 3? I guess it makes sense that a group of domestic terrorists would want someone that can keep their head on straight when shit hits the fan. Still dumb tho.
ProNutro, Weetbix, Maltabella, Jungle Oats, Otees.

Five cereals that Proud Boys have probably never heard of.
What are they doing to Old black man?

He’s just trying to nap
That's weird
*Froot Loops
I had to look this one up. Why the Proud Boys Initiation Ritual Involves Cereal

I would say these are a bunch of frat boys who peaked in college but I think they are just cosplaying what they think being in a frat would be like.

Yosef Ozia, a member of the Southern Proud Boys chapter who’s based in Atlanta, Georgia, told Extra Crispy that this all stemmed from a fart joke. Yep, a fart joke. McInnes introduced this step based on a rule his buddies had in the past: if someone farted, they’d get beat on until they could list five kinds of breakfast cereal. “It doesn’t mean anything,” Ozia said. “[Initiation] is mostly a joke. A lot of people take it seriously, and they shouldn’t really.”
King Vitamin

Grins Smiles Giggles and Laughs

Frosted Rice

Total Raisins

41 comments